These Things Make Me Sad


Whatever... I'd rather die a little earlier than live forever without bacon. We're starting to shell it out for the ethically-raised, "healthier" bacon, but it's still salty as all hell. So friggin' delicious.

Have you tried the lamb sausage from Rain Shadow Meats yet? Holy frijoles... NOM!
You don't have to pick. The internet is 45% sadness, 45% anger, and 10% things to soothe the sadness and anger, meaning: cats and advice.
dan you know i love you, but now i feel like an asshole for adding to that guy's view count.
Time to move out, honey. This is why I left when I was sixteen. Little brother is gonna make some woman -very- happy someday... -_-;
"A study"?

I'd like to know a little more about this study. Entirely apart from the fact that a single study is basically valueless without a scientific literature context, I can think of several ways in which this is suspect. Not least is that this would be a great way for the meat industry to run some damage control in the face of all the anti-meat health studies of recent years.

Anyway, I'm dubious. It's quite plausible given the kinds of preservatives that go into processed meats, but I'll need to do a little homework before I believe it.
1: You'd rather have the immediate and temporary satisfaction of bacon than being alive for however long to experience the other countless joys that life has to offer?

Please die sooner than later, kthx.
The video makes me sadder by far. I really feel for that girl. What a shitty family.
@1 Yeah, I'm with you. A world without the occasional bacon and sausage is no world that I want to live a slightly longer life in.
Eh, it hasn't killed me yet. Now excuse me while I smoke a cigarette.
Neither makes me sad. I'm a heartless bastard.
I was sure the vid was scripted until he moved into the kitchen and started talking from behind the camera. And she doesn't really look eighteen. I'd be worried about her, too.
okay, I can't watch the vid in class, what happened?
@9: Smoking is bad for your computer.
@12, An 18 year old chick who lives at home is in an argument with her mom about going out with some guy on myspace and not telling her parents. Lil brother keeps yelling "raped in the butt", "myspace", and is super annoying.
That video was the first good laugh I have had in a long time. Thank god for siblings.
To put the cured meats study in perspective, imagine your risk of developing diabetes is 10%. A diet of bacon-wrapped hot dogs would push that risk up to about 12%. If your risk of developing heart disease were 10%, the chorizo garnish in your martini would push that risk up to about 14%. Live in fear!
To do a real study, you actually have to compare three groups.

One - vegetarians from the same social-ethnic-age group.

Two - unprocessed meat eaters from the same social-ethnic-age group

Three - processed meat eaters from the same social-ethnic-age group.

Each group needs about 254 people. I'd recommend getting about 400, to account for dropouts and refusals.

You would have to study them over their entire lifetimes, measure risks from smoking, exercise (lack of), drugs taken, membership in skateboard tagging groups (high mortality rate, especially if Hispanics in Seattle cause the cops beat them up a lot for Walking While Hispanic), etc.

Some members might shift groups - they might go veg, or realize being vegetarian is really boring, or stop eating processed meats and switch to unprocessed.

You'd have to measure them periodically. Say annually.

Then you'd need to determine what you're measuring. Is it mortality? quality of life? voting for teabaggers? being a terrorist?

Have fun!
Oh, and you might want to track which ones have pit bulls. Those guys tend to die young.
I haven't eaten bacon in 7 months. Does that make me awesome or is my life empty?
I think the little brother is definately in the right. Airhead 18 year old blonde is meeting strangers from MySpace is usually the description under the headline " Body found buried in shallow grave "
Everything you eat, smell, see, and feel causes cancer, according to countless studies
@13: Undoubtedly. It's even harder on DVD players.
Lil brother has an obsession with the buttseks, doesn't he? And, how come Mom doesn't smack the life out of him?

Disclaimer: only made it to 2:48 on the vid, and had turkey sausage in tomato sauce for dinner last night. I eat way more smoked salmon ("Nova") than bacon, and I'm sure that's no good for us, either.
Can we agree the whole bacon meme is totally played now?

And @16, chorizo...martini...garnish? That's a thing? Chorizo is at its best when mixed with scrambled eggs, hashbrowns and habanero sauce.
ugh, that video contains the whole of human cruelty inside an ugly family vignette.
@7 and @24 "Shitty family?" "Human cruelty" Really? Looks like a mom trying to protect her silly teenage daughter from herself, and a little brother annoying little brother. Do you have a little brother? That's pretty much par for the course.

Let me diagnose: This young lady exhibits some of the classic symptoms of being a teenager:

1) Thinking you know everything
2) Bad decision-making
3) Taking yourself waaaaaay too seriously.

We need to take a collection to help that girl move the hell out of that home.
Simply looking at correlation between processed meat eaters and disease is our society, for instance, it seems reasonable to speculate that people who eat a lot of bacon and hot dogs are, since society tells them these are unhealthy things to do, folks who don't care much about their health. It's hard to know what else is going on with their lives/habits/diets.
The video is sadder, but left me confused.

Why the hell would post that to youtube! What kind of brother would do that to his sister. He was so concerned about her being raped in the butt, but posting this video is an assault as well. Someone needs to kick the brother's butt.
Wait... Bacon is a processed meat?

