Slog Sep 13, 2013 3:00 PM

Vote for Winner of The Worst Tattoo Contest!

by Kelly O

Comments

1
Can't everyone win????????????
AirBuddy on September 13, 2013 at 3:06 PM · Report this
2
@1 Seriously. I can't even begin to vote for just one.

Can we just start a charity for this? Bad tattoos seem to be an epidemic.
UNPAID COMMENTER on September 13, 2013 at 3:10 PM · Report this
3
Jesus, these are all so awful. Can we at least award a coarse cheese grater to the runners up?
MacCrocodile on September 13, 2013 at 3:12 PM · Report this
4
I voted for the guy with the huge chest tattoo. It's gonna take one of those friggin' STAR WARS missile defense lasers to get that thing off.

In truth though, I really wish the only people who were allowed to have tattoos removed were ex-prisoners who only got tattooed to avoid getting shanked. All those impulsive college students with no self-control should be forced to deal with their shit tattoos forever.
Urgutha Forka on September 13, 2013 at 3:32 PM · Report this
5
"Winged Labia Minora on a Cherry Twig" is by far the best title, however.
TomJohnsonJr on September 13, 2013 at 3:38 PM · Report this
6
"Daddys little gyrl" is the most offensively ugly, but at least it's good for a chuckle. I voted for the Christian fish because that's the one that needs to be removed the most.

Most of the other ones would be pretty easy to cover up with a new, bigger, better tattoo by a professional tattoo artist who actually knows what the fuck they're doing.
john t on September 13, 2013 at 3:40 PM · Report this
7
Pentagrams on the temples is pretty up there (not just for placement, for for the fact they're pretty much just stars), but since not one of these is a cartoon character smoking a doob, I'm going to hold out.
Dougsf on September 13, 2013 at 3:45 PM · Report this
8
was going to vote for Daddy's Little Gyrl because it looks like it was carved with a knife, but I was 18 and Just Wanted a Tattoo got my vote because as @4 said, that will be a huge mf to remove. that's a lot of real estate for a foolish mistake.

A lot of these could be turned into something better with a more skilled tattoo artist.
genevieve on September 13, 2013 at 3:51 PM · Report this
9
@4 I voted for the same guy, pretty much for the same reason. 16's tat is probably bigger than Seattle Skin and Laser was offering to do, but so what? If that guy wins, I hope they step up.

The Daddys Little Gyrl one sucks, but it looks tiny by comparison. If SS&L is looking to impress us, taking off something big might do it.
Brooklyn Reader on September 13, 2013 at 3:52 PM · Report this
10
As far as I'm concerned, if you're dumb enough to get a tattoo, you deserve what you got.
Fifty-Two-Eighty on September 13, 2013 at 4:04 PM · Report this
11
Are you sure #15 isn't an owl cartoon? Maybe they forgot the beak.

I'm gonna vote for #3, although I think #6 and 9 are uglier. #3 is just inexplicable. It must be hell getting asked "what IS that?" all the time.
ScrawnyKayaker on September 13, 2013 at 4:06 PM · Report this
12
Wait, does 16 say something below "EST", or are those just HeLa cells?
ScrawnyKayaker on September 13, 2013 at 4:10 PM · Report this
13
@4 - I, too, have little sympathy for anyone who said in the first place "Yeah, take that needle and bury ink under my skin. I want it to look like [x] forever," but "Daddys Little Gyrl" says she never asked for that spelling, so she got my vote as an unfortunate victim of a shitty tattoo artist who didn't do what he was presumably paid for.
MacCrocodile on September 13, 2013 at 4:12 PM · Report this
14
"Daddys Little gyrl" does not have an apostrophe s and the g is not capitalized.
I Got Nuthin' on September 13, 2013 at 4:12 PM · Report this
15
I voted for It Used To Say Lisa. I wonder why it's not showing up. Oh well.
The Empty Yellow Houses of Fort Lawton on September 13, 2013 at 4:14 PM · Report this
16
Two pentagrams! Come on, the face tattoo has *got* to win.

The dragon is awful too. It's so huge! It's going to ruin every cute skirt or dress she ever wears!
siduri on September 13, 2013 at 4:15 PM · Report this
17
everyone who gets a tattoo should have to contribute $5 to a tattoo removal fund.

all these boneheads deserve help.
Max Solomon on September 13, 2013 at 4:17 PM · Report this
18
The "I was 18 and wanted a tattoo" is the worst because it covers so much area and it's on his chest. If he goes without a shirt, he becomes a public nuisance.
on September 13, 2013 at 4:22 PM · Report this
19
You meanies saying they deserve what they get-- c'mon now. We've all done stupid things that seemed like a good idea at the time until oopsieshit, it wasn't. The opportunity for a takeback is nice :)
The Empty Yellow Houses of Fort Lawton on September 13, 2013 at 4:26 PM · Report this
20
I thought, per regulations, that the tattoo had to be 4x4 inches or smaller...? Maybe the dude with the giant hideous chest tattoo can just get a discount?
Mr.Phinneymont on September 13, 2013 at 4:28 PM · Report this
21
My first reaction was the same as many: can't we help more than just one of these poor people? I pledge one dollar per contestant. Earlier this year I saw two guys on Shark Tank pitching a $150 home tattoo removal kit. Maybe we can just buy one of those and pass it around? http://sharktanksuccess.blogspot.com/201…
ben@hemp.net on September 13, 2013 at 4:33 PM · Report this
22
I vote for "Two Pentagrams," especially if a receding hairline is on the horizon. At least you can cover the other ones up and they're not the internationally recognized symbol of the devil.
Gern Blanston on September 13, 2013 at 4:39 PM · Report this
23
@1 and @5 are absolutely correct.

