Gay Bars in Chicago Ban Bachelorette Parties

Comments

1
Bridezillas vs. Gays of our Lives?!? Which drama Queens will win out?!?!?
2
In Britain and Ireland they call them "hen parties" (after their opposite number, "stag parties") and they are a national scourge. The hens are every bit as bad as the stags, and they are famous for brawling in the street, vomiting, and destroying hotels. Every popular getaway area, from Blackpool to Brighton to Dublin, has tons of hotels with prominent "NO STAGS/NO HENS" signs out.

Of course, Brits can outdrink Americans ten to one. But I'd hate to see this kind of thing really take hold here, gay bars or no.
3
so, um, dumb question, but why aren't some of the bridesmaids like ... not straight?

and ... how do you know they're not? they could be bi, they could be lipstick lesbians ... or maybe even transgender ...

not everybody only has straight friends, just cause they're getting married ...
4
Isn't the female of a stag a deer? And the male of a hen a rooster?
5
I spent my bachelorette night at a gay bar in Edinburgh called CeCe Blooms. My husband-to-be said he didn't want to run in to me on his bachelor night which was the same night and it was the one place I knew he wouldn't go.

Now mind you, were were a group of 4. And 2 of us were gay. And out of that 2 one was a man. And I didn't wear a freaking tiara or any of that crap. We just went to get drunk and dance and we had a fabulous time.
6
Exclude large groups of paying customers - not the smartest business decision in a down economy
7
Okaaaay... So a separate bar is equal when it comes to half the population... Um.

Don't want women in gay bars? Don't open it to the public.
8
Excluding hen parties from your gay bar = $$ lost, bully for them for sticking to their guns in this economy. I like the idea of the receipt showing monetary endorsment of marriage equality.
9
Im sick of str8 bitches trying to take over the gay scene.

Have you been to Neighbours lately? There are more fucking str8 women there then gay men... AND THEY END UP HOOKING UP!?

The whole of Seattle is invading Capitol Hill. Pike has turned into breederville up here. NOW we are getting GAY BASHED too.

If we arent equal citizens, at least allow us to segregate without dealing with you.
10
I think this is a GREAT idea. I hate bachlorette parties for the same reasons they list. Also, as a lesbian I also get sick of straight girls hanging out in "my" turf. More and more of the women who hang out in gay/lesbian bars are straight, which makes things rather perplexing when looking for a girl to flirt with in a freakin gay/lesbian bar.
Get in your giant SUVs and drive back to your (soon-to-be) husbands in the suburbs, you annoying, still sporting a Jennifer Aniston haircut, weirdly pilates muscled girls.
11
Yeah, I can see why bachelorette parties would be a nuisance. But they're not planning to exclude straight women all the time, right? I always thought that straight women and gay bars went together like clownfish and sea anemones.
12
You're totally right, Dan.

It's called the freedom of association and it means you can hang out with whom you choose and can't be forced to hang out with someone you don't want to.

Gay bars should be able to ban hetero chick parties.

Of course strait bars should be free to ban gays, if they choose.
Homeowners should be able to rent their property to whomever they choose, or choose not to.
Clubs should be free to exclude whomever they wish.
If I am hiring employees to work in my business I should be able to hire whatever kind of people I wish.

Freedom of Association is great.
As long as everybody gets to play.
13
gay boys are always invited to the b-rette parites... does having a gay boy in your party give you a pass into the gay bar?
14
vitaminwater #4 I"M SHOCKED! Let me quote for you what EVERY GAY person has memorized the first time they hear it. "Doe a deer, a FEMALE deer..."
15
homeowners shouldn't have to live with people they don't want to, but in renting out a house, you are not being forced to associate with the tenants, thus their lifestyle has no impact on you personally. that is the difference, freedom. and as long as you don't make it too obvious you are discriminating in hiring, you're probably not going to get into any trouble for it.
16
I think that if a gay couple tried to have a gay wedding party at a straight bar, there would be hell to pay. In addition, while I personally don't mind straight women coming to our bars, I do mind it when it becomes apparent that they are there to gawk as though at a zoo. That and the annoying decibels their voices reach the drunker they get. It's almost like what I imagine a dog whistle would sound like if I could hear it.
17
The bride-to-be is also easily identifiable as she is alway the fattest and ugliest one in the group.

18
@14 -- good point, but its still not a hen!
19
Those kind of bachelorette parties (with the penis themed accessories and shrill, irritating women) should be banned from the Earth. If I'm at a bar and I see them come in, it's always my cue to leave.
20
& thusly the opposite of a hen part, is a cock party...

and that is altogether an entirely different thing.
21
No, see, the gay guys need to get straight guys to come to the bar and hit on the straight girls and scare them out. THEN hit on the straight boys and scare THEM out. Then eat a cat to kill the rat...
22
@8: If (insert group) causes your regular customers to be pissed, that would lose you more money than banning (insert group). Many of the bars on Capitol Hill will kick you out or ban you if you are pissing off regulars.
23
these parties are usually visiting a gay bar because they think it is a darn zoo and not because they support the community. you will notice that the party usually hits up male gay bars and not one targeted to the lesbian community. stupid parties can stay away, we DO NOT need that.

and I go to gay bars because I like to be around queer people, male female or otherwise NOT because I want to get away from women.
24
@12:

So, all those "We reserve the RIGHT to REFUSE SERVICE" signs you see up in bars pretty much everywhere - gay or straight - are what? Just a friendly suggestion?
25
@9 - that was happening in the early 90s, it's not that recent. Every straight guy knew that gay bars were the place to get a ready and willing straight girl.

