The Saturday Morning News


Why on earth would these lifeguards be fired? Not one did anything wrong that I can see. It's the person that fired them that needs to go.
@1 they were fired for wearing their uniforms and using the facility without permission. Stupid...but those were the reasons given
Let's show em what freedom is like in Amurika! Stranger staffers, suit up! Get on those hipster uniforms and dance dance dance atop Mudede's desk! (Constant, we don't want to see you, you can work the camera)
The previous two years of tax returns are sufficient for presidential candidates. Think about the future, we need more young women and men entertaining thoughts of public service, not less. We need to make running for president significantly less foreboding; otherwise we'll only get more and more candidates that are tough on the outside, have impeccable credentials, but are stupid on the inside.
> The officer was cleared of wrongdoing by a Seattle Police Department internal investigation.

> A man who was kicked three times by a Seattle police officer has been awarded $42,000.

If I caused a $42,000 mistake at work you can be sure my boss would find some wrongdoing.
it would be cheaper just to pay the rancher for his cows.
How about you stop trying to raise livestock in an area you know is teeming with endangered predators?
A National Referendum For A Crucifixion

Remember Ralph of Nazareth?

Hell no!

Nobody remembers the quiet ones, but everyone recalls that dude who was crucified, Jesus of Nazareth. (Bet Ralph was glad he never paid any attention to his mom when she would constantly nag him, “Why can’t you be more like that Virgin Mary’s boy, Jesus?”)

Yup, Jesus was the guy always stirring up trouble: turning water into wine --- wouldn’t he be a real fave at the Capitol Hill Block Party?

And that walking-on-water trick --- if only they had Jesus with them the day the Titanic hit that iceberg --- or if their captain only knew how to navigate, huh? (Now that would have been a frigging miracle!)

And we all know what becomes of the guy who’s popular and gets all the attention?
It’s crucifixion time!

Now, if they crucified that Jesus Christ guy, they surely should crucify the antichrist, right?

I believe we all know who the antichrist is by this time, or damn well should?!?!?!

Yup, he’s that crazy Mormon who talks like a Scientologist and is cagey about his tax returns from 2007 to 2009.

Let’s vote for a national referendum for the crucifixion of Mitt Romney, a k a, the magic underwear dood!

Do you wear magic underwear? Does your daddy, brother or best friend?

Hell no, only Willard Mitt Romney is so special he wears magic underwear, and if that isn’t reason enough to crucify, I don’t know what is, plus there’s that whole antichrist persona he’s got going on!

Now, with that Nazareth fellow, Jesus, it was three-fer, a three-for-one deal, with two other guys also crucified, so we’ll toss in Paul Ryan, a k a Paul “I love Ayn Rand” Ryan, plus either Michelle Malkin (in which case it’s a nude crucifixion) or Ann Coulter (in which case she’s fully clothed, with a gag and a bag over her head) to even things out.

So everyone, please contact your elected representatives and request another box on the voting form this November: the crucifixion of Mitt Romney, Yea or . . . .(we may just forget to include that negative choice).

If it’s 2012, it must be crucifixion time!

@4 Agreed! We need to make running for President as easy as possible for millionaire tax cheats! How will we encourage the next generation of trust-fund babies to seek elected office if they know their financial records will be scrutinized? Hell, if this trend continues, we might have to rely on non-millionaires w/o substantial assets to hide to run for office. The thought alone makes me sick.

Please die in a fire, Phoebe. Die screaming.
"we'll only get more and more candidates that are tough on the outside, have impeccable credentials, but are stupid on the inside. "

Um, that's your side that's running the idiot candidates in race after race after race. Cain? Check. Backmann? Check. Santorum? Check. Palin? Check. You open the floodgates to more candidates, your side will just get even more gibbering idiot teabaggers.

But you bring up a good point: The stupid ones on your side (voters, and candidates) are egged on in their reckless and proud stupidity by the likes of Fox News, Limbaugh, Beck, and all the rest that pander to the low-information voters. Buried in there is your solution, Phoebe.

Aw man, don't get on Phoebe's back. I've come around to enjoying her comments. Even if you don't agree, there is some sense of freshness or eloquence, or i can't name it, incoherence/coherence? about what she says.
what @9 said. In presidential races, only the guilty have something to hide.

Libya news is awesome. I wish them continued success with their fledgling democracy. Rand Paul wants to cut all aid to them, what a dick.
@4 - eh, submitting a tax return for someone who can easily hire an accountant or lawyer is prolly easy. Probably easier than filling out the FAFSA as far as the candidate is concerned.

I think Rmoney is making it hard with his new president of non-disclosure.
@2: They were fired because someone had a power trip and needed to stroke his or her sense of self importance.
@7 It's worse then that. It is illegal for those cattle to be grazing where they are. There are a ton of cattle guards in the area. Of course the guards are meaningless when the ranchers round up their cattle, put them on a flatbed, and drive them there. I can't tell you how many times I have had to turn around on dedicated hiking trails because a fat ass cud chewer blocked the trail. In one instance the bull started grunting and pawing (hooving?) the ground in a threatening way. We got out of there right quick.
"Romney... has reserves of strength, energy, and stamina".
Mitt has reserves stored up in his batteries.

Carl Reiner on Letterman:

"I'm 80 years old...but I feel like a man of 60!"

Don't know if that was tongue-in-cheek.

The audience certainly didn't get it if it was...
@4 - There are many who hold your opinion, but he public at large - and even 30% of Republicans - disagrees. Whether or not it's a fair or reasonable thing for the public to demand, they do demand it. Blame that tax cheat Nixon.

So why would a candidate risk losing the trust of most voters over something so simple?

If his concerns are truly what he claims - that the Democrats would make hay over all the complex-but-legal deductions and loopholes - then he should have released them four months ago; the Democrats would have spent two weeks expressing their phony moral outrage, and then we'd have moved on to something else. And by now, most voters would be like, "So what about his crazy taxes? He's rich. We already knew that."

But here in late September, it's too late to lose two weeks, so he's stuck looking like a tax cheat, even if he's not.

One thing's for sure: if Romney loses an election that he should have won in a landslide, every future candidate will carry his tax returns around in a display case.
@9: I have no intention on dying, much less dying in fire. But if I were to die in a fire, I'm sorry to say that I wouldn't be screaming as I'd probably be overcome with smoke inhalation that I would probably only eek out a few groans, chokes, and gasp. Would that be okay with you?
@18: Insightful!
@8 - Wow!
What is this "moolah" someone was awarded... are we ironically channeling Dagwood and Blondie?
It's nice that the protestors in Benghazi weren't, for once, shouting Death to America, but the spectacle of them wielding machetes and meat cleavers in protest of violence is a bit ironic.