Blogs Oct 7, 2010 at 5:55 pm

Glenn Beckwatch: Something Happened

Paul Constant
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Comments

1
Relapse!
gloomy gus on October 7, 2010 at 5:58 PM Report this
2
God I hope he comes out.
on October 7, 2010 at 5:58 PM Report this
3
Please don't let it be a gay sex scandal
Chef Thunder on October 7, 2010 at 6:07 PM Report this
4
#2...That is the first thing I thought also!!!...then the second one was..Die Die Die!, then i realized that's just mean
ryjan on October 7, 2010 at 6:08 PM Report this
5
Please. These religious types are such high-strung drama queens, it's probably something stupid that normal people deal with every day.
Catalina Vel-DuRay on October 7, 2010 at 6:14 PM Report this
6
What if he pulls an anti-Palin and quits his FOX job to run for public office?
venomlash on October 7, 2010 at 6:18 PM Report this
7
@5: GAY CONSPIRATOR. USURPER!!
Baconcat on October 7, 2010 at 6:19 PM Report this
8
he's really a broom
cliche on October 7, 2010 at 6:21 PM Report this
9
Bacon dear, are you unwell?
Catalina Vel-DuRay on October 7, 2010 at 6:22 PM Report this
10
What's the opposite of pray?
Geraldo Riviera on October 7, 2010 at 6:24 PM Report this
11
@6 would that be a Beck-Palin ticket or Palin-Beck? I shudder!

I think he's coming out!
idaho on October 7, 2010 at 6:24 PM Report this
12
His dog died.
Kinison on October 7, 2010 at 6:24 PM Report this
13
Laus deo? Really?

Fuck me. The guy really isn't stupid. He's just a psychopath. And he wants to rub it in all of our faces, as if The Overton Window wasn't enough. "Hey all you halfway intelligent folks with your weak, silly consciences, you're pathetic limpwrists and I'm going to make you watch while I pull Stupid America's strings and YOU CAN'T STOP ME HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Seriously, where's Batman when we really need him?
balderdash on October 7, 2010 at 6:28 PM Report this
14
@9: I'm tired of your anti-religious slant.
Baconcat on October 7, 2010 at 6:28 PM Report this
15
He and Karl Rove are adopting - it will be announced on Modern Family.
Rhett Oracle on October 7, 2010 at 6:35 PM Report this
16
all that NAZI "research" turned him.... uhh..umm:

commie/gay/enviro/fag/muslim/queer/hippie/butchtop/leftist/twink/sane/decent human...

nah, none of that.. it is a stunt.
pissy mcslogbot on October 7, 2010 at 6:36 PM Report this
17
He converted to Islam.
sirkowski on October 7, 2010 at 6:39 PM Report this
18
He just found out that he's not getting tenure at Beck University.

dixitque Deus fiat lux et facta est lux
LuisitaPhD on October 7, 2010 at 6:41 PM Report this
19
OMG, is it already time for the "Douche of the Universe" awards again??
Merlin D. Bear on October 7, 2010 at 6:41 PM Report this
20
@5 - And the born agains—always the addicts, are the worst. I'm glad folks can stay clean, but there disparately needs to be a 13th step. Something to the effect of "don't be a drama queen, it's why the only friends you have left are either in the program, or go to your church."

@13 - "Laus deo, really?" was exactly the first thought that went through my mind as well.
Dougsf on October 7, 2010 at 6:41 PM Report this
21
Let me guess: "I had a dream last night. I had a DREAM that I was going to lead our nation into the bright future and out of blahblahblahblah Goldline."
JesseJB on October 7, 2010 at 6:43 PM Report this
22
@14: huh?

I think he's going to announce that his entire program of American Renewal was a mistake, prompted by tinnitus. "Not the voice of God, folks, sorry if any of you got overheated there."
Fnarf on October 7, 2010 at 6:43 PM Report this
23
@myself: "desperately."
Dougsf on October 7, 2010 at 6:43 PM Report this
24
With any luck he's been subpoena'd/indicted/charged/whatever for investment fraud in partnership with Goldline, or it's a super-juicy sex scandal. Most likely though, he just has a cold and thinks the guvmint has poisoned him.
I have always been... east coaster on October 7, 2010 at 6:46 PM Report this
25
His tear duct implants are leaking silicon into his eyeballs?
emma's bee on October 7, 2010 at 6:46 PM Report this
26
Bucket of chicken. He's going through a whole bucket of chicken. Super size.
elenchos on October 7, 2010 at 6:48 PM Report this
27
"U.S. gold prices closed toward session lows Thursday, falling from its prior day record as the U.S. dollar rebounded and talks emerged of an overdone rally. Gold dropped $12.70"

