Can't argue with that.
Excellent advice...probably won't help with the "disappointed by teenage boys in bed" part, though...
I'm frankly amazed that women would even need to be encouraged to masturbate in the first place. Don't they want to get off just as much as guys do? Women are always saying that their sex drives are just as strong as men's... but they don't masturbate? Either one of those statements is untrue, or women have an unbelievably powerful ability for self-denial.
Agreed. Fairy tales makes nice dreams, but sex eventually becomes all too real. The time will come for you to stop living the fantasy and face the reality. The more you know, as they say.
I am trying to remember who this person is without Googling.
Turns out, most women masterbate just as men. Some even start as early as men do. The only difference is, women don't talk about it as much or straight up lie and say they don't.
@3: "Women are always saying that their sex drives are just as strong as men's... but they don't masturbate?"

Well, the simple answer is that women who say their sex drives are as strong as men's are describing *their* sex drives ... not other women's. Seems logical.

I don't really understand why other women need to be held accountable for what I say, or vice versa. I think we'd be all overwhelmed by the paperwork.
I knew there was a reason why I liked her.
@5 Little Cindy Loo Who. Seriously.
I couldn't agree with Taylor more. Thankfully sex was never shamed in my household and I was able to grow up knowing that my sexuality isn't a bad thing and it has made me a better partner now.
@3, the plumbing arrangments, not to mention the socialization arrangements are fundamentally different. It's very difficult for boys to not realize they've got a neat toy to play with; many girls never realize they've also got a toy, or find out only by accident and then you get the general girls+sex=shame meme glopped onto that.

Girls *need* to hear people like Taylor Momsen, early and often. That's all too rare, unfortunately.

Yup, it's the truth. Attention, men: we touch ourselves. And we've been doing it just as long as you -- once we figured out how our junk worked & it could make us feel good. Most of those women are lying about getting off alone. Society's the reason why all these women pretend. It's so fucking stupid. True, sex is more important to you guys than it is to us (we still love it though), but we're also hornballs like you. Difference is, we just place emotion higher than the basic sexual drive. And yes, dumbasses, of course there are exceptions to the rule, but I think this is a very fair general statement.
Dr. Laura Berman has said some interesting things on this topic. She also encourages teenage girls to masturbate (and get a vibrator) and says it will help them take more/better control over their future "partnered" sex life. In other words, if you have previous experience with masturbation, you may be less likely to "get caught in the moment" and do something like have unprotected sex, or sex when you're not ready.

The other thing she said was that when girls don't masturbate before their first sexual encounters, they may develop the feeling that a guy is the only thing that can make them feel this way. That if they want to feel that kind of pleasure, they need to get it from a guy. I think, the implication being, that girls may be less likely to put up with shit from guys if they know that they can just go home to their vibrator.
On a personal note, I have to say that I used every scrap of, er, self-knowledge I had the first time I went down on a girl. That's got to be an interesting land mine for you men doing the same...
Ness @9, thanks, I'm trying to remember her still. (Cindy Loo Who I got, no prob!) I saw the name in some credits on some series on Netflix I watched and thought, oh, that's who that is...she had sort of a hard-bitten look if I recall correctly.
Dan. I am a guy, I lost my virginity at 20, and it was the first orgasm I had ever had. I never masturbated before I had sex. Ever. I promise. No one ever told me not to, and I was not asexual or anything, I just didn't. I do it plenty now, and am all for it, for everyone - but really, would you maybe consider not writing so many great big witty paragraphs that all boil down to you telling me and everyone like me that we DO NOT EXIST? Because we exist. We really do. That is all.
there's lots of misinformation or lack of information that leads to girls masturbating less:
1) the myth that girls orgasm primarily from penetration
2)lack of description of sexual function of clitoris in sex ed in school
3) lack of portrayal of female masturbation in popular culture
4) lack of just about anyone talking about female masturbation at all

and lastly, i agree with 11. female plumbing really is a bit more obscure and less obvious. little boys have boners sticking out all over the place and one stray wrinkle in the shorts sets 'em off. with girls, you gotta dig it out. and if no one mentions it to a 13 year old...or 14, 15, 16 17 CRAP! 18 YEAR OLD...she might just not think to go digging.
i can say from experience with my 1st 2 GFs: it never even occurred to them that they could have orgasms. they were mighty surprised, i'm proud to say.
Gus, she's also Jenny on Gossip Girl (I'm sure you've never watched such dreck): blonde hair, huge tits, raccooned eyes.
Good for her: she's someone a teenaged girl might actually listen to.

