fake.

"Bigotry is less popular these days"
I dunno but I vomited in my mask at this guy.
It's so better people are saying I'm sorry

love.

We need a poll to see how many people think this isn't for real.

This is just brilliant. I love how the description of his life gets worse and worse in a series of little asides. That’s comedy gold.

LOL monologue for acting class? Who would be gullible enough to think this is legit?

Of course it isn't for real! It's satire, and really good satire at that. I mean come on! He goes from being the manager to the assistant manager to the night shift assistant manager at Foot Locker which morphs into Lady Footlocker? SATIRE.

@1 No, really?!

I love this. I was dreading it being a serious It Gets Worse video like the two that were posted on AfterElton.

Beautiful piece of snark. Awesome work.

Yip total fake.

{raises hand} fake. Too self-reflective for a bigot. Not to mention he's detailing all the ways he's a loser, which is showing too much humility for a bully/bigot.

But the experiences and sentiments are real enough (for someone else, that is). I'd leave a man THAT SECOND if he called a man on the street a "faggot" for a PDA. Mean high school boys should know that if you hate feminine characteristics in a man then you hate women to some extent; something your girlfriend will pick up on. I don't know about associating a lack of financial success with bigotry. Bigots seem plenty successful. How about we just say it's wrong because it's wrong, not that it's wrong because it will inconvenience you or make you poorer and more lonely.
Sorry. I do go on.

Yeah, totally fake.

Can I say however that the whole him and his girlfriend exchange, when she asks, "What was that?...," and he responds with, "Uhh, gays?" *hand motion implying DUHH* was actually kind of hilarious.

I'm sorry. :(

It gets worse: you could end up in the Senate.

Obviously fake, but well done nonetheless. I mean, the low cut shirt (and chest hair that dwells within), the Miller Lite in the background...how could you not think it was fake?

Um, do you people stand up in the middle of movies and yell "fake" too?

I'd sit on his face.

SLOG AFTER DARK.

Wait, was it middle school or high school where we learned about satire? I don't remember, I was too busy dunking the faggots' heads into toilets. Or was it my head being dunked? As I said, I can't remember.

Everyone who bothered to point out that this was not a sincere recounting of the depicted individual's actual life story should proceed to check for cancer by comparing the size of their hand to the size of their face.,

The case of Miller Lite and the empty pizza box are too perfectly placed for this to be real.

Good satire, if painful to watch.

You mean Robert Downey Jr. ISN'T really Iron Man? Der.

Good video. Well done.

@12 It's supposed to be hilarious. That's the point of satire.

Everybody just needs to watch Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion, take its message to heart, and have a good laugh.

"for my other monologue I'd like to do Mercutio from Romeo and Juliet followed by The Music Of The Night in G Major..."

Ah, bless him, though...

@19: Lol.

This was hilarious. It was all in the delivery. Especially towards the end, when he started saying essentially the exact mirror image of a typical It Gets Better vid. Bravo.

Hilarious. And, uh, how do I say this? For all those people saying "fake!", there are times when I read Slog, and think "wow, some of these people are so smart, and know so much about completely random things"....this isn't one of those times.

@ 15 FTW!!!

@ 17 Can we take turns?

@ 22 The point is satire is more to draw attention to issues that society isn't talking about through humor or absurdity or deep, dark exaggeration. See Stephen Colbert or Jonathan Swift.

PS This is awesome!!!

Frankly, I am shocked by the number of people posting who completely missed the point of this video.

Yes, SATIRE. Read @7 Lissa for an example of how he used SATIRE to make a point.

Lissa, you should repost your comment every ten posts or so -- obviously folks aren't reading the other comments before weighing in.

@27 I know the definition of satire, but thanks for clarifying. I'm sure #12 (and many others) will find it illuminating.

Now we know what Supreme Ruler of the Universe looks like, lol.

Sergio never reads comments - he says to tell you it's fake.

This video is much better than that new Gap logo.

@32 I love you a little.

I CAN SEE HIS PIXELS

Hilarious vid.

OMG, that is hilarious. The half case of beer and empty pizza boxes are perfect props. Brilliant.

@19: you get the gold star for the day!

I loved how he kept walking back from his previous statements, regarding his job and graduation. Great fun.

Satire, yes, but eerily accurate.

I was one of the kids picked on by the homophobes. I'm straight, but was the kid who was overweight, couldn't throw a baseball, always got picked last in PE, et cetera. Of course the harrassment included taunts about homosexuality.

About a decade after graduation, I happened to be shopping in my hometown, and stopped at a gas station. The attendant gave me a funny look, came over and introduced himself. I recognized him vaguely as one of the people from my high school. His opening conversational gambit was to launch into a wild-eyed, bizarre tirade about one of the other people in our class, who actually had been gay, how he had known it all along, wasn't it disgusting, et cetera.

