Not the Next American Hero

Comments

We can all relate to the frustration of dealing with non-telepathic service industry employees.

seandr on August 16, 2010 at 4:03 PM

I am also a folk hero. I yelled at a driver who was sitting at a green light while finishing her text message. From inside my own car. And no one else was in the car. And the windows were rolled up. I think the guy on the corner might have heard me, but he didn't look at me.

Can I have a TV show?

nullbull on August 16, 2010 at 4:07 PM

Really, Burger King as an example? A SWAT team probably would've had to have been called if he'd wanted a Croissan'Wich.

Dougsf on August 16, 2010 at 4:09 PM

She would only be a hero if she made her escape from the store in a hot air balloon.

stealingzen on August 16, 2010 at 4:10 PM

plus.. she didn't have no business in no starbucks anyways..
she's lives in hot shot nyc and she can't get a better cheaper bagel and joe somewheres else ?

reverend dr dj riz on August 16, 2010 at 4:12 PM

She should drink at Tully's instead.

Will in Seattle on August 16, 2010 at 4:14 PM

William Safire Orders Two Whoppers Junio…

lopes on August 16, 2010 at 4:16 PM

She will not be a heroine because nobody can sympathize with the desire to have a bagel with nothing on it. She is either a cheapskate or a calorie nazi. Americans tend not to like either.

kinaidos on August 16, 2010 at 4:17 PM

I read the article and the woman is 12 kinds of smug - it sounds like she goes in there every day specifically to get annoyed by the Starbucks-specific language and argue with the people who work there, when she could probably go to a zillion other places that use "large" and "small" as the sizes for their coffee and save everyone a lot of hassle.

And I'm pretty sure that asking what someone wants on their bagel isn't a linguistic issue.

genevieve on August 16, 2010 at 4:18 PM

I love New York, but there are a lot of New Yorkers I can't stand. She exemplifies what pisses me off.

Fifty-Two-Eighty on August 16, 2010 at 4:23 PM

Sounds like Bon Qui Qui:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZkdcYlOn…

polkaparty on August 16, 2010 at 4:25 PM

Anybody with a liberal arts education, to say nothing of an English professor, ought to realize that clarity of communication always trumps grammatical technicality. This woman's got some sort of control-freak issues.

balderdash on August 16, 2010 at 4:26 PM

It is a linguistic issue in the sense that ordering something "without " when you want it plain is superfluous. However, the barista or clerk (or whatever the fuck you want to call her) was using what I would deem acceptable inductive reasoning considering most people she encounters probably DO want a schmear.

All in all, the customer is a heinous bitch.

the duster on August 16, 2010 at 4:26 PM

A decent human being would have replied, "neither, please" rather than throw a fucking temper-tantrum over it. Pathetic.

emor on August 16, 2010 at 4:27 PM

When you go to Burger King, you don't have to list the six things you don't want.

I haven't set foot in a fast food joint in ages, but I'm guessing that if you want your burger without something that comes standard, you have to say so.

keshmeshi on August 16, 2010 at 4:27 PM

Whoever the next "hero" is, to be Slater-esque it can't be a customer. It has to be someone paid to put up with customers snapping in another vivid nonviolent way.

gloomy gus on August 16, 2010 at 4:28 PM

A "plain" bagel often implies a bagel without poppy/sesame seeds, onion, garlic, what have you. It doesn't necessarily mean without cream cheese.

keshmeshi on August 16, 2010 at 4:30 PM

When I was little I would only eat burgers plain - my mom still reminds me what a pain it was to have to explain the concept of "plain hamburger" at Burger King/McDonalds, because more often then not, we got one with pickles, ketchup and mustard on it (causing my spoiled brat 6 year old self to freak out).

So yes, sometimes you do have to list everything you don't want at Burger King.

genevieve on August 16, 2010 at 4:31 PM

Only the New Yorker would think an uppity NYC linguist was the next "folk hero"

Jenny from the Block on August 16, 2010 at 4:31 PM

Not that it's the most reliable character judgment, but Rosenthal's ratemyprofessor.com comments are pretty funny:

http://www.ratemyprofessors.com/ShowRati…

the duster on August 16, 2010 at 4:34 PM

Don't go to Starbucks. Problem solved.

