Wow, looks like heterosexual men cause all the world's problems.

At least according the SLOG agenda.

@1,

Huh? What are you referring to?

Live in the Bay Area. Used to own a fast food franchise in several cities, including Tracy. That town is a complete crap hole, as is most of the central valley.

My hometown of Grass Valley/Nevada City, California has the BEST police blotter items ever in the local newspaper. Here is a selection of just the last few days:

From Thursday:
12:50 p.m. — A caller from the 500 block of West Main Street reported the theft of water.
6:28 p.m. — A caller from the 200 block of South Church Street reported a possibly physical fight involving four or five people. It was found to be mutual combat.
9:47 p.m. — A caller from Whiting Street reported cardboard cats in the road. No kitties were located.
10 a.m. — A man requested a welfare check on his daughter in the 18000 block of North Canyon Road. He said they live on a bus with no bathroom and the mother brings home roadkill to cook for meals. No one was home.
9:31 p.m. — More than 20 calls were received from a phone with an address in the 19000 block of Penn Valley Drive. The owner of the phone was located in Yuba County and was break-dancing and “pocket-dialing.”

Wednesday:
9:52 p.m. — A caller from a business in the 100 block of Neal Street reported a giant man who looked like Santa Claus or Hulk Hogan had been asked to leave, but kept coming back inside. He was given a ride.
10:17 p.m. — A caller from the 100 block of Castlemont Drive reported a woman kept screaming about babies being killed. She agreed to keep it down.

One of my all-time favorites was when a caller reported "an individual dancing like a robot in a parking lot. Police were unable to locate the dancer."

And here's a classic from last year:
Nov 27, 2009, 1:01 p.m. — A woman from Carpenter Street and Scotia Pines Circle reported a vehicle with teens who wished her a happy Thanksgiving. She was concerned they were casing the area.

@2, @1 is referring to the loud pounding of the "white male victimhood" rhythm inside his head. It's all he can hear. The thing is, of course, he has a point, but it's not related to being any old white male; it's just him. He thinks he's being discriminated against when in fact people just hate him because he's a frightening psycho.

#5

At least I'm not a 33 year old Seattle guy who lists "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" as one of his favorite shows.

@6: Your new name is Hand Banana.

@6, I'm a hell of a lot older than 33, and ATHF was a pretty terrific show. I do a SPECTACULAR Meatwad impression.

I notice your link appears to be some sort of failing Aisan marketing link scheme or something? Do you get paid eleven cents a month to link to it? Is it somehow related to your mail-order bride from Cambodia? I can't really tell.

@4 - I'm from Yuba City...same vibe, but maybe even shittier.

#9

Cambodian females (above 18) are some of the hottest in the universe, so I wish!

Here's an ironical quote for regular SLOG readers.

"I probably should have joined the priesthood".

1 point, name the novel.
2 name the author.
3 name the character's name.

Answer:

http://books.google.com/books?id=zrB9Amd…

@Supreme Ruler...

Whatevs... I'm not going to bother with your obvious attraction to Fnarf, that's your business, but your comment still doesn't make sense:

Wow, looks like heterosexual men cause all the world's problems.

How do you get that based on the four vignettes Brendan chose? If he wanted to paint "the heterosexual men" as the cause of all problems in the world, he could have picked almost any of the other crime reports reported. In fact, it could easily be argued that Brendan (and by association, SLOG) specifically chose NOT to use the reports most damning to heterosexual men. I mean seriously... did you read the rest of them?

@1 You're just now figuring this out?

@4 Brilliant.

#12.

I completely apologize to you and to SLOG.

Indeed, you all showed restraint in limiting yourself to only several mildly horrific acts by the SHSD (Straight, Heterosexual and Sexually Dimorphic) Community.

You could have easily posted those yet more egregious acts and made us look really, really bad.

Thank you SLOG for helping the SHSD Community keep its few tattered rags of self-respect.

I now crawl under my rock to perform penance.

@14: I'm sorry, all I heard was "Tonight. You."

@ 3 - I lived about 15 minutes from Tracy, and yeah, I pretty much agree. Tracy is a freeway drive from SF, but clearly NOT part of the Bay Area. Much closer to Stockton than SF.

Dear Supreme Ruler:

I just picked the touching and funny stories. I'm a straight guy (and not an especially self-loathing one).