Today in WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN THE ZODIAC'S ALL DIFFERENT NOW?!?

Comments

1
Taurus women are GIB.

No idea about Taurean men, tho.

But at least you can buy a car with your star sign on it from Ford ...
2
Oh, great. I'm a Leo. All those people and their "oh, yeah, typical Virgo" comments can SUCK IT.

Of course, since these sky changes have taken thousands of years, it's not like things have suddenly changed. Every astrological chart that's been produced in my lifetime is not just full of shit for the obvious reasons, but BY THEIR OWN RULES as well.
3
I know a number of people whose poor widdle superstitious ape-brains should be 'sploding right about now...
4
Like hell I'm becoming a Gemini. Too many damn crazies in that tribe.
5
I call bullshit as people have told me before that I'm a textbook Sagittarius. I'll stick with my own personal cosmology and nonsensical theories, thank you very much.
6
bitchin, my shit did NOT change.
7
I don't know why this is so upsetting to me when I know it's all bullshit!
8
I stand by my previous level of beleif in astrology: Half-heartedly, tongue firmly planted in cheek, and read the details.
Funny, I don't feel much different with the possibility that I may be a Leo instead of a Virgo. I don't feel any sexier.
Doesn't matter, I still share a birthday with Freddy Mercury, Bob Newhart, Jesse James, and Jack Daniel (yes, the Tennessee whiskey maker).
9
Fnarf, give me my Leo back!! According to this, I am now a Cancer, pfft! Cancers are sensitive and indirect, whereas Leos are obnoxious exhibitionists...I can't become indiscreet at this late stage of the game...trade?
10
Um that list isn't right either. What about Ophiuchus?
11
Isn't your sign dependent on the day you were born, and the position of the stars on that day and year are what determine what you will always be? Shouldn't this only affect those born now? I have no idea what the hell I'm talking about thought.
12
...I meant "discreet"....jeez, I can't even type it...
13
I was born a Cancer and will die a Cancer...or die of cancer. Either way, No fucking way am I a Gemini!!!
14
My birthday is May 13, so I guess I'm an Aries/Taurus hybrid. Always wondered what would happen when a ram mated with a bull.

Actually, I never even considered that until this very second.
15
Wait ... how come the Star Signs don't show Pluto as a planet ...
16
Next please tell us about Indigo and Rainbow children.
18
Fun trivia: I got stoned in college with the great grandson of Percival Lowell, who began the search for Pluto, then called "Planet X."
19
I am still a Leo, and never doubt it.
20
Liza and I remain Pisces and wouldn't have it any other way what with dreams, drink, drugs and drag.
21
As a victim of a once gemini, now to be known as taurus, I too am not very happy about this.
22
I guess I changed from some old geezer that carried buckets of water around into a capricorn. WTF is a capricorn anyway? Some sort of unicorn or something?
23
The fact that I'm simultaneously thinking "astrology is total bullshit" and "thank God I'm not a Virgo!" either makes me a complicated person or an idiot. Glad I'm still a Leo, not that it matter. (I could do this all day)

I've mentioned this shift from time to time to astrology followers who are always horrified at first, but then just go back to identifying with their previously-thought sign.
24
I checked and all the horoscopes for today said "Go to the Candlelight Vigil at Westlake Park at 7:30 pm tonight".
25
I've known this since I took a couple of astronomy classes 20 years ago...
26
If anyone cares, there are no constellations called Capricorn or Scorpio in astronomy... but there are contellations called Capricornus and Scorpius.