Or did you somehow forget that ...
26
@24 -- basically that is correct. A gay bar that puts out a sign saying "no groups of women allowed" would have an exciting and quite expensive legal time ahead of it.

Hmmm.... On the other hand, I suppose they could go with "no heterosexuals allowed". That would be legal in most states.
27
The problem is that there are hardly any woman-positive bars. Where do you want women to go? In Seattle, there's the Wildrose and that's it. There are plenty of bars packed with hetero men and plenty of bars packed with gay men, but very very few bars that have mostly women, for many reasons. You're telling women to go "somewhere else" when "somewhere else" doesn't exist.

But yes, it is pretty offensive to have a BACHELORETTE party at a gay bar, but any other group of women besides a Concerned Women of America meeting should be welcomed.
28
For decades there was a thriving community of black businesses that served the black community and created a black middle class. Once the laws and social rules of segregation changed, many of those businesses closed, because their former customers started using the resources previously denied them.
For a long long time a gay bar was the only place for gay guys to meet and not have to worry. Gay neighborhoods were as much about the safety of numbers as they were about a gay culture.
Now that homosexuality is basically accepted by society at large, gay bars are more of an enclave than a sanctuary. They keep in as many people as they keep out. There are bars that cater to lots of different subcultures, and anyone who wants to can walk into them. If a bunch of drunken frat boys visits the bar where I'm holding a poetry reading, we get to put up with it. If my poetry reading friends visit a sports bar and start reading Swinburne over the calls of the game, the same goes.
Anyone who wants to can feel victimized when the world at large enters their personal sphere. Huddling together in bars that only the "right" kind of people are supposed to enter is not the way to engage.
But have fun off in a corner by yourselves.
29
This is too important to comment on flippantly. I'm going to think hard and meditate and tomorrow or some time later I'll come back and post a profound comment worthy of the gay bar bachelorette party controversy.
30
Straight women at gay bars are annoying because they take away the assumption that 'gay is the default'. If you're gonna hang out a gay bar, maybe don't get so offended if a woman hits on you. Guys aren't the only 'mos there.
31
i couldn't agree with this any more. @12 "right to refuse service" ? they don't have to allow anyone in. straight bars are perfectly allowed to ask/demand large groups of rambunctions homos out. you're equating hiring for jobs because you don't like someone with not allowing obnoxious groups of women into a bar parading their loving heterosexual marriage shit in full view of men and women who can't have that right now. that's cruel and unfair.
32
ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS THIS LITTLE BAR NEAR THE HILL ON THE WAY UP AND DOWN AVENUE...

and in that avenue people lived quiet lives unadorned by victimization and hatred and bigotry...

then this aweful man cam to town and couldn't find the door to the ladies room... and after that it was all he wrote until one day he found her living queit lives of vicarious thrills through the sounds of the big screen.

god dam the supreme court if they don't fix the "citzen soldier" 81st combat brigade befor i have to publically fellate the whole hump crew to avoid a scandal in the amphitheater.

Hey Dan... do you want my mtv plate with the really nice waterfront view?
33
Too often it is a group of 20 fat, ugly, loud, uneducated, trashy skanks from Auburn, Everet, Olympia (anywhere outside of a 10 mile radius) that only come to a homo-hang because they want attention from gay boys. They claim that they just don't want to get hit on by straight guys - but come on sisters - look in the mirror. They obviously are not bothering you. You came to a gay bar hoping to become a hag for a night. To have a gay man listen to what you say just like in the movies. Good luck with that. If I needed a hag, they would have to at least be attractive and smart. You are neither. So the next time you feel the need to charge into a gay bar and announce to us all that you getting married (followed by the obligatory "WOOOOOOOHOOOO!" please understand that none of us give a crap.

P.S. - Please enjoy your loveless marriage ending in divorce and having to take care of your two crack babies by yourself.
34
I don't mind a few straight women in a gay bar, unless they are gawkers who go into leather bars for a thrill but bachelorette parties in gay bars really bug me. These women don't patronize these bars at any other time, they are slumming, which is condescending at best. They are also pushy because they are drunk and feel entitled to special treatment. There may be a few occasions when one of the women in the party may actually be lesbian or transgendered but that is a rarity. I say keep 'em out. I don't know of any big dance bar that is so strapped for business that their custom would make a difference to the bottom line.
35
If you're turning away business because of it, that's one thing - but if your bar revenues are hurting, that's another.

In some cities, private rooms for parties used to be more than 50 percent of total revenue ...
36
@ 33 - OUCH!...but...I agree...

BTW, why hasn't the loon who comments about WHITE GAY MALE PENIS OPPRESSION IN ALL CAPS commented here yet?
37
A bar owner can't refuse to allow people of protected classes. You can't open a bar and then refuse to allow people of, say, Asian descent. You can't say, "No senior citizens." You can't say, "No women." You can't say, "No veterans." You can't say, "No handicapped people." You can't say, "No one from France." You can't say, "No Jews."