Hot dogs, sausage, that all makes sense but what kind of processing goes into bacon?

I'm not gonna weigh in on the two choices you offer, but will suggest that it makes your handle something of a non sequitur.

Salt, among other things.
@25: It's the laughing with the son part -- acting SOOOO concerned, then laughing about her son's butt sex jokes, makes it seem like she's not so much worried as just wanting to exert control over her daughter.
@23 Bacon as a meme, sure, totally played. Bacon as a tasty, tasty, food of the Gods; no sir, that's just well played.

Further, I am sorry to inform you, that hash browns is wrong. Tortillas or fry bread with chorizo, onions, and peppers cooked together, topped with salsa or pico is the correct answer.

Lastly, neither of these made me sadder than the title and images of the 7 You Tube selections offered up after the video played, "Man on Myspace!! (raped in the but!)", "15 yr old female gang raped", "father and daughter", "raped", "A Mom Makingout With Her Daughter, Must See", "Fat kid gets hit with paintballs!" and "quillen humping"
I'm confused that some people are completely siding with and feeling sorry for the girl in that video. She goes out and meets some guy from myspace, doesn't tell anyone where she is or answer her phone, and her concerned mother and brother are the annoying ones? Does not compute.

Personally, I thought the "sad" parts of the video were that the girl would talk to her mother that way, and that throughout the entire argument, she NEVER seems to see that she did anything wrong. Meeting someone you only know online and not telling anyone where you're going is just asking for something terrible to happen. I'd ground her ass, too.
"I'm EIGHTEEN!"="No, I CAN'T give you a cogent explanation for my stupid, potentially dangerous behavior!"
When I was in my 20s I used to hook up with guys over the phone and never had any problem - The the Jeffery Dawmer (sic) case broke and my behavior changed drastically. Perhaps instead of stating you are grounded give some adult advice to the 18 year old. Meet in a Public place blah, blah and blah. Turn to her brother and tell him not to talk to his sister with such disrespect just becaseu he is a man or thinks he is or as someone else said he will be getting or giving it to his wife or boyfriend in the butt someday who may not want it. Great parenting skills??? Oh the bacon/meat debate is just silly - Everything in moderation is the clue!!!
@35 Psh. What you would you know? You're not 18.
@29, 31 - salt, curing (hickory smoke), maple extract - read the package.
wow, I am so glad I got a chance to watch that video when I got home. Favorite part, 'son go fight with your friend downstairs.'
That video is heart-breaking. Christ, what a stupid, stupid family. And please if there is a God who likes irony, let something "hilarious" happen to that teeneged-douche camerafuck.
What a pathetic mother. She has no control over any of her kids.
I thought the video was funny. Such a stereotypical annoying kid brother. Such a stereotypical spoiled brat 18 year old (if the car can be taken away that means mama bought the car, not to mention the roof over your head, so suck it up and obey her rules). Mom was cute, trying to be stern for her daughter's sake, but can't help laughing at her kid.
That video makes me sad on so many levels. The mom wasn't able to teach common sense to her daughter, the daughter is a complete and utter moron, and the son was just straight up mean. I mean, who would post a video of your sister crying. Just straight up mean. I am so depressed now. Wish I could unwind seeing that.
there is something seriously wrong with that family. everything that happens in that video -- including the fact that it was posted on youtube for the world to see -- is made of dysfunction.
I read the comments first - not compelled to look at the video now so I won't.

Get that pre-cooked bacon from Costco - Fabulous!
Try Cascade Mountain Gin in your next G&T - Terrific!

Hey, I love what I eat (and drink) and this won't stop me. Still, this might make me eat a lot more "unprocessed" meat since, apparently, they are just fine.
Enh, we all knew bacon was bad for you anyway. So long as you're not eating it every day, whatever.

I have to wonder if the study corrected for the relative saturated fat content of each of these meat products. Also, salt, blood pressure, yadda yadda...
Anyone who doesn't laugh at that video doesn't understand the difference between a whiny teenager crying over nothing and real suffering. The daughter absolutely deserved to be grounded and mocked, maybe she'll think twice before meeting some random creep in the future.

Also this video is OOOLD, that girl is probably like 23 by now.
This video is two years old. She's probably been at college for at least a year by now.
The video is the saddest, by far. What a family. Feel like kicking little bro in the butt and sending sis to college as soon as possible so she escapes those 'worries'.

I am EIGHTEEN =!= No, I CAN'T give you a cogent explanation for my stupid, potentially dangerous behavior! ??