"OMG!!! The people that hate white people are devaluing our hate bricks."
pissy mcslogbot on October 7, 2010 at 6:50 PM Report this
28
Not sure, but maybe Gloria Allred will be appearing on the Today show tomorrow morning, along with her client, a 14 year old boy from southeast Asia.
Joe M on October 7, 2010 at 6:54 PM Report this
29
He's leaving the Mormon Church because it isn't evil enough. He's going to join Westborough Baptist, and thus shedding the last barrier to being accepted as the messiah by the good Christians that watch his show.
Fish Wrench Asteroid on October 7, 2010 at 6:54 PM Report this
30
I think he'll conveniently announce that he's converting from Mormonism to some flavor of evangelical Christianity. They'll eat that up in the heartland.
MoonPatrol on October 7, 2010 at 6:54 PM Report this
31
Whoa. Jinx, moon patrol!
Fish Wrench Asteroid on October 7, 2010 at 6:56 PM Report this
32
@29 wow - I can't believe we had the same thought at the same time
MoonPatrol on October 7, 2010 at 6:57 PM Report this
33
His wife dumped because he's a bad Mo.
StuckInUtah on October 7, 2010 at 7:00 PM Report this
34
My guess is he's going all Bob Geldof as seen in Pink Floyd's The Wall. Soon, we'll see him with his eyebrows shaved at rallies festooned with images of marching screwdrivers, screaming about the queens and the coons and the reds and the Jews. Well, more than he does already, anyway.
Banna on October 7, 2010 at 7:02 PM Report this
35
Perhaps his wife dumped him because he's been faking being a Mo. Or he cheated on her. Or he's decided she needs a sister-wife and she refused....

Regardless, I really don't care what happened as long as he just shuts up and goes away.
StuckInUtah on October 7, 2010 at 7:03 PM Report this
36
annnnd right after the daily show and colbert tape their last shows of the week. nice timing beck.
taint on October 7, 2010 at 7:06 PM Report this
37
@34: and sitting next to a toilet, dipping his fingers in it and wiping his brow and sucking them whilst reading his "po-ems" as the worms eat into his brain...
pissy mcslogbot on October 7, 2010 at 7:09 PM Report this
38
Lovechild. Never meant to be....
Zander on October 7, 2010 at 7:30 PM Report this
39
Cancer.
OuterCow on October 7, 2010 at 7:34 PM Report this
40
He's developed Sjvgren's Syndrome.
COMTE on October 7, 2010 at 7:35 PM Report this
41
He discovered they changed the lock to his key from Mount Vernon, and he is all like:

"fucking locks, how do they work?"
pissy mcslogbot on October 7, 2010 at 7:46 PM Report this
42
Luffa scandal
benjammin509 on October 7, 2010 at 8:01 PM Report this
43
I am sure someone already expressed this but I am keeping my fingers crossed for terminal cancer.
danindowntown on October 7, 2010 at 8:06 PM Report this
44
@1: My first thought was not relapse, but prolapse. He's got the butthurt again.
Knat on October 7, 2010 at 8:10 PM Report this
45
Knat, though @29 and @30 had a jinx, you and I have just encountered the rare time warp jinx.
gloomy gus on October 7, 2010 at 8:17 PM Report this
46
@8 HA Yes! I'm totally with you on that one
tifeng on October 7, 2010 at 8:20 PM Report this
47
He has been ordered to return to his spacecraft.
ddt58 on October 7, 2010 at 8:24 PM Report this
48
Lovechild. Never meant to be...
Zander on October 7, 2010 at 8:31 PM Report this
49
@45: Awesome. I swear that I didn't even look at the comments on that post.
Knat on October 7, 2010 at 8:54 PM Report this
50
Baconcat, I have nothing against religion. I just believe that, like children, they should be seen and not heard. After all, some churches are quite pretty.
Catalina Vel-DuRay on October 7, 2010 at 9:00 PM Report this
51
Male menopause.
Keister Button on October 7, 2010 at 9:16 PM Report this
52
@50 Religions are interesting I guess, but believing in them doesn't make any sense.
Fish Wrench Asteroid on October 7, 2010 at 9:19 PM Report this
53
He's probably just changing the douchewater in his bulb again. He does that every few years.
Nofo on October 7, 2010 at 9:23 PM Report this
55
Come on gay sex scandal! I've got money riding on you!
amyl on October 7, 2010 at 9:48 PM Report this
57
October Surprise!
Arsfrisco on October 7, 2010 at 10:12 PM Report this
58
@35 FTW. Let's all just hope he shuts the fuck up.
dwight moody on October 7, 2010 at 10:15 PM Report this
59
my vote's on Bowel Movement
watchout5 on October 7, 2010 at 10:18 PM Report this
60
according to google translate's automatic language detection, 'laus deo' means 'free video' in Icelandic. i think this translation makes more sense in context
colinrichardson on October 7, 2010 at 10:18 PM Report this
61
@50: Ooooh, St. James is beautiful. And I kinda disagree on the "heard" unless we make an exception for bells. Papists are certainly experts at beautiful arrangements for church bells.
Baconcat on October 7, 2010 at 10:18 PM Report this
62
Is it wrong to hope it's spasmodic dysphonia?
madcap on October 7, 2010 at 10:29 PM Report this
63
I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that he's the best performance piece ever, and he's about to admit that it just got out of hand.
Michaela on October 7, 2010 at 10:36 PM Report this
64
He's just sad because he didn't get the Nobel for "writing" "The Overton Window"
on October 7, 2010 at 10:42 PM Report this
65
@56 - I vote D.
this guy I know in Spokane on October 7, 2010 at 11:16 PM Report this
66
@40, You are the fucking champ of this comment thread (and in a brutally tough field, no less.) Sjogren's Syndrome - that's goddamn genius.
JenV on October 8, 2010 at 12:18 AM Report this
67

