It Gets Better: Thank You, Old Marrieds


Your story is very familiar. All my best wishes to your brother. It does get better.
Someone needs to start a referral page for super-liberal hippie boarding schools.
On the video. Al together now: Awwwwwwwwww
"married for 3 years, that's like 21 years in straight years"

I don't get it, why does this mean? I've heard gay couples say this several times but don't it like, dog years?
@5, I think it's because at least 50% of all straight marriages don't make it to 5 years. And yeah, I think the reference is to dog years. Supposedly LGBT's hop from one bed to another so frequently that they don't even bother asking the name of their boink du-jour.

Maybe someone else has a better explanation.
@5 Historically, its been joked that gay men (not lesbians) tend to be far more casual in relationships than straights, dating somebody for a week before getting bored and moving on (with the requisite monthly viewings of Beaches). And, they'll actually call the fling of the month a BOYFRIEND. I once knew a twink who dated a new guy every couple of weeks, and the relationship was always so intense.

Whereas the straight crowd at least lasts 2 months before they'll start calling each other boyfriend or girlfriend.

This has been a trend for god-knows-how-long. KITH even referenced it in their Buddy Cole marriage skit (one of my faves):…
thank you, 6 and 7! so helpful and nice
Super-liberal hippie boarding school"? Let me guess, Concord Academy, or one like it? I looked at that school, I remember the tour focusing less on academics, and more on the awesome pottery studio...and for kids who don't have that option in their area, an artsy alternative public high school would be nice...
Great organization if you are/know an LGBT youth in need.

Re: 2 & 9 (hi Canuck!), a couple of links for parents of bullied kids to think about alternatives:…

There's a Waldorf school in Bellevue (Three Cedars).

I'm not a parent and don't know what I'm talking about, but there's been surprisingly little discussion of concrete alternatives in any of these threads about bullied kids.
Dan is calling these two "old" marrieds? Dan, if they are old...
rob!, thanks for bringing that forward, and so constructively too. I hope that options to just hanging in there will start getting more attention too, with links as helpful as yours!

And you remind me of England's young Olympic diving champion Tom Daley's flight from a school with bullies to one that protects their kids. Here's a link:…
I've been watching these fantastic, video submissions for days now and I nearly forgot about this song called "The Lady of the Lake" by a French singer/songwriter who goes by Klima. The song is basically about a gay fifteen-year-old (a childhood friend of the singer/songwriter) who committed suicide and the singer addresses the fifteen-year-old saying, "It's not the end of the world. There's always a second chance."

Here's a link to listen to the entire song:…

Here's a link to an article about the song:
(Skip down to the ninth paragraph.)

Can this be the "It Gets Better" anthem? Thank you for launching this project Dan!
OMG, they are so sweet, I wish I could hug them!
To teenagers, they're old. To teenagers, I'm dead.
@11 An awesome remedy to the high school bullying is a public alternative high school. Yeah, you get your fair share of schools that cater to the pregnant, drug-addled crowd, but there's more quality alternative schools than you think. I went to Avanti High School in Olympia ( and it was completely amazing. It had an application process, so every student WANTED to be there. Small class sizes, no sports teams, a heavy focus on the arts and computer sciences (we had a killer robotics team, jewelry shop, screen printing classes, etc.). The teachers knew every student's names. I never saw a single verbal or physical fight. Most of the students have the "faggy artsy kid" look, but the few "preppy" kids weren't assholes.

I went mostly for mental health issues (changing meds all the time doesn't leave you clear-headed enough to give a shit about homework or be cognitively able to do it), but my being queer was never an issue. My FTM boyfriend was always welcome at conferences and treated with respect.

There are more of these schools than people think. Schools like Avanti have and will be great safe-havens for queer youth.
#17 not to be rude or anything, but having a sports team doesn't automatically make a school suck. I love sports, and it broke my heart when I blew my knee and couldn't run anymore. I hate the jocks-get-away-with-everything kind of school as much as the next person, but let's be fair, sports are fun, and the exercise is good for your health.
Hey rob! Back a bit late to the thread, but that home school link looks cool! Yeah, I think for kids who have parents who either don't "get it," or are homophobic themselves, or aren't financially able to move, toughing it out, with messages of hope for the future, is great. But man, if you CAN take your kid right out of that environment, you should. A little name-calling is something kids learn to deal with, but what these kids are experiencing day in and day out is appalling, and if you are an enlightened parent who is able to swing it, taking them out of the bullying environment is better than toughing it out, in my opinion.
There are some great comments and links here!

For sure, there's no one-size-fits-all solution. Kids in redneck rural areas, in fundie families, with abusive parents, etc. doubtless have it the worst, but maybe everybody needs a flowchart or something. First and foremost, I think, should be a resource like the Trevor Project or Project LifeVest (@10), so if a bullied kid feels like they have no parent, teacher, sibling, etc. for solace, there is at least an 800 number.

Alternative schools can be great, and there are lots more than we generally ever hear about, but they're less likely in rural districts. Private schools, home schooling, etc. are also not often an option, especially if a family is stressed financially (but it's always worth asking about scholarships and fee waivers). Even church schools can be more than adequate refuges if they have good abuse-prevention mechanisms and progressive teachers--some of them are downright hotbeds of liberal activism that have learned to stay off the radar of a conservative church hierarchy!

Physical education is huge--people need to learn how to move comfortably in their own skins and revel in exercise, but I don't think I've ever seen any institution do this really well. It's so important for health and well-being and self-esteem, and yet it's been nightmare central for all kinds of oddball kids who hate the usual competition or fear locker rooms. You need lots of opportunities for individual sports and non-traditional cooperative play. I was always creamed in dodgeball, chosen last for teams, etc. I don't know what I would have done without skiing, something I could get good at on my own. Climbing, surfing, dance, etc. are all great things and all but nonexistent in K-12 education (and obviously cannot be done everywhere). Ys and Boys/Girls Clubs often fill in the gaps. Big Brothers/Big Sisters? I don't know how they deal with gay kids, especially if there's a lot of friction with parents.

For both parents and kids, I know how it is to feel trapped or tied down by financial or family circumstances or obligations, but some REALLY hard decisions sometimes have to be made. Sometimes kids in homeless shelters with loving parents do surprisingly well if the proper schooling and support mechanisms are available for their circumstances--and those services are getting ruthlessly chopped out of budgets all across the country right now.
I worked at Hetrick-Martin institute in NYC when they opened the Harvey Milk HS for LGBTQ youth in 2007(?).

Check them out here:

They are a great institution for queer kids in NYC in general, not just for students.
This video is wonderful. I loved that they focused on their life after High School. The affecting between them is so palpable. I want to adopt them.
Just wanted to say that the college they met at is Emerson College in Boston and it was voted one of the gay-friendliest campuses.