Blogs Mar 2, 2010 at 3:04 pm

SL Letter of the Day: Drama!

Dan Savage
Back to article

Comments

1
Or the more simple message... "I had fun dancing with you. Do you wanna go out sometime? If not, no problem; I don't take it personally."
Cory on March 2, 2010 at 3:13 PM Report this
2
"Your 1 minute is up."

Hah! Very cute, Dan, you've definitely got game.
seandr on March 2, 2010 at 3:13 PM Report this
3
Dan, I like how nice you are to this writer. I mean, you pick on her for being awkward/stressy, but in a sweet, wise way. She's obviously just kind of young and freaked out, and we have all been there. Great response.
on March 2, 2010 at 3:18 PM Report this
4
ding! DING! because one is not really free to say yes until one is free to say no. in as drama-free a manner as possible.
novabird on March 2, 2010 at 3:20 PM Report this
5
I have a feeling she likes him more then he likes her...they have been casual friends...met on the dance floor one night...mix in the booze and hormones and they started kissing, he realized it really wasn't what he wanted and didn't want to lead her on...tried to gracefully "bow out". Now he's just avoiding the follow-up
on March 2, 2010 at 3:31 PM Report this
6
reading her letter made me really really glad I'm not in college anymore. Great advice for her and I agree with 3 that you were very nice to her.
genevieve on March 2, 2010 at 3:33 PM Report this
7
Perfect response Dan! And yes, dating should be fun! Who wants to date someone who is confronting, weird and ackward!
Suz on March 2, 2010 at 3:34 PM Report this
8
The proposed message is so awkward it makes my teeth hurt.
Orsh on March 2, 2010 at 3:35 PM Report this
9
You were much nicer to her than I would have been. My eyes haven't rolled this much since I picked up that abandoned Robert Ludlum book at the airport.
on March 2, 2010 at 3:51 PM Report this
10
but DON'T put the note on fb unless you want it showing up in a job interview 10 years later. seriously. write the old-fashioned way.
Lurleen on March 2, 2010 at 4:00 PM Report this
11
Dan, your proposed cute message is attractive to gay dudes and girls. #1 has a better approach to attract a heterosexual male.
Schorschi on March 2, 2010 at 4:04 PM Report this
12
The other thing worth remembering:

It is not embarrassing to have a crush on someone! It is a very frequent thing that happens to very many people. If it is not reciprocated, it is still flattering when someone has a crush on you. If it is reciprocated, it is all the more excelllent.

Tell the gentleman, because crushes deserve sunshine and appreciation and flowery spring feelings. Sometimes that's all they were ever meant to be, and sometimes they develop into more. But they're never a thing to be ashamed of.
on March 2, 2010 at 4:11 PM Report this
13
Damn, CIC. I mean... damn. Are you serious? That note? For reals?

Wow. Flashbacks to middle school. Just ask the guy, for fuck's sake. Be straightforward. I know it's scary. Do it anyway.
balderdash on March 2, 2010 at 4:12 PM Report this
14
I think @13 is the best at giving advice.

Sheesh, they're Canucks, that works best.
Will in Seattle on March 2, 2010 at 4:20 PM Report this
15
Good advice Dan, but damn CIC... take a composition class already! Your letter to Dan was terrible: "We're friendish and when I'm not with my friends we're with friends who are also friends of this guy when I'm not around people I live with and then we're dancing with friends who are also his friends..."

Take comp 101 and use what you learn.
Urgutha Forka on March 2, 2010 at 4:23 PM Report this
16
@11 re:@1 did it for me - short and casual is best; more like it's not a big deal. The small campus size sucks, so this would make more sense since she certainly will see him no matter what.
Jaymz on March 2, 2010 at 4:29 PM Report this
17
Hey this is CIC
Thanks for the advice Dan, it was what I really NEEDED to hear and my friends were too nice.

I sent the message, and got the friend response ugh.
But it's done and hopefully the awkward goes away.