Not *all* women masturbate just as much as you men; not *all* women don't ever touch themselves. Some do and start early, some start later, some never do.
Some of us need more direct clitoral stimulation than a human being (oneself or another) can provide, and don't--or can't--get a vibrator until later in life, so that even if you've been trying, you still haven't approached orgasm before your first encounter with another human.

Momsen got into trouble recently for saying that her best relationship was with her vibrator (she was under 18 when she uttered that phrase), but if young girls had ready access to vibrators as easily as boys had access to porn, there'd be a lot of women more well-informed about what gets them off and they could help their partners more.

Nothing is visible, and anything pertaining to sex is tinged with shame for young girls. And even the vibrator most commonly recommended, the Hitachi Magic Wand, doesn't do the trick for many women. But that style is the only kind that can be bought as a personal massager. The rabbit-type vibes, which work better for me and every female friend I've asked (so admittedly a small sample: maybe 12 or so women) are either sold in sex shops only to women over 18, or can be bought online--provided the girl has her own credit card or mom and dad will let her use theirs. Not many girls I know would be comfortable asking M&D to buy a dildo/vibrator. And then there's the question of where to hide it, if she doesn't want her usage to become general (or parental) knowledge.

I masturbated with a pillow for years, from age 7-ish till about high school, when the shame it due to religous force-feeding made it emotionally painful.

Junior year of college rolls around, I start using my brain, but then can't' reach orgasm with a piillow, or my fingers, or anything until I get the guts to order a vibe from Amazon.

Now I can't orgasm with another person, or with just my fingers (working on that, but the concept of No Orgasms Until You Get One Manually is a tough pill to swallow)
@19 My mom asked if I wanted a vibrator when I was 14. I feel very lucky to have a parent like her; I wish moms like mine were more common. (Yes, I took her up on her offer. My teen years rocked.)
@21 wow, nice...
Eureka! I had to look it up finally - "Paranoid Park" is the only thing I've seen her in, so no wonder I thought of her as hard-bitten. Thanks for the hints, Ness and nocutename.
I heartily encourage Ms. Momsen to make a series of demonstration videos. She's legal now, right? I know she got her tits out at a concert a while back, which technically made everyone in the audience a child molester, but she's turned 18, right?
I can't believe Dan Savage re-posted something Taylor Momsen said about sex. Here's the true story behind her quote:

1. Publicist tells Momsen: you're not staying relevant enough.
2. Momsen flashes pasties-covered boobs at concert.
3. Publicist tells Momsen: you're not staying relevant enough.
4. Momsen reads "Faux Female Sexual Empowerment for Fame and Fortune," finds some recycled quote from "Our Bodies, Ourselves."
5. Momsen tells the world she thinks girls should masturbate.
6. Momsen tops Yahoo search list for 15 seconds.
7. Repeat as needed.
I had to tell my toddler kids (14 months apart - one boy, one girl) that it was not appropriate to hump their stuffed animals in the living room without somehow making them feel shamed about it.

Luckily, I didn't seem to screw them up too much, as they seem to have good attitudes about sex now (in their early 20s).
Barbara, when my younger daughter was about 4, we were having dinner one night when she began rubbing against the edge of the dining table. S(he was naked at the time, but she was usually naked.)
I said, "Sweetie, I know that what you're doing makes your vagina feel really good (don't get all 'use the correct term; it's a vulva' on me, people, please), and it's fine to make your vagina feel good. But there are some things we do in private, like in our bedrooms, and some things we do in rooms where the whole family is, and touching your vagina is something you should do in private if you want to do it."
Without a word, she got up and went into her bedroom. As the door closed, the rest of the family cracked up.

