I had no idea you could do a thing like this. In return for this great gift, I vow never to criticize you openly again.

A shanem dank.

"Or his petzel, perhaps, was two sizes too small."

Poor schmo has a schlort.

Pretty funny Goldy. Happy Christmukah to you and yours.

That is AMAZING. ("What? Should I know the reason?")
Just excellent.

I'm forwarding this on to my whole Jewish family. I'm currently spending Hanukkah in my dorm room, being raped by final exams, but this just made my Hanukkah. Thanks, Goldy.

gloomy @1,

It's always fair to critique a critic, and there's no point to criticism that isn't open. So please, hold nothing back.

Go Cougs!

Ooh, I'm sharing a link to this on Pam's House Blend.

@6, I didn't mean it anyway, but thanks for the reprieve! I sure love what you wrote here.

Happy Hanukkah to you too venomlash! I hope your finals are over soon so you can celebrate.

LOL, I hope your family doesn't try to stage an intervention when they see you forward an article from The Stranger!

@10: No, they read the Chicago Reader.

Love love love. Thanks, Goldy!

That was the longest piece of Jooish dreck ever. Yasher koach.

@venomlash So who won this year anyway, latkes or hamentashen?

@14: I have no idea. The UChicago Hillel website doesn't have anything to say about if or how our ballots were counted.
Basically this year, the debate went as follows:
A divinities scholar gave some background and explained how over the course of their appearances in the Torah, Jacob goes from being like a hamantaschen to being like a latke, and Esau does the opposite.
The debaters were introduced with a few gags thrown in.
JOHN HENNING SCHUMANN, a medical doctor, got up and did a Teabagger/Pirate impression while ranting about how hamantaschen are good for the kidneys due to similarity in shape.
AARON DINNER, a chemistry professor, made an argument in favor of the latkes, claiming that the oil in which they are fried, since it represents the miracle of the sacred oil, should provide eight times as much energy in combustion as would normal oil.
HEIDI COLEMAN, a theater professor, made some wispy remarks on the beautiful transience of the crumbly hamantaschen and periodically summoned flocks of theater kids up to put on a little show.
PAUL SALLY, a mathematician, told a story about how, as an Irish boy going to college in Massachusetts in the 50s, he switched diners as a result of switching schools, and quickly stopped eating ham sandwiches and discovered the delights of latkes. And then he turned a hamantash into a latke by mathematical iteration.

I am Jewish. In the Middle Ages, fearing persecution, my family elected to become "crypto-Jews," who publicly renounced their Judaism and professed their Papal Catholicism, while secretly practicing their true religion in private. Many of them were discovered and burned at the stake or drawn and quartered by the Holy See. That was when we emigrated in secret to the "New World." Now we're persecuted in private by the so-called "tea party" and brainless dupes like "Rand" Paul (whose name is derived from the alias of a Jewish woman), and other mindless slugs who have to beat others down to achieve status. In public, they use code-words to slur us, like the ones they use for people of color. We're used to it, but that does not mean we accept it.

Venomlash, if I were the Nobel Prize for Brief Commentary I would award myself to you for that.

@16, are you on the right thread, hon?

Jewtacular. Or is it Jewtastic?

Must be read in the voice of Dr. Zoidberg.

Happy Hanukkah.

That was made of awesome! Thank you!!

To show my appreciation, I'd like to offer you some cake:

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2010/12/h…

@20: Ow. Don't those people know that you're supposed to eat OIL-FRIED foods on Hanukkah? Donuts for dessert!