KUTV:

In a major policy announcement, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints says children living in a same-sex household may not be blessed as babies or baptized. The decision, which was released Thursday, takes effect immediately, LDS church spokesman Eric Hawkins told 2News. "A natural or adopted child of a parent living in a same-gender relationship, whether the couple is married or cohabiting, may not receive a name and a blessing," the policy reads. Natural or adopted children living in a same-sex household will only be allowed to be baptized once they are 18, disavow the practice of same-sex cohabitation or marriage, and stop living within the household.

Kids with gay parents! Turn 18, take a huuuuuge dump on your moms and dads, and move out of the house... and then you can start forking over 10% of your income to our cult for the rest of your life! We'll toss in your first pair of magic underpants for free! And as an added bonus you get to pretend to believe all this crazy shit our "prophet" made up! Is it a deal, kids? Did we mention that you get your very own planet in the afterlife?!?

The Gay People of the Internet are upset about this but as I see it the Mormon Church is doing children with gay parents a huuuuuge favor here. As a result of this ruling most kids with gay parents will never get baptized. Which means they're unlikely to ever become LDS'ers. So they'll never have to tithe, they'll never have to wear magic underpants, and they'll never have to pretend to believe this shit. Kids with straight parents should be so lucky.

In a related development: on Tuesday voters in Salt Lake City elected a lesbian mayor.