Dear Everyone with Feet


they're for running. shoes don't actually have much benefit (scientifically proven at least) to them. why don't you like them?
They're psychologically terrifying. (And runners wearing them is fine.)
Cool. Where can I get a pair?
We saw someone with black ones. It looked like they had gorilla feet.
They are great for any situation that would require an athletic sandal, and they strengthen people's feet and legs. It's about utility, not fashion appeal.
Bite my neoprene-clad feet.
Don't hate on me, but I used to have a pair of socks like those, when I was in Junior High School.
Oh @4, I saw a man with black ones too, last weekend on the Market Foundation benefit tour of downtown homes. Every place we popped in to gawk at (including a shoebox the owner claimed Dan used to live in), there was Mister Ponytail and his Gorilla Feet. I couldn't stop staring.
Good thing I don't have feet.
They're like Crocs Reloaded. Although, they might be weirdly cool if they had painted on toenails, like you could get red glitter toenails, or French Manicure edition....??
Most shoes advertised towards women are not okay, particularly anything with a heel. Shoes where peoples' ankles are constantly twitching back and forth just to keep the person upright and shoes that if worn long enough causes permanent damage to feet. I once saw an X-ray of a woman's foot in a high heel and the bone displacement was terrifying.

These shoes are harmless and really good for you! I love my pair.
They're called Abrams Five Fingers. They're among my favourite thing ever, mostly because I can't stand having shoes on my feet in the summer time and this is as close as I can safely get to being barefoot outdoors.
@3 or check for other retailers at

I have the KSO's but desperately want the pictured Bikila's <3 So hot.
um, Vibrams Five Fingers. My g/f really likes hers. She says it radically changed the way she walks.

Also, chill out on the hating on people that do things differently. Sheesh.
I foresee an escalator incident
My first thought was glass or nails are going to go right thru those. And people just throw used needles in the grass as well.
I discovered these two years ago. While I initially bought them for work (I'm a circus artist, these things are brilliant for trampoline!) I had to buy another pair for every day life. They really are great for your feet and I must say it certainly is delightful to feel the texture of the world beneath your feet as you walk without hurting them.
@5 "Utility, not fashion appeal" is the unspoken motto of northwest fashion, and a big part of the reason behind the claim that there are no attractive people in Seattle. In other words, I'm sure I'll be seeing those everywhere around here in a couple months.
OMG people are wearing something that your fashion sense doesn't jive with? Call the fucking fashion police.

No seriously call them up. They have an office in Seattle, Capitol Hill no less.

(206) 323-7101
@17, you raise an important caveat. I think we can all agree these things are perfectly suitable for circus performers.
^^^ Please don't actually call that number, just google it.
Too funny! Just joined the glove footed tribe myself. Uber geeky? Absolutely! Incredibly nimble & comfy for bouldering, slacklining, and a great training tool to get all the little muscles activated when working out.
Anyone caught wearing those in public should have their head checked and their feet removed. (At least, if they do become “popular”, it will be easier to tell the metrosexual breeders from the fags again… no gay man would be caught dead in those anywhere.)
OMG!! Agree!! The first time I laid eyes on these I was wandering about the neighborhood tripping on acid and I saw someone walk by in these, and for at least a few months I couldn't be sure whether I had actually seen them, or whether they were another terrifying hallucination(true story). The stunning reality didn't hit me until about three months later when I saw them whilst sober....

...the stuff of nightmares.
They're also perfect for kayaking (I've seen pro trainers use them). They're small enough to fit in the boat but have great traction and protection when you have to wet exit. Be sure to get a covered model like the KSO or Flow to keep crap out of your toes.
Well, i think I know what I'm getting li'l davey schmader for his birthday this year! What size toe are you?
Don't like my funny looking shoes? Do you want to pay my PT bills from 15 years or orthotics and heels? PERHAPS my footwear choice isn't about you.

@16 There is a rubber sole. Also, there really isn't that much shit on the road if you're halfway careful. That's the point of minimalist shoes - feeling the ground rather and reacting biomechanically rather than blocking it out with thickly padded shoes. You become mindful of danger real quick.
They are fucking disgusting. In fact, I thought it couldn't get any worse than Crocs, but it has. Crocs don't even phase me anymore. FUCK THESE MONSTROSITIES AND THE PEOPLE WHO WEAR THEM!
@20 re:@17...almost writes itself, doesn't it...? :)
I just ordered a pair. Thanks, everybody!

