SLUT wrote that they worked through things, he was "super supportive" of her, they've grown a lot together, and he gives her affection and love.

And just because he doesn't fuck her as much or as passionately as he did three years ago, the whole relationship is a "lemon" that "needed to end?"

Christ.

I mean, maybe it's over, but this sounds more like what happens to pretty much, oh... every relationship on Earth.

She said she was depressed... maybe he was too?

I hope she at least tried talking with him a bit more candidly before running away.

I suspect that the boyfriend was TRYING to get SLUT to dump him so that he wouldn't have to gonad up, do it himself and have to feel guilty and/or watch her cry. What a pansy.

While @1 has a point in that sexual appetite can change over the course of a person's (or relationship's) life, if things were as bad as SLUT said, then something was wrong.

Hey, depression... Could the boyfriend have been taking antidepressants that killed his drive? If SLUT didn't know about the medical intervention, she might have been blaming side effects on personal matters.

And boy is my face red. I just found out that "pansy" is slang for "gay." I always thought it just meant "weakling." So now I need a new go-to insult.

if someone doesn't want to fuck you much, and knows you're unhappy, even depressed about it, but then gets all bent out of shape when you almost-fuck someone else, then he's a douche and you need to bail. it's really just that simple. at least when i didn't want to fuck my husband, and he was all mopey about it, i was actively encouraging him to get it elsewhere, cause you know, i have some empathy

1: This doesn't sound to me like the sexual tapering-down that's considered normal for a 3-year relationship. It's a red flag when a lowered sexual interest is paired with temporary breakups and declarations that you need more freedom.

Also, Dan, I think that by "go on with my life" she meant "focus on other things," not literally "continue living."

@5:
I think Dan knew that. He tried being sarcastic.

I would be shocked if that guy gave a shit that she cheated. His reaction sounds a lot like someone who realizes they're supposed to seem like they care, but really don't. That relationship was already over, and I hope she took Dan's advice because the boyfriend was obviously too much of a coward to rip off the Band-Aid himself.

Let's review:
-- He's the one who isn't interested in fucking you when you are together;
-- He's the one who said he needed to feel more free, and broke up with you temporarily. (I assume he went off and sowed his wild oats at least a little bit during that time.)
-- He's the one who walked out on your confession, but apparently emotionlessly.

It sounds to me like his warring emotions are a teeny bit of jealousy, against a fair amount of recognizing himself as a hypocrite because he went and took his own freedom when it was his turn to want it, plus a large dose of recognizing he doesn't in fact desire you.

Honestly, why do you even want that back? Apart from wanting to feel forgiven for your "transgression?"

It feels so bad to be sexually rejected by a partner who won't let you go elsewhere to find the sex you need. I wish we lived in a culture where SLUT isn't automatically labeled "the bad guy" because she cheated.

I'm glad Dan offered her a supportive message.

You people do understand that these SLLOTD's are years old, right?

Sure, get all Mr. Cranky Pants over them, but.... things have shifted for all involved. The moment's long gone.

He's wimpy, she's fat.

@1: It sounds a lot like the standard "My partner is great and treats me so well in every way... except the part where he rejects me all the time and broke up with me for being a cage." And they've been talking and working on it and it hasn't gotten better. Eventually you have to face the fact that your sunk time isn't going to cause the relationship to work.

@8: I wonder if your second bullet, sowing wild oats, was something he tried and the field he had his eye on wasn't interested? Or he hit the bar, *here I am ladies*, and the ladies stared blankly, then left with their girlfriends.

I disagree #1. It sounds more like he was the one running away.

Maybe even hit that brick wall on purpose? A little, anyway. Seems like a lot of people cheat when they can't find the guts to break up cleanly.

@4: It DOES mean wimpy/weak (though that itself is masculine-gender-norming); it became associated with homosexuality through the stereotypical perception that gay men are effeminate (or back in the early days, gender/sex inverts) and weak (some are, some aren't, of course, like straight, bi, asexual, etc. men).

Anyway, I hope SLUT bailed and found someone who actually desires hir.

Jeez, I wish I had written to Dan about this exact same problem years ago. It really makes you feel like hell being forced to dump someone who can't man up and do it himself.

But then, it really makes you feel like a whole human to have someone stand up (almost angrily) and tell you to trust your instincts.

@1 if you think every relationship on earth is doomed to the slow puttering out of the flame, then I feel for the man/woman who ends up with you.

@15 a little more human way to think of cheating then breaking up, is to think that some people just don't know how bad it is until they realize they can't hold out under pressure. then they know it's time to get out. cheating (like this) is a learning experience for the cheater, and it can be for the cheated as well, if he wants to make it to be.