God Won't Take No For An Answer

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And does God have some sort of heart condition that necessitates changing out His heart for a new one? ("God's changing hearts") Who would even perform that operation?? I hope it goes ok for Him!

treacle on October 27, 2015 at 11:13 AM

i was at a funeral two weeks ago. it was officiated by a deacon or whatever of this church, and he repeated that slogan during the service twice. i was simultaneously all "ahhh, sweet" and. "GAH! TERRIFYINGLY HORRIBLE!" at the same time. talk about a (creepy) mixed message.

Adrian Ryan on October 27, 2015 at 11:15 AM

God no

MrBaker on October 27, 2015 at 11:16 AM

Good God, it's like an Adele song.

"I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I need to leave a thousand disturbed voicemails
And set fire to your dog"

eclexia on October 27, 2015 at 11:18 AM

therefore, I don't have to do anything about it either!

Max Solomon on October 27, 2015 at 11:21 AM

Wait, what?? I thought he hated the gays! Am I still going to hell or not? A girl has to plan....

despicable me on October 27, 2015 at 11:31 AM

@2: Brilliant! Thank you.

nocutename on October 27, 2015 at 11:35 AM

@7: Er, nothing against #2, and I like you very much, but I meant to direct #7 at #4, eclexia's parody of Adele's "Someone Like You." THAT was brilliant and I thank you for it.

nocutename on October 27, 2015 at 11:37 AM

Sounds like the time I went to church with my sister's family and accompanied my niece up to the front for communion, and when I myself refused communion discreetly the priest blessed me on my forehead without my permission. I felt violated. Blech.

westy on October 27, 2015 at 11:48 AM

To be fair, the Bible is basically full of times when the Israelites are like "LEAVE US ALONE, WE'VE MOVED ON" and God's all "CAN'T YOU SEE YOUR NEW GOD ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, COME BAAAAACK."

Eudaemonic on October 27, 2015 at 12:00 PM

Why all this ruminating? If Satan is you're God, and he loves you whether you like it or not - does not that fulfill your masochistic and pessimistic sprituality?

Phoebe in Wallingford on October 27, 2015 at 12:05 PM

@10: Like the time he catches them with their new boyfriend, er, god, and has his priest murder it?

How about the people who are like "you know, your god is pretty awesome, can we join you?" and he's all "sure... J/K kill all your men, take your women."

Hanoumatoi on October 27, 2015 at 12:14 PM

@Phoebe : hey, at least in the Bible the snake is kind enough to help the humans become intelligent, whereas God lies to them about the effects of the tree of knowledge. Why would anyone adore a lying dishonest God, who has anger issues, and who is such a jerk that he commits genocide and animal extinction on his own Creation, as a temper tantrum, when the allegedly all-knowing Him realizes he fucked it up ?

sissoucat on October 27, 2015 at 12:28 PM

Someone needs to go over there with a purple Sharpie and put quotes around "college". And, for that matter, "spirituality".

Fred Casely on October 27, 2015 at 12:38 PM

@11 Wait. I thought there was only ONE God and that there shall be no other gods before Him. Why is it that so-called Christians are always bringing up this other one?

Brooklyn Reader on October 27, 2015 at 12:46 PM

And God says "I'm a jealous boyfriend, erm I mean god," as if that makes it okay to sabotage all the Israelite's future relationships whenever they're on a break. What a douche.

Eudaemonic on October 27, 2015 at 12:47 PM

What if someone put up posters that said "Your god doesn't exist, and there's nothing you can do about it."

SPG on October 27, 2015 at 12:59 PM

@14: You're being too literal. The word "God" does not always mean Christian even though it's on that church's sign. It's simply a noun for all religion's ultimate "wise one" - or even a non-religious person's idea of what "God" is to him or her.

If one's sensibilities is troubled by such a statement, they're adverse to any sense of spirituality. Christian or not.

Phoebe in Wallingford on October 27, 2015 at 1:02 PM

God, spirituality... oof. Ever know a kid that would mix GI Joes and Transformers in the same play scenarios? That's how people are with religion. These are specific franchises people, find one you like and go with it before I catch Rainbow Bright riding Twilight Sparkle on the way to Castle Greyskull.

