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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
Okay.
If not for you, for your kid - he should have at least one parent he can admire. Seek out a poly arrangement (with someone who is worthy of your trust) after the dust settles.
Kind of just realized a moment ago that it's basically the same letter.
Even so, DTMF, and take that chance, this does not sound fixable.
Dump that asshole, LW, and move on. Nobody needs that shit.
I love this guy. Wife brings home a bi boyfriend, and husband is like, sure, that could be fun. Sounds like bi boyfriend would be up for it too, if it weren't for wife working to control both of them.
Okay. First of all: she not her. She is part of the subject of the sentence. Her isn't.
Secondly, if you aren't clear on the orientation of your BF, you might not be BFs.
Thirdly If your BF shoehorns himself into your home and marriage, and you're not cool with that, you might not be BFs.
And fourthly, if your wife has cheated on you, does not satisfy you sexually, and has a live-in emotional--at least--affair, she might not be your wife. Or might need to not be.
She's not a sexual person but she fucks a variety of other people including the gay male best friend? That's pretty fucking sexual. Just not with you.
Sorry, LW, you sound like a nice guy. Who is still in love with his wife. But she's not in love nor in lust with you. She's got you wrapped around her finger ("I cheated because I was depressed"?!?). People in love with you are more concerned with your well-being then your wife's behavior indicates she cares about you. People in lust with you fuck you more than twice a month.
Short term: "do what you need to do to stay sane" and, as Dan says, announce it and then do it, don't ask permission, hard though that is (it's pretty clear who wears the pants in this marriage).
Long term: Do you want to be with someone who isn't in love or in lust with you? Projecting your feelings onto her only goes so far for so long. Like 16 or 17 years, apparently.
You're a glutton for punishment. I wouldn't change a thing.
Your child is 15 yrs old, just about on their way. Suggest you do the same.
" I consider myself poly, but I’m almost certain that if I hooked up with someone else it would end my marriage. "
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Seriously, if you want to SAVE your marriage, a good way to start would be to start standing up for yourself. As it stands, she has zero respect for you, and she probably would walk if you weren't so fucking convenient of an enabler. On your end, it's only a matter of time before your capacity for putting up with her emotional diarrhea overflows, and you FINALLY response by divorcing her ass in one glorious supernova of anger. If you don't want either of those to happen, time to start setting some healthy boundaries and requirements on your relationship.
If she gets to take a lover, then you get to take a lover. Period. And she pays more attention to the guy she wants to keep long-term.
If she ends the relationship over that, then she's a hypocritical piece of shit and you are well rid of her.
LW by your own admission your wife is a cheating, miserable, scold. If she wants to live her life this way, fine. But neither you, nor kid are obligated to go down in flames with her.
Let her stay with gay-boyfriend and be miserable together.
I can't imagine how this whole situation appears to the poor kid. I mean, living in a house with your dad, your mom, and your mom's formerly-gay boyfriend? That's not inherently bad for a teenager, but only if everyone involved is on board and setting a good example of a healthy non-traditional relationship arrangement. This is anything but.
LW: Do you want to be poly? Think about the question. If the answer is no, then stop. Divorce regardless.
The fact that your abuser forced you into a fake poly relationship (it's not actually poly, she's just cheating on you and forcing you to pretend to be okay with it) doesn't change your identity. Even if she insists that it does.
Forget your wife. What kind of role model for your kid are you?
Get yourself and your kid out of that environment immediately. Make sure you have evidence of your wife "cheating" on you, call a lawyer and move out with the kid. NOW.
Ding, Ding and big fucking Ding.
LW, get out with your kid now! Get some therapy and learn how to set healthy boundaries and start emulating them to/with your teen, before they are out on their own.
The moment someone's insecurities become weaponized—the moment they become tools used to dominate and control a partner, not emotional vulnerabilities requiring understanding and compassion from a partner—is the right moment to call that someone's bluff.
YES YES YES OMG YES YES YES OMFG YES.
Damn near orgasming here.
That is. EXACTLY. so so relevant to my life. So relevant.
Along those same lines, I imagine that one happy and one unhappy parent living apart, or two unhappy parents living apart are probably still better than two angry parents living together. Two angry parents living together might be the worst possible scenario.
Your kids' idea of marriage comes from yours. Do not model abuse. It doesn't matter whether you're on the giving or receiving end; if it's what they see, it'll be what they think is normal.
