Comments

103
94, 96: So if you ain't got a VIP wristband (and maybe even if you do), BYO jerky and water (and something to pee in).
104
That response is the reason Jesus gave us the phrase, "Whose Responsible this?"
105
This year's Burning Man theme is :Metropolis "At Burning Man 2010, we will inspect the daily course of city life and the future prospect of civilization. Prior to the event, we'll host an ongoing conversation about urban design and its impact on culture and community." And she want to bring that experience to her guests!?!??!? They'll be crawling under the tent to get out!
106
The only carnival I'm seeing here is a three-ring circus of bad taste and schadenfreude, from the original I, Anon description of the event to "but it only costs 20$ for straaaaaangers!" defenses from the bride and groom's friends, to "but we wanted to have food from local restaurants, so it costs money!".

I have to say that my absolute favorite was the person who mentioned that the bride and groom are tired of throwing parties where none of their oh-so-awesome burner friends bother to chip in for booze, food or cleanup, so that's why they decided to integrate a cash grab into their wedding. If that is the case then maybe the couple needs to consider making some better friends!
107
Best San Francisco graffiti:
We Wish You Could Stay on the Playa Forever Too
108
God, she sounds like my mom.
109
"...If that is the case then maybe the couple needs to consider making some better friends!"

Word to yo mutha.
110
Hang on a second...they used the Papyrus font on the wedding invitation?
111
You can't have a for cover freak festival AND wedding ... it just comes across as tacky.

Have the wedding, and THEN the freak festival. Have or the other. Have a freak fest, and mysteriously elope during it.

I mean, I understand the vision you are trying to create ... but it comes out all wrong wrong wrong.

112
I live in NY and don't know the b/g or any of the participants. I'm also not a "burner" or any kind of hippie/punk/rainbow/gutterpunk or whatever. I'm a 26 y/o CPA and a parent- in other words, pretty conservative.

And I think these people can and should celebrate THEIR wedding any way they want to. This is about them. Not the guests, and not strangers. I recently got engaged and while I wouldn't set up my wedding in any way resembling this, I resent all of the expectations and expense involved with what is supposed to be a day that is special and meaningful for my partner and I. All of the "rules" and "supposed-to's" really make me feel claustrophobic and sad. These people are obviously part of a subculture that has *gasp* different rules than mainstream society. You don't have to like it, you don't have to agree with it, and you don't have to attend. For their group this was appropriate, or at least not as offensive as it would be to the majority of people- because we don't belong to their subculture or group of friends.

I read SLOG pretty often and generally enjoy the snarkiness. But to me a lot of the commentets have crossed a line into a level of cruelty that is pretty revolting. I wouldn't do my wedding this way, but I am not morally appalled or horrified by this because it doesn't fucking affect me in any way. And if and when I got invited to something like this I'd just go/not go as I saw fit. I think you all need to take a look at yourselves and ask "why does this bother me so much?" some of you are actually enraged. Jesus Christ, who gives a fuck. Let them have their party.
113
I could have a naked wedding in which all participants must come in the buff. And requests dildos in lieu of gifts. That would be pretty offensive... and guess what? If you don't like it, don't get your panties in a morally superior bunch just DONT GO! If that's how we want to celebrate our love that's our fucking prerogative.

And no, I'm not actually planning that wedding. I plan to play by the rules and save up for something small and tasteful. I'm just saying, who gives a crap what other people do? Your vitriolic rage and ridicule are appalling. Get the fuck over yourselves.
114
@112

you are right, but really, they could have sold this much much much better. I th
115
@113 - I think you're mistaking unbridled glee at a trainwreck for vitriolic rage. I'll give you the ridicule, though.
116
PLEASE publish the date, time, and place of this wedding. I have never, ever in my life wanted to go to a total stranger's wedding but I may die if I can't attend this one. $20 - what a bargain for the entertainment provided. I've been to weddings far tackier than Tony & Tina's but this one is for the ages. PLEASE!!!!!!!
117
Ah, soo many great comments, so little time. Thanks @86, that made me lol! @112, you make some good points, but still, I'm shallow enough to enjoy a good train wreck when I see it. I might turn away at the last second, but photo evidence is a must!

