Books Jul 17, 2010 at 11:34 am

Sex at Dawn: Average Copulation Duration

Charles Mudede
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Comments

1
So, wait, are you saying I can refer to a vagina as "the saddle"?
Fistique on July 17, 2010 at 11:58 AM Report this
2
"...about to finish..." Already?!
rob! on July 17, 2010 at 12:12 PM Report this
3
Sex for human females is way better than most (all?) of the animal kingdom.

Take, for instance, cats. Cat peens actually backward-pointng spines, so when the male pulls out, it's extremely painful.
Cory on July 17, 2010 at 12:13 PM Report this
4
@2 I hear ya...relationships should have a clause like they have at the bank:
"Penalty for early withdrawal."
Canuck on July 17, 2010 at 12:17 PM Report this
5
How about fish? They don't have ANY sex; they just drop sperm and ova into the water. The species that are lucky do so in close physical proximity.
Humans can count their sexual blessings.

@3: Apparently it stimulates ovulation.
venomlash on July 17, 2010 at 12:19 PM Report this
6
Just because your boss is ass-fucking this book at the moment doesn't mean you have to also. I guess in these days of the recession, it's good job security and all, but *really*. You're far more intellectual than the boss-man and shouldn't be wasting your time on his pop fluff.
Confluence on July 17, 2010 at 12:27 PM Report this
7
Hey, its seven seconds, back to the end of the line, seven seconds, back to the end of the line... it all adds up.
Milo.On.My.Head on July 17, 2010 at 12:44 PM Report this
8
@6

You sound fat.
Central Scrutinizer on July 17, 2010 at 12:45 PM Report this
9
when mrs. solomon comes in 2 minutes, i don't go write a rap whinging about it.
Max Solomon on July 17, 2010 at 12:51 PM Report this
10
Cat peens actually backward-pointng spines, so when the male pulls out, it's extremely painful.

Those %$#@#! spines also hurt your palm when you give them a handjob.
Roma on July 17, 2010 at 1:17 PM Report this
11
@10 they are designed to prevent themselves from being raped by their owners
vooodooo84 on July 17, 2010 at 1:22 PM Report this
12
@9 Feel free to start a new thread discussing mrs. solomon's, er, strategy...
Canuck on July 17, 2010 at 1:30 PM Report this
13
@12: i can start a thread?
Max Solomon on July 17, 2010 at 1:54 PM Report this
14
Nail and bail.
on July 17, 2010 at 1:59 PM Report this
15
@13 By the power of Dan, you are deputized to start threads....did it work?? Fark.
Canuck on July 17, 2010 at 2:33 PM Report this
16
In Will Self's book, "Great Apes", which is modern-day with apes instead of humans, the Pointer Sisters' "Slow Hand" becomes "Fast Hand".
vinylsaurus on July 17, 2010 at 2:37 PM Report this
17
We also have much bigger dicks than any other primate. Gorillas are only working with 1.5 inches on average. I want to read Charles tear into that puzzle.
firewalkwithme on July 17, 2010 at 3:16 PM Report this
18
@17
"We do not know why men have conspicuous genitals, but a male chimp solicits a female by opening his legs, displaying an erect penis and flicking his phallus with a finger as he gazes at a potential partner. A prominant, distinctive penis helps broadcast one's individuality and sexual vigor, which may lure female friends. In many species of insects and primates, males have exceptionally elaborate penises, and scientists think these evolved specifically because females chose those males with elaborate, sexally stimulating genitals. So perhaps as Lucy's ancestors became bipedal some four million years ago, males began to parade their genitals in order to make special friends with favored females--selecting for those with large organs." (Fisher, H. (1992) Anatomy of Love: The Mysteries of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray. Simon & Schuster, New York, 1992. pp. 177)
http://www.neoteny.org/neoteny/a/testicl…
Canuck on July 17, 2010 at 3:25 PM Report this
19
Fruit flies copulate for half an hour. That doesn't include the courtship dance and foreplay.

So I'll continue being unimpressed with two-minute men.
Doctor L on July 17, 2010 at 3:34 PM Report this
20
@8

You sound cunty.
Love Smoked Salmon on July 17, 2010 at 3:35 PM Report this
21
@18

a male chimp solicits a female by opening his legs, displaying an erect penis and flicking his phallus with a finger as he gazes at a potential partner.


