Word for the day: bonerade.

The family that lays together......

IIC should be summarily executed for crimes against the language.

After the first paragraph of his letter, he sounds like he just resigned to continue putting his life on hold for this woman since he was about to get "permission" to have a 3-way. I guess you pick your battles.

"a delicious pitcher of kick-ass bonerade"? Reeeeaching

Would it be ok to have a threesome? Probably.

Is it likely? No.

So, go for it. Permission is great.

Err on the side of the three-way. That's wisdom speaking.

A strong second to improving your communication honesty. Sounds like a major hurdle has been crossed though, a big one, and that's mightily important. Hopefully IIC & partner can make this work if either or both are getting a little on the side, with full acceptance from each other. Good job on negotiating through a difficult situation! Here's to years of happiness & better communication.

I don't expect this relationship will last long, thus, a three-way is more than justified.

I should clarify my comment @9.

They will probably remain together, at least for a while, maybe permanently, but I don't expect they'll talk much or have sex much longer... that is, they'll just fall back into their old pattern.

Ok done.

Yum, bonerade.

Except, lemons are sour, Dan, not bitter.

Sounds like you asked for sex advice when sex isn't really your problem. You think she's hot. You have good chemistry. You are willing to be sexually open. Sex appears to be the least of your worries.

The start of your letter seems to be the problem. You don't communicate, have vastly different goals in life and are basically living as fuckable roomates in the (absolutely justified) interest of providing your children with a family unit. Dan usually talks to the "We communicate great, we love each other sooo much, everything else is perfect, but the sex..." and says "but the sex" is essential. So are all the other bits. Get ye to a (sex positive) couples counselor. Its nice you're making the sex work, but the sex isn't going to magically fix the rest.

Get it all on film.

But, hey, once one of you has said, "I'm cheating on you with a relative of mine," and the other has said, "That makes my dick hard—can we have a threeway?", there really shouldn't be anything you can't say to each other.

Thank you for cracking me up with that! Both logical and hilarious as usual!

I think IIC's communication problems are perfectly laid out in his grammatical structure.

This letter kinda turned me on.

Some of my favorite advice of the past while, except no plug for humpfest.

What @12 said.

Given that this situation arose via a gross, flagrant, and ultimately consequence-free violation of the rules on the part of the girlfriend/wife, I have serious doubts about her ability and motivation to agree to and abide by rules in the future.

That's not saying they shouldn't try. They oughta have the three-way, and try hard to improve their communication. I'm just pessimistic about the odds of her being a full partner in the endeavor going forward. She's not only decided once that cheating was easier than talking, she has in fact gotten away with cheating and come out of it ahead.

On top of that, IIC says he's forgiven her, but, damn... it's not that easy. Maybe he intends to forgive her, but the imagination and the ego don't let go of insults and betrayals quite that simply.

If this isn't bullshit, I hope there's a follow-up, because I want to lay odds on another year or two of quasi-functional "open" relationship followed by sad, drawn-out breakup.

Make sure you have a safe word. I'd try "Big Apple".

"turn the bitter lemons of her betrayal into a delicious pitcher of kick-ass bonerade"

*thumbs up for that euphemism*

a masterpiece of a SL Letter of the Day Dan you should get paid extra for this one ‹3 hope this shuts up your overcritical vacation drunk posting haters :D

It does seem that this fellow has a few unspoken or "other" issues. Maybe he was hoping that Dan would pick up on them, or maybe he's just too naive to recognize them. First, and obviously, the couple's biggest issue is communication. Second, I'm inclined to believe that this fellow has cukolding fantasies. I suspect that what the writer really wants is a chair next to the bed and maybe some cuffs to keep him secured to it. He doesn't want to hear about his partner's sexual escapades... he wants to watch them too.

@19: Because people have never gotten over dishonesty or even cheating, o wise prophet.

I think IIC was all in a huff until he got a look at the guy, whereupon his "bi tendencies" kicked in and he felt compelled to write a bullshit letter to Dan about the cousin thing when that's not the real issue.

I mean, c'mon, he's interested in having a three-way with his female partner and another guy and he's worried it's with her second cousin, who she only recently met? The guy wants permission to explore his bi side and is acting like he's letting his girlfriend off the hook for screwing around on him by doing her this big favor.

But does the cousin have similar bi tendencies? Being "comfortable" with you doesn't always translate to liking your dick in his mouth or vice versa. So don't come crying back to Dan if you feel like a poor step-cousin if the three-way ever actually takes place.

@26

And you see, this is why I wanted to wager. I knew there'd be some Candide who'd come along and take that bet.

I predict a big, messy flameout. Not because of the second cousin, but because of the shitty communication and the betrayal. So sure, have that threeway - why not just set everything on fire and dance around while it burns. Awesome.

@29:

Candide? Did you mean Pangloss?

I feel sort of bad for those kids.

Sometimes it seems like the loss of sex drive is a positive side-effect.

It can work! My current husband (we've been together 4 years and married 2) cheated on me (hetero female) before we were married. Not only cheated, but was contemplating leaving me for her. He decided it was a mistake and asked me to forgive him. I did. As we discussed the whole thing, I told him it turned me on to hear about it. After several months I convinced him to have a threeway with her. I had been involved in swinging in the past and so the idea was not foreign to me. We did. Watching him fuck her was the most erotic sexual experience we've had together. She ended up engaged to someone else who is vanilla, so we haven't hooked up again, but we're still looking!