But in lots of places, you CAN say, "No gays." For that reason—sexual orientation not being a protected category—you can also say, "No straights."
38
I dance at Neighbours most Thursdays for 80's night (in drag). Ignore the fact that maybe that in itself is tragic. My point is, the "bachelorette parties" always go like this. Group of girls get very drunk. They go out on the dance floor with their purses and drinks, put the purses on the floor, dance (badly) in a circle, bump into you and act like it's your fault, spill/drop drinks on the floor, take a lot of pictures of their sloppy drunk selves, scream a lot, and at least 2 will puke somewhere near the restroom, over 50% of the time it will be the bride. Basically they annoy the fuck out of everyone including the staff. And by 'annoy the fuck out of everyone', I mean we're all so annoyed by the time they get scraped up and poured into the alley that no one feels like fucking later.

39
36
you just did
40
A few straight women now and then is one thing. But mostly when straight chicks show up, it's such a huge fun novelty for them, and they get obnoxious and irritating. I was at Here in Los Angeles, last night, happily enjoying my drink and talking to friends, and looking at the go go boys, when I noticed a bevy of straight girls all wanting to grope the dancers and have their photos taken with them. It's a gay bar, not a zoo. Groups of straight chicks never know how to behave. I ran into a group of them at FuBar, trying to walk from one end to the other. I was in the stream of traffic (it's a small bar). Drunk bachelorette starts pushing me. I tell her that no, I'm going in the same direction as she is. Response? "Well maybe I want to get there faster than you."

Also overheard recently at the Abbey in LA: Guy #1 to Guy #2: "Don't worry, there's lots of cute chicks here." Great. So straight women come to gay bars to either a) gawk or b) escape straight guys. Straight guys then figure this out. And then they get pissed if they get hit on.

Straight girls: You've got access to almost every bar in a city. You can do whatever you want. We don't have that luxury. I can't hold my boyfriend's hand in every straight bar in the city; probably not in most of them. Let us have our space, without you coming in to treat us like a freak show, or rubbing in the fact that you get to have a wedding day and we don't.

41
I don't mind straight girls at gay bars, hell, I welcome it. Though, being that my favorite gay bars are CC's and The Cuff, I almost never see any women out at all...
42
Yikes. Thanks for posting this, Dan.

I've attended—and planned—many fun bachelorette parties (minus the penis straws, condom necklaces and other stupid schwag) at gay bars—even planning gay-bar crawls—and, since me and my friends are "cool," I've honestly never thought about it from the guys' point of view. To all you super-tolerant and indulgent guys at the Eagle, Cuff, Crescent, and elsewhere: My apologies. Seriously.

So does anyone have any suggestions for where fun, cool ladies who prefer gay bars anyway can go to drink too much and celebrate a gal's last night?
43
it's like the opposite of gentrification.
44
@38, putting your purse down on the dance floor, ANY dance floor, will be a capital offense in the Fnarf Administration.
45
Personally, I never go to a (male) gay bar without at least one gay male friend. It would just seem rude to do so. I also don't go to the Wildrose to be a tease; if I'm there, I'm interested.

The modern "bachelorette" party is a horrific thing. I was on a dinner/dance cruise awhile back that was mostly very fun, except for the group of 8 or so drunken skags screeching like harpies and spilling their drinks on everyone. I'm kind of surprised none of them ended up swimming home.
46
I just don't understand...if a (non-gay) bar banned gay bachelor/bachelorette parties people would lose their shit. I know that is a relatively simple observation, and I know you can examine the issue a lot deeper than that, but people are going to annoy you everywhere you go. You work with/go to school with annoying people, you live with annoying people, you encounter annoying people on a daily basis. If a bachelorette party at a gay bar annoys the shit out of you, and I can see why it would, it's just one of those things that you have to deal with. Don't like it? Go to another gay bar. The bachelorette and her friends are paying customers just like you and everyone else in that bar. Also, I think it was said before, but I think it would be perfectly okay to require a membership of sorts to this bar or any other bar considering the same thing. You could require some sort of fee that no bachelorette party would want to pay for a one-time visit, but that the homo/non-obnoxious heteros that frequent that bar regularly would.
47
@46
Just to be clear, you are advocating that gays should have to resort to paying an extra fee to have a safe, welcoming space where they can just be themselves?

And you want us to do this because obnoxious acting straight people are just a fact of life, and they should have a right to do whatever they want in our community spaces?

Fuck you. No, seriously. You probably think you're "cool", but you obviously have never really stopped to consider what it being gay really means, what it means that every single gay person chiming in on this issues brings up just wanting to feel safe, comfortable and relaxed in their bars. IT MEANS THAT WE DON'T FEEL THOSE THINGS AT OTHER PLACES. We don't get to be completely ourselves at all the "straight" bars, as much progress as has been made, we simply don't (yet, or possibly ever, which is a different discussion).

It's exactly what @40 said. We can't hold our boyfriend's hand at every bar in the city. They can have their obnoxious bachelorete parties at any bar.

If you can't understand why gay people would want their own safe space where they can feel comfortable hitting on anyone, dancing with whom and how they want to, and all the rest, then stop talking and go sit down and think this through until you do.
48
Totally agree, Dan.

Bacheloretts, don't be afraid to let your hair down in a hetero bar. If some guys give you a bad time, let them know. Work it out with the bar management beforehand and I'm sure they'll be glad to back you up.