I'm not sure why he thought to ally with me in that moment. Some recognition that in my case it had all just been hazing, I guess. If he had believed I was gay, I'm not sure what he would have done. He honestly seemed a little unhinged on the topic. Anyway, I finished with my gas and beat a retreat.

It's true that living well is the best revenge. Congrats on the career at the gas station, 'phobe.

The "It Get's Worse" YouTube video is a HOAX. Gregory Bonsignore -- the self-confessing "bully" -- is an actor, television scriptwriter and playwright who identifies himself as gay on TED and apparently is clueless that no one is anonymous in the World of Google. I have sent him the following email and believe he should remove the video from YouTube and apologize:

Gregory ~

I am writing to take you to task as kindly as I can for your inappropriate "punk" video of "It Gets Worse."

I won't presume to know what you were thinking when you committed this immature act, but let me share with you how it feels as a mentor of LGBT youth to see someone mock an important, heartfelt campaign in such a cavalier manner.

My students are emotionally, mentally, spiritually and occasionally physically battered by bullies. The problem is bad everywhere and Wyoming as no different. (A comment made recently to one of my students in the halls of a local high school was "Wouldn't he look pretty tied to a buckboard fence?" I am sure you recognize the reference to Matthew Shepard's murder in 1998.)

Perhaps you don't realize that your fake bully message has the effect of minimizing real bullying. As in: "It's not so serious so I might as well make some shit up to amuse myself."

Reading the sincere comments of people who believed you were truly coming out as a bully is painful. Does it make you feel smug & smart to have pulled one over on them? Or is, perhaps, your conscience now pricking you? I hope so.

I am not going to ascribe nefarious motives to you or call you nasty names, but this does smack as disrespectful, indulgent and self-aggrandizing.

I hope you are willing to find a way to right this wrong and apologize to the folks you've misled and the children you've disrespected.

PAMELA RW KANDT
Casper, Wyoming

@39, good call. You should write an email to Stephen Colbert too. I've been watching his political commentary TV show, the "Colbert Report," and I've become convinced that it is one big HOAX. I looked him up on Google, and it turns out he's actually an actor, comedy writer, and television producer!

That guy was just great. I'm so glad he made this! It's true that it's just less and less accepted and this guy is pitch perfect.

Pay attention, bigots! It gets worse.

"Video has been removed due to terms of use violation" blah blah

Awww I missed it! Someone false DMCAd it!

@39 Pamela, that's the sincerest, loudest barking up the wrongest tree - really, you deserve an award.

Well based on people's comments this isn't the same video, but I guess it's similar? (Including obviously being fake) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71uR4WsyZ…

#39 is FAKE

The video has been taken down. Apparently, I missed it. Maybe Pamela @39 had something to do with it?

Seriously?? The video gets taken down? When I read Pamela's comment, I was thinking "aw, how sweet, she really doesn't get it", but if her email, or one like it was the reason that very funny piece of satire of was removed, I'd remind those "do gooders" that having a sense of humor is essential, even when the subject is so sad--maybe even more so, in that case. And how do you know this didn't give a bunch of beaten down LGBT kids a good laugh last night? Sheesh. What did Emma Goldman say?
"If I can't dance, I don't want to be part of your revolution."

For those of you who think I was a killjoy in getting Gregory Bonsignore to pull his lame attempt at humor, obviously none of you are LGBT middle and high school students who deal with bullying every day. They did not find it funny -- rather they felt minimized and mocked and were distressed that it was a gay man doing it to them. The "It's Gets Better" Campaign is for THEM, not for the amusement of bored adults. Satire is tricky to pull off -- not even Colbert (who's an utter genius) gets it right all of the time. This was inept attempt and a lot of people on Facebook and YouTube thought it was real.

I don't get it? I am 50 year old, a straight white married woman who's been reading Dan Savage for 15 years. Give me a fucking break!

PamelaGRW, I'm sorry, but I thoroughly disagree with you. That video was GREAT, it is a wonderful example of someone trying to say that bullying is wrong, and nobody says that videos that give HOPE come only in non-satyrical format.

I am straight, but I look sufficiently gay that being taunted as a faggot was my lot in highschool. The 'serious' videos made me cry one after the other, seeing how much suffering, and how much post-high-school redemption there is in this world. Mr Bonsignore's video (a fitting name) made me laugh and realize again how stupid a bully is, how little he means to himself and to others. Just like the 'serious' videos, it made me feel better by showing that there are people who care.

Thank you for destroying something good, something that brought hope not through 'seriousness', but through satire. Thank you for bullying Mr Bonsignore. Thank you for thinking you knew it all, and you could speak for every single one of us who was watching these videos.

Thank you.