And astrology is geocentric, so it really doesn't matter where the stars are (relative to the earth), just the sun, moon and planets of our solar system.
27
Humpy: do you also love tomatoes and black capped chicadees?
28
WHEW! still a pisces!
29
Choose a path that's clear.
Choose free will.
30
I'm with you, @13. Believe or not, I refuse to be born under Gemini - sticking with Cancer!
31
You're such a Gemini, Humphrey ;)
32
Of course, the actual zodiac, the constellations the sun can rise in, doesn't even number 12 anymore. Meet Ophiuchus.
http://scepticon.wordpress.com/2008/10/1…
33
The. FUCK. I am an Aquarius. A Pisces I was born and a Pisces I will DIE. So yeah, for some unknown reason part of me is really upset by this, but the other part of me is tickled because it's going to make my ex husband stealing ex girlfriend's, head explode, because according to her it's ALL TRUUUUUUUUEEE. God I wish I could be there.
34
Oh great. Now I'm from that stinking, flowerless planet run by gloved, tatooed terrorists instead of the just and peaceful world of Geminon?
35
@33 welcome to the dark side.
36
NOOO!!!!

I've gone from Libra to Virgo. What will I ever do now?
37
instead of a world changing aquarius , i'm now a capricorn.. wait.. jesus was a capricorn.. never mind.
38
I'm pretty sure #11 is correct. This doesn't apply to everyone, just people born more recently. Not that this shit matters in the slightest...
39
Hmmmm... I wonder how hard it would be to alter this giant scorpion tattoo into a set of scales?
40
i don't believe in astrology at all, but all fucking geminis are crazy.
41
Yes astrology is bullshit, but the precession of the equinoxes is not news. It's been known for thousands of years, and the astrologers account for it. I think they even discovered it.
42
On that astrology website how come that every choice I make in the "Love Match" section always ends up as a good love match? Any astrologers want to explain that?
43
Still a Leo. Suck it Babylon.
44
God I love it when scientists troll new-agers.
45
No friggin' way am I a capricorn...
46
Forget the Tea Party, this will be the next civil war.
47
Damn Humps, now I have to waste a bunch of my precious time reading about sidereal and freakin jyotisa astrology? THANKS, no really THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!! I'M JUST SOOOOO GLAD THAT I KNOW THAT I'M A FUCKING SEA GOAT NOW!!!
I liked "Hair" why did you do this to me? Why!?!
48
I must admit, the description of Sagittarius fits me way better than Capricorn ever did. Except for the "prefers moody colours like rich maroon and navy" bit. So Sags dress like a bunch of math teachers? Great.

But wait! Capricorns prefer "earthy brown and khaki, much like the classic, relaxed slacks they like to wear". Okay, then, it's decided! I'm out to buy navy and maroon underthings.
49
37, 45 We don't have to take this shit, if there's one thing that being an Aquarius taught me it's to...always, um, bring...a, a bottle of water?
51
Man, I've gone from being a Virgo... to being a Virgo. How disappointing.
52
As Iridius @10 points out, there are 13 constellations along the ecliptic. But of course, that would be unlucky, so astrologers oh-so-honestly just stuffed the Serpent Bearer down the memory hole. Babylonian mystics: the original Faux News!
53
Aw, look: http://cid-10c91a789118a2ae.photos.live.…
As a now sappy, sensitive Cancer, I feel it is my duty to paste in this heartwarming picture. (Sweet.)
54
@40,

FUCK YOU! NO WE'RE NOT!!!
55
@40,

PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME! I'LL DO ANYTHING IF YOU'LL STAY!!!
56
I like it...I move from Libra to Virgo...Oct 22nd.

Librans are so indecisive.

I mean. I think I like it

Maybe Virgo's not that great.

Or better...
57
@38: yes, this only affects people born recently. If by recently you mean the last couple hundred years.
58
@23, my thoughts exactly. Astrology is 100% pure bullshit, but I'll admit to a small feeling of relief to see I was still a Leo. I think it's like when a sports team changes cities or names; totally irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, but the fans don't like a piece of their personal history being broken. Most of us learned our "sign" as children and have joked and carried on inane conversations on the subject all our lives, even as we knew it was and is bullshit. I think for the Leos especially, having such a self-serving and ego-stroking sign (ruling "planet" - the Sun, no less) makes it harder to let go of, even as we know it's fictional.
59
as a lesbian. . i'm. . . i'm. . . ugh, I dunno what to do. The world changed today.
60
If the old calendar dates of the star-signs are wrong, then haven't all the matching horoscopes been equally wrong? Doesn't it all net out?