I've counted my blessing and I do so here that one thought crystallized for me why I had to leave marriage no. 1. I realized I could never have children with him. He'd be nothing but a jerk and we'd be tied together forever in coparenting. Having him in my life like that.... no. way.
Dude, Bi BF needs to GTFO, regardless. You have a kid at home.
I agree with @31 a thousand percent.
I consider myself poly and have been up one side and down the other with it...it's not easy and it really requires an extremely strong base. Basically the way I see it is if you waited around and started seeing other people you will eventually find someone you click with and probably have zero desire to hang out with this bitch!
Basically the same here.
I gotta say, this marriage doesn't seem worth worth saving. Your kid's a teenager (pity the woman from yesterday, whose kids are probably all under 7), so the custody arrangements should be a bit easier, and in a few years, your kid will hopefully be mostly independent.
DTMFA.
1) you are not hostage to your kid, but your kid should not be a "oh yeah, btw" afterthought.
2) you are not modeling being a understanding, supportive spouse.
3) you are modeling being a doormat.
4) the water is boiling, frog. Jump out.
General rule: If you think someone's "not very sexual," but they're having all kinds of sex with other people, it means they're just not into you. It's easier to see the truth from outside, but it's still not a complicated problem.
Skip the part where you have an affair and hand the Fucking Mother a ton of ammunition to retaliate with (sleep dep doesn't lead to great advice). Your chances of getting through the divorce unscathed are a lot higher if you just acknowledge reality, which is that you're being used by a POS and setting a terrible example for your kid. This marriage isn't worth saving or fighting for.
uh
I mean I am sure these are Mormons but
it's kinda like the horse if already out of the barn.
She wants to end the marriage but is too scared/ashamed/religiously_brainwashed to do it herself, so she will continue escalating her behavior until the LW pulls the trigger and ends the marriage. I hope the LW decides to spare himself & his son any more misery & insanity & does this sooner than later.
Seriously, the cognitive dissonance and mental gymnastics lw is engaging in to keep imagining that she loves him... are we sure Dan isn't being trolled?Astounding. For example: She's never been a sexual person, and all the sex she has when she's cheating is just from depression?
Yeahyeah, i bet she's super sad about being the only one in your relationship getting as much sex as she wants, while you bend over backward to make excuses for her! LOL, cry me a river!
Lw is being fed a line of ridiculous manipulative lies, and his willingness to keep pulling the wool over his own eyes to keep believing it makes it very hard to feel any sympathy for him.
She is a PLENTY "sexual person", she juat doesn't want sex with lw and is too gutless and dishonest to say so, one reason is probably that its impossible to respect him when he's so desperate to continue being her doormat, although that's certainly no excuse for her nasty behavior.
Face it lw, what this creature feels for you isn't love. All she loves is how easily manipulated and exploited you are.
Grow a spine and get rid of her, or if you're really a glutton for this punishment, formally adopt the cuckold lifestyle and accept it for what it is.
Lol, she's made you the cuckold not of a bull, but of a queen! That's how little she respects you!
although, to be fair, this is a conscious fetish lifestyle choice for many. If so, at least try to be man enough to own your choice, ffs.
Yawn. If I had a nickel yadda yadda yadda...
Not when one analyzes the actual behaviors stated of the parties involved, instead of their mewling, mealymouthed, ludicrous attempts at justifying said behaviors. Nope, not a leap at all.
Bottom line, she's cuckolded him many times, and every time he's accepted her terms unquestioningly. It's a textbook cuckold relationship.
Given your username, I'm surprised you were too obtuse to recognize it. But lots of people enjoy using provocative words, with only minimal grasp of their meaning.
And BiDanFan, since your username indicates you do like dicks, the compliment is appreciated.
Toodles!
In seriousness, look at the terminology you guy sare applying to Lw' s situation, minus the subjective emotional value judgments like "hypocritical", and what is left? A one-sided poly relationship where male partner stays faithful and submits to the female partner's need for extramarital affairs. Textbook cuckoldry.
Oh, but he wrote to Dan asking about changing it, so he's not really accepting the cuckoldry, you say?
... The fact that he has accepted it thus far, and doesn't feel he can change his situation without first seeking permission from another male surrogate, in this case, Dan, only further supports my point.
Okay, maybe that last bit is only 80% serious... 85...
And JibeHo, you're lovely, but most likely I'll be banned fairly quickly, in which case I will simply be forced to find more productive uses for my time. But I shall miss you most.