In memory of Glen Beck, I give you this photo of Jessica Alba from Blue Crush. Bonus...there's something for Dan Savage in it.

http://dvdmedia.ign.com/dvd/image/articl…
Supreme Ruler Of The Universe on October 8, 2010 at 12:26 AM Report this
68
His family lost the remote for their TV.
stinkbug on October 8, 2010 at 12:47 AM Report this
69
His house keeper got caught in a parking lot buying drugs for him.
jeffg166 on October 8, 2010 at 2:16 AM Report this
70
It's going to be something lame and boring, fyi
planned barrenhood on October 8, 2010 at 2:33 AM Report this
71
People seem to forget that his Twitters are not the same hurriedly pecked out spur of the moment exclamations that regular people make. These are "Palin Facebook status update" kind of missives that go through rounds of writers, handlers and PR folks. This is meant to gin up interest (even on anti-Beck outlets like our beloved SLOG) over something that will be a carefully crafted and spun "event" in Beck's life.

He's probably feeling a little down after his big rally. He craves attention and we're feeding the monster.
Cracker Jack on October 8, 2010 at 5:42 AM Report this
72
I really hope it ISN'T this, but as I recall, his daughter has cerebral palsy. (She's the one who convinced him to Go Mo! too.) Something along the lines of John Travolta's son could have happened. It's very easy for a perfectly harmless situation to become dangerous for a CP sufferer.

I DO hope that he's converting back from Mo'nism to Catholicism. That would be a whole new ballgame of crazy. It's possible someone finally told him that the only church that recognizes the Church of Latter-Day Saints as Christians is the LDS — all other Christian churches define it as a separate religion. (Fun with Christian trivia! I knew I went to Sunday School for something.)
Puffin on October 8, 2010 at 5:48 AM Report this
73
@8, thank you.
Cienna Madrid on October 8, 2010 at 7:37 AM Report this
74
Glenn Beck raped and murdered a filr in 1990 and now they have FOUND HER BODY!!!!
subwlf on October 8, 2010 at 8:35 AM Report this
75
girl. not filr (whatever that is).
subwlf on October 8, 2010 at 10:19 AM Report this
76
I always finish my tweets with Latin. In this case, Glenn Beck quis a inflatus ass.
JimK on October 8, 2010 at 10:32 AM Report this
77
Gold lost it's value ?
TreGibbs on October 8, 2010 at 11:28 AM Report this
78
Moving out of the country??!!
lilmonster206 on October 8, 2010 at 11:39 AM Report this
79
He announced a while ago that he was going blind. Perhaps it is realized. Maybe now he'll see the light. For real.
Lookie Lookie Here on October 9, 2010 at 12:54 PM Report this
80
@1 thru 79: So many wonderful options, so much suspense. If he's truly going blind, perhaps it's a message from a Higher Power?
Dingle Berries on October 9, 2010 at 2:40 PM Report this
81
Likely: cancer.
Hoping for: kinky gay sex scandal, +/- hepatitis.
Violet_DaGrinder on October 9, 2010 at 8:08 PM Report this
82
BUCKET OF CHICKEN!!!!! HE WENT THROUGH THE WHOLE BUCKET OF CHICKEN!
on October 9, 2010 at 8:36 PM Report this

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