Speaking more generally, notice what the common threat here is, both for gay men and women and for straight women. It's jerkwad hetero men who feel entitled to fuck with anyone they want just because they want too.

49
48-- god, i wish it were that easy. I can be very forceful with a "we're not interested. please leave us alone." or just "no thank you." i've had spent entire nights just trying to chill and dance and have a good time, at bar after bar, and i've tried going to management... they don't give a shit. The obvious answer to this whole thing is just that girls need a scene where we can do this-- dance and chill-- without getting molested by drunk assholes. Will somebody open a bar for ladies? We have wallets! We like to drink!
50
Funny, my best friends are a bottom and a top. One is black. One is Asian. One drinks. One is a tee-totaler. If I am ever stupid enough to marry again. One wil be my maid of honor, the other will give me away. Bachlorette parties are most often planned by the bf's.
We would probably end up at the cuff.
I have spent too many moments screamed at by ingrates. My friends deserve to be where they are most comfortable.
I shouldn't marginalize. My friends have dealt with more then I ever have. MUCH MORE. I don't think I will ever re-tie the knot; especially if they can't.
Why ban a particular persona? Ban party numbers. No more then five drinks in one round on any cc. Watch them dissolve.
51
i'm all for businesses being able to make these kinds of decisions for themselves. if the action interferes with the general flow of your business or is offensive to the customers/clientele that you're interested in satisfying, then by all means, make your own rules.

the bamboo garden vegetarian restaurant has a "no fur on the premises" rule, that irish tavern owner has a "no singing 'danny boy'" rule, and back before the smoking ban there were many establishments that forbade the smoking of cigars, cloves and pipes. (not to mention the bars that forbade smoking at all before the ban went into effect). these are just a few of many examples of business owners making rules that may be regarded by some as discriminatory or otherwise unfair.

if the gay bar owners, or any bar owners for that matter, want to say no to bachelorette parties, then i say more power to 'em.
52
Dan has a point that bachelorette parties are insensitive at gay bars, and I'm sure that's not what my friends intended when they took me to the drag show at a local gay bar as part of my bachelorette party. So I'm sorry for that.

But I don't appreciate generalizations about straight women, or bachelorette parties, or anyone else for that matter. It's lazy thinking that is beneath anyone except right-wing fucktards. My friends and I did not go to the gay bar to see a "zoo". I imagine some of you like to flatter yourself by thinking you are so shocking to the innocent little straight girls who come into your bar, but get over yourself. Seeing men dressed in women's clothes and groping other men was nothing new or shocking to any of us. That night, we behaved ourselves, tipped well and when I got loud and drunk, my friends took me outside right away. Ban bachelorette parties if you want, but don't be an asshole about it.
53
No one has come up with the obvious solution: send the drunk, rowdy bridesmaids who are full of wedding blues to the lesbian bars. We will take care of you.
54
This is really quite simple. A few non-obnoxious women accompanying their gay male friends are almost never a problem in any gay bar, even the cruisiest of gay bars, provided that the gay male friends are aware of the cruisiness of said bar and how their female friends might need to behave as not to impinge on the atmosphere that everyone else is there for.

Said gay male friends should inform their female friends of all of this before they arrive.

As for "bachelorette parties" in gay bars without proof of donations to marriage equality, I recommend glares, splashed drinks, reading, and directions to the nearest dyke bar
55
Oh, and girls, if you are dancing in a gay club, don't fucking flip your long hair around onto other people on the dance floor. maybe straight guys dig this, I don't know.

but on a gay dance floor, everyone around you hates it. they may not say anything, because we're all so polite, but we really wish you'd take your purse and fuck off.
56
Viewing this as purely a business decision, it initially seems unwise. Turning away folks bound to do some serious drinking, when one is a bar owner, seems really dumb.

Buuuuut, a side story.

The other day, I went to my local leather shop, a place that makes no bones about what it is. Pink triangles galore, rainbows everywhere & men's leather gear right in the window. I purchased a housewarming gift for a pal & joked with the proprietor while being rung up about the many varieties of rainbow sticker for one's car. I get the bear thing, but what does the rainbow kitty mean?? Gay cat owner?

A 30-ish, fairly attractive woman burst into the shop while the transaction was taking place & demanded to know where the porn was. The clerk politely gestured the a room beyond with wall-to-floor DVD's. She stuck her nose in the room, saw that it was all boy-boy porn, & asks, don't you have any other movies? "You mean with girls?" I said helpfully. "Do you *have* girl on girl stuff?" I asked the clerk, since I dunno.

"No no no," the woman interrupted. "BOY-girl porn."

I laughed! "Why would you expect to find that HERE?" I asked her. "I mean, really." I pointed out two other places she could go, both of which she knew of & one that was very large/well-known, but oh poor her, it was across town. "But why don't you have any HERE?" she lamented as she left.

Agog, I turned to the clerk. "Does that happen a lot?"

"All the time," he said.

"Do they not know what the place is, or something?" I wondered.