I'm as gay as they get and wear them as often as I can. These things are awesome beyond fashion.
I unfortunately ran into somebody wearing a wedding. I almost threw up on the bride (luckily she wasn't my bride). Horrid things!

Really people? Don't tell me this is going to be the thread that dethrones Savage off the most-commented throne?

Though, thanks for reminding me I need to get a pair of these things for hiking and running. My nearly-too-dorky-to-wear Keens have started to smell something terrible.
There's some speculation that these kinds of shoes can contribute to stress fractures.
I'm usually a hardcore comfort-over-fashion person, and have had to put up with a lot of comments about my shoes over the years. I'm going to have to take David's side on this one, though.

I sat next to a woman at a scientific conference who was wearing these with otherwise business-(extra)-casual attire. They were green, and it was like she turned into a muppet from the waist down. I jumped a little every time I cought them out of the corner of my eye.
Dear everyone who wears these freaky shoes to accomplish something that would be more difficult/unpleasant without the: You are exempt.

Dear everyone who would treat these over-the-counter prescription shoes as a casual daily-wear Croc substitute: You are not.
(without the = without them. Whoops.)
Vibram Five Fingers are completely awesome. I have two pairs of them and love the bloody things. My response to anyone screaming at me about them will be to run up and toe-pinch them with my creepy feet.

Dear everyone with hands: stop wearing gloves. mittens only from now on.
@36 that is perfect. I don't mind seeing these on someone clambering into a kayak, but not on my accountant, please.
Fashionable and utilitarian footwear can co-exist, people.

There is no need to call a fashion jihad. Sheesh.
If you're unsure whether anyone near you is wearing these, I'm sure you can smell them from a block away after just a few wearings. There's no way these things don't reek.
I'm gay and I have 2 pairs. Running, lifting, and hiking will never be the same.
They're machine washable!
How is this worse than flip-flops? I think both are fine. I mean getting them for the sake of hopping on some hypothetical bandwagon is silly, but if you find them legitimately comfortable/fun/whatever, why not? They're definitely not formal wear, and treating them as such WOULD be obnoxious, but I doubt that's what people are doing.

I've been tempted to get a pair for lifting, but I'm not sure they'd be worth the $80 over Chucks.
me = fag
me = wear 'em
me = love 'em
you = shoe bigot
They're not formal wear, that's for damn sure. But I saw them the first day I started physical therapy, and subconsciously made it my goal to be able to wear them. After almost two years of suffering from foot pain and trying every treatment known to medical science, those shoes represent the pinnacle of health and healthy walking. I feel like it's a small victory over the ubiquitous six-inch-heel Louboutins. People who wear the five fingers are my heroes. I don't ever want to be fashionable again: I just want my feet healthy enough to be able to walk ONE DAY without orthotics and specialty tennis shoes.

So shove it, Schmader. You and everyone else who judges what someone chooses to wear on their feet. I'd rather wear the five fingers than spend six more weeks in a walking splint.
DCM wins!

I have been asked by the membership committee to tell you that your membership is revoked and ask you to immediately turn in your membership card. You are also to immediately cease and desist from making any further use of the registered and branded trademark "Gay™". Your deposit will not be refunded as your offences have caused incalculable damages to the brand.

It is the official opinion of the organization that wearers of these monstrosities should be regarded with the same contempt as pedophile priests and shunned from all polite (and even rude) Gay™ society everywhere.
I'm all for comfort, and I'm all for anything that makes me feel like I'm barefoot. But I don't think I could stand having stuff between my toes. I don't even wear flip flops for that reason.

Couldn't the accomplish the same thing without each toe having its own mini-shoe?
I know two people who own these, and they swear by their usefulness, especially for biking, working in the garden/mud, and exercising.

Are you guys really serious that you find them gross? Just because there's a mesh top so feet can breathe? What about sandals? Your reaction makes no sense.
Could one of you "ew, these are freaky" people please explain why? I don't have a pair of these but I don't see what the big deal is. Is it that you can see toes? That would mean sandals are out too. I don't get it.

