SL Letter of the Day: Never Read the "Savage Love" Mail At Lunch, Never Read the "Savage Love" Mail At Lunch, Never Read the "Savage Love" Mail At Lunch...

Comments

1
Even after reading this wonderful column for years it has just now become clear to me just how little I am aware of.
2
I can't even...
3
I didn't know Stephanie Meyer read SL.
4
@1: Ditto. Every time I say to myself, "Now I've heard everything!" after a Savage Love ... destiny strikes the very next week.
5
no words
6
@1
7
Ha! That response about sums it up.
8
Talk about stringing her along.
9
Well I'll say this. I'm glad as hell I took that headline to heart because that hot dog with ketchup I had for lunch never would have stayed down.
10
They need a name. Every good fetish group needs a name.

I propose: Cottonmouths
11
Eh this is pretty tame IMO. This doesn't squick me out considering some of the really crazy stuff out there. Why are people more ok with the possibilities of anal (poop) than vaginas (blood)?
12
baconcat wins, Cottonmouths it is!
13
My response is "no, this is not safe." Those things have tons of toxic chemicals in them, regardless of whether they're in the cunt or mouth.
14
@11: Your analogy doesn't fly. This guy is putting (old, stale, already-briefly-disposed) blood in his MOUTH. The proper poo comparison would be coprophilia or coprophagia, which definitely squicks out a lot of people.
15
10: if it hadn't been for Cottonmouth Joe...
16
@11 um, yeah. Gloria is right. If this guy was sucking on a piece of poop, I would be equally, if not more grossed out. Putting something in your mouth is way different than putting your dick in something.
17
umm, I think she really was looking for an answer, Dan.

IHBT, if you're reading this, good for you to not have had the same reaction as Dan's. Yes, I'm squicked out, but as far as safety, it's probably the same risk as if he were orally exposed to any other blood of yours. Think blood-borne pathogens. So, if you have something, he's likely to catch it. There is the harm of what else is in the garbage getting through the tp you wrap it in, so maybe if you two work it out somehow, you 1) may want to choose a different receptacle and 2) wear non-chemically treated tampons. There's also the risk of bacteria and the like also finding it's way to the tampons over time, so I think you can infer from that what I mean without having to spell it out for you.

You are a bigger woman than I, I would react in a way which would be utterly destructive to the relationship. I think you get the GGG award.
18
Does anyone else think this is a fake?
19
I think I just vomited a little in my mouth.
20
@16: "Sucking on a piece of poop" ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I will say that eating poo is way worse. I think half the shock here is because we just haven't heard it before and not *necessarily* because it's "worse" than eating poo.

Can I stop saying "poo" for today? Please?
21
Honey, could you, uh, switch to OB? These Playtex Sports are, uh, I dunno, I just don't like 'em.
22
This doesn't sound half as cool as going down on one's wife while she's having her period.
23
Whatthewhatthewhatthewhatthewhatthewhatthewhatthe
24
The big question is whether he's ever gotten mysteriously ill in the time he's been doing it. If not, then it doesn't appear to be immediately unsafe, but he may be doing long-term damage if they are indeed chemically-treated tampons as some other commenters have suggested.

With that said, I'm going to give myself a corkscrew lobotomy now.
25
Hm. Odd. Gee. Um. Ew.
26
@18: That was my gut reaction, too. It's all just a little too ... convenient.
27
Those things have tons of toxic chemicals in them, regardless of whether they're in the cunt or mouth.


No. They're lightly bleached to remove impurities. The toxic chemical claim is pure urban legend.
28
@15: What makes you come some, what makes you blow, what makes you come some, Cottonmouth Joe?
29
This is like the back-alley abortion of the menstrual fetish world.

Is the fetish purely with the blood, or does it actually have something to do with the tampon?

If it's the former, put the kibosh on the dumpster diving and switch to muff diving instead.
30
You didn't give any advice, Dan. That's obnoxious! (And not at all out of character.)