***
It's rude to go wave your about-to-be-married-ness in the face of others who can't marry. That should be the main thing. Also:

I've been a bridesmaid. I even been a maid of honor *shudderrrr* Y'wanna keep bridesmaid parties out of your bars? Train the bartenders to ignore them. I mean, no need to start official kerfuffle w/ bouncers evicting people on sight (though I'm w/ above posters who suggest that folks enforce their 'we reserve the right' signs). No need to have an official policy. Just train the bartenders to fail to make eye contact with the bridal parties. ;) If the staggery girls can't get any more sweet, sweet fuel they'll move on to another place soon enough. Bartenders are pretty clever: they'll be able to tell the women just there to dance/regulars from the brides soon enough.

& ladies..yes I know, teh gay men are gorgeous to watch in motion. But they are not all your gay boyfriends. They're not there to amuse you. & Roger that, about the slumming, above: the gay bars are one of the few places left where gay is the default setting. Don't act like it's some consolation prize that you only pause to visit on your way to be married. Which, see above, THEY CAN'T DO.

Making assumptions about hetero women at large is not okay, but nor is the assumption that gaggles of drunk girls are welcomed in a gay bar. If you all are traveling en masse, a regular club should be plenty safe if you all dance together & keep an eye on each other. Like friends do.

All of this should not read as : women should never go to gay bars. They should if they understand there's etiquette involved like w/ any other club to which one doesn't belong. I go w/ a guy pal or two & I go to drink, & to dance. The dance floor is usually gonna be packed w/ pretty good dancers, so purses = no; drinks SHOULD = no & you have to understand that no matter how damn hot any of these boys are, none of them want to go home w/ you. Ever.

57
Let the straight woman have their fun. Live and let live.
58
How this:
Non irritating people can stay
Irritating people get the fuck out!
Try judging people by their behavior (as allowed by the establishment) and not by their sexuality.
59
@47, no, I am not advocating that gays should have to pay an extra fee to feel "safe". Though they could probably feel safe in the privacy of their own home...what I'm saying is if a PUBLIC ESTABLISHMENT like a (gay or not) BAR doesn't want to serve the public, then they either shouldn't exist, or they should impose a certain cost in order to discourage the people they are discriminating against from coming there. And yeah, that does sound silly because the idea of banning straight people in a gay bar is absolutely ridiculous and backwards from what the gay rights movement is all about. I'm all for supporting gay marriage, gay rights, etc, but just because you are gay does not mean you should get your OWN bar and tell straight people they can't come in, likewise just because I am straight does not mean I should get my own bar and tell gay people that they cannot come in. I agree with @58, it should have nothing to do with sexuality here, but rather with irritating people..and like I said, irritating people are a fact of life so get the fuck over it.
60
Oh man, I was drunk at a gay bar in Chicago one night and made the mistake of asking one of those girls if I could buy her a drink. She politely said no, and went back to her friends.

It didn't bother me so much that she said no (I was drunk, after all) but it was the fact that she pointed me out to her friends and they all laughed like it was the funniest thing they had ever seen or heard of.

That shit hurts.
61
#10--totally agree. Don't send the bachelorette parties to the WildRose, PLEASE!!!

Boo hoo for obnoxious bachelorette parties that there is no place where you can go to wear your penis accessories and not be bothered. Gay bars are there for gay folks to be able to have a good time hanging out with other folks who aren't going to gawk or beat the shit out of them for being gay.

If you go to straight bars for all other occasions, don't try to sell us on you going to gay bars to "be safe" from hetero guys. You didn't need to be safe any other night you went out, why now?

And seriously, rubbing our noses in your upcoming nuptuals--recognized everywhere--is so infuriating. My wife and I got hitched in CA in August. I think we're still married--in Massachusetts, New York, Connecticut, Canada and maybe California?
62
Drunk bachelorette starts pushing me. I tell her that no, I'm going in the same direction as she is. Response? "Well maybe I want to get there faster than you."

She was just exercising her vagina privilege, forgetting it wouldn't work on you.

Some solutions: Bars could use genderless rules to keep out the giggling gal groups: no parties of more than four (or six, or eight), because the noise and rowdiness increase with the square of the number of celebrators.

The story in Chicago seems to be the ladies want to see some boys strutting their stuff, not just that they want to dance without being hit on. Perhaps gay bars could have "Group Night" one day a week, with a show that appealed to all who like to see men gettng their groove thang on.
63
I notice a few comments by women apologizing for intruding at gay bars and promising to frequent other places instead. You do realize that the real jerks who are the problem in the first place would never do that or ever see anything wrong with what they are doing in the first place. And they're probably not reading the slog either. So the problem continues only now the gay bars have less business from the pro-gay women that are out there. I donated a hell of a lot of money to No on Prop 8 and marriage equality, and I'm betting a lot of other straights did too. We're not all the enemy.
64
I can't believe that there are so many of you who are advocating blatant discrimination!! They should be banned. Don't serve them if they come. My GOD - are you serious? In an establishment open to the public?

Yes, straight people. Vote for equal rights for gay people. But whatever you do, don't go into their sanctuaries! And by the way, black people should stay out of white establishments. Women should stay out of places where men gather to be, you know, men. And gay people should not go into any establishment built for, catering to, or frequented by straight people.
AND NEVER criticize us for not caring about your equal rights EVER AGAIN.