This is Seattle we're talking about here. Expect to see them in offices and at fine dining establishments within a year. And someone up thread already mentioned seeing them at a wedding.
Casual Fridays at my new face gig in China. Can't wait.
I'm horribly conflicted. On one hand, these things are hideous beyond words' ability to describe. On the other hand, I have unusually long, totally prehensile (I can sign my name with my feet) toes, and the idea of being able to use my feet to pick up kitchen implements while wearing shoes appeals to me deeply.
@52 It's because we lived through this in the 70s:…

I don't own a pair but I see plenty of people wearing them (and as a Crossfitter know a few who swear by them)

How are these any less appropriate for daily wear than flip flops or high heels? At least they have some utility. Not all of us spend all day at the goodwill looking for the perfect pair of vintage cowboy boots to wear to the next Comeback.

Yes, I am also a homosexual. Where do I turn in my gay card?
@55 Too inflexible to do that. I can't even crack my toes in my VFF :(
Welcome to join the club!!/group.php?gid…
@51 there is NO WAY these are good for cycling.....its like the opposite of what is needed for pedal stiff sole
@57 who said flip-flops are appropriate or attractive? They are neither....and seriously dangerous during any sort of exercise or simply walking in the frat boys and brahs wear them......gross

@56 yes!
Do they make men's underwear like this? I'm guessing it would have an equally comical effect.
@63: I'm pretty certain they do. If I were in a more clandestine location I would seek out hilarious examples.

Secret World Headquarters: Gay™
1535 11th Avenue
Seattle, WA 98122-3933
@63 - Try koala swimwear. Some riDICKulous stuff there.

I still want a pair of VFFs... for rock climbing/bouldering, and just to check 'em out walking. They are nifty.

I'm sure Mr Schmader can exercise some sort of active hallucinatory denial or anosognosia and never have to see them again. Why make the rest of us suffer for your squick-out? :>)
Why care what shoes other people wear? Why care what other people think of the shoes you wear?

Because, as everyone knows: "The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize."

-Clairee Belcher
Steel Magnolias
No end to whineys, eh....Come on over to Slog. Somebody like Schmader, Charles or Dan or Paul or.......will be going off some plain inconsequential item like tea, comic books or dogs. Comically amazing.

Life is just tooooo hideous for some people. You'll all enjoy being dead. I hear it's pleasantly boring.

PS: I wanna pair.
I have a pair of these- black KSOs, to be specific. I am also a gay.

I tried to ease gently into running with them, but I ended up with shin splints. Guess it wasn't gently enough.

These shoes are the smelliest in the world. My feet don't stink even after hours in normal shoes, but these make for very odorous conditions. Throwing 'em in the washing machine keeps them not smelly until you wanna wear 'em again.

They are much comfier for standing around in than normal shoes, in my opinion. And I like a shoe whose form follows the natural musculature of the foot. I think they look cool.
They're awful. Couldn't they cover up the little toe parts with a single piece of fabric? Something to make it not look like the person's turning into a robot?

Why do I get the sense that it's basically fat people who love these? They're the only people who I've seen wear them, and I guess it fits nicely with their general lack of consideration for offending the world around them with ugliness.

Anyway, to the people who wear these things: the thin, young, attractive people riding the bus with you are holding back vomit even more now. Go get a utilikilt, rent a kayak, and just stay wherever it is that you go with these things.
@71: I'm probably just feeding the troll, but seriously? The only people I know who wear these are very athletic and use them for their athletic pursuits.
life isn't too hideous for me, but these shoes are. i don't care if you wear them, but i will still judge you.
First uggs and now these - wtf!
I have two pairs as well (KSO and Flow). I bought them for running, for which they are unparalleled, but recently have needed to use them for recovery and rehabilitation from Guillain–Barré syndrome. And they have probably been one of the single most important things -- being able to stand, walk and balance properly in shoes that protect my feet is incredible.
I love my Five Fingers. Gay fashion police are cordially invited to eat a dick.
I get the functionality of them, really I do. They just freak me the fuck out.
It might just be a coincidence that the words fashion and fascism sound similar, but it makes you wonder, doesn't it? I'm perplexed by people who have such reactions to what others are wearing. It doesn't conform to your notion of what is normal? Mmmm, in what other ways do such mindsets manifest themselves?
Oh man. I love how people are being so defensive.

