Books Mar 11, 2013 at 12:25 pm


I'm as depressed as anyone about this, but we can't seem to stop giving this fool press. His book has become an internet meme, for pete's sake - why wouldn't he keep riding this particular train for all it's worth? If only we'd ignored him...
Step 1: Find something popular but terrible.
Step 2: Copy it, but somehow make it even worse.
Step 3: Revise it just enough to avoid lawsuits.
Step 4: Profit!
Sounds more interesting than Fifty Shades.
Step 1: Hit a sweet spot between public demand and commercial viability.
Step 2: Get lucky.
Step 3: go play in traffic and get hit by a bus
@2: he's a she.
@3: Time for me to write a "50 Shades" porno-fanfic, tweak the names of the characters, turn it into a wildly popular incredibly shitty book, and masturbate furiously.
All I can say is that I wish I'd thought up a story about a new and sexually naive grad entering the workforce encountering an early middle-aged, big dick-ed daddy who fucks her in half and slaps her around a little. I wish I'd known such a story would strike the chord it has struck with so many. True, from then on I'd be literary flotsam, and I would grieve about it sipping Moet sitting on my terrace overlooking the Mediterranean while James prepares the car for a trip into Nice.
@6 Good lord, how did I miss that? Still, my favorite bad romance novelist will always be the lovely Cienna Madrid.
Oh my!

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