SL Letter of the Day: Intriguing Cuckolding

Comments

1
1. You are a slut.

2. He is an idiot.

3. Do not have any kids.
2
What a sick, sad world we live in. Let it all burn.
3
I'd like to hear a follow up. Did she broach the subject with such enthusiasm only to learn that it was just a fantasy he was never looking to see fulfilled in reality, and this dooming their relationship with her eagerness? Signs point to yes.
4
Well, she jumps to cuckholding, but it might be hotwifing.

Maybe they should, oh l don't know . . . *TALK* to each other rather than consulting advice columnists so that they can figure out what the other one wants.

5
@3: Yes, this SLLOTD Re-runs thing has its drawbacks. We already know the situation is old news. Very little point in dispensing our own version of advice, more about wanting to know how it turned out.

@4: I don't see any problem with going and doing a little independent research before having The Talk (hopefully the first of many). It may reduce the risk of being caught completely off-guard, knowing what some of the more common variations are.
6
@2, what's your beef?
7
I love how many of these letters end up at "What are the rules for doing this?"

The rules are whatever you agree the rules are! You're a grown-up! You make your own rules!
8
He could say "you can sleep with another man but then I get to sleep with another woman" if that's what he wants, but the conditional would have to be indicated BEFORE the deed is done. That is, he can't let you sleep with another man and only THEN assert that he has the right to sleep with another woman.
9
It's not a free pass. If it's about fulfilling his fantasy, that means doing it his way. That might involve any number of safeguards, or preconditions, or his choice of third party, et cetera, that he would impose. It would be your duty to honor those, because to do otherwise would be operating outside your agreements, which is every bit as much cheating as simply violating your current agreement of monogamy would be.

Now, he might not impose anything at all. But you have to find that all out before you get started. You don't just go out and do it.
10
I wonder whether the bf originally said he only wanted her to have sex with others, and didn't want the same for himself, but then some way down the line - maybe months, maybe years - changed his mind and wanted other partners himself. And how that affected their relationship.

I don't mean that I think he would be lying if he originally said he didn't want partners for himself, just that circumstances change, and sometimes when people get comfortable with non-monogamy, they find they want to loosen the original rules. I think it's always wise to keep your options open and say that you may change your mind one day and will expect the same privileges if you do, even if you don't think you will ever want additional partners yourself.
11
@1 and @2: Why are you even reading this column?
12
x1000 for #4 & #7.

Communicate! Define your relationship! The only people that can define the parameters of a relationship are the people *in* the relationship.
13
#1 & #2 are idiots.
14
@1: You say "Slut" like its a bad thing :)
15
So, follow up, this was my question years ago. My (now husband) and I have been happily married for two years and he still gets insanely turned on by watching me with other men. Our relationship is strong and the sex is great. Thanks Tristan and Dan for the boost to get us talking about the right things! :-)
16
Oh and #1: No intention of having kids. Ever. :-)
17
i'm sorry to say this relationship is doomed.
18
Dear, Dear grumpy #2..If your are so disgusted and believe that this world only deserves destruction, why do you insist on being a part of it?
19
good grief, delete the idiots who think only traditional relationships work, or at least let's humiliate them.

As a glowingly happy non-monogamist (for over 12 years now), I'd like to assert that it's not just "humiliation" as Taormino suggests. When people allow themselves to feel envy and neutrally observe the feeling instead of assuming that it's bad (because of hetero-normative values), the feeling can be recognized as "arousal" in the most basic, technical sense.

The power imbalance might be the main thing for some people (and I see the point that for fetish cuckolds, the IS the main thing, by definition), but for others it's more about the arousal and enjoyment of all the people involved. It's actually an extension of the love people feel for each other.
20
As a lot of other people have mentioned, you get to make up the rules, because y'all are adults!

I wouldn't presume to tell you what to do with your relationship, but my boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 years and we started out monogamous as well. Then we started talking about who we wanted to fuck, it made the sex real hot, and then we were like "hmm...if we actually DID it, and didn't just talk about it, that would be WAY hot."

TL;DR it was hot.
21
@15/16 Thank you, NERVOUS/MZ for writing back in to tell us about your happy-ever-after! And congratulations!! (Not sure if #17 is just making a joke or just a doofus with bad timing.)

So... what happened when you asked him if he might want to have sex with other women?
22
good for you MZ, glad it worked out
23
I would be on cloud 9 if my husband revealed a cuckholding fantasy. Just sayin
24
Wish I could find a woman that was into this too ! There is a way for women to have their cake and eat it too with cuckolding. Women talk too your girlfriends about it.