Dude, you're all cool enough to actually wear/use these in public without shriveling up and dying in a hole, so why screw it up now? Self-righteously shrieking about how it's these finger-shoes OR LIVING THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH BROKEN LEGS ZOMG (and, for some reason, straight-facedly judging people for *their* footwear, be it flip-flops or high heels) kind of takes away your enlightened higher ground.
the ugly aspect aside, I would think that most podiatrists, anatomists or ninjas...… would find these things pointless & redundant respective to physiology-- but whatever, they may have a function-- these abominations at least can serve as pointers to the more clueless among us.
Fuck you David, I have a pair of KSO's and they are fucking awesome.
AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! THOSE SHOES! Zomg, I had a friend who wore a pair of those EVERYWHERE for about a year. EVERYWHERE. Shopping, hiking, meetings, dancing, the beach, always him and his damn toe shoes. People gawked, people gave him subtle and not-so-subtle hints that they were ugly and often inappropriate, but he declared them to be "awesome" and even went out and bought a second pair. He moved and I haven`t seen him for a year, but he`s coming for a visit soon, and oh dear goodness I hope he doesn`t turn up still wearing those accursed shoes.
Nothing screams hipster like these fucking shoes!
They're horribly presumptuous. What if my toes aren't eh exact length these shoes assume them to be? My daughter second toes are longer than her big toes, and the next two are almost identical, and then a very stumpy pinky toe. The only way these shoes could work for a lot of people, would be if they were all custom made from outlines of feet. Not everyone has fetish-worthy feel, and these shoes assume they do. Next up, bras that only come in one cup size.
think about it, our actual fleshy articulated toes are a mere vestige of being in trees a long time ago, and not necessary for upright ambulatory purposes of modern homo sapiens (save for the big toe separate from the other 4)...

these things are an evolutionary and total anatomy fail.
@85 - the website actually says "if your second toe is longer than your big toe by [I forget how much], then these shoes may not fit you." If they become really popular though, maybe your daughter should have her toes trimmed for uniformity, like a hedge, so she can be cool.

Seriously though, I just ordered a pair of these (black KSO's) off the website. They should be here Thursday and I can't freakin' WAIT.

Sorry, all the guys I've given head to say I'm too good at it to turn in my gay card. You may judge our deviant fashion "lifestyle" now, but one day we'll have equality.
I'm planning to buy some of those soon. I tried on a pair and they're super comfy. I think they're cool. Urban monkey feet w00t!

Inappropriate? Other than a uniform situation, how could a pair of shoes be inappropriate if the wearer is happy with the choice? I don't get it.

Ugly? If somebody told me they thought my shoes were ugly, I'm pretty sure I'd have some comments about their face.

People who get all psycho about weird fashion/trends kinda bum me out. You like your Uggs? Fine, whatever. Crocs? Cool, if that's your thing. Vibrams? WHY DO YOU CARE THEY AREN'T YOUR FEET OMG PAGING DR FIRST WORLD THERE ARE REAL PROBLEMS WAITING FOR YOUR ATTENTION ELSEWHERE kthx.
i wear them INSIDE my crocs.

if you want to wear them running, fine. but i want to stop seeing these downtown on workdays.
I think they look neat, like monkey feet. It is a bit odd to look down at the sidewalk and see someone's neatly encased toes wiggling back up at you, but to me that's the disconnect that comes with an unusual experience, not the reaction to a gross-looking foot.
It would be nice if they made a 'mitten' version: separating the four small toes into individual sheaths seems like a purely aesthetic choice with no functionality.
Looking at other fashion trends (like big hair in the 80's and extra pointy shoes over the past 15 years), it will take 2-5 years for people to get used to them. Then they might even become trendy -- lmao! Just think, in 2017 you might even be cursing yourself as you buy a pair!
Wanna feel like you're barefoot? Go barefoot.
I just LOVE it when The Stranger is right on top of years-old trends...
Oh, they are Ugly... and also, I have ordered myself a pair.
These are ugly as sin and I have 3 pair. And I'm definitely too sexy for my feet.
My husband has a pair and loves them. He wears them when snorkeling.

I find them atrocious. Ugh.
Five Fingers are my favorite and most comfortable shoes. Weird looking, yes, but I wear them running, hiking, and climbing- they've changed the way I move for the better!