P.S.: if you can give us Mr Bonsignore's address, I'd be happy to write to him and ask him to put the video back. Would you please do that?

@49 I find it surprising that the LGBT teens with whom you work thought the video mocked them or minimized their pain--wouldn't it be just the opposite? A gay man, doing an obvious satire, telling those LGBT kids that this is what happens to their bullies: the best days of their lives were in middle school, and they will evolve into Miller-drinking, night manager at a chain store losers. You are speaking for the LGBT kids, but what about the man who made the video (gay), and the man who approved the video for inclusion on the site (gay)? If the very people who experienced anti-gay bullying when they were in highschool found this video funny, and thought it might bring some much needed humor to a horrible situation, why should you or I (both straight women) judge that? The IGBP will no doubt be a lifesaver to a lot of kids, but along with all of the heartfelt stories, I think it's important to remember the role humor can play in this (not for "bored adults," but for the bullied kids themselves.) Sometimes humor, and laughing about what these bullies will be doing in 10 years, will be what gets a kid through another day, in my opinion, anyway.

I think this was funny, and Pam (#49), I would judge ('cause I judge, not pre-judge) that some might find you a humorless, bore. Ask around, am I right? As 50+ a gay man on whom bulling was attempted while an adolescent, and as an adult (I say attempted because I'm sort of a son-of-a-bitch and it never worked), this satiric piece was comforting. The larger world understand what type of people are bullies and idiots.

Satire, folks. Someone should probably also tell you that Stephen Colbert isn't conservative.

Pamela, this is the letter I would like to send to Mr Bonsignore, and with which I express my disagreement with your bullying him. I'm not really very smart with the internet, so I couldn't find him; would you please do me the favor of forwarding this to him? Thanks in advance.

---------

Gregory ~

I am writing to you to take to task those who criticized your effort at satire so vehemently, in Dan Savage's SLOG comment thread on your video and elsewhere, including by sending you uninvited letters of criticism with far-ranging accusations that, in their own way, show a form of bigotry rather than the loving inclusiveness they wish to support. I am also writing to ask you to put your video back, both for the good effects it has on people and for the example you would give to other bullied video makers.

I won't presume to know what was in the mind of your critics; perhaps they failed to notice your obvious satirical purpose and thought that you wanted to make false statements for no reason. Perhaps they thought bullied kids are too stupid to understand what you are trying to say. Perhaps they just don't trust anyone who isn't expressing the right message in exactly the "correct way" -- as if tearfulness were the only effective weapon against bullying.

Your video was misunderstood as a critique of Dan's campaign; apparently, as if you yourself were a real bully, trying to make LGBT children to feel worse about themselves, trying to thwart Dan Savage's effort to reach out for them and give them hope.

Way to misunderstand a message!... Way to go for the worst possible conclusion; way to reduce everything to the worst possible denominator!

Gregory, I was severely bullied in highschool. Despite not being gay, I was -- because of my appearance and deportment -- immediately assumed to be one, and the stigma stuck to me well into college.

One thing I remember about some of my tormentors is how serious they often were. How angry, how full of hate and spite, how seriously interested in 'making me disappear' (even though I really wasn't what they so deeply hated). Oh, there were others who were into it 'just for kicks'; they wanted to laugh and have a good time. But some were dead serious.

These serious ones -- these are the ones your video makes me remember. I can still see them, all lofty in their arrogance, so obviously convinced that the world was for them, not for me and my ilk. That we 'faggy' individuals should scurry out of sight and go die in some hole and soon as possible.

And now you show them as scurrying vermin themselves, which is what they truly are. And you tell them the right message: that this world has changed and is still changing, that it's not simply 'their world' anymore, that the place they have in it is dwindling. That someday they'll be the ones who have to scurry and die in some godforsaken hole.

I won't presume to know what you were thinking when you
committed this immature act, but let me share with you how it feels as a mentor of LGBT youth to see someone mock an important, heartfelt campaign in such a cavalier manner.

Thank you for that. Thank you so very much.

Don't pay attention to those who think you're in this only for cheap, quick laughs. Don't pay attention to those who don't get your message, who think they're doing a 'public service' by bullying you when in fact they are only repeating the very evil they wish to erradicate.

For myself, and for others who saw your video and felt its good effects -- I ask you to put it back on YouTube.

Don't let the bullies win. Give them what they deserve. Give them a surprise, give them some cognitive dissonance. Give them some reason for pause, some reason not to act on their first angry reaction to something they understand only half-way.

Thanks in advance.

SERGIO MEIRA
formerly Houston, Texas
now Leiden, The Netherlands

Damn - its been removed. I was looking forward to deliberating about it being fake/satire like the rest of you.

