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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
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The bigots seem to have such a hard time conceiving of the concept of consent.
Nonetheless, everybody knows that if a child does not have only a single hetero male and a single hetero female parent in their house then they will grow up to be a dogfucker and will cause other kids at school to catch the gay. That is what the talking box and a bunch of unregistered commenters told me.
Eeeeeew.
Nothing else will do.
We always hear from people who espouse how great it is, but what about the countless others who decide to try it then ruin their relationships?
Well, that what YOU sound like when YOU brag about NOT staying monogamous....
You don't need to tell everybody everything, thenk yew very much......
I like that as a tshirt "It takes committment to be non manogamous"
See, cane sugar is the critical part. Accept no imitations.
Yes, I actually feel sorry for you, because when and if you ever do, it is incredible.
It helps that most of the people involved are poly. (Not involved with each other, at least not these days.)
When I was in a poly group in the '90s while the sexual variety and openness was awesome, it was the big family feel that I really dug (and now miss). There was always someone with whom to make breakfast, or consult to resolve a mathematical problem, or take the dog for a walk, or play a card game. As someone who missed the whole sibling experience as a kid, it was like that, only better (given most of what I hear about siblings is that they're often spiteful rivals to each other).
Of course we had our grievances, our irresolvable differences, our problems, but not necessarily more than your typical nuclear family. Polyamorous or polyfidelous families are, after all, still human.
At the same time, it meant that one could be clingy or aloof when one needed, to hang out with the kids (yes there were kids) or take a break as needed. One wasn't so completely dependent on his or her one-and-only (as romantic as that might sound) that the whole thing shatter when one of the struts was over-pressured.
If that's all I wanted I'd just go to one of the local sex positive clubs and find a new friend every Thursday. Some folks, I.E. swinger types, like that I suppose, but I only desire something a bit deeper. And yeah, I know platonic friends can provide a lot and guess what...I have loads of platonic friends that I don't sleep with. But sometimes the friendship becomes something deeper and as long as everyone is consenting why stop it?
Poly is not all about who can die with the most bedpost notches. No offence to the swinging community, but that's sorta how I see swinging as. Even so, as long as everyone is consenting, more power to ya. Personally I find swinging to be far too complicated and troublesome, but many pull it off.
And if I want to love the people I should happen to fall in love with, why should I not just because I already love someone else? I don't believe in god and don't see the bible as something I should model my life after. Therefore I have no religious mores against loving more than 1. As long as my family is happy, who cares how we do it? I'm not gonna hit on your wife or husband or anything! I don't go around fishing or trying to convince people to hop into the lifestyle. I don't preach it either. I get asked a lot about it but the first thing I say is that it is not for everyone and if they try it the chance of failure is high and that they should not bother. And I would NEVER hook up with someone "trying it out".
Someone once said if we are not able to love everyone, then at least we should try to tolerate those who are different from us.
Sage words indeed.
God forbid you ever have fantasies about someone beside your spouse. I hope you're not so unfulfilled as to have that problem.
Of course, maybe you do have fantasies about other people, and maybe you do need to get away from your spouse occasionally and hang out with some other friends, and maybe that doesn't stop you from being capable of monogamy. But what possible reasoning would you have for claiming that it's more incredible than being Poly?
Even more astounding is how rarely it happens. My (granted, purely anecdotal) experience is that families often like to keep private family matters from, say, everyone not part of the internal family structure. This is probably due to the typical mainstream priority of keeping up appearances rather than creating the environment of unconditional regard necessary to actually address problems. Frankly, it'd give me more confidence in our species if we could change these priorities in the majority (or even in a strong minority) of US families. But for now, much of US culture is disinclined to air out proverbial dirty laundry to their platonic friends, or, heck, invite them to lunch unless they make an occasion out of it.
Even if such a cultural paradigm shift were to happen, it wouldn't invalidate polyamorous or polyfidelous complex family structures.
And even if platonic relationships did with frequency serve as you implied Mr. Todd, it wouldn't make you any less an intolerant jerk, considering your posts so far on this thread.
Incidentally, The Rev. has it right. Polyamorists aren't the same as swingers, and polyamory isn't the same as casual sex or, a sexually open marriage. The common connection point of each relationship is emotional intimacy, not just sex. It usually involves lasting love relationships, not just summer flings.
Terisa and her crew are actually great examples of polyamory. They're loving, stable, well-spoken, and not any crazier than the rest of us. No one in that household will try to convert the unwilling to poly, but they'll also tell you honestly how they love it if you ask.
I just moved to Seattle, myself, and I'm loving the sex-positive vibe here.
Cunning Minx
www.polyweekly.com
I wish more people were this out, public and proud about polyamory years ago. Some people are perfectly happy to find one true love to settle down with for the rest of their life. That's great! Not everyone is happy doing this. I really spent many years and a lot of misery to find this out myself the hard way. I would have taken a different path and possibly saved myself a lot of unhappiness if I had known there were options beyond monogamy.
Not all of us are perfectly happy having to be closeted or discrete about significant people in our lives, nor do we need the fear, shame or guilt imposed on us by those who think their way is the only legitimate way. As for what is healthy or not, I am quite fulfilled to be free to love and live in a way that makes me and my partners happy. I don't need anyone's permission to be happy, thank you.
To those who react so strongly against the out and proud poly's, I can only wonder why this threatens you so much. If you need to be so bitterly judgmental against people who do not affect you to prop yourself up, I am truly sad for you.
Don't choose the structure, choose the right person/people.
Most of the relationship disasters that I've seen, related specifically to being monogamous or poly or whatever, have been based on lack of flexibility. A refusal to adapt to the reality of the people and situation in front of you. The need to cram people into predetermined boxes. Casting people for roles that don't end up suiting them, and then holding on to the role rather than to the person.
Doesn't work.
Thanks for contributing to SLOG.
"Terisa, 41, has been with two partners for over a decade, falling in love first with Scott (a writer) and soon afterward Larry (a Microsoft programmer). Though the three of them are a dedicated household, they all have outside lovers as well-- including a married couple, Matt and Vera, who date Terisa and Larry, respectively."
It's still a lot of names to throw at the reader in a lede, but... I dunno, what does the amount of information I can absorb in a single paragraph have to do with who I fuck?
I can see how polyamory can be threatening to those who've felt forced to accept a monogamous lifestyle. My best friend's beau was completely content in what was a hot, hot, hot relationship (they could never finish watching a movie or make it back home from a party before they were naked and all over each other) until he learned about my two flings at the time that were perfectly aware of each other. It never occurred to him that he could have two girlfriends at the same time with everyone okay with it.
Ironically, he was the one to insist originally that their relationship be exclusive.