Seriously, are you all serious? Apply this logic across the board, and see what you come up with. OMG.
65
What if 90% of my friends are gay and guys that I want at my bachelorette party. Can I have it in one of "their" bars then?
66
I call bullshit on the women who claim there is nowhere they can go and not have men clawing them. It's quite easy to go out without being hit on. Just don't dress and act sexy. No one is so inherently sexy that they can't turn it off if they want to. But some women are too dreadfully insecure to simply turn off the come-hither, and then they act all baffled about why they are getting hit on. There is probably a lot of overlap between girls like this, and girls who attend condom-hat bachelorette parties.
67
Meh. Not allowing batchelor/ette parties is pretty standard practise where I live. I think at least half the bars ('straight' ones) have policies against it.

That being said, the policy is only enforced if you're acting the tool.
68
@62 Send those chicks to a see a Chippendale's show. Problem solved.
69
A straight guy who goes to a gay bar to hit on straight girls and then gets pissed if he's hit on by the gay guys (and straight girls laughing about being hit on by gay women at the gay bar) is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. I wish I could somehow apologise for the retarded behavior of others. But isn't this just, random people who are fuckwits? Why does it have to mean anything about whole categories of people?
70
My husband and I are both bisexual. I am positive that when we go to the gay bars together, people see us as hetero. You cannot assume that people are straight or gay just by looking at them.
71
Personally, when I go to a "gay" bar, I expect that 99% of the patrons to be gay men looking for a good time with other gay men.
72
As a straight white male, I am totally on board with discriminating against certain groups. Shit, I haven't been to a bar that allows blacks since I turned 21 six years ago....

Seriously though, you guys sound like children or some music-snob who is whinning about their favorite band becoming popular.

Lastly, you sound materialistic as fuck by saying you should have to show a receipt of a donation to a pro gay rights organization. I doubt any bigoted woman are going to patronize a gay bar, but I could be wrong. Most of you sound like you belong in the Gay-K-K.
73
I'm going to add another frustrating thing about women in gay bars, I have found that many of them think it is OK for them to touch you inappropriately.

I mean, seriously, I am so fucking tired of having to slap their hands away from my crotch or them trying to stick their tongues down my throat. I know there is differences in opinion about behavior in a gay bar but I think in general there is a lot more leeway between physical contact between two men that don't know each other, obviously and particularly in certain establishments, but I am a gay man and you are a woman and there are no circumstances under which that I want to make you with you or have you touching my penis.
74
john, do you speak for all the bi guys in the bar too?
75
Good God, so many of you people are fucking morons. No one is advocating "Keep all the straight people out!!@#!@$#"

"Heterosexual women" and "bachelorette party bitches" are two completely different categories, and while it would be illegal to ban women from a bar, it is not illegal to refuse to serve certain GROUPS of people (notice I said 'groups,' and not 'categories.') All of your stupid fucking "What if it was a white bar saying no black people are allowed?!??#@!@#" analogies are so half-formed and infantile I'd think you're prepping for your PSAT's. Save the faux outrage for something that actually matters, instead of vehemently defending the right for drunken sluts to engage in thoughtless, tacky behavior at the expense of everyone else just because she has a goddamn fucking ring on her finger. Boo hoo, not everyone wants to celebrate your wedding like it's the first fucking one in history. Get over it.

(To the hetero women saying "IIIII'VE been in gay bars and IIIIIII don't act like it's a zoo and IIIIII'VE gone with bachelorette parties and IIIIII never did anything like that!!@#!@# Awesome. Who cares? Are you the only straight woman on Earth? We all know these tacky fucking whores still exist, and just because you aren't them doesn't change ANYTHING about this situation. So you're not part of the problem - woo hoo. Now sit down and shut the fuck up, and perhaps let those of us who actually might have something invested in this have our opinion, since, you know, at the end of the day, you're still probably married or going to get married. Awesome, thanks.)
76
Not a man against women thing, just a push for support. The issue is bachelorette parties. Its not that they are banning women because they have women working there and women are allowed in there. They just don't want the bachelorette party there throwing the veil in the faces (the symbol of marriage), when its most likely those same women that are not actively supporting gay marriage, while the men in the bar are seeking it.

If you want to go in to a gay bar, then start supporting the marriage thing and get it passed. Then it probably wouldn't be an issue. There is an agenda and purpose in the action that is in response to a statement of non-acceptance. Hetero women and men don't want gay marriage, so we don't want yours either.
77
A bachelorette party isn't a state-administered legal benefit of marriage that gays are excluded from. I was under the impression you guys have commitment ceremonies all the time. Why not have bachelor/bachelorette parties before those commitment ceremonies, and be as loud and obnoxious as anyone else during them?
78
Who are these legions of anti-gay-marriage women who hang out in gay bars? I would think all the women in there are voting in favor of gay marriage. The straights who are against it probably wouldn't pick a gay bar as their bachelorette party site, you know, for fear of catching teh gay. I understand the sentiment behind banning bachelorette parties, but this isn't gay vs straight, its bigot vs non-bigot.
79
They just don't want the bachelorette party there throwing the veil in the faces

Nah, it's because groups of drunk straight chicks are fuken annoying.
80
My wife had her bachelorette party at Lucky Cheng's in NYC's East Village. A former gay bathhouse in it's hayday, it's now a mediocre Asian restaurant with 'Ladymen' waitresses who sing Happy Birthday for no real reason and get in fights with steak knives in the kitchen, unbeknownst to the dining patrons.

