That's a walking stick, shillelaghs are black and glossy.

Wait, what I meant to say was this: derp derp, big stick, hurrrrrrr

How embarrassing. I thought I knew more about big black sticks...

My first lover was from Dublin. He had those big dreamy Irish eyes of song fame and was as sweet as clover honey.
But he was anything but endowed with a big stick. I was too in love to care.

@3: Clearly you need more study in the field of Visual Representations of Black Sticks, therefore I propose we raise your purchasing budget.