If I were IHBT, I'd ask the spouse to give me cunnilingus during my period. I also suggest a menstrual cup, and you two can negotiate when and how he gets your flow. That would remove the gross saturated cotton part, which is probably the most dangerous part of his behavior.
31
On a serious (if disgusted) note, I'll give my hand at trying to provide an answer. I'm not a doctor, but I've been having periods and using tampons for 21 years so I know a little about them.
The nature green-freaks who swear clean tampons fresh from the package are full of toxins and bleach should never wear white cotton t-shirts. They should surround themselves only in untreated burlap and leave the rest of us alone. Tampons are safe to use and by the same token, safe to suck on. Menstrual blood, on the other hand, is not just blood. It is bloody tissue which has dissolved and slowly dripped out of a closed cervix into the vaginal canal. The vagina, like many other orifices, is full of bacteria and flora (just like the mouth and anus so no gagging from the rimming and kissing crowd). The fact that a tampon has been clenched up in a bacteria-heavy environment soaking up melted bloody tissue, and then thrown into a trash can that probably hasn't been cleaned or sterilized lately, makes it a little unsafe (and a lot icky) to be gnawing on. But, the fluid in a tampon isn't any worse than the fluid when it's fresh, and plenty of guys (and girls) eat pussy mid-month and we've never heard about it being toxic before (and I like to think Dan would have reassembled his head long enough to mention if it was) so aside from your right to a personalized ick-factor, it should be okay. But if you do have a problem with this thing that your husband is doing on his own, without any involvement from you or demanded of you, you should start flushing the tampons and consider regular plumbing bills as the price for piece of mind. Or just buy your hubby bulk Listerine and WATCH him swish and gargle before you ever kiss him again.
32
On a serious (if disgusted) note, I'll give my hand at trying to provide an answer. I'm not a doctor, but I've been having periods and using tampons for 21 years so I know a little about them.
The nature green-freaks who swear clean tampons fresh from the package are full of toxins and bleach should never wear white cotton t-shirts. They should surround themselves only in untreated burlap and leave the rest of us alone. Tampons are safe to use and by the same token, safe to suck on. Menstrual blood, on the other hand, is not just blood. It is bloody tissue which has dissolved and slowly dripped out of a closed cervix into the vaginal canal. The vagina, like many other orifices, is full of bacteria and flora (just like the mouth and anus so no gagging from the rimming and kissing crowd). The fact that a tampon has been clenched up in a bacteria-heavy environment soaking up melted bloody tissue, and then thrown into a trash can that probably hasn't been cleaned or sterilized lately, makes it a little unsafe (and a lot icky) to be gnawing on. But, the fluid in a tampon isn't any worse than the fluid when it's fresh, and plenty of guys (and girls) eat pussy mid-month and we've never heard about it being toxic before (and I like to think Dan would have reassembled his head long enough to mention if it was) so aside from your right to a personalized ick-factor, it should be okay. But if you do have a problem with this thing that your husband is doing on his own, without any involvement from you or demanded of you, you should start flushing the tampons and consider regular plumbing bills as the price for piece of mind. Or just buy your hubby bulk Listerine and WATCH him swish and gargle before you ever kiss him again.
33
Switch to the Moon Cup and there's no toxic chemicals to worry about, nor waste.

If you want to indulge him, there are organic/non-bleached tampons which would probably be safer.
34
"The nature green-freaks who swear clean tampons fresh from the package are full of toxins and bleach should never wear white cotton t-shirts."

Hey, there's a huge fucking difference between putting something on the body and sticking it IN the body/vag. Like nail polish.

They should buy a moon cup.
35

I knew how this was going to end as soon as I read the word "tampon".

Since I long ago watched Stephanie Meyer's "performance art" this did not really bother me. Though for some reason I have a gut reaction of looking down on that guy for some reason, and thinking of him as a little bitch.
36
Don't flush the tampons: it's not just bad for your plumbing, it's bad for the whole sewage system.

If you must deprive the spouse of your tissue, just use a menstrual cup and flush the blood itself, instead of giving the cup to your spouse or putting the tissue into a dedicated container in the fridge.
37
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

oh god.
38
If it's real, the writer should look on the bright side: she's got herself a husband who likely not only doesn't mind cunnilingus during her period, but relishes it.