I mention LC's because it's become a popular alternative for celebrating drunk girls, as opposed to going to The Eagle where the bride might find her entire wedding party getting fisted.
81
I see and understand the points made above. My partner and I mainly frequent the Cuff or Madison's Pub when we go out, and I gotta say that bad behavior happens regardless of sexual orientation, gender or locale.

I will say that my favorite club in the universe is the Laird Hotel in Melbourne. When I lived there, it was where I went regularly and is a men's only club (check out the website at www.laird.com.au) for a variety of reasons. I was happy to be in a place where I didn't have to worry about bachelorette parties, or having women around. Sorry girls, but some of us guys feel the same way I'm sure many of you do- there are times you want to be in a place that only has your gender (or identifies as such) as patrons.

While it is sexist (and I admit it is) I would expect that women, gay or straight, ought to have a place where they feel the same safety and camaraderie as I felt while living in Melbourne and being able to go to the Laird. Won't happen in this country for a variety of legal reasons, but I have to admit there are nights I really want to just be around the guys.

I do feel some of the gay establishments have been "invaded". Does it piss me off? Yeah, I guess a bit. But then again I'm past the age of twink boy gay death (40 something- sorry Dan) My only solace in that is that my nephew (all of 21) informs me that us gays are slowly but surely invading the straight world as well. He and his boyfriend hold hands in public while living in Tulsa. i just think of the progress that has occurred in the 21 years since I was his age.

Now start hucking shit at my head.
82
Kudos to the bars that do it.

Interesting that the women cry foul when its the gay bars trying to maintain their clientele focus. Why aren't the women crying foul to all the straight bars that don't let us in or that charge us extra to get in. A bunch of gay boys can't go to a straight bar without getting beat up or kicked out. Give me a break. Sometimes its not about money girls and know there are plenty of gay boys with cash too (yours ain't any better). Your just not the focused demographic of the business. Leather stores don't cater to the pretty ballerina, so why should gay stores cater to straight women?

Again, they don't kick out individual women, just the roving band of indiscriminate women that don't pay attention to where they are when following their leader and a leader that doesn't control their roving band.

I see all the cries about discrimination. Well, hello, why do you think the gay bars had to be created in the first place? We want a place where we are accepted. Frankly when a straight woman walks up to me in a gay bar and tells me I am going to hell for liking boys, then I have no pity if they are kicked out. One too many statements from straight women that don't know where they are at before they speak, following the bride, but apparently a non-descriminating bride bringing a clan of bigotry right along with her.

I would probably be fine if in the majority of cases they were nicer, but frankly, I don't need the slurs thrown in a gay bar. I will go to a straight bar if I want to hear them. I am at a gay bar because it is a "gay" bar, hence the title.
83
I know this is a stupid blog and I shouldn't take it so seriously, but I spend a lot of money hanging out with my gay friends at Purr. So many of these comments make me not want to go there anymore. If everyone is really thinking that I'm fat and a loser and a whore, then I don't think I'll really feel comfortable there anymore. I'm sure all of you guys will be rejoicing at this comment.
84
Did anyone see the ABC news program last night, "What Would You Do?" One of the staged scenarios was a demonstrative gay couple in a sports bar in New Jersey. They were a real couple hired to be themselves (non-censoring of their behavior). An actor was hired to protest their being there, and kissing, etc. The majority of the incidences ended with straight bar patrons taking on the bigot, to the point where he was made uncomfortable enough to leave. He was told to "Shut up." He was told it was not the behavior of the gay couple, but his that was unacceptable. As I watched it, I thought about this discussion. SLOG makes me sad.
85
that program on ABC was stupid as hell and the guy running it should know better to call it a "gay lifestyle".

Women coming to gay male bars is GREAT but I don't want these parties at a gay bar. The women who come DO TREAT IT AS A ZOO and a place they can go wild, be annoying and get wasted. I have worked at a bar in Chicago so I have experienced these parties. The women are not coming because they want to show their unity with the community, they are coming because they want to act like fools, run around with penis shaped rings/necklaces...etc. Again, my friends and I LIKE when women (str8, bi, and all the above) come to gay bars so stop complaining that everyone is against you and realize these bars were designed and STILL are one of the few places that queer people can go to feel comfortable.
86
COMMENT DELETED: Cock Puppetry
We'd like to moderate your comments so all off-topic, gratuitously inflammatory, threatening, or otherwise inappropriate remarks will be removed except for the idiot assholes who run this 2 bit paper, and repeat offenders may be made to kiss Fnarfs AIDS-ridden dick. We ALWAYS censor comments based on ideology. Fuck you all who add to the conversation.
87
@72. Where the hell do you live? A bar that does not allow blacks? Good grief.
88
I, too, find women in gay bars to be generally annoying, even when they're not drunk and loud. I have to agree, that's "our space"; indeed, that's really the only reason I ever go to the bars.

But if "being annoying in a gay bar" is the yardstick here (because we're not talking about these women breaking the law in any way), think about this: what about that guy who's drunk, and who's ineptly hitting on you bigtime, and you've already checked out the hot guy in the corner, and he's chrecking you out, but Mr. Drunk Bigmouth Homo has you cornered? Shit, talk about annoying...
89
To the Pedestrians Masses Who have forgotten Civil Right are Equal Amongst All and Inalienable.

