Dan,

You misunderstood the quote, "People feel safer and they feel more trusting. They feel like they can depend on their partner..." The key word is "feel."

Is jealousy a bigger problem in polyamorous relation than in monogamous relation? Thinking it's not is just ignorant... or arrogant.

The claim that monogamy is not natural is also absurdly unfounded. People are hardwired for jealousy just as much as they are hardwired to be turned on by strange.

I am all for poly for people who can truly pull it off, but I also think there are about 5X as many people who mistakenly think they can than those who actually can.

You have to ask yourself why you feel such a strong need to fuck more than 1 person in spite of the relational and physical risks. "Because it is fun" is not a legitimate answer. Why is it fun? The answer usually has a lot to do with a combination of low self-esteem and self-centeredness.

Dan,
Let me personally thank you for once again reiterating your very sensible views. It warms my heart to know I'm not the only one who thinks these things.

I personally have no qualms doing things, or thinking things, or cooking food in things, or wearing things that are "un-natural". Anyone who does (Dan) is a prude.

Dan- Here is where I have a problem with your position: here you are celebrating the fact that you would never choose monogamy for yourself because it is not natural. Yet in other posts you like to insert little musings about your husband and your kids and your cute little family life---all as a means of harping on the need for same-sex marriage!

This is the attitude that lets bigots tarnish the movement. What do the kiddies think when Daddy1 or Daddy2 goes out for his separate trick? Or if suddenly there's a strange naked guy sleeping in Daddys' bed? How do you keep that area hidden from your children?

I just don't buy the "sexual need" thing when it comes to not being monogamous. Your husband not in the mood to put out? Go maturbate with a porno or something. It seems to me that people who can't restrain themselves sexually in a relationship either (1) have not married the right person; they "settled" instead of waiting for the right one; or (2) have simply not grown up.

Want to have free and open sex? Fine do it while being single, or if you do find a partner who likes the same thing, live and let live but don't call it marriage and certainly don't bring kids into it and call it a family.

Dan, I really respected you until I read this article.

I am not sure if you were meaning to attack monogamous people, but that is how I interpreted it.

I have no problem with any kind of relationship between two or more consenting adults. I have no problem with asexuality, either. I think that polyamory and open relationships are great choices for some people.

But I am monogamous. I believe this is primarily because I am a very jealous person, and because open/poly relationships just don't appeal to me, at least not at this point in my life.

I feel quite attacked by this article. I have NOTHING against polyamory, but when someone in a poly/open relationship (I believe you're in an open relationship yourself, Dan), attacks you for choosing to do something other than what they have chosen for themselves, it becomes a pretty fucking big problem.

I do not care if my relationships are 'unnatural'. That word means nothing to me. As a lot of the other posters have stated, rape is common in the animal kingdom. Therefore it is natural. Does this mean we should accept it? The 'natural vs unnatural' argument is a red herring.

I don't know what the fuck your problem is, Dan. It's none of your fucking business what other people want to do in THEIR consensual relationships. Had someone called in with a dilemma involving a partner cheating, you could have gone off about the benefits of open relationships. And I'm sure you have in the past- I listen to the podcast quite frequently. But this is a seemingly unprovoked (by most of your audience, I like to think) attack on people whose relationships are NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.

It's sort of like the fundamentalist Christians who randomly attack gays. Guess what? You're no better than them.

OH FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! HAVE YOU ALL LOST YOUR MINDS!!!!!?????

For all of you who are insulted or attacked that Dan is preaching nonmonogamy as the only natural lifestyle, please look at comment #16 very carefully.

Dan is using a rhetorical device. He is comparing the assertion that gays can't marry because it's an "unnatural lifestyle" to the "unnaturalness" of monogamy. For the purposes of his argument, he says, "Hey! Monogamy is unnatural, but I'm open-minded. Let them have equal rights, no matter how unnatural their sexual life is." Read Dan's post again.

Get it now? This is called a reductio ad absurdum. Google it. It is an ancient form of logical discourse. You are allowed to attack his argument based on whether you think he does it well or poorly, as 16 does (and I disagree with 16, I think it's VERY well done), but if you insist on being literal, you are merely exposing yourself as.......obtuse.

Excuse me, I gotta go bang my head on the wall.

Sheesh!

#108, welcome to every goddamn comment thread on every site on the Internet.

On average, half of the posts in every single thread will not be worth reading, either because of their horrid grammar and syntax, or because the commenter betrays the reading comprehension of a third grader.

All of which will cause you to wonder if you're actually getting dumber while scanning the thread, hoping to stumble upon Uriel, Matt from Denver, Catalina, Sargon, or Urgutha Forka.

At least here on Slog we have filters.

Thanks Jade, I feel better now. Damn! What a time for Uriel to be writing a novel!

Excellent article. To each their own I say. Such conflicting interests however. The natural way seems to be discreet extramarital relationships for a lot of folks, since this practice is so frowned upon if it were not kept discreet. Alas it seems most people can't allow their partners to experience other people. It seems there will always be conflicts and wide gaps in these arenas.

Speaking from a shunned female perspective (I'm monogamous but experienced 1 or 2 gray area encounters with separated or had a girlfriend when I was single 18 yrs ago), I have witnessed firsthand how harsh women are to other women when it comes to affairs. It's the masses of women who gossip and don't even know you that are harsh. They have singlehandedly destroyed my mind and life (I'm very prone to obsessive complexes). But this is a tangent issue and one I'm trying to overcome. But it does make me even more compassionate toward those who find monogamy not suited to their liking.

Live and let live I say. You wont see me hunting for a poor, lost woman to hate nor will you see me denigrating men and women who haven't been able to remain monogamous. Those are private matters and shouldn't be made public. No one should ever lose their job or credibility over them. These are my thoughts and I have and will always be true to them.

Excellent article. To each their own I say. Such conflicting interests however. The natural way seems to be discreet extramarital relationships for a lot of folks, since this practice is so frowned upon if it were not kept discreet. Alas it seems most people can't allow their partners to experience other people. It seems there will always be conflicts and wide gaps in these arenas.

Speaking from a shunned female perspective (I'm monogamous but experienced 1 or 2 gray area encounters with separated or had a girlfriend when I was single 18 yrs ago), I have witnessed firsthand how harsh women are to other women when it comes to affairs. It's the masses of women who gossip and don't even know you that are harsh. They have singlehandedly destroyed my mind and life (I'm very prone to obsessive complexes). But this is a tangent issue and one I'm trying to overcome. But it does make me even more compassionate toward those who find monogamy not suited to their liking.

Live and let live I say. You wont see me hunting for a poor, lost woman to hate nor will you see me denigrating men and women who haven't been able to remain monogamous. Those are private matters and shouldn't be made public. No one should ever lose their job or credibility over them. These are my thoughts and I have and will always be true to them.

Sorry but I am Anti Monogamy

Being a monogamy is so stupid in my opinion.

Um ,sorry about that one .It turns out I said the wrong thing I am monogamy too. ( Also I am someday planning to have monogamy & not non monogamy with a woman someday).
Also I still have my certificate of completion and still working on it before college & a career.