Pamela (and Mr Bonsignore), I noticed a mistake in my previous comment -- in the middle of my letter to Mr Bonsignore, I inadvertently placed one paragraph from your, Pamela, original letter:

"I won't presume to know what you were thinking when you
committed this immature act, but let me share with you how it feels as a mentor of LGBT youth to see someone mock an important, heartfelt campaign in such a cavalier manner."

Of course, this paragraph was a mistake. It has nothing to do with the message I wish to transmit. Would you please delete it before forwarding the message to Mr Bonsignore? Again, thanks in advance.

In case you don't have the time, Pamela, here is a correct version of my letter -- without the wrong paragraph, so you don't have to remove it yourself. I again would be thankful if you could forward it to Mr Bonsignore. Thanks in advance.

------------------------

Gregory ~

I am writing to you to take to task those who criticized your effort at satire so vehemently, in Dan Savage's SLOG comment thread on your video and elsewhere, including by sending you uninvited letters of criticism with far-ranging accusations that, in their own way, show a form of bigotry rather than the loving inclusiveness they wish to support. I am also writing to ask you to put your video back, both for the good effects it has on people and for the example you would give to other bullied video makers.

I won't presume to know what was in the mind of your critics; perhaps they failed to notice your obvious satirical purpose and thought that you wanted to make false statements for no reason. Perhaps they thought bullied kids are too stupid to understand what you are trying to say. Perhaps they just don't trust anyone who isn't expressing the right message in exactly the "correct way" -- as if tearfulness were the only effective weapon against bullying.

Your video was misunderstood as a critique of Dan's campaign; apparently, as if you yourself were a real bully, trying to make LGBT children to feel worse about themselves, trying to thwart Dan Savage's effort to reach out for them and give them hope.

Way to misunderstand a message!... Way to go for the worst possible conclusion; way to reduce everything to the worst possible denominator!

Gregory, I was severely bullied in highschool. Despite not being gay, I was -- because of my appearance and deportment -- immediately assumed to be one, and the stigma stuck to me well into college.

One thing I remember about some of my tormentors is how serious they often were. How angry, how full of hate and spite, how seriously interested in 'making me disappear' (even though I really wasn't what they so deeply hated). Oh, there were others who were into it 'just for kicks'; they wanted to laugh and have a good time. But some were dead serious.

These serious ones -- these are the ones your video makes me remember. I can still see them, all lofty in their arrogance, so obviously convinced that the world was for them, not for me and my ilk. That we 'faggy' individuals should scurry out of sight and go die in some hole and soon as possible.

And now you show them as scurrying vermin themselves, which is what they truly are. And you tell them the right message: that this world has changed and is still changing, that it's not simply 'their world' anymore, that the place they have in it is dwindling. That someday they'll be the ones who have to scurry and die in some godforsaken hole.

Thank you for that. Thank you so very much.

Don't pay attention to those who think you're in this only for cheap, quick laughs. Don't pay attention to those who don't get your message, who think they're doing a 'public service' by bullying you when in fact they are only repeating the very evil they wish to erradicate.

For myself, and for others who saw your video and felt its good effects -- I ask you to put it back on YouTube.

Don't let the bullies win. Give them what they deserve. Give them a surprise, give them some cognitive dissonance. Give them some reason for pause, some reason not to act on their first angry reaction to something they understand only half-way.

Thanks in advance.

SERGIO MEIRA
formerly Houston, Texas
now Leiden, The Netherlands

It's gone now.

@56 Actually, ankylosaur, I think if you remove "you were" and replace it with "Pamela was", you'll find the paragraph works quite well. One person is presuming to speak for an entire community, a community that doesn't, I'd imagine, take things quite as baldly and literally as she does. For a straight woman to pressure a gay man into removing his anti-bullying/message of hope through humor for gay kids is nothing if not cavalier.

Sergio !
Ankylosaur !
Darling !

@Ankylosaur - I wrote to Mr. Bonsignore through his YouTube account and I am surprised by your assumption that I "bullied" him. It was actually a heartfelt letter explaining why I thought the video was inappropriate. Obviously he had a change of heart because he pulled it immediately. He's a smart enough and talented enough guy that if he thought I was wrong, he could have told me to go to hell. (Maybe all of the sincere comments from viewers got to him too.)

@Canuck - Perhaps you don't remember what it was like to be a gay 15-year-old. It's easy for us to look at this through more world-savvy eyes having the benefit of decades of experience. When you are mocked in the hallways of your school with Matthew Shepard references and your peers are blowing their heads off with daddy's gun, there's nothing "humorous" about this -- it's a little too close to home. And, in case you didn't notice, the link was NOT posted here or anywhere else as satire. Several blogs put it up in complete earnestness and people were responding equally. I have an often perverse sense of humor and as satire, this video failed. Too many people, including my teens, were not getting the joke.