Hey! That's the same way I do it!
Urgutha Forka on July 17, 2010 at 4:19 PM Report this
22
@21 Everyone knows that for the flicking method to be successful, the fingernails must be trimmed and clean, or that move is just such a turn off.
Two words: male manicure, Urqutha.
Canuck on July 17, 2010 at 4:34 PM Report this
23
Of course, we all know that nowadays, flashing a big bankroll will get you laid 10 times faster than flashing a big shlong will. You can even have dirty fingernails.
Fifty-Two-Eighty on July 17, 2010 at 4:50 PM Report this
24
So what is the most efficient length of coitus in a Marxist system?
sirkowski on July 17, 2010 at 5:49 PM Report this
25
@23 Yes big bankroll, no dirty fingernails. We may like to sleep with ballers, but only ballers that don't look and smell like stankass.
Delishuss on July 17, 2010 at 5:59 PM Report this
26
"Despite all the bad press they get, [human males] last far longer in the saddle than... gorillas (sixty seconds)"

Not all human males, I'm afraid.
Dee on July 17, 2010 at 7:03 PM Report this
27
bravo Charles
former tri-state on July 17, 2010 at 7:38 PM Report this
28
@20 new favorite word.

@24 in a Marxist system everyone gets fucked all the time, but then again, you get to fuck everyone else. And its endless.
faggot on July 17, 2010 at 8:35 PM Report this
29
#23: But a big gun is a complete woman repellent.
on July 17, 2010 at 11:26 PM Report this
30
Giant tortoises mate for hours, but I bet they don't have to put up with any pillow talk.
madcap on July 17, 2010 at 11:53 PM Report this
31
I would say, be more thankful humans are not like the Praying Mantis, where the female first eats your head, prior to copulating.

Though I would imagine that scenario might make more males interested in same-sex romps, but we'll never know.
Frau Blucher on July 18, 2010 at 6:38 AM Report this
32
23/Fifty-Two-Eighty: Of course, we all know that nowadays, flashing a big bankroll will get you laid 10 times faster than flashing a big shlong will. You can even have dirty fingernails.

When it comes to just getting laid, a guy who's attractive and well-endowed can probably do almost as well as a guy with a lot of money. At least I don't think the gap would be anywhere near 10-to-1. But when it comes to getting married, that guy with money is going to be a lot more appealing to women. I'd definitely go with your "10 times" (or even greater) in that case.
Roma on July 18, 2010 at 9:50 AM Report this
33
Money? Whatevs. I'm going for the HOT guy with the GIANT PENIS any day. Dude can get a better job (and anyway who cares? I got my own $$), but ugly? Ugly NEVER improves.
Confluence on July 18, 2010 at 11:02 AM Report this
34
Chimps also have gigantic balls compared to humans. It's only seven seconds, but then they're ready to pop again in no time.
Mahtli69 on July 18, 2010 at 11:06 AM Report this
35
Shouldn't yard stick be the numberof female orgasms achieved per session. I believe very few men achieve more than one orgasm per session, where as many women can achieve multiple orgasms in any session., My wife looses track of time and the count after about five in rapdid sequence orgazms. Like a good meal, most of the time is spent in preparation.
on July 19, 2010 at 4:19 AM Report this
36
Great, so our performance just has to beat chimps and apes. Thanks for lowering the bar Charles. It makes those of us who last a full 5 minutes look great and keeps us getting laid. Keep up the bad work brother.
Root on July 19, 2010 at 7:33 AM Report this
37
@35 - not necessarily. For me, quality is far more important than quantity. I've never had multiple orgasms, but instead get one, big, totally satiating orgasm that makes me want to just roll over and sleep for a while. Afterward, the last thing I'd want is another one.
Maybe I'm just weird that way. But it's a good weird for me.
been there and back again on July 19, 2010 at 7:38 AM Report this
38
There's no problem with two minutes -- as long as you put in the extra time to finish the job manually (or let someone else do it, per the book ;)
Mel on July 19, 2010 at 4:54 PM Report this
39
18 - on elaborate penises. scientists also know that elaborate penises or phalluses are really good at scraping out semen deposited by previous individuals from previous copulations. or they are really good at winding their way through convoluted reproductive tracts of females, who may have twisty repro tracts in order to avoid impregnation during rape.
the doohickies on a penis are very functional. for example, ducks can have a phallus shaped like a looooong corkscrew, but they ain't ever letting it hang out to show off.
onion on July 20, 2010 at 6:33 AM Report this
40
I'm just shocked you guys think anything less than 15 minutes is good.

Even if you're running late ...
Will in Seattle on July 20, 2010 at 5:43 PM Report this

Please wait...

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