Chester Copperpot on August 16, 2010 at 4:38 PM

@20 nice find, while not the most reliable, there isn't a single positive comment, which is fairly telling.

nicholaus on August 16, 2010 at 4:39 PM

Burger King is a bad analogy. Their whole M.O. is for you to tell them what you do and don't want. "Have It Your Way."

McGee on August 16, 2010 at 4:41 PM

um... "hold the pickle, hold the lettuce" is part of B.K.'s jingle.

Michael of the Green on August 16, 2010 at 4:47 PM

@21 for the Hold the Applause win.

Will in Seattle on August 16, 2010 at 5:00 PM

@20 - I'm guessing they must be right and she's a terrible teacher, because based on those comments, her students didn't seem to get a very good grasp of the english language from her class.

genevieve on August 16, 2010 at 5:00 PM

23 & 24 child.. some peoples don't know the difference in fast food joints like we do

reverend dr dj riz on August 16, 2010 at 5:02 PM

"Hi there, I would like a Jr. Whopper please."

"Would you like cheese on that?"

"No thank you."

J-Haxx on August 16, 2010 at 5:02 PM

The bar for folk-hero has been seriously lowered if this lady gets street cred for refusing to order a bagel properly. People used to get arrested for evading the draft, rather than evading poor linguistics, and standing up against the Government, not a minimum-wage Starbucks cashier.

mitten on August 16, 2010 at 5:03 PM

@20: why did you point me to that site? I'm not going to get anything done for the rest of the day.

Ben on August 16, 2010 at 5:07 PM

I'm with Riz. No Starbucks could possibly be in the top 500 places to get a bagel in New York City.

Fnarf on August 16, 2010 at 5:15 PM

Nothing like foisting your stupid ass hangups on underpaid service employees to make you feel good about your self. This woman's just an asshole and there is little special about that.

giffy on August 16, 2010 at 5:22 PM

This has been done before, in the movie Role Models (yes, I have teenagers) where the main character had 90 minutes to learn how not to be an uptight, sanctimonious asshole. The opening "berate the barista because I don't want a venti I want a large" was set-up to show how far he had to go to be a nice person.
But really, isn't this just another example of something people in New York are rehashing and trying to pass off as their own?? Dang New York.

Canuck on August 16, 2010 at 5:49 PM

Hero. When I order my Americano at Bauhaus with cupped hands, I'm pissed off every time they foist a MUG of Americano off on me. The mug-on-saucer fee is coming out of your tips!!!1

zwartepiet on August 16, 2010 at 6:00 PM

As mentioned previously - she's in a Starbucks, in New York, purchasing a bagel. And bagels at chain coffee establishments (SBC and Tully's, I'm lookin' at you!) are notoriously bad. And I hear (pfft) that bagels in New York are good. So, this is stupid.

Someone should throw bagels at her house.

bellgirl on August 16, 2010 at 6:21 PM

There's more to language than grammar. She cannot be a "stickler for correct English" if she refuses to see the function of established rules of discourse.

Regina on August 16, 2010 at 6:31 PM

If I were that barista, I would've told her off, grabbed two iced vanilla lattes, and deployed the emergency slide for a stylish exit.

on August 16, 2010 at 6:49 PM

She is either a cheapskate or a calorie nazi.

Or even worse, a fat nazi, the most irritating kind of dieter on Earth.

Furcifer on August 16, 2010 at 7:30 PM

Sent this to my mother, who teaches English.

@37: Well played.

venomlash on August 16, 2010 at 8:21 PM

@37 has a point. In this situation it was the barista who had the potential to become a folk hero - unrealized potential, sadly. Have we already forgotten that the flight attendant story began with an awful customer, not ended with one?

balderdash on August 16, 2010 at 8:47 PM

I'm no militant grammarian but:

"I just wanted a multigrain bagel,"
"Linguistically, it's stupid, and I'm a stickler for correct English."
"I yelled, 'I want my multigrain bagel!' " "I didn't even want the bagel anymore," It was very humiliating to be thrown out, and all I did was ask for a bagel" "If you don't use their language, they refuse to serve you. They don't understand what a plain multigrain bagel is."

Are these truly the rantings of a Columbia English professor? CAN I HAZ TENURE?