The pentagram tattoo has to win because it's a face tattoo. "Daddys Little gyrl" isn't even close for me, unless this is converted to a grammar correction competition. In which case, add the apostrophe and laserase part of the "y." Good as new.
California on September 13, 2013 at 4:41 PM · Report this
24
You can cover up the pentagrams. That's what wigs and hats are for.

I found it very difficult to choose just one to vote for, but I went with Daddys Little gyrl because, by a small margin, it just is the Worst Tattoo.
originalcinner on September 13, 2013 at 4:45 PM · Report this
25
I hope they all get the help they need, but I voted for face pentagrams. Everyone else just has an ugly tattoo, but removing a face tattoo would help someone reenter society.
Mattini on September 13, 2013 at 4:56 PM · Report this
26
damn it I wish one of my friends submitted his easy mac stomach tattoo
suchakilljoy on September 13, 2013 at 4:57 PM · Report this
27
While Daddy's Little Gyrl is pretty up there on the ewwgh scale, I think the pentagrams could do the most good toward improving a life. Face tattoos are ALWAYS a mistake, unless you really want to NEVER have a good job, ever.
Cracker Jack on September 13, 2013 at 5:08 PM · Report this
28
I voted for the pentagrams, but they're all "winners." Though now that I think about it, that dumb motherfucker doesn't deserve a free tattoo removal. A few of the runnerups should get a free coverup tattoo from a local shop or something.
T on September 13, 2013 at 5:09 PM · Report this
29
Holy shit! These tats are crimes against humanity! At the very least, the "artists" should all be tried at the Hague. As with most folks, I'm having a really tough time deciding -- and weirdly feel obligated to make a serious choice b/c most of these people REALLY need to get these removed. I agree that Daddys Little gyrl is by far the most horrid/hilariously bad. The dragon is pretty brutal because it's unclear what it is, and it's on her lower leg. I think 'Ken" over the rose is especially sad and tacky, worsened by the 12 years thing. No sympathy for Jesus fish guy though. He could convert that to an evolve fish at least or come up with some new design. In the end, like a few people above, I have to support #16 "I was 18" because it's so huge and will probably require the most time/money to remove. Also, I'm not clear if it's supposed to say "1909" or "1989." In the end, there are no winners here -- well, except the person who gets their abomination removed.
seattlestew on September 13, 2013 at 5:14 PM · Report this
30
I say anyone who had a tat placed on their face needs to get it off, and quickly!

Bad tat. Bad place.

At least most of the others can cover them up!
elbowman on September 13, 2013 at 5:18 PM · Report this
31
Grateful Dead fans deserve to be permanently marked so that they can be avoided by civilized society.

I do feel that the pentagram guy may deserve a 2nd chance at life.
Cascadian Bacon on September 13, 2013 at 5:23 PM · Report this
32


#6, no question. No one needs that shit, spelled right or not.

stilettov on September 13, 2013 at 5:25 PM · Report this
33
I want all of these to win but I voted for 18-and-just-wanted-a-tattoo because of sheer magnitude. But these all hurt.
icouldliveinhope on September 13, 2013 at 5:33 PM · Report this
34
Dylan with a cross tattoo by bad family member should win... I am her sister and feel that Ashley deserves this removal simply on the back story. Long story short, I am her older sister, was in a very abusive relationship for over 12 years with the guy who gave her the tattoo and in the interim he was abusing her as a child. This sick man used a motor from a kinex motor to place ink into her body and it's just a constant reminder of him. My sister is an amazing woman who will be happy for whoever wins, I am proud to call her my sister!
brandi444 on September 13, 2013 at 5:42 PM · Report this
35
Voted for #4 because there is so much sad/creepy for so many reasons: "Dylan with Cross and Butterfly (tattooed by a very bad "family" member)". You're way behind in voting but I'll donate a few dollars to a removal fund if you are broke and the story is awful like it sounds.

