For a total of nine months, in my 40’s, I made my living as a "high-class call girl" or prostitute or sex worker—whatever one likes to call it. I chose to when getting out of a consuming and abusive relationship. At the time I did not want to be truly close to anyone yet desired a lot of sex. It led me to a whole new world that I was very happy with. I felt I had mutually respectful interactions and the clearly defined boundaries and my new financial and creative independence helped me feel strong and gave me a new confidence.

Eight months ago I met a beautiful man, by chance, when I was in a pub despite the fact that I don’t drink. We have a strong love for each other and moved in together.

After two months I told him that I had been a high-class call girl. He says he's haunted by it, disgusted by it, and almost every single day since I told him—months now—he says something insulting to be about it. He says this will never change and he cant stand that I won't say how wrong it was or is. He says I sold my soul and the least I can do is express regret for it. I had not felt dirty about this until this happened. I cannot say I feel that way—like I sold my soul—but maybe there were certain deceptions that took place during this time that I was a party to (men cheating on their spouses). I never asked about the men I was with about their private lives.

I would like to know your feeling about this subject and just how much is true love worth sacrificing for or going through some temporary by flagellation for?

Former Call Girl

I'm going to make an assumption that may not be fair and may be ageist as hell. If it's unfair and/or ageist, FCG, feel free to disregard the assumption—but my advice stands regardless.

You say you did sex work in your forties. You don't say how long ago that was, FCG, but I'm gonna assume you're in your late forties now or early fifties. Because I suspect there's a voice in your head telling you to settle for this man—settle for this piece of shit—because what other options do you have at your age? It's the only reason I can come up with for why you've stayed with him.

Here are your other options: A different man—one who isn't an a piece of shit—or being single.

There are roughly 3.5 billion other men on the planet—some your age or older, some younger and into older. And there has to be tens thousands of men out there (more!) who would be happy to be with you. But even if there aren't, FCG, or even if you can't find one of them, or even if you're not attracted to any of the ones you do find (or vice-versa), you would be better off alone than with this sadistic, slut-shaming, whore-phobic piece of shit.

With apologies to Maya Angelou: When someone tells you who they are—over and over again—believe them. This shit insults you to your face on a daily basis and then tells you it will never change. He intends to go on slut-shaming/whore-shaming and insulting you for as long as you're together.

Fuuuuuuuuck that, FCG, and fuuuuuuuuck him: DTMFA.

If you insist on giving him one last chance—which I don't think you should do but this is advice not binding arbitration—then say this to him and fuuuuuuuucking mean it: "The sex work in my past is a fact about me and I have no regrets. It's not something I'm ashamed of and I'm not going to apologize to you or anyone else for it. You can either accept this fact about me or you can get the fuuuuuuuuck out of my life."