I'm sorry to say that Mr. Bonsignore did not respond to my email because it would be nice if he spoke up on his own behalf. I don't believe his intent was malicious, just sorely misguided.

Pamela said the following:

"They did not find it funny -- rather they felt minimized and mocked and were distressed that it was a gay man doing it to them."

Sounds like she's the only one talking to actual real-life suffering LGBTQ youth. The project IS for them, not for us - we're almost all grown-ups here (can't believe I just wrote that) and satire is funniest when you have enough distance to get it. I don't think a 13 year old being taunted has enough experience and emotional space to laugh at this and again, the project is for them.

I wonder what "terms of use violation" might include? That is, whether this video was taken down for content, misunderstood or otherwise, or something weird -- like maybe the nice folks at Miller complaining about product placement showing their product being associated with bad times and bad people? Beer, if I remember correctly, is something like 2% ingredients, and 98% marketing, packaging, and image-making. I'm actually going to be more disturbed if I find out that YouTube took this down at Miller's request rather than at someone like PamelaGRW's.

@ 49. Oh. My. God. Pam. Could you *be* any more pearl clutchingly obtuse?

Let's assume that a LGBT youth (or anyone for that matter) views Mr. Bonsignore's video, and mistakenly assumes that it is real. How exactly would viewing a homophobic bigot describing the karmic smack down life has dealt him, and warning others of his ilk that they can expect the same, be anything but deeply satisfying to those who have experienced bullying at similar hands?

If he were a real person, he peaked in jr high, has a crap job, no girl friend, few friends of any kind, and allllllllllllll due to his homophobia. His Life Got Worse. So the conclusion to be drawn from this video ("real" or not) would be……….? Anyone? Anyone? That's Right! Be a Homophobe and your life will get worse. QE to the mother fucking D.

Oh, and I'm a 47 year old white bi woman, and I've been reading the Stranger just as long if not longer than you. So Nyah!

I will grudgingly concede that PamelaGRW may have a point.

I, a reasonably well adjusted guy in my mid 40s, got the satire, and thought it was hilarious. But the video isn't for me. The target audience for this whole series is traumatized gay kids. How many teenagers do you know have a sophisticated enough sense of humor to understand subtle satire? Not very many. I can see how this could easily be misunderstood by teenagers. It's obvious that some of the SLOG readers even misunderstood it.

PamalaGRW may come across as a humorless shrew, but she's right. This video was funny... for clued in adults. But in the context of trying to help traumatized gay kids, it maybe wasn't the best context for subtle satire.

To: PamelaGRW

I was a bullied child/teen, and I survived PRECISELY by mocking those no-future idiots who were bullying me (from, I'd say, age 11 onwards). Realizing where they were heading, and where I would be ten years later, is what got me through junior and senior high.

Don't underestimate kids' intelligence, and above all, don't think you can speak in the name of LGBT people, no matter what their age is.

All you're doing is proving (as if there was a need for that), that "the road to hell is paved with good intentions". Do us all a favour and keep yours to yourself.

@65 I agree that not everyone got the satire aspect (obviously, if this comment thread is any indication), but I still don't understand how this video was seen as mocking LGBT kids? If you "got" the satire, it was a funny look at what becomes of bullies. If you didn't "get" the satire, you'd think it was a loser bully talking about how sucky his life is now. If a clued-in adult (like Pamela, perhaps) was discussing it with LGBT kids, she could say, "Here's this guy who is gay, like some of you, and he's pretending to be a bully and showing what losers bullies become." I fail to see how any of those possibilities mock LGBT kids. I would have thought it was a great opportunity to show one more weapon in the arsenal to be used in dealing with bullies: humor. But, as you say, that's my take on it as an adult.

@67 -- Great point.

Pamela, I think you missed a teaching moment. You can still go talk to the kids who you say were upset with it. The moment isn't passed completely.

Canuck, I see where you're coming from, but putting myself in the shoes of a bullied kid, I can imagine that seeing this guy sneeze 'faggot' would merely remind them of the thirty times bullies had done exactly that in the last two days, while shoving them into a locker in front of their peers. Where I cracked up because I remember all the idiots who did that in my sucky middle and high school (thankfully 3,000 miles and decades behind me), that's the difference. I'm remembering. Those kids are still living it.

Oh god, I wish I could give them all hugs and let them know that someday, they'll get the joke too and it'll be funny as hell.

@ everyone where can I see this video????? it seems like it has been taken down!!

@49 How can you be a Dan Savage fan and be so completely unaware of how gay-friendly SLOG is?

"...obviously none of you are LGBT middle and high school students who deal with bullying every day"

I'd be willing to bet there are a few SLOGgers who are exactly that. And dozens more who are not that far removed from living that hell themselves. Christ, this is pretty much the birthplace of IGBP!

