SL Letter of the Day: You're All Deputized!


Common girl! An interesting person does mean they are a good/loving/caring boyfriend. If he can't let go of the past, then you must. You never know what the future may bring.
Obviously DTMFA. But just as obviously, GET SOME FUCKING HELP. I mean, seriously, your actions suggest damage well beyond what a simple break-up can fix. He is not the problem, nor is the relationship, it is your shattered self-esteem. For the love of god, woman, get some fucking help.
Sadly enough, "All You Need Is Love" is only a song title. You also need compatibility, respect, compromise, and this case especially, forgiveness. But unfortunately you don't seem to be getting any of these from you relationship. He's living in the past, you're in the future, and love isn't some magic time machine. You can't love him enough to MAKE him forgive you. I suggest you start humming a new Beatles tune: "The End".
Please, please read "The Emotionally Abusive Relationship" -- I think the author's last name is Engels. It helped me to end my decades-long marriage with little fanfare, just compassion. You are being emotionally abused (I recognize it when I see it, and you should, too). DTMFA. There should be no room for hate, ever, in a relationship that is meant to last.
@ 96 - Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa - je n'ai pas besoin du dictionnaire pour te donner raison, j'ai simplement écrit trop vite et sans penser (ce qui n'excuse pas l'erreur, bien entendu). Je suis linguiste, je connais très bien cette règle. Là, c'est moi le con. Honte à moi.

Je suis heureux de constater que quelqu'un d'autre voit l'humour dans ce mini-débat malheureusement centré sur moi.

J'apprécie en particulier le numéro 76, où Telsa Grills m'insulte pour avoir été trop dur avec une personne qui s'est elle-même "mise dans le trouble", comme disent les Québécois, mais qui en profite pour dénigrer l'accent de ces derniers (et leurs aspirations indépendantistes, comme si ça avait quelque chose à voir là-dedans) et celui des Texans en les accusant de paresse. La seule paresse démontrée ici est pourtant celle deTelsa Grills, qui ne s'est pas donné la peine d'étudier un tant soit peu l'évolution linguistique avant d'énoncer ses affreux préjugés sur des millions de personnes... Et c'est moi le méchant !?! En plus, cette personne dit gagner sa vie en écrivant, mais affirme sans honte qu'elle n'a aucun souci de constance dans le niveau de langue ou dans le dialecte qu'elle emploie. Chapeau! Je ne l'engagerais pas pour écrire une liste d'emplettes.

@94 est assez bonne aussi - Gloria m'accuse de me croire un chevalier qui mène la croisade solitaire du "franc-parler", sans se rendre compte que nous nous échangeons ces commentaires sur le blogue de Dan Savage, un des champions dans le domaine. Et elle emploie le mot "bitches", que je n'aurais jamais utilisé pour décrire BH (car BH ne dit absolument rien qui démontre un quelconque côté "bitch", bien au contraire... et bien malheureusement - je crois que ça lui serait utile); selon moi, ça révèle plutôt ses propres frustrations... et son incapacité à bien comprendre ce que je dis, tant son désir de démontrer que je suis un "self-righteous dick" est grand. Parlant de self-righteous, elle devrait peut-être jeter un coup d'oeil dans le miroir.

Cela dit, je dois présenter mes excuses à BH pour avoir dit qu'elle était conne. Ceux qui se sont acharnés sur moi devraient suivre son exemple - elle n'a eu besoin que de deux mots, sans insultes, pour me dire qu'elle n'en avait rien à foutre de mon opinion. Ça, c'est de la classe. Elle n'est effectivement pas conne du tout. Si je la compare avec ceux qui ont déversé leur bile sur moi, c'est Einstein et Hawkins en une seule et même personne.

@ 94 - What is so absolutely, thoroughly and irritatingly PC about this debate is how everyone fixated exclusively on my rudeness and failed to even try to understand any of my arguments. That is PC to the max. If you can't see that, it's probably because you've never been exposed to a world that is not PC.

I pity you.
@96: You got it.
@106: "I pity you." Ooh, burn! Of course you would, Ricardo. Martyrs for the mass tend to express pity for others who can't see the light they bring. Your bitchslap method has no ounce of empathy, so its message doesn't get very far. You seem to be very good at provoking, but don't be surprised if people point to your condescending prick-ish response instead of what you're trying to say. That giant cloud ball engulfed your message. Considering Dan's readership from what I've read in all these years, I hardly think this is a bunch of PCites with their panties in a knot. You're barking up the wrong tree.
BH: So he is an amazing guy. I know how hard it is to let go of an amazing guy. You're probably thinking, "how many guys can I get who have such envious qualities (climbing ANY mountain speaks volume about determination - don't let anyone make you doubt his good qualities)?"