I vote for Kelly O and BaconCat with a second to @53's suggestion, "Charles should lurk outside the door with the Unpaid Intern, invasively photographing all guests." Perfect!
118
While I support any kinda party you someone chooses to call a "wedding"....I cannot abide any use of the font papyrus.
119
Thank you everyone for this wonderful I, Anon, the in-re-Anon, and the amazing hilarious comments. What a treat!

Oh, and you cannot beat the bride, the FOBs (friends of bride), and the entire cast of characters chiming in to defend or diss the happy couple. Miss Manners is wringing her hands with envy---SLOG got the really great wedding story!
120
I just got back from this really beautiful wedding. It was at a State Park by the water, they did the ceremony on the beach, reception just off the water at a picnic pavilion and everyone who wanted to could camp out. Late night bonfire, endless booze, good conversation, kids and dogs running around.

Man, what nice wedding.
121
I'm pretty sure this letter was your opportunity to explain your tacky self and you blew it.
I cant wait to read the Party crasher report.
122
Twat twat twat twat twat twat twat twat...

The bride's a fucking twat.
123
Are we sure that this woman is old enough to get married? I mean, the whole concept is incredibly tacky and childish, and I honestly couldn't understand about half of that letter. Whoever attends this wedding, consider asking the bride for ID. I'm worried for her.
124
Mostly, this is what i hear: memememmemememmem ME ME ME ME ME ME mmmmmeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Nothing says Radical Self Reliance and Radical Inclusion like charging some people for your fundraiser/wedding and not charging others. Oh, my god i hope the VIP room has dirty, dirty, dirty pillows, and a guy who's been passed out for 2 days cause that will really give your guests a feel of that whole burning man experience. And classy.

Really what this sounds like is a fundraiser where somebody happens to get married. Call it what it is, but then charge everybody. Or make it invitation only--for everybody.

125
I vote Bacon-Cat and Kelly-O. Please take lots of pictures.
126
@124

No, no, this isn't a 'fundraiser.' In J242's own words, this is an opportunity for the bride to get back at all her freeloader "friends" who she allowed to walk all over her in the past.

And she's doing it by forcing them to watch circus freaks & people swinging things on fire. FTW!

Seriously, Ms. Name Redacted-- You will have a party to end all parties, rivaling the entire Burning Man legacy, if you give us the date/time/place here on Slog. People will be talking about it for years to come. Guaranteed.
127
@28 had the best idea: The Stranger should sponsor the wedding. In exchange for exclusive photo rights, huge logos everywhere (back of bride's dress?) and an open-floor Savage Love Q&A. Oh, and a gay marriage demo outside.
128
Pretty please with a cupcake send Lindy, Charles, and also A. Birch Steen.
129
As many have pointed out, this trainwreck is right before the oh-so-appropriately abbreviated BM. Two weeks of tweets, flickr galleries and youtube videos (now lengthened to 15 minutes!) will be just about the right amount of time to make sure that every marabou-clad pilgrim arriving at the playa is intimately aware of this couple's contumely - and it will all be recent enough that even burners will be able to remember the details.

The loyalty structure of any subculture is delicate, and none more than one composed almost entirely of prima donnas. The exclusivity so cherished by the "in" crowd is lost when any fratboy with a twenty is allowed in. Confirming the common perception of burners as shallow, duplicitous narcissists is more likely to result in ostracism from their own community than sympathy. They have made it clear that they are above what the ordinary person thinks, but will they survive the drug-addled laughter of those they think are their friends in the hallowed space where they met? By selling out their friends for party money, they are unlikely to be regarded any more warmly at Black Rock than at home.