But if this is too weird, she could switch to using a menstrual cup instead of tampons. Nothing to leave in the trash, then.
39
Eh. It takes all kinds to make a world. But I'm sure as hell happy that's not my thing.
40
@17 you can't contract a blood borne pathogen by your mouth unless you have a cut in your mouth.
41
I'm surprised no one's beaten me to this, but here goes: A vampire goes into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender serves it up and says, "Hey, I thought you vampires only drank blood."

The vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "Teatime."
42
Please don't use this disgusting discovery as an excuse to throw your trash in the toilet. ANY person knows not to do that, and it's not just something you "forget" after a year of not doing it.
43
but does he floss when he's done?
44
28: ok, now we've gone too far.
45
Hey, has anyone thought of a menstrual cup?
46
#22's comment reminded me of something from my high school days. Guys would ask if you had "earned your red-wings?" I later found out that to mean eating out a girl, while she was on her period. Hence, the red on your cheeks being red-wings.

Maybe it was just something the idiot guys I went to school with thought up.
47
I don't know if their relationship will survive after this, but if it does, she should never, EVER kiss him again! Bleh!
48
Sounds like something they should make frat guys do in hazing.
49
I actually find this hilarious - the image of a man with a tampon string hanging out of his mouth and a look of guilt on his face sitting on the edge of a bathtub is making me giggle.

Also: yeah, don't ever flush a tampon down a toilet, regardless of plumbing age. Nothing but waste and toilet paper goes down the toilet, ever. Even those "flushable" wet butt wipes are dangerous for plumbing. Like #42 said, it seems unlikely that someone would "forget" this, when every public women's room in the country has a sign reminding you not to do it. That little detail is what makes me think the letter is fake.

...and back to giggling.
50
Howabout calling this fetish T-Flossers?
51
i am squicked out by this too, but do you all you folks assume she now needs to use a moon cup? as g r o s s as this is, continuing to use tampons and tossing them in the trash seems like the best way to a) allow tampons to do the function they're made for, b) make the husband happy, and, as long as he's also ggg for her, c) have a happy marriage.
52
@ 39: Indeed, to each their own.
53
I vote for fake as well.

The coincidences stack themselves too neatly. "Forgetting" to throw the tampons away, conveniently popping your head in at the precise moment to see what's going on, plus the odd side-facts of the radio, putting the baby down, etc, tells me this is someone trying to make a convincing story, not someone who is looking for help.
54
I was fortunate enough to date a guy who was into red wings. I cannot begin to express how joyful an experience that was, if a bit on the messy side. Those days are gone and I'm no longer on the West Coast, but if the husband is into a nasty bit of cotton, I'd guess he'd prefer his wife.

The benefits are indescribable - this could be a GOOD thing! Go for a chat about it... you may be more than pleasantly surprised.

C'mon folks - it's not as if she's trying to talk him into it - he's into it already. Just channel it to more mutually pleasurable ends.
55
my advice is to change your tampon often throughout the day so it's not sitting too long, deposit the used tampons in a little glass dish by the sink, and ring a bell when you do so, so your husband knows to come get his treat before it goes off. and yes to mouthwash before kissing.
56
I know nothing of the health concerns, but my guess is that the hubby has already determined that he can manage them.

As a gay man, I certainly wouldn't be interested in this fetish, but I am not squicked by it at all. The only problem I see is that society is so hung up on fetishes that the hubby couldn't tell his wife about it.

Who knows where this will lead them. More power to them.

57
We're so helpful, you guys.
58
@55: I love the bell detail.
59
Wait a minute...he's been doing this for years with other women he dated? Has he been tested for STD's? What about hepatitus?

I think the main issue here is the age of the blood/tissue, and the risk of cross contamination. Any kind of meat that has been lying around for awhile is going to attract bacteria. This is why we keep steaks in the refrigerator rather than in the kitchen drawer. Eating blood or meat that has been improperly stored can cause everything from

If his wife is willing to support him in his fetish, she may want to think about using a washable fabric pad which she can bleach and sterilize between uses.

Another concern is cross-contamination from whatever else is in the trash can.

