Slog Poll: Am I a Monster?


You aren't a monster but that kid WILL remember you forever. :3
third option: the woman who was too busy with her important life to pay attention to the adorableness of the child and the child's attempts to get her attention (what if the kid had stepped on a rusty nail or someother malevolent street debris?) is the moster.
What's a toddler going to do with $5?
Please make this into a short film. It is hilarious.
You drink lattes? Yes, that makes you a monster.

Does a toddler even know what $5 is?
@3 - The child would have bought a latte. Children that age are too young for lattes. Cienna did the right thing.
think of it this way - you spared her from coming into contact with all the filth covering the money. clearly the woman walking with her was not going to take the care to see that she washes her hands.

but yeah, you stole it, and she will remember you forever.
@2 I'm with you. The poor kid's Mom is the monster. Cienna's not a monster, but she should donate $5 to Doctors Without Borders, so they can help some other kid.
My kids are older than that and don't completely understand that a dollar is worth more than a penny, so I think you're good.
@2 What? That's fucking ridiculous.

You did a good thing. The kid would have just blown it on drugs.
Had the child been able to wander freely, and had the child been awkwardly walking towards the money, but your able-bodied self ran over there faster and grabbed the money, then yes, THAT would have been monstrous. But that's not what happened.

As the child's mother refused to acknowledge or slow down, it's not like the kid was going to be able to actually pick up the money. Legally and morally I think you are in the clear.
The kid would probably have eaten it. You did good.
That kid was just a fucking looter. You taught her a good lesson.
@9 No, it's a ridiculous hypothetical. You know nothing about the mother, the child, or the circumstances surrounding why they were in a hurry to get somewhere. And what, are parents not supposed to talk on the phone while their children are around?

Actually, let me see if I can outdo @2 in the bullshit hypothetical department: what if the mother was on her phone with the adorable child's doctor, and was in a hurry because she had to get the adorable child to the clinic where she could receive life-saving medical treatment. If she'd stopped when the adorable child tried to get her attention over the $5 bill, they would have been late AND THE ADORABLE CHILD WOULD'VE DROPPED DEAD! So you see, maybe the mother's not the monster; maybe she's a hero.
I'd have dropped the kid in a wheelie bin.
yes, you're a monster, but in best possible way. you should have flipped the kid off while pocketing the money.
No, you taught the kid a valuable lesson: Life sucks.

The true determining factor is whether the latte came from Starbucks or not.
Kids need to be taught the harsh lessons of the world. Ms. Madrid, you are just a necessary evil in the world, like chicken pox and bullies. Enjoy your soul crushing latte and then go push a grade school student down a flight of stairs.
ha, good story!

Now, thanks to you, that kid will grow up to be a Republican and take it out on society instead of enjoying candy and stickers for a month.

And when you ask why we cut your Social Security benefits to pay for yet another foreign civil war of Republican adventure ... it will all be on YOUR head, Cienna.
You did what I would have done. $5 just would have been wasted on that kid.
I do think you're a monster, Madrid, but for totally unrelated reasons.
You're not a monster. You saved that adorable child's life.

If Adorable Child had gotten it, she'd have eaten it while mommy dearest talked blithely away on her phone, oblivious to child's impending doom. Adorable Child could have choked to death on it, or maybe caught some horrid disease from it and died!

Thank god you snatched that $5. You are a hero!!!
Option two is a little misleading, as the child was actually the finder—and the weeper. I bet you also do that thing to dogs where you pretend to throw the ball, but don't, over and over, huh?

If you would'a done what @18 described, it would've been forgivable, because it's funny.
#5 iced latte at that

#6 are you kidding?
I find money (and pot) on the sidewalk surprisingly often. I'm always amazed that the people walking in front of me didn't see it and pick it up. I guess most people don't look where they are walking or really pay attention to their surroundings.
Children don't need money.
Determining factor: where is the latte from?
you're a broke writer. just another defining moment in your career.
The latte was from Oddfellows. I tipped whatever was left from the $5.

Did I mention this child had dimples?
When I was a child, this same situation happened to me, only with a quarter. I still remember the fucker who took it from me. So, you're not a monster, but this kid will remember this and curse you for life.
@ 28, just about a month before I left Seattle, I was walking to the 7-11 on Nickerson (I lived on the north slope of Queen Anne at the time, close to the Fremont Bridge) and some metalhead-looking guy riding a dirt bike the wrong way up Nickerson passes me. Some ways ahead of me, something falls out of his pocket, but he doesn't notice and keeps riding. I reach that spot a minute later, and it's a baggie of weed. I didn't feel like yelling "YO BRAH YOU DROPPED YOUR WEED!!" so I kept it and gave it to a pothead I knew. Does that make me a monster?
I lost five bucks on Pine yesterday; that's my money which you had no right to keep or spend and, since you've already blown it on an adult soft drink, you have to replace my loss. So which is it: do you give me another five dollar bill or do I get to spank you five times...HARD?

Hey! That was my weed and now you owe me. So what's it going to be...?
I wouldn't say you "stole" from the child - it wasn't her money either. But it's still a pretty big dick move to swoop in and take it. $5 is a fortune for a kid that young - and you'll just what - get an extra muffin at the coffe shop with it?