Nevertheless, now that she's eleven, there's no way she would let me know that she even knows what masturbation is, let alone when or how she does it.
I had my first orgasm at age 5...during sleep. Then I spent a couple of years trying to get that wonderful feeling again. It wasn't that hard to figure out. And so when I first had sex with a guy, it was easy to determine that HE was clueless, not me.

One of my college friends informed me that she never masturbated. My response: this is the very definition of female passivity. This woman evidently could not be bothered to put her hand between her legs. Wow. No wonder some women are so clueless about what constitutes good sex.
@27, that is a wonderful story!!
@29 LOLZ
Talking about sex wasn't a taboo in my circle of friends so I told them that I wanted to get a dildo. It turned out their sex-positive attitude only applied to good old boy-on-girl sex; they were truly horrified that I intended to "lose my virginity to an object". Whatever, I wasn't gonna have sex with whoever had a penis just to get the most of the equipment I was born with. And seeing how long it took me to become mentally and emotionally ready for sex, I cringe thinking how many years of fun I could have missed. Sadly, I fear the prevailing attitude among teenage girls is that of my friends.
When I found out that little HRHette was "borrowing" one of my lesser-used vibrators that she had found in my nightstand, I talked to her about it, and then gave it to her. I encouraged her in our talk to explore her sexuality alone for a long time before including someone else in it. I also encouraged her to never borrow or lend her toys. Ewwww.
Momsen is absolutely right on, I wish more people would be. I'm 18 now, bought a vibrator on Amazon at 17 using my Mom's credit card. I bought it in the same order as a bunch of Christmas presents so I'd have an excuse not to tell her what I was getting. I'm so glad I've got it, it's really improved my orgasms and has made it much easier not to lose my virginity to the first willing dick to come along.
Girls, especially younger ones, need to be aware of this sort of thing. Most teenage girls will talk about sex quite openly, but I've never admitted to anyone that I have a vibrator.
@14 A land mine indeed. How long does it take guys to figure out how to finger a woman, or perform cunnilingus? Quite a while, and lots of experience with the same woman. Women have a distinct advantage there. Can guys "measure up" in that department?
Partner-sex virgin here. I think I'll masturbate in celebration of this post tonight. :)
@12: Confluence, based on your comment, I'll guess you haven't had sex with many women.

Yes, there are plenty of women with strong libidos who know exactly what they want, and god bless each and every one of them, especially Gloria. There are also far too many women who haven't touched themselves longer than 5 seconds, have never experienced orgasm, and believe their job during sex is to just lay there. This is something well known to both straight guys and lesbians, at least in my generation (Generation X).

Perhaps the situation has improved with all the porn you kids have access to?
Humans aren't the only animals that masturbate:…
@39: Well known. There's a bit in Dian Fossey's "Gorillas in the Mist" where one gorilla keeps trying to play with "his" peers, keeps getting pushed away, and finally just sits down and has a wank. (I say "his" because the gorilla in question, nicknamed "Puck", had been assumed to be male due to behavior, but later was revealed to be female after giving birth.)
Yay masturbation! Yay female pleasure! Who the fuck is Taylor Momsen?

@2: Totally WILL help that part, if they can offer direction because they know themselves. Knowing what works and what doesn't may also help them be more assertive and insist on their own pleasure, as they'll know what sex/orgasm is "supposed" to feel like (or what it can feel like), and will therefore know that there IS something on which they can insist.

@14: Probably, unless one has read a lot of firsthand accounts, has strong anatomical knowledge, is generally good at applying theory to practice, picks up on verbal/non-verbal cues, and has a self-aware partner. Then it's really just satisfying.
I've never understood why masturbation isn't discussed more in school sex ed. It seemed a sensible topic in conjunction with everything else. It shocked me that former Surgeon General Joyce Elders was fired for her statement (more of response to an audience member actually) regarding masturbation. America is way more prudish than it thinks it is sometimes.
Since my girlfriend has given me the okay to share this story, I shall.
Apparently, she's masturbated since her early teens. However, she never realized what she was doing until after we started having sex, thereby having something to compare to. No, I don't even know.

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