If his fetish is tampon specific (rather than just menstrual blood specific), she could put her used tampons into a ziplock bag rather than the trash.

Either way, I'm glad that reading this crap is Dan's job (or that of a designated minion) and not mine.
60
Though, if she puts the kibosh on hubby's activity, she does run the risk of him scavenging the woman's restrooms at work, which ultimately is far more worse.
61
You know, sometimes I really think that sex-negative people are writing Dan to see if they can find something, anything, that makes him freak out.

IHBT, you win the GGG Oscars as far as I'm concerned. I have a hard time seeing myself handling that as well as you do. If you're willing to allow your husband to continue this (or think, probably rightly, that prohibition would lead him to riskier activities on the sly) I would suggest, as others have, natural tampons and also "disposing" of them somewhere other than a trash can that might have actual shit in it (especially with a baby in the house).

I've expended my restraint for the afternoon, so I'm off before I make any off-color jokes.
62
Why is this oh-so-gross? (Relatively speaking, for a Savage letter.) Semen isn't meant to go in your mouth or your digestive tract, either, but that gets a pass.
63
@56 - "The only problem I see is that society is so hung up on fetishes that the hubby couldn't tell his wife about it."

I agree with that. I always feel sad to find out about an intimate relationship in which one (or both) doesn't feel comfortable to share the deepest, darkest (or blood-cravingest, in this case) parts of themselves. Is this particular interest totally weird? Yes. Should he feel comfortable enough with his wife that he doesn't have to be afraid of her running for the hills, new baby and marital commitment be-damned, if he tells her about his long-term fetish? YES.
64
I find it hilarious that he convinced her their 60's plumbing couldn't handle tampons, when really he just wanted to suck on 'em. Pretty sure it's a relatively harmless fetish, on the grand scale of things, so long as he's not fermenting them for later...
65
@49 "I actually find this hilarious - the image of a man with a tampon string hanging out of his mouth and a look of guilt on his face sitting on the edge of a bathtub is making me giggle."

Scene

Wife: "What you got in your mouth?"

Husband (closed mouth with string hanging on the right side of hi mouth): "Nunin"

/Scene

Next week on a very special Blossom.....

66
The perfect response to this letter!
67
The perfect response to this letter!
68
#60 there's actually no guarantee that he wouldn't do that the other 25 days of the month anyway.
69
Some gays make popsicles out of the loads of 50 or 40 men and suck them down to the stick! No really you can look it up on xtube. I guess I'm not sure whats all that different about this one! Yeah, it's coagulated vaginal blood on a cotton swab! Other people cook (there is a cook book) with mixtures of fructose, sperm, and white blood cells that come out of mens' dicks!
70
Why are some people so grossed out/shocked by this?

Like 5280 said, I'm glad it's not my thing either, but acting like it's gross or icky is exactly the same reason that homophobes don't want gays to get married and exactly the same reason so many people are in unfulfilling marriages.

Chill out and let people do whatever floats their boat (with consent of course), just be happy that others can find happiness in whatever their crazy kinks are.
71
You flush your tampons down the toilet?!?! You are the asshole I've been yelling at for years. I don't care if you are in a brand new building with a brand new toilet, you NEVER FLUSH TAMPONS OR KOTEX down the toilet. What did you do in high school? How often did your parents have to call a plumber? Do you have any idea how many public restrooms you ruined in your carelessness?
Words cannot contain my anger. I honestly thought all women were smarter than this.
72
I would've gone for calling these fetishists "toxic-shock bobs".
73
@Dan: You failed to answer the legitimate "is it safe?" question.
74
@62 Because that isn't a fair comparison. I think a lot of people would be similarly grossed out if the husband caught his wife sucking ejaculate out of used, pulled-from-the-trash condoms.
75
@62 Because that isn't a fair comparison. I think a lot of people would be similarly grossed out if the husband caught his wife sucking ejaculate out of used, pulled-from-the-trash condoms.
76
Okay, I'm a gay man, so this is utterly beyond me. But I couldn't help thinking about it.

