Unity in Levity

Comments

1
Good god.
2
One. more. Body shot for the last one...
3
What was the winning bid?
4
I think I'd rather eat the couch than read this.
5
What is?

I don't even.
6
There should be a special Slog category for these Dennis Dale posts, "$#*! My Dad Says."
7
Jello shot!
8
For next year's Strangercrombie you should threaten to let Mr. Dale post again if we don't pay up. Guaranteed moneymaker.
9
Mindless babble. My eyes crossed after the first paragraph.
10
jeez louise. if this dude got paid by the word, he'd get bush-era tax cuts.
11
diarrhea ppp ppp
12
@6 & @gus.......yes!!!
13
I'm sorry to be the one to break the news to you, but you, sir, have absolutely no abilities as a writer whatsoever.
14
This is your last post, right? You never made a damned bit of sense. Not once. Did you even try?
15
:(
16
It's a shame you can't harness this gift of yours into writing books, because then I could ignore them.
17
I'm gonna go take a dump. What comes out of my ass in the next few minutes will be more interesting than anything you write. Good day, sir!
18
It's nothing short of lovely, Dennis, to watch you reduce the pseudo-educated ignorati of Seattle to gibbering imbecility with a mere few thousand words of actual literary content. It's more fun than giving acid to a PTA mom.

Don't worry, kids. This will all be over soon. If you start to feel slightly queasy, the bathroom is right down the hall. Bring that tattered copy of Rita Dove you've had since freshman gender studies. Relieve yourself copiously. Lie down, take a Xanax and turn on "This American Life." In an hour or two your old reality will come right back. Thank god for those little blue pills!
19
It's nothing short of lovely, Dennis, to watch you reduce the pseudo-educated ignorati of Seattle to gibbering imbecility with a mere few thousand words of actual literary content. It's more fun than giving acid to a PTA mom.

Don't worry, kids. This will all be over soon. If you start to feel slightly queasy, the bathroom is right down the hall. Bring that tattered copy of Rita Dove you've had since freshman gender studies. Relieve yourself copiously. Lie down, take a Xanax and turn on "This American Life." In an hour or two your old reality will come right back. Thank god for those little blue pills!
20
I'm pretty sure there were a couple genuinely amusing moments buried in that avalanche of inanity. Shame.
21
@18 This is "more fun than giving acid to a PTA mom". Truly gripping coming right after a post about eating couch foam. You have found our intellectual shallowness and it is such delicious fun. Truly we cannot wrap our minds around the giant turds you so love to polish.
22
18/19 is Dennis Dale himself
23
DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!
24
I think someone else touched on this, but I'm just wondering what was going through the daughter's mind when she decided to give Mr. Dale this forum. Either she's got a serious vendetta against her father and wants to see him humiliate himself publicly or (the more plausible explanation) she's almost as delusional and utterly lacking in self-awareness as he is.

I think the first commenter on the Dennis Dale post yesterday summed things up quite well with one word, "Loughneresque."

My other favorite Dennis Dale comment comes from Joe Szilagyi:
Dennis Dale: Chastened into enlightenment by yesterday's demands for brevity

Joe: ...immediately followed by 2,089 additional words.

Speaking of irony-free zone, in that 2K+-word post this gentleman said he was offended that the WNBA should foist on the nation its allegedly inferior product (a product that only happens to involve some of the best female athletes in the world), and yet he sees no problem with foisting his bizarre ramblings on the readers of the most popular blog in the Seattle area.

Disclaimer: I did not read the entire post, but kinda hard to look away from.
25
..does this child talk like this ?
.. and what's really twisted was that i kind of looked forward to this post..i had to skim it a few times to get an idea what he might be saying.. dick cheney... blah blah....then gave up figuring i'd get much more from the comments instead.
you guys rule.
26
@22 Of course. As was Rhettro.
27
@26: no... I sincerely do hope that Rhettro was a buddy of his who came to visit.

Any other prospect is just too too depressing.
28
I wish I was Mencius. Judging from the comment counts he gets he's got some serious traffic--and he regularly dashes off 5,000+ word columns of such depth and erudition that I realize I'll never catch up, not if I had two more lifetimes. Should've stayed in school.

One serious note on style--the author should force the reader to work a little, to draw him out--and into the text.
29
mmmm, a 2000+ word salad full of nonsense croutons and some stale bad stinky cheese; topped with an oozing faux intellectual dressing...

it is the far to overwrought version of this chomsky example sentence: Colorless green ideas sleep furiously
30
I wish I was Mencius. He regularly dashes off 5000+ word essays of such wit and erudition that I realize I couldn't catch up if I had two more lifetimes, and he engages in comment threads that go into the hundreds--and not a "poo!", TL;DR or other such monosyllabic horseshit in the bunch--giving me some serious hit-count envy. Should've stayed in school.

Google him--I would be proud to be able to do that.
31
@28, the only problem is you write boring pieces about boring things. Also, you seem to be too stupid to realize how boring and stupid you actually are.
32
Coming soon to a blog near you: Filibuster!™ with Dennis Dale.
33
I just wish I had been more clear about the initial gag--Dick Cheney needs a heart transplant, so anyone with a healthy ticker should be careful if they get injured near whatever hospital he is in

On my own blog I would be going back in and editing it compulsively--I usually don't get what I want until I've done something like ten re-writes. Here I have to send in an email--two a day--and it's out of my hands. Thus the cheesy recourse to re-runs of old stuff.
34
I take away from the experience a new-found respect for the folks here who work on a deadline, and the discipline has been good for me. Somebody once said a work of art is never finished--only abandoned.
35
I think you just wrote a stunning piece of Bush/Rove/Dale dom/sub slashfic.