Thanks
CIC

CICanada on March 2, 2010 at 4:49 PM Report this
18
I needed this advice so badly when I was 20.
amazonvera on March 2, 2010 at 4:57 PM Report this
19
@17
it's important to remember you're part of the awkward problem. expecting him to walk up and say "hey, how can we make this not awkward" is only making the situation more awkward. next time you see him, walk up and say "hey" or whatever you used to say. don't overdo it and make it weird, but you can be proactive in helping make the friendship "normal" again.
erik on March 2, 2010 at 4:59 PM Report this
20
I also vote for #1: even less pressure on the guy -- and girl -- more likely to work, to save either embarrassment, or a possible relationship.

And definitely NOT on Facebook, or any other social media to avoid both present and future disasters that way.
judybrowni on March 2, 2010 at 5:04 PM Report this
21
@ 19 I know I am part of the awkward, some of my awkward was "what is he thinking" awkward so hopefully some of my contribution to this awkward environment will disappear.
CICanada on March 2, 2010 at 5:06 PM Report this
22
She sounds like she attends a religious school and she now has been labeled a harlot for kissing a boy on the dance floor. You are going to hell you trolip!
on March 2, 2010 at 5:20 PM Report this
23
Dan, seriously, don't you get some more interesting correspondence than this? Sheesh, you'd think you did this to truly just give advice, without giving thought to the entertainment value it provides the rest of us. I miss the old guy with the toothbrush types of letters ...
nseattlite on March 2, 2010 at 6:46 PM Report this
24
If he's avoiding eye contact, I'm pretty sure it's a no. But worth a shot, I guess.
on March 2, 2010 at 7:09 PM Report this
25
Dan, I'm disappointed. The guy was OBVIOUSLY JNTIY (from the best-selling book and mediocre movie!)
on March 2, 2010 at 7:21 PM Report this
26
CIC: you now know what it's like to be a straight boy (i.e. it's usually the guy who has to broach the idea of being something more than friends). Use your new-found knowledge for good, not evil, and try to spread the knowledge to your fellow straight women.
aoeustnh on March 2, 2010 at 7:38 PM Report this
27
@11 "Dan, your proposed cute message is attractive to gay dudes and girls. #1 has a better approach to attract a heterosexual male. "

Lord knows heterosexual males are little pussy boys that don't tolerate to a woman not being demure and reserved.
on March 2, 2010 at 11:10 PM Report this
28
"Your handler vill vait at ze predetermined location for one hour only..."

Oh man, that's way too funny. Especially when it makes me laugh so loud I may have woken up people sleeping.
Knat on March 3, 2010 at 12:06 AM Report this
29
@23 No way! I love it when Dan handles a cute vanilla letter like this - something we can all relate to, to some extent. If all the SLLOTDs were about crazy kinksters, I reckon I'd get bored really quickly.

People who are just here to laugh at other people's ridiculous-sounding fetishes are missing out - Dan gives compassionate, sensible, intelligent and funny advice for all sorts of situations and I love reading it.
Miss Congeniality on March 3, 2010 at 5:52 AM Report this
30
She sounds like the last type of person that should have gone to a 500-person college.
on March 3, 2010 at 8:55 AM Report this

Please wait...

Comments are closed.

Commenting on this item is available only to members of the site. You can sign in here or create an account here.


Add a comment
Preview
Posted by (your name here)

By posting this comment, you are agreeing to our Terms of Use.

Editors' Picks

Everything You Need to Know About Monkeypox—and Not Just You Gays
Swinging through Emerald City Trapeze Arts' Final Act
Seattle Does Not Have a Spending Problem, Big Business Has a Greed Problem
The Tiny Shelter Monopoly
Liquor Control Busts Flowers Bar & Restaurant on the Ave
The Audition
The Stranger
is a proud member of the media network
Masthead Ad Info & Rates Jobs at The Stranger Contact Privacy Policy Terms of Use Takedown Policy Find The Stranger Near You
Support The Stranger
All contents © Index Newspapers LLC
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134