I have to chime in on the sanitation issue. People screaming about toxic chemicals in tampons are crazy.

If a tampon is sanitary enough to stuff inside a vagina, or sanitary enough to be used as an emergency battlefield dressing, it is sanitary enough to put in your mouth.

If going down on a woman during her period is safe, then the blood/tissue should be safe afterward too (at least for a while).

Probably the most unsanitary part of this whole scenario is the fact that it's been sitting in a trash can for a while. The germs in the trash can are more likely to make hubby sick than anything else.
77
@41 hahahaha
But otherwise, I also call fake. Too many "coincidences", for sure.
78
I have been flushing tampons all of my life, I have never had a plumbing problem. Pads, no, tampons, FINE.
79
Being a gay man and having no sisters, I never realized that public restrooms will often have a receptacle in the stall in which women can put their tampons. After buying my first restaurant, I was cleaning the women's restroom after closing one evening and noticed this receptacle attached to the wall of the stall. When I opened it, I discovered the box was lined with a bag and inside the bag was a used tampon. After shrieking from horror and screaming, "What the hell?", I was informed by one of my female employees that many public restrooms have them so that women won't flush the tampon down the toilet. As the owner, I was willing to do every job that I asked one of my employees to do with one exception. I never again opened or cleaned what I began to refer to as the "magic box". I was quite happy to pay an employee to clean the women's restroom and handle the task of opening the box to see if the liner needed to be changed. Perhaps, this couple could invest in one of these boxes so that the husband doesn't have to dig through the trash anymore.
80
While certainly I don't see the appeal, I also don't get the extreme disgust. Hasn't everyone had a dog or cat who scavenged "treats" out of the trash like this? Usually in front of company? If other mammals clearly enjoy it, well, there's bound to be a segment of the human population that does as well.

I think almost everyone calls it red wings, @46. It's a relatively common term. And no guy I've ever dated has really had that much of a problem with it. None have ever had a fetish for it, as far as I know, but they weren't freaked out by menstruation, either.
81
@40--good point, should have mentioned that, thanks for the correction!
82
@70: There's a pretty big difference between being personally squicked out and *legally stopping people from marrying their loved ones.* It's tolerance at its best -- "sorry, yeah, it's pretty gross to me, but you know, cool if you want to do it."

I'm honestly not sure what you were getting at with the unfulfilling marriages bit. I guess you mean pretending you're not grossed out in order to encourage openness and comfort? Well, to an extent. I don't pretend my boyfriend's farts smell good, but that's far from saying, "Ew, never touch me again, you smelly freak."

Still, yes, I admit it's probably not great for someone's self-esteem to have a bunch of internet strangers saying how icky his fetish is. But I think the best part is if he sees that the people who think it's gross STILL THINK IT'S OK for him to keep it up (as long as he works out an agreement with his wife and takes precautions against disease, etc). I mean, ideally, yes, everyone would just shrug and say, "That's totally normal!" but if somebody's honestly grossed out, but supportive anyway, that has its own value.
83
If she used a menstural cup such as the mooncup she could collect it all for him and reduce the cost of buying tampons. I guess the plus side to his fetish is that he will be more than happy to give her oral sex while she has her period.
84
@41 great joke lol. This is definitely not my cup of tea, but as long as some common sense was used, I don't think that there's any problem with it as long as you're ok with it IHBT.
85
I'm too grossed out to read any of the responses so maybe other people have suggested it. but I have two words for this woman: Diva Cup
86
@40 - not true. You CAN catch blood-borne pathogens by mucous membrane exposure.

While it's not quite my thing, I don't see it as all that disgusting either. My husband and I have both earned our red wings more than a few times and this is is just a more indirect way to get the same thing. If I discovered that my husband liked sucking on used tampons I think my only reaction would be to put them in a plastic bag instead of wrapping them in TP.

I do wonder what he'll do once she reaches menopause and can't provide what clearly gives him so much pleasure.
87
@ 40,

Considering 50% of Americans over the age of 13 have some form of gum disease, open sores in the mouth must be pretty common. See pink on your tooth brush? Bleeding gums = open sores. I would definitely suggest the lady get herself (and the kid too) to a doctor so they can be tested for any unpleasant blood-born "gifts" from Mr Menstrual Vampire.
88
It is advised that tampons be changed every 4 hours because harmful bacteria build up on them when they're soaked in blood for longer. So I would assume that sucking on a long discarded tampon is not the best idea.

