I cackled when I heard the plan for Steve King's rifle—but I think we could do one better than melting it down. My name is Tyler and I'm a queer wood and metal worker, and though I mostly build musical instruments I also have experience with making jewelry and sex toys. I'm also from Iowa originally and I am offended by the honorable douche-nozzle Steve King. If one of your readers gets their grubby paws on this metal tube, Dan, let's turn it into sex toys and wedding rings, then raffle off the new creations and donate the cash to charity. I would donate my time and skills to this endeavor, and there are probably other artists who would like to join in the fun.

Looking at the photo of the rifle, I can see outlines of a butt plug with Santorum's signature preserved on it, a paddle with Huckster's Hancock, and enough slivers of wood, iron, and brass to lawfully gay marry everyone west of the I-5.

I enclose a photo of a mahogany and an osage orange plug and two rings (newly betrothed, yo); additional photos of me being clever can be found on my Instagram account.

Go to the website of Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa/Asshole) by December 11 to register and—fingers crossed!—win the gun he's giving away. Anyone can register, you don't have to make a donation, you don't have to be a Republican. All you need is a valid email address and a high tolerance for rightwing spam. Grab Steve King's gun and Tyler will transform it into butt plugs and wedding rings for you! But you can't win if you don't enter!