The best thing these people could do now is damage control. Humbly apologize and split the ceremony from the rave. Invite friends and family to the former - at no charge, of course, and sans the VIP tent - and plan a commercial event separately. If they are as good at party planning as their supporters say, they should be able to turn a tidy profit without using the excuse of their wedding to extort cash from intimates and strangers alike.
130
This can't be a Burner wedding. Money does not exist on the playa, and Burning Man is a GIFTING economy.

This sounds like evil Fox propaganda. LOL!
131
Lindy, A. Birch Steen, and Baconcat.
132
DUH.
133
Kelly O and Baconcat! Kelly O and Baconcat!

Seriously, there is no point to this wedding even taking place if Kelly O isn't there to document it. The marriage will fail if she is not there. Not that her presence is a guarantee of permanence, but to keep her away would be inviting some seriously bad mojo.
134
Of course they can't pay for their wedding. If you fail at spelling and grammar you fail at life. Hasn't anyone else seen that recent study showing that people who are the least skilled/competent are the same people with highest opinions of their own skills. It's really tragic. She will never understand that this fundraiser is a crappy idea because she lacks the basic ability to recognize a crappy idea. Reminds me of the movie "Idiocracy." They WILL be having babies.
135
My god you people are judgmental and hateful. This comment thread is so ugly, and I wonder if any of you would be saying any of this to the bride's face, were you given the opportunity to meet her? This is no way to treat people, regardless of how you perceive (and fail to understand) their choices.

I mean, I know the internet is full of anonymous assholes and that I shouldn't read the comments, but a soon-to-be-married couple is clearly aware of and reading your words. You are judging a situation and a group of people you know nothing about, and doing so with such venom and vitriol! I can't figure out why any of you even care, much less why you are being so unkind.

I am ashamed of you all. Really.
136
we know what they've shown us.
137
ay dios mio.....let me guess. gabachos.
138
heatherly @135, yes, I WOULD say this to the bride. In fact, she's been posting and we HAVE been saying it to her.

You know, you can't make your private event public (and inviting people you barely know to your wedding, charging strangers to come too, and making everyone except the VIPs pay for food and entertainment, and passing that all off as acceptable because it's an EVENT, see, does take your private event into the public sphere), no you can't take your private event public and whine when the world feels free to comment.
139
Ohhh heatherly, and the bride inviting The Stranger? What does she EXPECT, hearts and flowers? You think it's gonna be like Judith Martin of the Post covering Tricia Nixon's Rose Garden wedding? She certainly opened the doors to the freak show with that maneuver.
140
Yes attitude devant, but WHY do you care? What spurs you or anyone else to spend time dishing out venom like this to a stranger?! Why is your participation in the degradation of another human being desirable, how is it at all justified?

This kind of behavior sickens me. Leave the poor woman alone, let her lead her life and make her own choices like anyone else. It baffles me how viciously judgmental and cruel strangers allow themselves to be to other strangers. Entertainment, my word matters, "people are stupider than me and now I get to berate them for it!"

Why not use your energy more positively? You're fully capable.
141
@140, well, "Bridezilla" did choose to write in and stir up all more excitement by commenting on the original piece and INVITING THE STRANGER TO COME, otherwise it would have just been another "I, Anonymous" that everyone would have forgotten about in less than a week.

Do people who "just want to be left alone" always invite Stranger staff to their weddings?
142
Exactly, 141.

140, the lady in question has HERSELF described this event as a carnival and a freakshow. She meant that literally, and we have all agreed that it is also figuratively true. And venom? Not me. I think the whole thing is epic in its hilarity.

As for caring, I don't care one whit. Let them live their lives as they choose and more power to them. But here's the thing: I don't usually read I, Anonymous. I wouldn't even know about the damn wedding/circus if SHE, HERSELF hadn't invited the Stranger to cover it.

If you create a circus, and ask an entertainment/news blog noted for spirited discussion to report it, WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU EXPECT? That the circus patrons will act like symphony-goers? Oh please! That's like a porn queen complaining that the people buying her movies objectify her.

