Those tent caterpillars can be dangerous.

And very wiggly. Their green blood turns people into man-eating cute bunnies.

Well, if you drink about a liter of it.

The coroner is calling it the first documented death of cuteness. Miss West's lungs were filled with kittens, and a massive caterpillar buildup was found to be squishing her brain, making it slippery. She will be buried in Boorian.

I think she would have rather been buried in Happy Valley. Or maybe Pleasant Acres.

May this essay bring you one fateful step closer to an unforgettable night with Burien's favorite son, young Joe Fitzgibbon.

Burien: reminding you that one of Seattle's "worst" neighborhoods is prettier, safer, and cheaper than 90% of America's best neighborhoods since 1870

seriously give me a fucking break. cultural relativity for the lose.

I will be working "Hold on to your buttholes" into conversation as often as possible for the next little while.

This sounds like an episode of Ren and Stimpy. Youuu eeedeeeuuht...

I'm confused. That's not the Burien library; it's the OLD Burien library. The new one is a giant, gleaming two-headed monster that's half library, half city hall. Burien is an awesome little town; decent brewpub, Aussie pies, a million places to get great Mexican food, the likes of which most of Seattle (outside of South Park) has no clue about. The lower part of the main shopping drag is a little too twee for me, but the upper sixties part is perfectly charming. And it's got about ten thousand midcentury modern houses.

Lindy, this post is the best poem you've ever written (that I've seen, I mean, of course)!

I especially liked where you got all Gertrude Stein-y w/the squished caterpillars!! w00t!

Yer making me squish my pants-caterpillar. Fucking awesome post.

Hey, I grew up in Burien. Don't think I'd ever move back, but still not a bad little town, all things considered.

I can't tell if this post is complimentary or not.

Best slog post since 1870

I believe a butthole is technically a negative space surrounded by butt, and, just as you cant put your arms around a memory, it is quite difficult to hold onto the nothingness of a butthole.
Even in the Disney movie, they failed to actually hold onto it, although Maxmillian Schell certainly tried.

However, if anyone can do it, Lindy could.

@4 Joe Fitzgibbon is most certainly not Burien's favorite son.

CATSPAW666, You make my day(s).

Love,
Auntie Yoko

@9 - you forgot a very active arts community, too. Burien is not Puyallup.

Vader was named after a German immigrant, too. When the citizenry named the town after him, he got pissed off and moved to Florida.

/lewiscountyhistory

What, not a word about the hellmouth?