And what about the great Julian/Gregorian calendar realignment of 1753?
61
@ 58, that was pretty confusing. Sounds like you believe, even though you keep calling it bullshit.

BTW, why is everyone who is calling it bullshit saying what sign they are?
62
@36, me too. I'm feeling a true existential crisis. Being Libran was so central to my being.
63
As long as I get to keep my Chinese zodiac animal. . .
64
@61, I'm sorry if it was confusing. To be clear, I most certainly do NOT believe in astrology, or any other kind of magical thinking for that matter. What I was attempting, and perhaps failed, to convey is how you can feel an emotional attachment to something even as you fully understand that it's purely arbitrary.
Think of it this way. Our birthdays are totally arbitrary. There is no objective value in the Earth's orbit around the Sun. In fact, because our calendar isn't too precise, the position of the Earth on our "birthday" wobbles from year to year. Yet many many people, if they were told that in fact their birthday was 2 months later than they had thought all their lives, would probably not be happy about it. Especially at first, celebrating the birthday at a totally different date would feel "wrong". This doesn't mean you attach any ultimate meaning to it, just that you have emotional associations to a given date. I hope that clears it up.
65
#64 you know, that was actually one of the more well voiced explanations for why we take on deep affection for, and care about, so many rather arbitrary things: they may or may not be actually relevant to much of anything, let alone magic, but in some corner of our minds, they take on an arbitrary magic of a sort, and we fall in love with perhaps the idea of that lesser magic? Like I wrote above--I really do have a lot of the stereotypical Sagittarius traits, but for all we know my birthday is +/- 60 or 90 days of when it was, and I may have been either an Ophicuious or a Scorpio all my life. So -- are the traits there from a cosmic scheme, or just who I am? Does it matter, if I have a bit of fun with the idea?

Well written, dude.
66
In other news, it turns out that it was 4 little pigs, not 3.
67
This has all been debunked. As you were.

http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/astr…
68
Thank you, Lynx.
69
If a person says what sign they are, it's very easy for a believer in astrology to then fit what they know about that person to their sign, which is what typically happens.

If astrology believers who were also "experts" spent a lot of time talking to and observing the behavior of a group of 1,000 people and then concluded what sign each person was, their correct conclusions would be no greater than chance.

70
@65, thanks, though just FYI I'm female, for the record ;-)

I visited a comments thread on OK! magazine about this. There's a bit of a pitched battle between, apparently, people with or without lobotomies.
http://www.okmagazine.com/2011/01/new-zo…
71
Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with.
72
64/Lynx: Yet many many people, if they were told that in fact their birthday was 2 months later than they had thought all their lives, would probably not be happy about it. Especially at first, celebrating the birthday at a totally different date would feel "wrong". This doesn't mean you attach any ultimate meaning to it, just that you have emotional associations to a given date.

In my experience, people who believe in astrology go way beyond that. They don't simply have an emotional attachment to their sign. They make assumptions about other people -- what their interests are, how they behave -- based on their signs.

It's one thing to be unhappy if you found out you were actually born in Cleveland instead of Seattle. It's quite another to believe that what city a person is born in determines who they are.
73
fuck, I'm still a Leo, even on the new changed chart. I've never felt any affinity to Leo. Fortunately I don't believe in Astrology, but still, it'd be cool to have another option...
74
Lessee... June 21st.
I used to be a Gemini on the cusp of Cancer... but now I'm a Taurus on the cusp of Gemini...

Which means I still get to read two horoscopes and then choose whichever I like better.

So yay, I guess.
75
Hmmm... I'm a Capricorn/Aquarius cusp, and fall into a perfect combination of those stereotypes. According to this I'd become a Capricorn/Sagittarius cusp, and the latter is really not me at all.

On the other hand, my boyfriend is currently a Leo and under this would be a Cancer... and neither of them really suits him at all.

On balance, I reckon I'm going to go with the current-likeness-is-coincidence, astrology-is-bullshit point of view.