Cut the neigh-saying and get on with a more whinny attitude.

What I'm curious about is the post-feed poop report. Monstrous? Minimal? Sticky? Runny? Bloody?

Fresh spring rolls? Fresh? What kind of bullshit eating contest uses healthy food?

Which reminds me: an idiot asshole ex-best-friend of mine (read: wouldn't sleep with me) said if you eat enough mochi your stomach might explode. I can't verify this without internet access. But if this is true, wouldn't it make a truly daredevil eating contest food?

We definitely lost, but we weren't prepared for the fresh rolls, which, looking back, I would have dunked in water first and then downed, like what the pros do at the hot dog eating contest.

We should be proud for competing, Cienna, and, at least, we didn't finish last. Next time, the least they could do is giving us some dipping sauce, so we can enjoy those dry, clumpy sticks of lettuce and carrot.

Paul, I'm sorry we failed you. I hope you still love us.

@2, nothing unusual to report. After fasting the entire day, eating five fresh spring rolls didn't even dent my stomach. In fact, Brian and I had our own post-contest eating contest, during which we each consumed small plates of chicken skewers, noodle bowls, fried wantons, pork sandwiches, roast beef sandwiches, and a dozen or so mini cupcakes.

We threw down, Cienna! Those little pork sandwiches were so fucking good.

Five fresh rolls in two minutes is actually pretty good! Too bad they pulled a bait and switch.

Hey, your team still supports you totally, Cienna. You rock.

@1: Ingeniously bad. I loved it. Two snorts up.