But, there's him, there's you, and there's the third beast that's your relationship. He's wonderful, with all his special qualities, and you're wonderful, with all YOUR special qualities (from your writing, an aware individual, at the very least). You'd think putting two wonderful individuals together and they would spontaneously bring fireworks. But relationship is a dance you can only navigate and hope for the best. You are not Mount Everest. You don't get to bask in his Oxford glory. What you experience, what's relevant to you in a relationship, is what he brings into it. And he brings misery, along with shows of generosity. You have to ask yourself if the misery is worth being shown drawings (btw, sounds like someone has a difficulty expressing his less pleasurable emotions in a direct manner?). Where's the love? Generosity is not love, is it now?

Only you can make this decision. But make it sooner than later, because your relationship is sinking, and along with it is your good will for him, and vice versa. The relationship is killing you both, figuratively, in each other's eyes, as well as emotionally. I don't think it's pleasurable for him either, to harbor this anger and jealousy whenever he sees you. He sees the crack in you, and even though he may love you, that crack is reflected back on him and he obviously can't deal with it very well. "He says that as long as he can't get over the past, we can't move on." He's right, you as a unit can't move on, but separately you can. You did your part. He's not willing to do his. You're not doing either of you any favour by staying.

But there's time for it! You can wait until you get a foot into the door this new job. Don't worry about the friend - if he's hiring (?) you because he likes what you brings to the job, he's not going to take it away because you break up. If it was a favour, you can always try to keep it by showing how good you are at it. You can do it on your own merit. Jobs stress tends to stay at work; internal turmoil is 24/7. Make a plan to do it, and just do it. The longer the delay, the worse he'd become to you, the worse he'd get from you, and no wonderful individual greatness can undo the damage then.
@ 107 - I don't have a martyr complex. I'm not out on any crusade. I'm just appalled by the supremely low level of argumentation used against me, the contradictions it contains and what it reveals about the self-righteousness and the shortcomings of the posters. In particular posts 94 and, even more so, 76 - a thoroughly prejudiced, nonsensical rant.

What does Quebec sovereignty have to do with the Quebec accent and vocabulary??? What does laziness have to do with it, other than the fact that articulatory laziness is a characteristic of ALL forms of speech, everywhere? And why throw in a reference to Texas? Just to slag Texans off for no particular reason? And that from someone who scolds me for talking rough to ONE person who is now suffering the consequences of her own mistakes. Pretty sensitive, right? Yeah, I'm the bad guy... That post is the sound of an ignorant person with way too many grudges. It's also a severe, yet proud display of a thorough lack of professionalism from somebody who's so happy to be able to mention that he/she writes for a living, but goes on to brag about not being bothered with the basic rule of writing that is consistency in the level of speech or the dialect employed. Not to mention the fact that he/she thinks it's clever to quote Sarkozy. I pity that person too.

On that subject of shortcomings... It's funny that you too should use the ""bitchslap" thing. BH is by no means a bitch, I never said nor implied that she was (and I never would). As I stated in my post 105, I believe it would probably actually help her to be a bit more bitchy, although in a different sense, less condescending towards women and more empowering than the one you use and try to pass off as my intented meaning. So really, the fact that you see that as a "bitchslap" reveals more about you than about me.

A point I made way earlier in this debate is that for many people - and I'm speaking from personal experience, too! - until they get that thoughtless, thoroughly cruel and insensitive slap in the face, they just run to their own demise. Sensitive advice didn't help BH at all for years, did it? Did it?

Besides, I wrote my initial posts in French because I wasn't concerned at all what Dan's readers might think. And I seriously don't agree about your opinion on their being un-PC. But as I also said earlier, maybe it's cultural. And I'm arrogant enough (indeed, supremely!) to enjoy answering their pathetic arguments.

But now that BH herself as expressed what she thought of me, dismissing me with elegance and dignity with TWO WORDS, why oh why do you feel the need to go on? Why don't you take the hint? I'M NOT IMPORTANT. Do you get it now? My opinion is irrelevant to BH, therefore it is irrelevant, period. What are you all getting so worked up about? You know, "opinions are like assholes..."
80% will treat you better than this douchebag.
(the other 20% percent are drug dealers/mentally challenged/tories/republicans)