Rose DeCastile on August 16, 2010 at 9:21 PM

"She insists on making a pest of herself..."

God she suuuuuuccccckkkkkkkssssss
I'm a customer service person, and have dealt with many a shitty customer, yet never fucked with anyones drink or food. This bitch, however, would get her mocha with an extra sweet dark dose of my shit courtesy of last night's burrito's affair with this mornings coffee and cigarette. Seriously. Fuck. Her.

on August 16, 2010 at 9:36 PM

Nobody should have to put up with any of that picky bullshit from a Starbucks barista, unless you marry one, then you end up painting the living room on a hot Sunday afternoon.

Just answer the fucking question, lady, you are communicating in their context. I can only imagine the verbal backflips horseshit her students put up with when they are communicating in her English "store".

MrBaker on August 16, 2010 at 10:41 PM

Having worked stupid customer service jobs, I would imagine it's entirely possible the barista has an uptight boss who requires him/her to ask specific questions and the boss was there. That being said, is this an east coast thing? I'm a Northwest girl and the people at Starbucks have never been picky about the language. If you say "large," they might ask if you mean venti, but that's about it. This lady is a uptight bitch who needs to pull her panties out of a wad and just answer the question.

J from Oregon on August 17, 2010 at 12:45 AM

the barista is supposed to accomodate the customer. If the professor says "i'd like a 'multigrain' bagel, then she would like a bagel, the barista should then ask the customer if she would like butter or the sort. If the customer does not not respond, so be it, she doesn't want anything on it.
so shame on the barista for demanding anything of her customer.

on August 17, 2010 at 2:39 AM

She deserved her multigrain bagel. Fitted anally.

And yeah, what various have already said: Jesus Fucking Christ, you want a bagel on Manhattan, and you go to Starbucks? Send this bitch to Tulsa, where she can buy bagels at Starbucks and not take up valuable NYC space.

Karlheinz Arschbomber on August 17, 2010 at 5:07 AM

I knew of certain Starbucks baristas that would give you a free shot of mop water in your latte if you were an exceptionally shitty customer.

McGee on August 17, 2010 at 10:26 AM

One of The Economist's blogs has a pretty good take on how stupid she is for arguing this point: http://www.economist.com/blogs/johnson/2…

If you really want to be pedantic at a coffee shop, I suggest ordering "a cup of coffee" and then getting obstinate if the barista asks "what size?" rather than just giving you an 8 oz. coffee.

Sean P. on August 17, 2010 at 10:28 AM

@41 I think you mean "I can haz tenure?" ;-)

gr8lakesgrrl on August 17, 2010 at 11:55 AM

If anything, she is an anti-hero, a classic example of the PhD with no social skills, an english professor who can't communicate. She's kind of tragic and pathetic when you think about it. Except that I briefly worked in food service, so deep down, I can't get past the feeling that she's just a twit.

gr8lakesgrrl on August 17, 2010 at 12:05 PM

How bout ordering in the standard fashion, 'multi-grain, dry please'. Cause the reality of this is that no one gives a shit why you say what you say the way you say it.

on August 17, 2010 at 1:13 PM

@41, a Columbia-educated English professor, who apparently teaches at Mercy College, according to the ratemyprofessors.com page linked above.

Q*bert H. Humphrey on August 17, 2010 at 5:24 PM

Me: I'd like a Jr. Whopper hamburger.
Burger Kingista: Do you want cheese with that?
Me: No, thank you.
Kingista: The meal or the sandwich?
Me: Just the sandwich please, nothing else.
Kingista: Do you want fries?
Me: No, thank you. I'd just like the sandwich.
Kingista: Would you like a drink?
Me: No, thank you.
Kingista: So, you ONLY want the Jr. Whopper hamburger, no cheese.
Me: Yes, thank you.

I am a fast food professor and in my extensive research McDonald's, and In N' Out ask similarly annoying questions. However, I am not an asshole so I have never been arrested yelling at someone making $10 for doing their job.

I also do not know the different sizes at Starbucks. When asked Venti or whatever I always say, "I'd like the smallest size you have, I forget what you call it." Again, no one has ever called the police on me.

Papayas on August 18, 2010 at 9:25 PM

Not the Next American Hero

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