No -- it's:

I am EIGHTEEN = I DON'T HAVE to give you a cogent explanation for my stupid, potentially dangerous behavior!
(aka: I am already old enough to TAKE THE CONSEQUENCES of said stupid, potentially dangerous behavior. You can give me advice, but I am UNDER NO OBLIGATION to disclose information that I don't want to.
Life is short. Eat a wiener.
@25 - what makes me sad about it is that the mom laughs right along with the little brother. Yes, the teenage girl is being stupid, but the mom is being cruel and insensitive to laugh in her face. She should save that for when she's in private. Also, I feel sad that the teenage girl was filmed against her consent and the video was posted on Youtube for all to see and ridicule. We all do and say stupid things as teenagers, but we don't all have to live with those things being viewed for years by strangers. It seems like the mom could have prevented that from happening if she really wanted to.
@49, girl is 18 but still living at home... if she doesn't like providing an explanation for her actions, she can move out. She's lucky that her mom cares about what she's up to, because it was pretty idiotic to go meet up at MySpace guy's house without apparently telling her friends or anyone else where she was going. 10:00 does seem like an excessively early curfew for an 18-year-old, but maybe she has not shown herself to be responsible enough to stay out later.
The mother is an unnatural, cruel bitch who obviously gets off on watching her children completely obliterate each other emotionally. She has certainly helped foster the idea that nothing is off limits as far as spite, malevelence, demoralizing unkindness and heartlessness toward whoever is down at the moment. This will simply be perfected to an art and perpetuated on and on to their families, "friends" coworkers and neighbors. The mother should have the shit kicked out of her. Every time she tries to get up, she should be kicked down again. Maybe she'll have some idea of how her daughter feels. Oh, and a Positive Communication class wouldn't hurt either.
@53 I didn't get "unnatural" or "cruel" out of the mother's tone. Her questions when the daughter entered - where have you been / why didn't you answer your phone / how do you know that person - are what I would consider very typical, understandable questions. Sure, the mom should've told the son to leave the room earlier than she did, but she just sounded like a very concerned and frustrated mother to me. The whole situation would've been avoided if that girl had just told someone where she was going, answered her damn phone, and avoided giving her mom a worry attack.
The first is good news - enjoy your organic meat! It won't kill you.

The second - sad in so many ways.
What what?

In the butt

I think the fact that bacon causes heart disease isn't a shocker or sad, in fact I'd be surprised if science said roasted pork fat was good for you.
No shit processed meat isn't good for you! However, as others have said, I would rather occasionally indulge in some bacon instead of living in fear. Also, I love it when my vegetarian friend tells me how horrible meat is for you while she is smoking a cigarette. Priceless.
My favorite part was "You could have met a pedophile!" because the girl would have been perfectly safe.

What's pathetic about the video is the idea that EVERYONE YOU MEET ONLINE IS GOING TO RAPE AND MURDER YOU, when the odds that more than one guy you meet online will kill you are pretty slim.
Maybe too many of you are too close to being 18 to really understand the problem here. Siding with the daughter is ridiculous. She's a spoiled brat who doesn't care about anyone but herself. By hiding from her parents/friends, I think she's displayed enough behavior to prove that she's not capable of meeting people online. Sure, she's 18, she can vote, but she lives at home and her parents pay all her bills. @49 there's never really an age where you can take the consequences of being murdered by someone you've met online. And that age is certainly not 18.
This was my household growing up, albeit notched up about 11 as golden boy brother got away with shit like that as I got berated by a "mother" who was ill-able to parent. Probably that part about being drunk, enabling my brother (who enabled her back), and laughing at the expense of the other sib. Small wonder I left home at sixteen.

I hope that brother finds his way to his calling: middle management for a waste services corporation, where his wife will leave him at age 35 just as he's looking more like Milton from Office Space.
Sad? That kid is my hero. Someone need to make fun of dumb girls asking to get raped in the butt by their creepy internet dates.

And what? A high salt diet increases the chance of developing health problems?!?!?! Who'd have thunk it?
Sorry I stepped on your camcorder, little brother.
One time, I met someone online and then he totally killed me; now I'm dead and it's all the internet's fault.
"You could have been raped" = creepiest, most offensive method for controlling women's behavior. It's like, yeah, now that you mention it, any woman could be raped, because there is a small minority of predatory men out there who take advantage of the fact that the women in their life trust them, or feel compelled to be polite to them. It would be a shame if everyone (18 years old or not) used this as a reason to be frightened out of going on first dates with people they don't know well. Which is actually how dating works most of the time -- if you only went out on dates with people you'd known since childhood and trusted with your very life, there wouldn't be much dating or hooking up going on.

What on earth does the fact that she met him on Myspace have to do with anything? She could have met him through a mutual friend & he could still turn out to be an untrustworthy dick. Conversely, most of the people on the internet these days are pretty normal & harmless.
i think it's safe to say that dumb girls "asking (?????!!!!!!!) to get raped" -- because it's *always* the victim's fault, right guys? -- suffer enough negative consequences without their moms and siblings berating them tag-team style and laughing at the thought of their daughter/sibling being raped.
#64 - A freind just divorced her husband of a month cause once the knot was tied he turned psycho. He was great until the week they got back from the honeymoon. Turns out he has some personality disorder. Forget what it's called. She found out a tad too late about that. But here's another saftey rule for women...don't get married! Stay single and indoors!
"What's pathetic about the video is the idea that EVERYONE YOU MEET ONLINE IS GOING TO RAPE AND MURDER YOU, when the odds that more than one guy you meet online will kill you are pretty slim."

No, but not telling anyone where you're going and going to his house to first meet him sort of makes it a little less likely to be safe, don't you think?
Has the brother been tested for a personality disorder, or possibly something like Tourette's Syndrome?