Also, that God sounds hella rapey.

Dougsf on October 27, 2015 at 1:06 PM

@19: I'd tell you how wrong you are if that made any sense.

Max Solomon on October 27, 2015 at 1:19 PM

19 is as clear an example of the motte-bailey fallacy as I've seen recently.

Eudaemonic on October 27, 2015 at 1:24 PM

They are super liberal and completely down with the gays. But a bad slogan nonetheless.

Lola, Missing Iowa City on October 27, 2015 at 1:51 PM

@21: If just you think I'm wrong, it's your subjective view. However, if you are theologian or have a degree in religious studies, you might have a point to make - then let's hear it.

Phoebe in Wallingford on October 27, 2015 at 2:29 PM

I can explain it if anyone is actually interested. Since so many LGBT people have been excluded from many Christian denominations, and since this church is welcoming and affirming to the LGBT community, they want people who come in the doors to know that God loves them, just as they are, Just as they were created. No need to be in the closet to be accepted. They don't have to "earn" God's love. It exists because they exist.

SeattleKim on October 27, 2015 at 3:14 PM

Semantic similarity does not a point make.

The unconditional love of God is a message that has fallen on the deaf ears of urban elites for literally 2,000 years, but still widely received in parts of the world (such as Pioneer Square) where being assaulted isn't just a threat of day-to-day life, but an actual reality.

fetish on October 27, 2015 at 3:46 PM

@18: They'd be right, so there wouldn't be any point arguing about it either.

Chase on October 27, 2015 at 3:58 PM

if you are theologian or have a degree in religious studies, you might have a point to make

Yes, Phoebe, you should elicit opinions on this only from people with enough of an interest in religion to make the study of it their life's work. Meanwhile, I'm going to take a poll of pet shop owners and breeders on the question of whether or not I should get a dog.

Fred Casely on October 27, 2015 at 4:50 PM

@1:

Well, based on that before-and-after picture I'd say God really needs to cut down on the red meat and the white bread - he can only have so many transplants before his poor dietary habits become the death of him.

COMTE on October 27, 2015 at 4:52 PM

What gets me about this Defective Deity are His multiple personalities... one moment, He is all love & cuddles & kisses; the next, He is smiting & smoting & huffing & puffing like a deranged bully. Plus He is so insecure as to require me to believe in Him, or ELSE!

Couldn't Christians have created a slightly more believable Lord God Almighty than this wackadoo that we're apparently stuck with? At least we have one rational, true religion: The Church of the Subgenius... Praise Bob!

blackhook on October 27, 2015 at 6:51 PM

you're doing this for page hits. and conveniently forgotten that this very church was the scene for your character's funeral in 'crocodile tears'. are you guys that desperate for money?

scary tyler moore on October 28, 2015 at 8:53 AM

@19 - Presumes a lot about religions. Thinking of Taoism, or many interpretations of Buddhism, or Spinoza's pantheism or Bruno's panpsychism, there are a number of religious traditions that have no formal deity or "wise one" (though many of them use the word [G/g]od, or other terms like Tao or Karma, to describe fundamental unity of phenomena) and, more importantly, do not imbue their central energies with capacity to love any more than with capacity to judge; that is, one may be religious without believing either in deity or in the notion that one is loved unconditionally by unseen forces.

thelyamhound on October 28, 2015 at 9:03 AM

Divine unconditional love, etc. etc.
Just chill, Dan. They're saying that God's lovingkindness abounds even for those that have turned away from Him. It's something NICE.

venomlash on October 28, 2015 at 10:46 AM

God loves you so much he tortured his son to death to redeem you from the sins that he created you to commit.

dwightmoodyforgetsthings on October 28, 2015 at 11:03 AM

Leftism is the only acceptable religion these days.

It's funny that you chose this church to mock, Dan. If memory serves, it's the most pozzed-out, rainbow brigade church in town.

Patriarch on October 28, 2015 at 2:25 PM

"...makes God sound a scary ex-boyfriend..."

Dan, I think you meant "makes God sound *like* a scary ex-boyfriend". (I would add: one with unsurpassed delusions of grandeur.)

Sesquipedal on October 29, 2015 at 9:08 AM

God Won't Take No For An Answer

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