I feel sorry for the LGBT youth that have such a kill-joy prude as a mentor. Maybe they'll learn in spite of you.

I say again, the message of this video is: Be a homophobe and your life will get worse. It *couldn't* be any clearer. It is insulting to GLBT youth to assume that they are too stupid to get that, even if they miss that the message is delivered via satire.

Happy Birthday to you Dan! Love you lots!

It was reposted: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xf3xbo_…

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xf3xbo_…

@Canuck - A teachable moment? Are you kidding me? How utterly condescending. These kids teach me more than I could ever teach them. They are living a life I can't possibly fathom: My gay friends in high school during the 1970s were never subjected to this kind of abuse. These youth are growing up in Matthew Shepard's home town. His funeral -- complete with the Fred Phelps gang -- was down the street from their school. They remember! Last year in their small school, at least two of their classmates killed themselves under questionable circumstances. Year after year after year they have watched their friends die -- starting in elementary school.

I am supposed to tell them, no fear!, the bullies will get their comeuppance in the end? Bullshit! Some of the bullies have grown up to be their teachers and prominent businessmen living the high life in the mansions on the hill. Can you imagine how it feels to a teenage boy who confides in his school nurse only to have her literally open up a Bible and bludgeon him with hateful words from Leviticus? Or for a student to be hit with a despicable comment in the hallway and then look up to see a teacher who witnessed the whole thing turn away because she not-so-secretly agrees? Get a fucking clue, people!

When the video first appeared on Facebook, someone called shenanigans and outted Bonsignore as a gay actor. Ya know what the kids said? That they didn't believe he'd actually ever been bullied or lived through what they lived through, that he was making light of the matter at their expense. (On the other hand: The "It Gets Better" campaign is MUCH appreciated -- it means a lot to them that adults care enough to take the time to tell their real stories.)

These kids need support, acceptance, tolerance, encouragement and laughter. We share a lot of laughter but Bonsignore's video wasn't funny to them.

I'm done talking. I get the impression that few of you are actually reading my comments or even personally know gay teens living in a non-supportive, often hostile environments. Let me give you a hint: It's most of this country.

@IT - Thanks for the hugs. I will pass them along, but I sure as hell won't share most of the comments here. With friends like this....

PamelaGRW - You're not the humorless monster some are portraying you to be. I, and others, can see your point, and though some might find what you did offensive in itself, your heart was in the right place.

@75 Not available yet. "Publication of this video is in progress. It will be available soon."

I'm guessing the "terms-of-use violation" comes from an interpretation of the video constructing it as furthering bullying (the use of "faggot"?). Of course, I'm not a big fan of censorship via either public policy or corporate policy - I think people SHOULD be able to bully/cuber-bully other people and should also NOT exercise that right, because it's despicable. We should revile people who engage in bullying and construct our discursive spaces to be intolerant of it, but we should not engage in institutional censorship in order to do so. For example, the Klan should be able to hold rallies calling for the death of gay people, persons-of-color, etc., and we should hold much larger counter-rallies that make THEM feel unwelcome and even unsafe. We should let people out themselves as bigots in order to allow us to make them feel unwelcome due to their bigotry. Less law, more direct (and more-direct) action.

I guess I can't really stop Google's hegemony, though. If only The Pirate Bay's censorship-free video streaming site had taken off, instead of being killed when all of the admins were arrested. :-/

Oh, in other IGBP news, Heather Corinna (founder and manager of Scarleteen.com) did a response to/write-up of the Project, including a brief interview with Dan. It's here: http://www.scarleteen.com/blog/heather_c…

Pamela, I am sure you think you did the right thing. Obviously you have good intentions. But I tell you: you did the wrong thing. This video was obviously in defense of LGTB kids, it cannot be misunderstood as mocking Dan Savage's wonderful hope campaign, and it is precisely the kind of thing that helps people survive the onslaught of bullies -- it shows how utterly stupid such homophobes are.

Or if you think I'm wrong -- if you think this video is going to give the wrong message -- can you please tell me how? What exactly in it is homophobic? What exactly in it is not going to be well understood? What wrong message exactly do you fear young LGTBs to take from it?

I agree with Cannuck -- you missed a chance to teach a good lesson. It doesn't mean you're bad, your heart is obviously in the right place. But still you did a wrong thing, and I hope you'll see that at some point.

Pamela -- I can see your point also.

However, I went back and looked at your first post, and you started with "This is a HOAX" and went from there.

It just isn't a hoax. It never was a hoax.

I hear your pain on the part of your kids -- however, I suspect it is mingled with your own pain.

So I go back to it is a teachable moment for you. You can talk to the kids in your schools and call it what it is -- Satire. Teach them about satire. Teach them that satire doesn't always work.

By calling it a hoax, you are turning it into something it isn't. That is why we are all arguing with you, I think.

