Emphasis on "skanky."

Good afternoon, everyone. After consulting with my family, the lovely Mrs. Fnarf and our dimwitted imaginary son Nimrod, I have decided to run for President of the United States on the Republican Party ticket.

My only platform is that henceforth all males will have to walk around with their scrotums hanging out of the fly of their trousers, while all women will have to walk around beating the rhythm of "In The Summertime", the 1970 pop hit by Mungo Jerry, on their cheeks at all times.

I think I will get drunk tonight and then declare my candidacy. As long I as I don't have to go very far off of Capitol Hill to run. Walking distance preferably. Maybe one bus transfer, but only on the weekends.

@3 i know you said mungo jerry, but my dj brain went all melanie on me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FPn5noN_…

Why not. Got nothing better to do.

@5, christ, that's one of the first singles I ever bought. The first was "Come and Get It" by Badfinger. OK, I've changed my tune, so to speak. You can be veep.

I may, but I won't officially announce until late November, 2012. If the Republican candidates are going to keep pulling that obnoxious late-to-the-party schtick, I am going to be the best at it.

Maybe they could drag Poppy Bush out of the rest home to run again.

The best part is that no matter how long this goes on, they will never, never, never realize that continuing to look to embarrassing, deranged people for leadership will continue to result in said people making embarrassing, deranged gaffes and burning out.

It will go on until at least a couple months after the election as various candidates or their supporters claim to be the legitimate winner who had the election "stolen" from them by the Scary Black Man's political machine. I admit that this post-election phase will probably be short on real candidates and heavy on the likes of Cain and Paul and Bachmann.

Hell, relax the deadlines on getting on the ballot and let all the clowns hop in and out of the car right up until election day. Shatter the Republican party into a whole bunch of warring separate Parties.

Loveschild/Seattleblues 2012: keeping our anuses safe.

@14.. you have a closet full of skeletons?..you'd be perfect.

MAU-RICE CLEM-MONS

Somehow, I've been placed on the RNC's mailing list. Reince Priebus and Mitch McConnell keep sending me snail mail.

I'd assumed that they were trying to hit me up for money, or perhaps seeking my opinion on important (misleadingly and push-pollishly stated) issues of the day. But maybe I didn't read them carefully enough ... perhaps they were asking me to declare my candidacy for POTUS.

Jeb Bush. The establishment Republicans know the Teabaggers are total fuck ups. They want someone sane. Jeb is really all they have from years of nepotism and inbreeding.

Obama makes a great Republican. A better one than any of the clowns they got in the running now, at least.

Though part of me is still holding out hope for Buddy Roemer.

@19 - Yes, it is pretty ironic that the Republicans want him out. Seems like they got everything they wanted, even when the Dems controlled the House.

(Well, except for universal healthcare coverage - no one with an R next to their name wants that these days, not in any form whatsoever.)

My guess is they're worried about the expiry date on the Bush tax cuts. Again, I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid Obama won't give a fuck since there's no third term?

I'll announce my Republican candidacy with some magic stone or golden tablets hailed as the "Divine's Etch-a-Sketch" that has a twelve-point plan to holy and righteous living that conveniently pits people against each other and helps the 1% get that much richer. It'll be better than the New Testament because there won't be any of this "turn the other cheek" and "anti-usury" practices that mess up God's high-fructose Upper Mexicans. Yea, verily will I descend from the mountain with a God-given drawl, my gerunds purged of g's, ambling side to side like I have a prize heifer under each arm, "'cuz ah'm Amurrcan, an' ah'm jist the Lawd's flunky."

Thanks, slog.

made me look up bated. I like it when that happens.