Cocktail is taking a stand for something they believe in a non-violent, eloquent way. There is no "straight bashing signs" or drag queens with bats at the door waiting to beat any married person at the door just for being married. The discretely place 1inx2in placard at the front door is expressing the ownerships right to refuse service to any patron(s) who negativly affect his business.

I appreciate the fact that on the night before your wedding, you feel the need to venture out to the city dressed like 6 year old pretty princesses'. You drink so much alcohol that you digress into behaviors unbecoming of a lady, let alone a bride, all because the thought of the commitment (mistake) you are about is too much to handle. The fact that you think this is acceptable behavior because it your last night "free" is the downfall of your "marriage”

The CIVIL Rights that we are fighting for are rights bestowed upon any citizen over 18 years old as long as they are man and women. As committed homosexual people often do we strive and create to persevere.... I respect the owner of cocktail for taking a stand for something he desires more then most of desire your last divorce to be final.

Spare us the Woe Is Me because my marriage is so sacred. If divorce and pre- nuptials, and being so drunk in a tiara and a boa while your future husband is out with women who may be engaged in coietes while your out with the girls, if this is what you think two men or two women deserve to share then keep your "marriage" and ill just be happy!

.d.

90
To the Pedestrians Masses Who have forgotten Civil Right are Equal Amongst All and Inalienable.

Cocktail is taking a stand for something they believe in a non-violent, eloquent way. There is no "straight bashing signs" or drag queens with bats at the door waiting to beat any married person at the door just for being married. The discretely place 1inx2in placard at the front door is expressing the ownerships right to refuse service to any patron(s) who negativly affect his business.

I appreciate the fact that on the night before your wedding, you feel the need to venture out to the city dressed like 6 year old pretty princesses'. You drink so much alcohol that you digress into behaviors unbecoming of a lady, let alone a bride, all because the thought of the commitment (mistake) you are about is too much to handle. The fact that you think this is acceptable behavior because it your last night "free" is the downfall of your "marriage”

The CIVIL Rights that we are fighting for are rights bestowed upon any citizen over 18 years old as long as they are man and women. As committed homosexual people often do we strive and create to persevere.... I respect the owner of cocktail for taking a stand for something he desires more then most of desire your last divorce to be final.

Spare us the Woe Is Me because my marriage is so sacred. If divorce and pre- nuptials, and being so drunk in a tiara and a boa while your future husband is out with women who may be engaged in coietes while your out with the girls, if this is what you think two men or two women deserve to share then keep your "marriage" and ill just be happy!

.d.

91
You know, I love my lady friends. But I don't love them en masse in gay bars. It has nothing to do with the fact that you're celebrating your marriage. Good for you, I'm happy, may you and your mate have a long and happy life together, birthing lots of babies (should that be in your plans). My objection is much more plain than that:

A group of rowdy drunk women in a gay bar are Class A cockblockers.

Most of the time I go to my local bar to hang out, chat with friends, play some pool. And a lot of the times, yes, to scratch that itch by getting laid. There are very few external issues I cannot overcome to help the little man who lives in my pants reach his ultimate goal for the evening, but a flock of drunk women slurring their speech and screaming "WOOOOOOO!" every time they see two men kissing, who seem to think it's okay to get in between them an start holding a rambling conversation, who try to play matchmaker (I SEEM TO BE DOING FINE ON MY OWN THANKS) is very often too much to overcome.
92
New York gay bars have become a complete drag lately because they are populated by at least 30% Sex-and-the-City wannabees, i.e. drunk straight girls who just want a place to act like there are no rules of social behavior. After a few drinks, these chicks start twirling around like bad ballerinas, knocking people's drinks to the floor, etc. Not to mention the high-pitched SHRIEKING!

Just to give you one example of a recent experience I had with a drunk straight chick in a bar in Ann Arbor, one such woman – without any provocation, just for the sake of entertainment – decided she would slap me hard across the face, apparently to see what I would do. When she say my reaction, she leaned over to her other drunk friends and said, "Oooh, look, he's getting mad!" I could have had her arrested and sent to the drunk tank for the night, but just opted to leave. Perhaps that was a mistake.

I agree that drunk straight chicks are "CLASS A COCKBLOCKERS." They show no respect for gay men, whom they seem to view as second-class toys, playthings for their entertainment. In what other social situation could a demographic group move into an establishment, harass the locals, and then be shocked (shocked, I tell you!) that the locals objected?

For those armchair Libertarian economists out there, I have to tell you that the presence of these miscreants in gay bars does a lot of keep gay men at home, not spending $$$, or moving on to new establishments that the bad girls have not yet discovered. So there is really no net gain to allowing such rude, obnoxious, and - yes, let's say it - anti-gay behavior to persist.
93
I'm standing in a line at G Bar in New York with 40 other gay men waiting to get in. Drunk straight chick (with her shamed gay friend in tow) marches from the back of the line, saying: "I don't have to wait in this line, I'm STRAIGHT!" The bouncer sent her right back to the end of the line, which erupted in CHEERS!

Moral of the story: drunk straight chicks really DO believe they are in a socially and morally superior position and that they should be given unearned privilege wherever they go. Their patronizing, tired, outdated sneering at gay men is such a downer that I just don't want to be around it.

And, in addition, Sex and the City (both movies) sucked. The bad girls love it only because they think it validates their lack of understanding of the basics of social behavior, respect for others, and common decency.