It breaks my heart to read your stories of the abuse the kids have been subjected to. Thanks for sharing them.

It Gets Better.

awww, you guys are making it sound so interesting! i'm sad they took it down before i got to see it!

aw, Dan, it's been removed, can you tell me what i missed?

Pamela...
I am supposed to tell them, no fear!, the bullies will get their comeuppance in the end?
No, Pamela, you're supposed to tell them that bullies have stupid beliefs that can be made fun of. As the author of this video does.

r for a student to be hit with a despicable comment in the hallway and then look up to see a teacher who witnessed the whole thing turn away because she not-so-secretly agrees? Get a fucking clue, people!
Pamela, this is exactly the kind of situation I lived through all the time in highschool. And it is the kind of situation Mr Bonsignore's video protests against, by mocking the people who do these things. Your advice -- 'why don't you get a clue' -- I return to you.

I think your brief to him is a perfect (and sad) case of friendly fire. I still keep my hope that at some point you'll see that you did the wrong thing -- just like the teacher who turns away when she sees an LGBT being bullied. Except that in your case you didn't turn away because you agreed with the bully, but because you didn't understand.

Ya know what the kids said? That they didn't believe he'd actually ever been bullied or lived through what they lived through, that he was making light of the matter at their expense.
And how about all the people here -- most of which (myself included) also also been bullied, and who GET MR BONSIGNORE'S MESSAGE?

The people in Facebook that you mention also need to get a clue.

You remind me of those people who wrote to Dan to say that his campaign was bad "because it gives the kids the impression that they should do nothing about current bullying, just 'live through it' in the hopes that it will get better later, thereby letting the bullies get away with doing what they're doing".

Just imagine if someone wrote angry letters to Dan, and all contributors, asking them to take down their videos because they thought they were actually helping bullies?

People who miss the point always think they didn't. It apparently always takes a while for them to realize that they DID miss the point. I hope you will, too, Pamela, at some point. As I said in the other message, your heart is in the right place, it's your gun that was aimed wrong.

@ 76 - I grew up in the 70's, and I lived exactly through that. And I'm telling you that you are totally wrong.

You're the utterly condescending one. Your "kids" have a brain. Teach them something other than being a victim, it'll be much more useful to them NOW and in the long run.

Pam is clearly trying to help. BUT she's also over sensitive and more than a bit condescending in the way she goes about things. I agree that she seems to be mingling her own pain with that of the children she says she mentors. I've always thought people who try to help in this way have good hearts but they need to step back a bit. It's nice to come to someone's defense, but make sure you're defending the right thing first. Despite the horror of the suicides most children are stronger than you give them credit for. You seem to err on the side of the children being too fragile to understand. If anything, the majority of people who have come forward on video and on the SLOG seem to come from a place of strength and awareness rather than fragility. As a former middle schooler who was bullied beyond belief I can tell you that getting up every morning knowing the hostility you are going to face takes strength & courage. Pam needs to give these children credit for their bravery and not just pity for their plight.

Sigh.
Pam, I know from *personal* experience the pain of being bullied for my perceived sexuality (as well as for being bookish and odd) growing up. You wanna play Victim Olympics? Ok, let's play.

How about the neighborhood kids pretending to like you to trick you into playing a game called Smear the Queer?
How about getting beaten up, and I do not exaggerate, Every. Single. Day. of 6th grade?
How about being backed into a corner of the hall of your jr high by a group of boys and in addition to being punched and kicked have all of them grope under your shirt and down your pants?
How about having your first girlfriend be forced by her family to move out of your shared locker and never speak to you again after her brother caught you kissing at prom?
Oh, and lets not forget the screaming family fight over your objection to the use of the word faggot in which you end up having to apologize for "upsetting your grandfather".

So, thanks for the offer Pamela, but I already *have* a "fucking clue".

And you know what? I'm sure your heart *is* in the right place, but I also think that you do the kids in your circle of influence a disservice by assuming they are not bright enough to get the message of this video.

@ 76 - And by the way, if your "kids" were SO affected by this video, maybe it's because YOU haven't been teaching them anything useful so far, like survival skills. Just pitying them ain't enough, take it from a bunch of people whose experiencing of bulllying isn't by proxy, like yours.

I meant "experience", not "experiencing".

One clarification: I DID NOT REMOVE THE VIDEO -- nor did I ask YouTube to take it down. The author removed it of his own free will. I requested that he do so because it was not clearly recognizable as satire and felt like he was trying to pull a fast one. (Hence the "Hoax" comment.)

Mr. Bonsignore chose to honor my request rather than tell me to go to hell which was absolutely his right to do. I exercised my free speech and he certainly was free to do the same. I would never have asked anyone else to block the video. I like the 1st amendment too much to do that.