Another way to look at it - you were like one douche point away from "knocking over a child to take $5." Sure you didn't actually have physical contact - but if you did the vote for monster wouldn't even be close. And you were *holds fingers close together* this close to being that dickish.

The prosecution rests. We're willng to table the charges of "monster" if the defendant will plead guilty to the lesser charge of "asshole."
To those who said the kid didn't know what $5 is...I was walking 5th from Westlake Station to Top Pot Doughnuts the other morning. A dad and his 3 year old was walking and the kid looked up and said "it has a different track". The Dad was in some kind of early morning slumber and didn't respond...eyes walking forward...and it took me a second to click...yes, the monorail train rides only on one track!

Kids are genius.

@11, 16- Epic Fail. The family is five bucks shorter because the mom paid more attention to someone on the other end of a phone than the kid in real life. It's another example of cell phones ruining our society. Yes, maybe there's a big crisis that requires the mom to hurry the kid along and talk on the phone at the same time. Maybe. But if she hadn't been on the phone, she and her daughter could have slip some ice cream this afternoon. And most pre-schoolers will tell you that's way more important than grandma's brain-injuring car accident.
The mother was dragging the child away, #37. She wouldn't have gotten it on her own.

Cienna's only possible choices were keep the $5 or run after the child and creepily give the $5 to her.
I'm in the monster-because-of-latte faction.
@ 39, are you high? How are they out $5 that wasn't theirs to begin with, either?

You can't be out of what wasn't yours.
I voted Yes, then I thought it through and now feeling willing to change my vote to No.

However, "Finders keepers, losers weepers" doesn't really apply when you make eye contact with Finder #1 as you pocket the find for yourself.
I think @40 and @18 combined would make a great short film.
Yes-you are a monster. A monster with a yummy latte in its tummy!
Truthfully, I always hate when I notice somebody finding money, before I had the chance to come across it first.
I'm with @4. It is the funniest thing I've read all week.
What a difference a year or two makes! That kid was just a year or two older, old enough to know all about the knees, you should have picked it up and said, 'hey kid! you drop this?' and let his moms make the call (and risked the wrath of some of the insane parenting that goes on on this country).

In that case, kid saw it first, mom's responsibility to exercise her moral judgement about found $5. Some folks round here at least will insist you put it in a collection plate somewhere.

Being the kid was only as old as the kid was, doing that would have been as distinctly creepy as doing that with/for/to that theoretical kid just a year or two older not in the presence of his/her/its mother.
Does someone take care of YOUR every need right now?No.Times are tough, and that little brat doesn't have to pay for a thing. Its yours guilt free.
Agree with @18 - flipping the kid the bird would have been the perfect coup de grâce for this special moment :D
There are children on Capitol Hill?
@51 there are even primary schools. My son went to one of them in Kindergarten.
Someone had to teach the kid what it's like to be the 98% of the nation that watches the other 2% take everything.
Cienna, you should have told the kid there was no Santa Claus while you were at it.
I'm with #2. The mother was the monster here. What a horrible person.

It's not like you could have done anything different: even if you had given the $5 to the kid, that Nurse Ratched of a mother would have just taken it and spent it on something snobbish for herself.
you Seattle folks are total assholes, that kid saw the money first...and it was spent on a fucking latte.., Seattle assholes, I'm disappointed...
If you had offered the money to the child, the mother would probably think you were a monster, since she obviously was paying no attention and it would look like some random creepy stranger stopping her important business on the street so as to hand her kid some money. She would probably yell at you self-righteously, drag the kid off screaming, and a week later there would be an "I, Anonymous" entitled "Keep your dirty money away from my baby, you perv." You were in the right.
So here's what you should have done - invest the money wisely in some amazing new technology, and let it accrue value, year after year, until it is worth millions.

Then track the kid down and wave your investment statement under her nose, laugh maniacally, and then walk away, leaving her sobbing, knowing that her mother cheated her out of the life she could only have dreamed of.

Feel good about that latte now?
You are absolutely a monster, and I love you for it. I await with bated breath the day when you are in charge of a child and are towing it along the street, too fast and too determined for the kid to snatch something precious from the sidewalk. It sounds like I'm a dick, but really it's beautiful in an Animal Planet, circle of life sort of way, and if you are judging me right now then I hope you are the one to smash the dreams of the kid that Cienna drags around town in my imaginary scenario.
I find it bizarre that street money would be presumed to belong to nearby children, rather than, say, street people.
60- It would belong to street people, if they were cuter.
CIenna is a Republican.
That child will remember you forever and probably end up being a highway robber. Survival of the fittest, to the victor go the spoils, etc. You may have singlehandedly caused the zombie apocalypse.

I am of the opinion that lattes are worth it. So no, you are not a monster. It was for the greater good.
That child will remember you forever and probably end up being a highway robber. Survival of the fittest, to the victor go the spoils, etc. You may have singlehandedly caused the zombie apocalypse.

I am of the opinion that lattes are worth it. So no, you are not a monster. It was for the greater good.
Kid woulda just put it in its mouth anyway. That's what a kid that age does with anything they pick up, whether it's a $5 bill or dogshit.
I'm with #10. Moreover, the kid moved on from the moment immediately. You, however, are cursed with self-awareness and moral perspicacity. Suck sometimes to be a grown up.