I Need to Buy Dave Segal a Pager

Comments

1
Just text him, dude. It's like telepathy.
2
It would be cheaper to buy a pack of pencils and either poke him or lob one at his head. Isn't that how they did it before i things?
3
@2:

Even cheaper: extend arm with hand open, palm flat. Flick hand against back of head - CONTACT ESTABLISHED.
4
I'm thinking spitwad, myself. Remove the ink barrel and plug from a bic pen and thwap!
5
Funny, you would think The Stranger would have IM on their machines.
6
Exactly! Actually, what I really want in every room of our house is one of those retractable mallets they have at the packing table at Ikea. You know, grab it, whack the husband, let go, and it springs back into the wall. Genius.
7
Blow in his ear.
8
Just use some rubber bands.

@7 for the win, tho.
9
I have an irrational fear of spitwads...I always thought I'd take too big a breath and choke on it...
10
Firecrackers or popping ballons. Thats what my science teacher would do to the sleeping kids.
11
Why can't you just e-mail him?
12
I recently read a report in Reader's Digest about an amazing new technology called Instant Messaging. The children of America Online are keen on using for this sort of communication.
13
Canuck, using the Bic spitwad cannon, you blow through the narrower tip end of the pen barrel, loading the largest wad you can fit through the wider butt end. It is well-nigh impossible to aspirate it forcefully enough to drive the wad through the narrow tip.

I used to be really, really, really good at it.
14
Gus and Canuck, couldn't you inhale deeply before putting the pen up to your mouth?
15
Why oh why weren't you sitting next to me in the 5th grade, gus? That's what I want to know.
16
Well, you could CareBear, but then it wouldn't be an irrational fear... :)
18
I vote for one of those 80's robot arm/old lady trash grabber things holding a decorative ostrich feather. Also, wear a cool glove when using it.
19
dick slap him one time , he will be wary after that .
20
A cellphone with vibrate will do the same thing. However, if someone chooses to be unresponsive there's not a whole lot you can do. Even an air horn to the head won't do it likely.
21
+1 for "just smack him".