So the trouble here is, I offered my opinion and he, for whatever reason, agreed with me enough to pull his own video. No arms were twisted, no threats were made. I had every right to ask and he had every right to ignore me. He also had every right to re-consider what he'd done.

I hardly call that censorship.

The video is back up at #75's link. I thought that one and #45's link were both good satire and I'm glad they're both available. But I can also see Pamela's point and perhaps it's best that these type of videos stay separate from the It Gets Better Project. I think most of the teens I know would get the satire, but these are teens who, for the most part, live in supportive home and community environments (and who occasionally watch Colbert!) I'm glad Pamela is there for the teens in her school who are unfortunate to live in such a hostile environment. Hopefully we can all move toward a world that won't need an It Gets Better Project.

Stirring the pot today. See how this one rolls off your tongue. Is it a keeper? We need a legally binding Slog poll! NSFW

http://thestir.cafemom.com/big_kid/11062…

Duh, I posted this to the wrong thread. I wondered where it went.

Jesus Christ, SLOGGERS, lay off the personal attacks at Pamela (like Ricardo @ 88). She's a fellow SLOG reader and an obvious supporter of LGBT rights. You're pretty fucking ignorant if you honestly think it was her, and her alone, that got the video banned. It's apparent there were many others that complained about it too. It's also pretty fucking apparent her heart was in the right place. Sometimes these things happen.

And, for the record, I found the video pretty fucking hilarious, but this piling-on bullshit of a fellow supporter of LGBT rights needs to stop. You've made your point. Now be done with it.

Dear Pamela,

You raise the bar on sour humorlessness.

Regards,
Everyone with a Sense of Humor

PS We're not accusing you of censorship, violation of freedom of speech, etc., so quit hiding behind that straw man.

I don't say you have removed the video yourself, Pamela, just as the guys who bully also don't kill the gay kids -- no, the gay kids kill themselves, and Mr Bonsignore removed the video himself, out of his own will. He could have chosen not to, he could have chosen to send you to hell, as you said -- just like the bullied gay kids who committed suicide: they could have chosen to send the bullies to hell and stay alive, but they didn't, out of their own free will.

My point is simply: you aimed your gun in the wrong direction. You tried to attack something that was actually on your side, something that was supporting your message, something that supported the kind of world where you would like to live. But you didn't understand it, you aimed your gun in the wrong direction, and you attempted friendly fire.

I'm not assuming Mr Bonsignore is so sensitive that only one e-mail hurt him and made him take down the video. He may have gotten e-mails from other bullies telling him he was a baddie (or acting like a baddie, in case we don't "presume to know what he was thinking"); he may have thought they were the beginning of an avalanche, and decided to stop there. Or maybe someone's argument about we all (and especially our children) being so damn stupid that we'd all misunderstand his video did seem reasonable to him. Who knows? Maybe you are right, and Americans ARE that stupid.

And you did miss the chance of explaining to your kids the meaning of this video. What was behind it, the layers of humor, the implicit anti-bully accusation, the ideas, etc. It could have been material for one class, or even just half an hour, of discussions about bullying, where it comes from, and where it leads to. I'm sure this would have helped the kids your work with and who you care so much about -- and believe me, I thank you for caring about them. Nobody cared about me when I was in highschool, and I went through things that, to put it mildly, were worse than the ones you mentioned.

Instead, you decided to write him an e-mail. OK. But the point remains: you missed an opportunity to do something right, and preferred to do something wrong instead. With the best intentions, but wrong nonetheless. (You could still use the video -- in the link that #75 above provides -- to do the discussion I mention. I believe your kids would benefit from it. But of course this is up to you, and I can't force you to do anything you don't agree with.)

@ 93 - I never accused her of censorship, I accused her of condescension.

If you haven't been bullied yourself and you tell a bunch of people who have to "get a clue" about the issue, that's condescension, and I have every right to tell her so. And wasn't that a personal attack on her part - to all the sloggers who were bullied?

And if you think the "kids" you mentor are too dumb to get satire, that's condescension, and I have every right to tell her so, coz I used to be a bullied kid.

As I said @ 66, satire was precisely what helped me survive my pre-teen and teenage years. So I'd say she missed a whole fucking lot of teaching opportunities already. And why did she miss them? Because of her fucking condescension. And I have every right to tell her so.

She wants to help? She's the one who needs to get a fucking clue. Does that hurt her feelings? Well, as somebody more famous than me said recently, fuck her feelings.

Hilarious! This neatly encapsulates my fantasy of what would happen to the coddled, entitled jocks that dominated my high school. Funny thing, for most of them, their lives turned out pretty close to this. Nothing sadder than peaking in high school.

Meh. Video wasn't amusing. Not sure why someone would think it mocks gay kids though. If it's mocking anything (and it is) it's the assholes, ya know?

Whatever.