143
The producers of "Jersey Shore" need to cover this thing. I smell a new reality show genre coming on.
144
BTW, El Nino, why do YOU care? You've never posted on SLOG before (unless you're an alias for someone who's already commented on this thread ---- you write an awful lot like heatherly.....).

What's YOUR story?
145
It makes me sad that people distribute unwarranted hate so freely. That's why I care. I think its destructive for individuals and communities. That's why I care.

Heatherly is actually a friend of mine, someone who drew my attention to this article. And even if we were strangers, it's strange to me that I would be proposed as a fake alias just because we share the same views.

I think people are capable of greater compassion than this. That's my story.
146
@145, your oversensitivity and hyperbole are too much. Your friend is inviting all of this attention by writing letters to the Stranger (you do realize it would have just been another IA, nothing, really) and asking journalists to come to the wedding. If she didn't want the attention, she shouldn't have done that.

It's other people right to think the wedding sounds unpleasant or tacky. That's not hatred. It is not even close.
147
Umm, I said I was friends with another commenter. The bride to be is completely unknown to me.

Hate is defined as being a strong dislike, being hateful is expressing a strong revulsion, expressing distaste in something. While hate is a perfectly human thing to express, as in my hate/distaste towards people's negativity here, I don't understand why people don't give more energy to highlight the positives, to produce positives.

Maybe taking my time to express need for human compassion is as pointless as the people expressing their negative opinions, but I feel like my time is better spent this way.
148
145, I didn't think you were an alias because you agreed with heaterly. I thought you were an alias because the screen name was new to SLOG, and because you used some of the same words and phrases she used.
149
Uh-huh 147, and then how do you respond to absurdity? Is it hateful to call foolishness by its rightful name?
150
What I don't understand is the investment or need to identify foolishness in something that you aren't involved with in any way aside from being an observer.

Especially when we have all made foolish mistakes in our lives. I think its safe to say that we also all know how it feels when outsiders form opinions about us personally, and that often times it feels unfair and we don't feel justly represented and we have a strong desire to stand up for ourselves. Sometimes, this situation included, the criticized try to defend themselves but already the ground work has been set, they cannot win and any defense they attempt to express is going to be used to fuel the fire against them. Not to say that sometimes people's defenses are weak, that they can say the wrong thing, stumble over words, or in this case there was some misspelling, but I just can't wrap my head around the animosity. It's reminiscent of a witch hunt, in a way.

I just wonder how often people really consider others' feelings.

But I've said what I can say. I believe people can be more kind than this, and I think you do understand that despite your objections.
151
El Nino,

Social pressure is what keeps people many from acting like assholes. The very real fear that us rabble will say, "Hey, you're being a prick right now"--the fear that people will not like you if you act like an entitled douche--is what keeps society functioning when altruism fails (as it so often does). So, it's a social duty, in a way, to enforce societal norms.

If this bride doesn't want to live by those norms, as she clearly does because she is an oh-so-special-snowflake --fine. But she shouldn't write a letter crying about people criticizing her for not doing so and trying to make her douchey behavior more palatable. She ends up sounding whiny as well as entitled.

Also, just so you know, pearl-clutching Tone Trolls are even more annoying then entitled brides.
152
@138, and everyone else, too:

Nope. Not a public event. An invitation-only event with a rule stating that invited guests should RSVP their +1s, and that any un-RSVP'd, uninvited guests who show up at the last minute will need to pay at the door. Still private.

What made the event public is a disgruntled invitee not having the balls to approach their "friends" about their displeasure, instead sending their complaint to The Stranger. And you all having a field day bashing the choices of a person you've never met.

On the bride's response: obviously emotional, unedited, and indeed a poorly constructed letter. I'm sure she's bummed that she hit send so quickly. She mangled some sentences and misspelled some words. QUICK JUMP ALL OVER THAT AND USE IT AS AN EXCUSE TO TALK SHIT ABOUT SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW!!! HURRY! YOU ARE MISSING THE OPPORTUNITY TO FEEL SMUG AND SUPERIOR! For the record, I strongly doubt the journalistic integrity of publishing her unedited reply. It's one thing to lay into people seeking to achieve power or public spotlight (like politicians and celebrities), but quite another to be so careless with the privacy of an individual.

