The Kids Are All Right vs. Lesbianism


That's a pretty sophisticated, honest, and ballsy (sorry!) portrait of lesbian sexuality and identity.


...No. That just sounds like "over-easy." Which, since we're talking about eggsacs, is unfortunate.
@1. You're my favorite person ever. I have nothing on topic to say, but s comment of that magnitude deserves appreciation.
@1 and her overiesies
Well said, Mr. Savage.

I was a sperm donor back when I was young and poor. I've contemplated giving the hospital my contact info in case any of my biological offspring want to contact me, but I can't figure out if this is a good idea or not. Such a strange situation.
It's sort of a flip of the situation in the writer/director's previous movie, Laurel Canyon -- Frances McDormand's character seduces the straight Kate Beckinsale away from Christian Bale, though complications ensue.
I really wish this movie didn't have the same title at The Who concert film - it's VERY confusing...
A comment on Dan's column. Giving a kid up for adoption has to be the most difficult, and most loving thing that a woman can do when faced with an unplanned pregnancy. Kudos to your kid's mom, Dan.
Comte, the Who spelled theirs "Alright", which I suppose made it easier for Cholodenko with their lawyers.
I'm sorry, but I'm not buying her story. Why be so defensive? If they wanted a movie to be believable, then why not just have it so the sperm donor is married, and his wife has an affair with Jules??

Not only understanding lesbian will see this movie, but a lot of straight people who will either ignore the affair part or be convinced that - since a lesbian made this movie it must be true - they don't have to take lesbians seriously, because lesbians are just women who have relationships with other women but still fuck men. All lesbians.

Which is bullshit, and should have been considered when thinking of their target audience and everyone else who will still see that movie.
The great question of artists from minority groups is where their primary allegiance should be. With the story -- which often writes itself differently than the creator may have expected -- or with the moral obligation that comes with having a voice, while others in your position may not.
I will be so happy when every movie about a lesbian is not presumed to be representative of ALL lesbians. When a movie about a gay man is not presumed to be representative of ALL gay men. When a movie about an African-American family is not presumed to be representative of ALL African-American families. Etc. No one sees a movie about straight white men (in other words, most movies) and assumes it is intended to represent the viewpoint of ALL straight white men. When will that be true for other demographics?
@9: While I appreciate SOME kind of explanation from people accepting this plot point ... ditto on your sentiments. How come the affair isn't just with a woman? It's weird. (I think I could buy it from this film, since there's a reason why he's a dude.)
@4 As the mother of sperm donor offspring, I think it's a great idea to contact the hospital, and the situation is becoming less "strange" all the time. I specifically chose a donor that was identity release so that my children could access information about him when they are older. Openness in both adoption and donation is the trend these days, the evidence suggests that it is psychologically better for the children involved, and I've never heard any horror stories about people regretting that decision.

Check out the donor-sibling registry:…
It's free to browse by clinic, and you may find there are people searching for you already.
Why would a bona fide Lesbian have an affair with a man?

Why would a genetically created innately homosexual woman attracted to other women have sex with a man?

Better question, HOW COULD a genetically created innately homosexual woman attracted to other women have sex with a man?


Could it be that sexual behavior is a choice?

Could it be that "homosexuals" are just as capable as anyone else of having heterosexual relations, but choose to engage in different behavior?

Sex is transgressive. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Thank you, Geni. (#11)
I saw this film over the weekend. The four lesbians next to me got into a spirited debate afterward as to whether they should be offended. I believe is was about whether the movie contained casual racism, or whether the racism was deliberately framed to reveal character elements.

All four lesbians were, of course, white. So the argument was really about whether it was their duty to be offended on behalf of women of color who might not have the benefit of schooling to tell them whether they should be offended for themselves.

I felt like I had slipped into a lesbian vortex.
Greta is full of shit. This was lazy and pandering movie-making, pure and simple. It's simply recycled "Made in America" with Whoopi Goldberg and Ted Danson. Where is Time magazine's article on sperm donors screwing women with whom they "fathered" children 1 or 2 decades ago? Oh, that's right, it never happens in real life and always happens in the movies. I agree with the other comment about having the donor married and the wife having the affair with the lesbian mom. But, no, that wouldn't be simple enough.
@13 Thanks, Erica, I really appreciate your response.
@17 So it's impossible for white people to have a conversation about racism without it being a case of their feeling it's "their duty to be offended on behalf of women of color who might not have the benefit of schooling to tell them whether they should be offended for themselves." ? Or is there something in your story that I've missed about their attitudes towards (allegedly) uneducated WOC?
I can't speak to sperm donation specifically, but I am close to adopted people and can attest to the overwhelming hunger to know and see where the "nature" part of identity comes from, regardless of what ongoing relationship may or may not develop. (This desire to know where you come from is true of non-adopted people as well, except it's known as the popular hobby "genealogy.") Of course not every adopted/donor kid will want to search, but if you are available, you could be providing something incredibly meaningful to a person you helped give life to. Do it!
@21 - As it turns out, my sister was adopted, so I'm familiar with the craving to understand your biological roots (as well as the disappointment when your search comes up empty, as hers did). I somehow missed this connection between adoption and sperm donation until you pointed it out, so thanks for your comments, it has definitely given me a new perspective on this.
I'm confused, are we saying that even though Jules is having an affair with a dude, she's still all lesbian and "there's never any doubt about [her] sexuality"?

so if the movie was about a straight man with a wife who had an affair with a gay guy, it could be presented in a way that leaves no doubt about his still-straight sexuality?
@17 It would be ridiculous for me to try to build an argument off of a conversation I'm about a million steps removed from, but I'd hope white people can recognize racism and dislike it when they see it. When they can't, that's priviledge and it's not that awesome either!
Surely if a woman sleeps with both a man and a woman that makes her bisexual?
I haven't seen the movie, but I heard a clip on "Fresh Air" that bothered me a little. In the scene, the moms confront the son because he's been acting secretive and they think it's because he's seeing a guy. Instead of asking directly, they dance around the question (badly) and he eventually spills that he and his sister have made contact with their sperm donor.

Then he asks - sounding completely appalled - "Did you think I was GAY?" And the moms immediately trip over themselves saying, "Oh, no, no, not at all. No! We never thought you were gay! No, never!" Even though they totally did.

It just seemed rather unrealistic for the son of gay people (albeit two women) to react so negatively to the possibility someone might think he's gay. And it seemed even more unrealistic that two gay people would react so defensively, as if they had just falsely accused their kid of being something vile.

Did anyone who's seen the movie have a similar reaction? Or does the scene come across differently when it's not audio only?