My hat is off to you, sir.
36
I'm assuming his final post will be the entire unabridged Oxford dictionary.
37
@28

"One serious note on style--the author should force the reader to work a little, to draw him out--and into the text."

1. Um, no. Read Strunk & White or the Chicago Manual.
2. Even if this were true, you have to draw people in before you 'draw them out'...the following sentence, the first in the piece, is complete garbage.

"The following diary fragments were found by rebel forces of the breakaway American states near the ruins of President George W. Bush’s secret bunker at the close of the Second Civil War in May of 2008."
38
Mr. Dale's earlier efforts have been, in addition to warped and appalling ……well, let's say opaque. Full of long elliptical sentences overburdened with adjectives a la Henry James on crank. But this post, while not as badly written, is just sad and weird and makes me think of some lonely kid in an attic making up stories to comfort himself. I mean he even gets to keep the dog in the end!
Now as some of you may know I have an over developed empathy gland. For example, I once ate an entire apple I didn't really want because it was pointed out to me that it was Fuji apple, and if I didn't eat it, the apple would lose face.
This post is making my empathy gland hurt! It's making me feel bad for him! Like the Fuji apple!
So yes, between that, and the damage my liver has incurred this past week what with all the shots, for purely medical reasons, I will be glad when this is over. As I am sure will be the Daughter Dale. Ow! My gland!
39
@ 10 and 36: excellent.

and now, my dear friends, a little bit of genuinely funny writing to cleanse your palate: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/20…

it's a little long, but i PROMISE you, it's worth every moment. :)
40
zzz
41
@28 - I don't think you should have any problem tossing out 5,000 word posts. Just keep throwing random adjectives around like you're doing and you'll be there in no time.

Of course, the depth and erudition part...well, I'm afraid that ship has sailed.
42
Lissa, I am sad about your gland. Soon Mr. Dale will be just an unhappy memory.
43
@28, it's one thing to draw them in, but you don't have to drown them.
44
Looks like the verbal constipation you had mid week has cleared.
45
"We're all trained to reproduce these routinized, unreflective mind secretions." (DD, yesterday).

Dude, low grade chronic emotional stress (like thinking the government is illegitimate, or the second Civil War is coming, or everyone's against you/don't understand what's obvious, or the government trains our minds by controlling grammar) can destroy those very cells that allow us to have a firm grip on reality*. I'm looking at this essay from 2008 and it's a lot more coherent than your more recent stuff. A lot.

May I recommend that you stop writing on the internet for a while. Just a little while. And start daily taking some omega fatty acids; they're actually brain-protective. Go for walks. Socialize with your family. Try not to think too much about politics. It's not really worth it if it makes a person sick. Science just found out recently that the reparative abilities of the brain are huge, even into old age, as long as you're not damaging it with stress hormones.

As far as the story: it was nice that you saved the dog from the bunker. I was a little confused how there could be a garden in the bunker. Perhaps a little more of a set up description would help to set the scene. Also, you seem to strongly hate/fear powerful women. Why IS that? Neither Laura nor Michelle were/are anything but graceful wives and first-ladies.
Also, Oh-my-god... (going to avoid the acronyms because neither you nor I like them), Was Cheney or Rove hitting on you?! What is up with THAT?

I just wanted to add that you seem to lump all Sloggers together when you make your hateful, bigoted comments about us. Did you know there are several conservatives here? In fact, any reasonable person is welcome and treated with respect. Also (according to "Where are You Reading Slog" from a few months ago), most Sloggers appear to be from somewhere other than the Northwest, myself included. Also, most of us are middle-aged, (not "kids"), and actually-educated (rather than "pseudo-educated", another term that doesn't make sense). I'll tell you a little something personal: My most favoritistic person in the whole wide world is my ex-marine, gun-toting, Republican father. I respect his politics because he's not a bigot and he's not contemptuous of other people or their lifestyles or politics "unless they're a bad person" as he likes to say.

Contempt. That's what you've conveyed well. The fact that your contempt is wide-reaching and apolitical does not change what it is. Contempt for the world or for large swaths of humanity is bad for you. Just saying.

http://www.fi.edu/learn/brain/stress.htm…
46
Also: GO PACKERS!
47
DD double post at 28 & 30 prove that the double post at 18 & 19 is the same lunatic.

Sandiai@26 is also correct.
48
@39. That was lovely!
49
"Mars Attacks!" was a terrible, terrible movie. Tim Burton owes me $12 and two hours.
50
I kinda liked the warning to stay away from hospitals in the Cheney vicinity.
It could've ended there and been a succesful post. So close.
52
@45: You were quoting me and attributing it to Dale.
53
@52: Some people are mixing the two of you up. I think some people may also think that you are a Dennis Dale sock puppet.
54
DD you have successfully wasted your shot here. rather than using your shot at the Sloggers in an attempt to convince anyone that you should be followed hereafter you rather have populated the net with enough senseless, boring and useless blather that you made sure to seal your fate as an ineffective and forced writer of big words with no big ideas--no value.

Lissa's Organ is suffering and, your daughter now has documentary evidence that you are a baffoon.

maybe one day you will write less and say more. stop wasting people's time with nonsense because you want to show people you know a lot of fancy words or watched a lot of old movies. maybe try movie reviews or something--trouble is you probably couldn't handle that either.