As for inviting the Stranger Party Crasher, I really don't see how doing so magically makes it okay for you all to be assholes. The PC's have been invited to more than one party I've been involved with, and it's generally considered a fun element to introduce into the fray. I'm sure the bride (sorry for speaking for you, if you're still reading all this, which I hope you aren't, whoever you are) has invited them knowing that *this has all been taken out of context* and that, having seen the event in its proper context, the record will be set straight.

Still not sure why any of you feel the need to trash another person based on this. You are in no position to judge and cruelly berate another woman for her decisions about how to run her own goddamned wedding. Show some tolerance, already.

*Disclaimer: I don't know the bride or groom, but I am a part of their larger community. I'm defending them so strongly because I think the treatment they've received here is unjust, particularly at the hands of people who know nothing of our shared culture or lifestyle. And because I just don't want to live in the kind of society you guys are creating here with your intolerance, and your bizarre insistence that people who do things differently from you deserve to be publicly berated and shamed into conformity. I don't want to be relegated to the fringes of society anymore, where tolerant, compassionate, creative, and thoughtful people have to create their own subcultures and community for the sake of embracing a mindset that people have been fighting to advance the rest of humanity towards for ages now. Fucking evolve already.

There's room for more than one kind of person in this world. They all deserve to be treated with your compassion and respect. A couple who wanted to turn their wedding into a huge shindig asked the participants to help offset the costs, if they are able to. Surely you can all still sleep well, even knowing this SCANDALOUS bit of gossip? Stop bashing these folks and get on with your lives.
153
@152: Are you seriously playing the "don't marginalize us" card to a cacophony of faggots, dykes and enablers? Fuck off with that shit.
154
Fucking hipsters...
155
Baconcat, I Love you more each day.

Heatherly - Nope. Public event. The very definition of a public event is one which you can attend without an invitation. I sure do hope the bride filed for a Special Occasion License with the liquor control board. Someone should look into that.
156
I've been following this kerfuffle for some time now on both threads, and as a Burner must weigh in. No one objects to the theme of their wedding or the type or variety of the entertainment provided, or will, one imagines object to the undoubtedly unique self written vows they will exchange. I certainly take no issue with their culture or lifestyle, because remember, I too have seen the Man burn more than once and, as corny as it may sound, it changed my life. What is objectionable is asking people to pay for the privilege of attending a private event. And it doesn't matter if the people asked don't mind. That's not the point. The point is asking for money, or gifts for that matter, from your guests is appalling. It is crass. It is insulting. Doubly so by virtue of the VIP tent, the inhabitants of which are the only true guests at this wedding. Every one else is a customer.
157
And I too love Baconcat more each day. But I have a Corgi bias.
158
I know someone who did almost exactly this same thing.
159
"The point is asking for money, or gifts for that matter, from your guests is appalling."

156
what wedding have you gone to that didnt have gifts requested?
I have yet see this happen out of a long list...
160
Do yourselves a favor and google this: "discovery park" circus wedding seattle
161
I have received wedding invitations with the request that a donation be made to a charity in lieu of gifts, and I have received invitations containing a card indicating where the couple might be registered. I have never in my long years, attended a wedding, or received an invitation to one, which included a price of admission. Again, ?156, I point out, the issue is not receiving gifts (be they cash or small household appliances) freely given by one's guests, the issue is requiring that they pay a fee to attend your wedding and to purchase the food and drink they might wish to consume. This is not the behavior of a Host. It is the behavior of a Vendor.
162
@ 160 That is not the couple in question. Looks like a great wedding though.
163
I'm begging you. Send Baconcat and Kelly O. I'm begging you. It'll be the best Party Crasher ever.
164
@J242 Yeah, I get that it's $20 if you bring someone and "free" if you were invited. That is still insulting. Weddings are always free if you are invited. It's understood that food and booze are free and prevalent. It's a party for god's sake, the biggest one you'll ever throw probably. BYOB is for movie nights, dinner parties, not freaking weddings.
165
Baconcat proves @153 why he needs to go. With Kelly O!
166
dpn't forget to over-salt the food to make more money on drinks.
167
When I was in 5th grade I called a friend of mine by a racial slur while we were having a fight about something. Someone told the teacher, and I got into very very deep trouble. It was a humiliating and horrible experience, and I cried. A lot. It's one of my worst memories, one I couldn't think rationally about for around 10 years.

