Constabulary Notes From All Over


repost from sunday?
I saw that news item yesterday. I think just safe to say to file that one under "mentally ill" and march right along.

And damn, cops do see *everything* -- which is why so many of them are fucked up after a while. :-/ Hazard of the job.
Hahaha, one of the commenters from the article composed a lovely poem that I'd like to share:

"At the point of her dagger she forced me to eat her/ she smelled deeply of pike this malodorous creature/ I gagged and I hurled as I attempted to please her /now my tongue won't perform and my willie won't either."
@ 1, yeah, this was on SLOG already. But as we know, SLOG authors don't read SLOG.
Should we repost all our jokes from the earlier thread too? Mine wasn't all that great.
i can't remember what i ate last week
@5: A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."
@7, that's a good one.
@7: and the vendor says

"OK, but it'll take ages."
welcome to last friday, Dan.
Man, if I wasn't friends with my boss on Facebook, "Somebody is going to eat my pussy or I’m going to cut your fucking throat" would totally be my next status update.
@7 the hot dog vendor gives him his dog and the Buddhist gives him $10. The vendor pockets it and the Buddhist asks for change, and the vendor says "change comes from within"
@11: You know, it's pretty straightforward to make a status update and specifically exclude certain people from seeing it. (Just click the little padlock icon under the update text box.)
Divine should have said that line in one of John Waters' early, trashy movies.
You are right, Jared, it's a total John Waters moment. That line would fit in any of his films. I would love to hear Kathleen Turner spout such filth.
I am so squigged out by the thought of the foul stench of "horrible vaginal odor emitting from Melissa Williams" that I can't even think of a response for this.

Eeewwwww. Pee-Yew. I'd rather smell Pepe Le Pew.
One word.
@13, but then you have to worry about other co-workers who are also friends with your boss commenting or sharing your status (I, personally, have several co-workers who would jump all over that one), and I'm not even sure how you avoid them seeing it six-degrees-of-Kevin-Bacon later. Gah, yes, I want to make that my status, too.
@8: Thank you, Punny Raccoon.
I personally love the fact that in something that's a SEXUAL ASSAULT with a DEADLY WEAPON, the biggest concern is the way she smells.

It's similar to the way I feel when I tell my friends "yeah, that person assaulted me" and they go "really? she's so UGLY!"

Because, yeah, the way she fucking looked was the thing that upset me the most about the situation. Yeah.

Least she didn't smell.
ms. williams quote lends itself well to deep purples' highway star. i am so fucked.
@20: my thoughts exactly. Why wasn't she arrested for sexual assault (attempted rape, dammit)?! Because she's a woman. That's how it works.