Also, my obgyn told me tampons are generally not ideal for maintaining vaginal health, so I would suggest a menstrual cup maybe? If the husband is specific about tampons, u can always soak one in the blood from the cup and hand it to him fresh from the source. Much safer for both of you. That's what I would do if my bf wanted me to use tampons, it's nice to be GGG but not if it goes against your doctor's recommendations.
89
It is ironic that I feel the need to write down the fact that I am speechless.
90
I will point out that some of us guys don't want tampons flushed down the toilet because we really don't want to pay a plumber to unclog the line from the house to the sewer again.
91
http://www.center4research.org/qna9.html

um I'm gonna stick to my diva cup thanks.
92
Why do a few people always cry "fake" whenever a letter is weird or unusual? I mean, I assume Dan gets hundreds and hundreds of letters, and many of them probably say scintillating things like, "I really like the missionary position, but my husband prefers doggie style. What should I do?". If he didn't print the weirder ones, it would be a pretty boring feature. And if you don't think human behavior can encompass weird shit, you probably haven't spent much time . . . er . . . anywhere. Just sayin'.
93
Google's going to really scratch their heads at the bump in certain related search terms today.
94
@ 42, 49, 53: Um, just because public toilets have little signs saying, "Don't flush tampons," doesn't mean everyone follows the rule. And since her husband is apparently the one who instituted the "no-flushing" rule in their home, it's entirely possible that she was used to flushing her tampons at home prior to getting married. Just because you aren't supposed to flush the things doesn't mean people don't. And yes, that is a habit that I can see one easily falling out of, especially if she had only trashed rather than flushed her used tampons for a brief time.
95
I guess I must be getting jaded - or is that open-minded? - because I'm a lot less grossed out by this than comment consensus seems to suggest I ought to be.

I mean... eh. Whatever. Dude shouldn't have been sneaking around, pulling 'em out of the trash, but if it's his kink, it's his kink. That's fine. I guess. Kinda icky, but fine. He needs to watch out for staph poisoning - no, seriously, that's what causes toxic shock - but even if there's a lot of Staphylococcus growth in one of the tampons, it's probably not going to give him worse than a bellyache.
96
I think I'm more grossed out by the fact that he was doing this behind her back than that he was doing it at all. I mean, it's kinda nasty, but more cuz the tampon's been sitting in the trash for god knows how long before he sticks it in his mouth. As far as weird and freaky fetishes go, this one is fairly tame. He should've just said "honey...there's this thing that really turns me on, and the good news is I'll always go down on you when you have your period..." How hard is it to be honest about this kind of thing? My current guy knows about all my kinks (and I know all his), and we only just had sex for the first time this past weekend. It's called communication people...if you can't talk about sex you shouldn't be doing it.
97
IHBT is a common acronym for "I have been trolled". So I am going to assume the point was to get Dan to say "I have been trolled".
98
I have been flushing tampons for 20 years, unrepentantly. For years when my first born was a light sleeper and loud cryer, the rule in my house was not to flush for anything during the night. I can tell you for absolutely sure that a tampon will dissolve much better than a turd. As long as people can flush crap, I can flush my tampon. In public restrooms and others' homes I use the trash because for all I know the pipes are full of tree roots, but in my own home I flush them, and have never had a problem, in 13 years in the same house. Hell, the tampons dissolved better than the cheap toilet paper I like.
99
Hey plumbing freaks: if your plumbing will flush a really big turd it will flush tampons. What kind of morons are you anyway? Yes, public restrooms all over the place have those signs. Most women know it's bullshit, unless it is a very small tank toilet that you don't dare take a shit in. I have a 100 year old house with 100 year old plumbing and 4 original bathrooms - no issues with tampons.
100
@97

Well, shit. Now that you mention it...

How did it take 97 posts for someone to recognize that?