Film/TV Mar 1, 2011 at 11:18 am

Two and a Half Douches

Lindy West
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Comments

1
My goodness, the two of them are peas in the same pod after all...
gloomy gus on March 1, 2011 at 11:23 AM Report this
2
I usually make it a point to not throw up in my mouth but for this I made an exception.
m@tt on March 1, 2011 at 11:29 AM Report this
3
funnier than his show
dirge on March 1, 2011 at 11:32 AM Report this
4
Seriously, a "dark echo of an oceanic state of unifying transcendence"?

I hope Mudede's getting paid beaucoup, and that Savage is OK with him spending so much time moonlighting as a ghostwriter for Lorre & Sheen.
also on March 1, 2011 at 11:32 AM Report this
5
Considering how much money these people make I suppose sanity was a bad career move for me.
Danger on March 1, 2011 at 11:33 AM Report this
6
Meh. I always enjoy the titlecards he puts at the end of the shows.
Will in Seattle on March 1, 2011 at 11:33 AM Report this
7
My boyfriend tried to read this in its original form last night (yes, we watched Mike and Molly and yes, we even watched it with a DVR and paused on the vanity card...fuck off haters)... and as he tried to read it aloud to me (since even with my glasses, I couldn't have hacked it), I kept stuttering over the words like he was a Firth on fire, not believing their ridiculousness. Eventually, I just yelled "Stop, stop, stop!" like a hooker in Charlie Sheen's closet.
LogopolisMike on March 1, 2011 at 11:34 AM Report this
8
If you really want to have your mind blown, pop "Bree Olson" in a search engine and see what kind of no-holes-barred action Charlie gets every night. Oh, and he also lives with a model (who presumably helps Bree service Charlie on a regular basis).

What is wrong with your gender? Why would these two women, so clearly able to get whatever they want from virtually any man alive, pick Charlie fuckin' Sheen???

Here they are in domestic bliss: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/41845229/n…
on March 1, 2011 at 11:35 AM Report this
9
@4,

Has anyone ever seen Mudede and Lorre in the same room?
keshmeshi on March 1, 2011 at 11:37 AM Report this
10
see ? this is how mens who think they civilized be doing it. meh, whatevs i want to see these bitches toss some heels, rip some weave and scratch some face.. but then again. ..i'm from chicago....
reverend dr dj riz on March 1, 2011 at 11:41 AM Report this
11
Quoting Jung? Pretty high fallutin for a peddler of crap television. That guy is more full of it than Sheen. Nice post.

I like how he vasillates between existential b.s. and folksy b.s. He's smart, but he chooses to lower himself to a level with the common folk. Complete pandering, arrogance. Totally L.A.
biffp on March 1, 2011 at 11:41 AM Report this
12
@8, do the words "two million dollars per episode" help answer your question?

He paid another porn star $30,000 for one night.

They don't even have to have that much sex for the money, at least not with Charlie; cokeheads can't get it up.
Fnarf on March 1, 2011 at 11:43 AM Report this
13
Whatever he's on, I'll take two.
Original Andrew on March 1, 2011 at 11:45 AM Report this
14
Methinks Stranger didn't get the joke.
Randomfactor on March 1, 2011 at 11:56 AM Report this
15
@12: Fnarf, there are a million rich guys out there who aren't complete train wrecks, whom I'm sure are willing to pay for sex with a smoking hot porn star. Why Charlie Sheen? Why pick THAT guy? Bree Olson's incredible fuckability and patented multi-orgasmic enthusiasm are wasted on him and his shriveled, coke-riddled penis.
on March 1, 2011 at 11:58 AM Report this
16
@14 - Bingo.

Parody alert ... Parody alert ... Parody alert ... Bwap, bwap, bwap!
oh, THAT on March 1, 2011 at 12:04 PM Report this
17
@14 and @16 are robbing me of my revelation that, after reading its creator's response, if Charles were to write a television show, it might be something just like Two and a Half Men.
Dougsf on March 1, 2011 at 12:10 PM Report this
18
ROFL! Fucking hell Chuck Lorre is funny as shit!
Stormy on March 1, 2011 at 12:11 PM Report this
19
Chuck Lorre is a master parodist. That was hilarious.
Zuulabelle on March 1, 2011 at 12:16 PM Report this
20
You guys. That is NOT parody.
Lindy West on March 1, 2011 at 12:21 PM Report this
21
So is Lindy not geting the joke deliberately for comedic value? Because if not... yikes.
Ben Weldon on March 1, 2011 at 12:25 PM Report this
22
@20, so he was totally serious when he put this in the vanity card of one of his sitcoms?
dirac on March 1, 2011 at 12:28 PM Report this
23
Dag! I wonder if the "it's parody" gang isn't right? Some of those vanity card thingies are pretty knowing. From his "A Few Thoughts on Turning Fifty-Three":
I am now capable of injuring my shoulder by brushing my teeth.
I no longer exude testosterone. If anything, I exude Crestor and Tums.
When beautiful young women look at me, they instinctively know, on a deep genetic, cellular level, that I can buy them a house. I do sit-ups anyway.
I've begun to resent young men and find reassurance in the knowledge that most of them can't go around buying houses for young women.
http://chucklorre.com/index.php?p=142
gloomy gus on March 1, 2011 at 12:37 PM Report this
24
If you watch Lorre's show "Big Bang Theory" all the way to the end, at the end of the credits there is a white screen with some huge screen on it from Lorre. They are usually funny-ish, which usually excuses them for being pretentious navel-gazing self-pity.
K on March 1, 2011 at 12:38 PM Report this
25
"Here's my clarifying statement: [completely unfathomable gibberish]" I'm voting parody.
skweetis on March 1, 2011 at 12:44 PM Report this
26
@20: Maybe not parody per se, but definitely mocking Sheen by communicating in his own language. Like telling Mudede that the problem with his work is the gaucheness of focusing on neoliberalism in a culture that's so symbollically focused on the typical conflicts inherent in power and egocentricity, when we really need the dynamicism of the whole.
also on March 1, 2011 at 12:45 PM Report this
27
@24 Baby, if pretentious navel-gazing self-pity is wrong i don't wanna be right.
Ben Weldon on March 1, 2011 at 12:48 PM Report this
28
This may be parody but it most certainly is NOT WINNING.
Meags on March 1, 2011 at 1:17 PM Report this
29
Thank you for reminding me why liberal arts degrees are worthless.
brandon on March 1, 2011 at 1:23 PM Report this
30
@23 - ah, the context of other title cards is helpful. Agreed, parody. I'm relieved.
Christy O on March 1, 2011 at 1:24 PM Report this
31
Jesus Lindy. Thought you were smarter than this. Is your sarcasm detector on the blink again?
on March 1, 2011 at 2:30 PM Report this
32
This is all Dan Savages fault.
on March 1, 2011 at 2:39 PM Report this
33
Time to take Big Bang Theory out of the tivo.
on March 1, 2011 at 5:19 PM Report this
34
Linds, I love you and all, but I'm an obsessive reader of Chuck Lorre's vanity cards. I know his writing style as well as I know yours and this is something different altogether: this is Sheen-ly satire. And it's pretty good satire at that.
attitude devant on March 1, 2011 at 8:56 PM Report this
35
How two of the craziest people in Hollywood (clearly!) managed to be responsible for the most boring show on television, I will never understand.
on March 3, 2011 at 1:38 PM Report this

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