Christian Mad Libs

Comments

1
A void seen only on an ambiguous billboard?
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disappointed in the way his followers have been acting.
3
Directly from the jesus-is.org website: Gay.
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Played.
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Going as Daphne next Halloween.
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A bully.
7
Jesus is... HIV POSITIVE, according to this crazy voodoo jeebus pastor in South Africa:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnew…

'Jesus was HIV-positive': South African pastor sparks outrage with bizarre claim

By Daily Mail Reporter
Last updated at 2:55 PM on 2nd November 2010

"A South African pastor has provoked outrage after beginning a recent sermon with the claim that Jesus Christ was HIV-positive.

Xola Skosana stunned his congregation in Cape Town's Khayelitsha township with the bold statement, news of which then quickly spread across the country.

And Christians have reacted angrily, claiming it portrays Jesus as sexually promiscuous.

'The subject of my Jesus being HIV-positive is a scathing matter,' said another local pastor, Mike Bele."

MORE STORY AT LINK ABOVE
8
@5: ♥
9
Jesus is empty and void. Jesus is a Buddhist.
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Lard.
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the opiate of the masses?
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gee, there's a lot of wack stuff on that site. e.g.: http://jesus-is.org/jesus_has_his_hands_…
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Dead. Has been for a long time now.
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HUNG.
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tasty.
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...a stranger to many self-proclaimed Christians.
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Jewish, dark-skinned, and dead as a doornail.
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magic. Thank you, Sarah Silverman.
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coming - quick: swallow or spit?
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a punk rocker!
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a handy way to raise mega money!
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Muhammad
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Not a bad dude, but taken way to seriously.
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It's a venal sin to spit, gus, jeez, cross yourself, quick.
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...not in my bathroom.
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an imaginary Jew
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just alright with me.
28
Jesus was an androgyne
Jesus was a he and she
Jesus was a freako baby--just like you and me
Jesus was a pagan
Jesus was a priest
Jesus was a beauty
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! was a beast.

(with sincerest apologies to Dory Previn)
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my gardener.
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pissed.
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pretty much whatever you imagine him to be, just like all other dead people.
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4 BONG HiTS
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is my hot rod.
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fictional.
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Canuck, he'll grant me a plenary indulgence if I follow it up by cooking dinner while he snoozes. Never fails.
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@Canuck and gus: You two are so cute. You're like the amicable version of Will and Fnarf.
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a fantastic bowler.
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smokin' hot.
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smokin' hot.
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wondering WWJD
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Sausage spelled backwards and incorrectly.
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coming, so you'd better look busy.
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a guy who would be a lot more accepting of homosexuality than his Christian-in-name-only followers.
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Jesus is crawling all over the walls. Damn, what did you put in this shit?
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...less effective than seat belts.
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@42:

Jesus is coming; he's wanking through the hole in his hand!

Also:

Everybody knows why Jesus died on the cross, right? HE FORGOT THE SAFE WORD!

Thanks a lot folks, I'll be here all week. Try the veal.
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Haploid.
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Haploid.
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a guy who would be a lot more accepting of homosexuality than his Christian-in-name-only followers.
50
...a pederast.
51
Ah, gus, you've got the moves...(and the body of our lord on your sheets, apparently)...better make some creme brulee, too, just to be safe...

Delishuss, thanks for your kind words! gus and I are fraternal twins born to different mothers, and we've been using Slog to reconnect--it's been an adventure!
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@19 facial
53
Why aren't these billboards being vandalized? I'm disappointed every time I drive by one in its original condition. Come on Seattle!
54
a terrible quarterback. Terrible. And overpaid. Jesus.
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this guy I used to work with in Arizona who could mix stucco really well.
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picking out a thermos for you.
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my next-door neighbor.
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Suspiciously silent.
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Someones invisible sky friend.
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easily nailed
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risen from the dead, making him a FREAKING ZOMBIE, you guys!
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Delishuss, it's true - I thank you too.
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http://jesus-is.org/selling_oranges_on_t…

I shouldn't be amused, but I am anyway.
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...not the one who put up this billboard.

Also, @53... no kidding! Where is the Billboard Liberation Front when you need them?
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... NOT to be fucked with. (click)
66
...crossing the road because He is nailed to the chicken!
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nothing.
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Was I the only comic nerd who immediately thought of Darkseid's two word proclamation at the end of that Justice League comic, the first time that billboard was spotted around town?
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...the reason I need therapy.
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Made up
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the reason for the season?
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the reason for the season?
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N'T.
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suing the Fundies to get his good name back.
75
I dunno... In the sign I see...

Jesus is nothing.
Jesus is undecided.
Jesus is non-descript.
Jesus is a void.
Jesus is blank.
Jesus is black.
Jesus is boring.
76
laughing her ass off.
77
Well Played, @27.
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@53 - I've been meaning to get a white paint pen to fill in the bumperstickers.
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n't.
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or was the 74th most popular boy baby name in 2006 here in the US.

In English "Jesus" means nothing. It is a poor translation of Yeshua. There is some historical evidence that a Yeshua (5-6 BCE - 27-30 CE) died by public, political execution. Even critics like John Remsburg and Richard Dawkins say that the odds are Yeshua did exist, even though the Gospels have no more historical evidence than myths do. But, that is about it. The little evidence available for existence of Yeshua is too weak for historians to be able to say anything on Yeshua's existence.
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this poop on my shoe?
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DUMPED!! just ask Madonna!
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misrepresented by a bunch of zealot bigot homophobes.

84
...a little judgey.
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just jizzed all over my curtains.
86
@77,
Thanks, I was wondering if anyone would notice
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a bit on the scrawny side, if you ask me.
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Not a rugby player.
http://timberdoodlerugby.tripod.com/id11…
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@ 86, I noticed too. That number is on my Gladys Knight Christmas album. Good one.
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in my grilled cheese sandwich.
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...crispy, even in milk?
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...the Latino prep-chef at my favorite restaurant?
93
your gardener. And the short order cook at your restaurant. And the chief janitor at your local school. And picking your vegetables, waiting your tables, blowing your sidewalks...
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lies, forgeries, and contradictions. Do Christians even read the Bible cover-to-cover? Sometimes I feel really sad for them and their delusions, but then I remember they are giant assholes about it.
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as Jesus does?
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gay and proud. Believe it!
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probably going to find his popularity unaffected by an expensive PR campaign.
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a sparkle magic unicorn.
99
also amused at Seattle's inability to fix the Viaduct situation (and highly favorable toward the tunnel option).
100
unable to explain the appeal of Sarah Palin. Seriously, what is up with that?