You know what? It was also really good for me.

Perhaps in 10 years the bride will look back and think, "well, this is one of my worst memories, but it was good for me. I would NEVER think of treating my guests this way now."

Okay, bride, assuming that this can be a moment of epifany:
If you are hosting a party--any party-- that means that those you invite are the guests. This arrangement means, by definition, that you will be paying for all the costs of the party, whatever they may be. Your guests may repay your generosity by bringing you a nice gift, or by inviting you to a party they are paying for, but they never, ever help you pay for the party you are throwing. Any party. If there is any other arrangement, it is not one of host and guest.

Also: if your professional photographer friends wish to photograph your wedding due to their undying love of you, they are perfectly capable of thinking it up all on their own and contacting you to let you know. Then it will be their idea, their choice, and their lovely gesture, instead of your awful entitled demand.

Oh, and to both the bride and #159, no one with any manners requests presents from anyone other than Santa. Presents are freely given, or not. You seem to be confused by the concept of a wedding registry, which is there to let people know, IF they CHOOSE to get a present, what might be most appreciated.

See, 'cause if a wedding guest chooses not to get a present for the couple, that reflects on the guest's manners. But if a couple requests presents, thereby taking away the guest's choice in the matter, it reflects on the manners of the couple.
We can't control the manners of others. Only our own.

In this case, we can control whether we request presents (don't), whether we encourage people other than those we have invited to come to our party (don't), whether we slap those people with a $20 cover charge (don't, but since we're not inviting the uninvited it's moot), whether we ask our friends to work for free (don't), and whether we have a VIP area at our party (holy christ, please don't).

We cannot control, then, if our guests get us presents, or if they bring along a cast of thousands, but, you see, if our guests are rude, then we know what to do next time: leave them off the invitation.
168
@167: Beautifully put, Bon.
169
"pearl-clutching Tone Trolls?" 151, I love you!
170
Will tickets be available via Ticketmaster? Can we pick them up at Will Call?
171
it took 166 comments until Bon came and made everything right with the world again.
172
I suspect that in addition to having lots of photographer friends, you would also have writer friends. I'm sure that one of them could have helped you write the invitation and this letter in language that wouldn't put people off so much.

Just saying.
173
"Nope. Not a public event. An invitation-only event with a rule stating that invited guests should RSVP their +1s, and that any un-RSVP'd, uninvited guests who show up at the last minute will need to pay at the door. Still private." - Heatherly

Um...Heatherly? When you charge people who weren't invited admission at the door...THAT IS TECHNICALLY "OPEN TO THE PUBLIC".

"Un-RSVP'd, Uninvited guests" = public. Public is the *opposite* of private.
174
have we gotten an update on who's going to this?

175
@167:

Bon, you know what? Your story wasn't heartwarming enough to necessitate that you post it in this forum and in the original IA comments section. You sound like a pretentious loser. So glad that racism ended up, in the end, being "good for you."
176
167

You have seen into the very depths of my soul, and found me lacking.

I will cry tonight. Lonely, desperate tears.

But then I will realize that I can read a string of sentences and actually comprehend their meaning, and I will cheer up, because at least I'm not you.
177
whoops. should be 175, clearly.

Ha! Sorta takes the sting out of my snark, dunnit?

178
Where is the party crasher for this affront on etiquette?
179
Anyone know if there was an update?? I can't find one.
180
5 years later..... was there ever an update? Ive been searching through the archives and cant find it.

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