I think you pretty clearly must give this person a job, based on chutzpah alone. I, too, would give you a job unemployed intern seeker, if I had one to give.

HIRE THIS MAN

Style flattery (rhythmic waves of all-caps and exclamation points and...ellipses!) will. get. you. EVERYWHERE.

There's such stuff as Fucking Coffee? Man, I gotta get me some of that stuff, give it to my old lady. Things have been chilly recently on the "southern front", if you catch my meaning.

I think you two were made for each other.

Is he going to watch Twilight in 3D for you too?

I sent a Faux angry e-mail to Dan after he stood me up in NYC. I guess it got mixed in with the real angry letters I'm sure he constantly gets. - - Good to know it can work for some of the stranger staff.

@2: Already done.

If you would like to add more unpaid journalism experience to your resume, turn to page 5.

If you would like to get a low wage job waiting tables or packing widgets, turn to page 8.

If you would like to get a real job you enjoy, earning real wages, turn into a time traveler and go back 10 years.

@9 It's not just the journalism majors who can't find work. I can't find anyyyyyyyything and it's sad and depressing and I think I'm going to go sit in a corner and cry about it now.

Care bear, goddammit I'm sorry you're having to go through this right now. Courage.

@10,
I know, I'm in the same boat (that's what my last line @9 was), I've been underemployed since last October, then completely unemployed since April, and things only look more and more bleak.

I'm in the corner crying with you, trust me.

@9 & 10

It doesn't matter what your major was. I have a BS in Biology and a BS in Anthropology. Nadda....

Come-on Employment Gods!!!!! I just need something for a couple of months so I can pay to move to my grad school which is being paid for by the program!

Wouldn't that suck. My MS is paid for by the university...however I can't find work to pay to get there.

@13 - I'm not trying to be an asshole...but what exactly is an MS going to get you that 2 BSs didn't?