"Daddys little gyrl" is a close runner-up because of the sad/creepiness of being branded "Daddy's little girl" regardless of spelling/grammar.
raku on September 13, 2013 at 5:45 PM · Report this
36
Wrote my comment #35 before I saw #34. Unfortunately was right. :(

It would be awesome if Seattle Skin and Laser & The Stranger would donate a 2nd removal for #4 if she doesn't win... what a heartbreaking story.
raku on September 13, 2013 at 5:49 PM · Report this
37
Forehead Pentagrams!! I vote for that one, they're even done terribly, looks like little black smudges!
on September 13, 2013 at 6:22 PM · Report this
38
Seriously!? The guy with pentagrams? He should have to keep that crap. If you're silly enough to not only tattoo your head, but tattoo it with pentagrams, you should have to fork over the cash to get that shit covered up. I'm for the daddy's little gyrl tattoo. At least that wasn't her fault!
Missdfied85 on September 13, 2013 at 6:39 PM · Report this
39
@34: Holy crap. Seriously, if your sister doesn't win, put up a Paypal account and let some of us donate to it until she has enough to get that off her skin. Jeebus.
TVDinner on September 13, 2013 at 6:43 PM · Report this
40
Actually, I don't think ANY of them should get this for free. They should be required to do community service going to college orientations or something, showing off their shit tattoos as a warning.
Urgutha Forka on September 13, 2013 at 6:45 PM · Report this
41
I don't agree with 2 pentagrams being in the lead. If you're bold enough to tattoo your head with pentagrams the you should fork out the cash to cover that up yourself. I voted daddy's little gyrl, not only because it creeps me out a little that she wanted "grrrl" but that they screwed up and gave her "gyrl". That's not her fault and now she's stuck with it.
Missdfied85 on September 13, 2013 at 6:46 PM · Report this
42
I voted for "It's supposed to be a dragon" just based on how it looks, independent of the size or location of it. It looks like a cheap no-effort job, a tattoo chosen with no deliberation and for the slimmest of reasons, a sad embarrassment.

But these are all so tragically sad and, some of them, funny. Kids, a tattoo is (essentially) forever! You will carry it wherever you go for the rest of your life, and you may even be called to explain it. Don't get a tattoo just because you turned eighteen and now you can get a tattoo! Not all tattoos are cool. Depends on the design, who's doing it, where it is. Face is bad!! Very!

But thanks to all of them for sharing.

That guy with the huge chest tattoo, he's going to have to explain it to every girl (or guy) he tries to sleep with, right before the sex. "Well, you know. I was eighteen and..."
floater on September 13, 2013 at 6:59 PM · Report this
43
This shit's for REAL.
seanroyce on September 13, 2013 at 7:19 PM · Report this
44
Holy shamefulness- these are terrible. I was leaning towards "Ken" or maybe that keltic knot that has run together and now looks like a "pile of poo" emoticon, but @34 makes it a moral imperative that I vote for "Dylan with Cross".
As for the pentagrams on the face, it take a special kind of asshat to go with that to begin with, and people should be forewarned upon meetin that clown.
DanFan503 on September 13, 2013 at 7:24 PM · Report this
45
Yea!! Im with you Misstafied!! Fuck that guy with the tattoos on his forehead, lets get together and fight him!! Me and you, lets actually murder him in the name of The Lord!!
on September 13, 2013 at 7:40 PM · Report this
46
Whiskey Tango Fuck?!? Two Pentagrams by a landslide? What @38 et al said.

"Joe" must be one of those assholes who has >700 friends on Facebook. This looks like a poll that's been Pharyngulated.
ScrawnyKayaker on September 13, 2013 at 9:21 PM · Report this
47
I voted for the 'two pentagrams' because a face tattoo is the only spot where a good cover up would not be feasible. With the exception of the huge chest tattoo, the rest of them can be covered by a good artist.
on September 13, 2013 at 9:56 PM · Report this
48
@ 42--I also voted for Supposed to be a Dragon because it was the one that made me say "Yeeesh" when I saw it. But I can't imagine it was chosen to look like that. It's a disgracefully bad tattooist, or a really flawed design that no decent tattoo artist should have agreed to put on someone.

The Dylan woman does sound like a hard luck case. Maybe someone will come up with the money outside this contest.

And yeah, head pentagrams guy should pay for his own tat removal. At least they're small.
fruitbat on September 13, 2013 at 11:23 PM · Report this
49
Forehead of the beast!
on September 13, 2013 at 11:36 PM · Report this
50
it reallllly was hard to pick just one. i went with daddy's little gyrl also - it's not actually even the ugliest, but it's the creepiest, and i will feel better with it not existing anymore.
mr. herriman on September 14, 2013 at 2:43 AM · Report this
51
Hey Sloggers, where can I get a tatoo? Preferably in my home. With a measuring compass dipped in pen ink?
The_Shaved_Bear on September 14, 2013 at 5:20 AM · Report this
52
For the record, Joe Axler, I love you brother, but if you beat Daddy's Little Gyrl it's like getting one stain out of a shirt covered in turds!
vicvicvictorious on September 14, 2013 at 6:19 AM · Report this
53
@22 I didn't know the US were the United Nations of America.

Whence do you get that internationally, such a symbol would be recognized for meaning the Protestant devil ?
sissoucat on September 14, 2013 at 7:51 AM · Report this
54
After reading #34, I wish I could change my vote.

Maybe there should be a runoff, wherein everyone with a double-digit percentage are in the finals. A few more votes for 'Dylan w/cross & butterfly' and it's in that category.
clashfan on September 14, 2013 at 8:45 AM · Report this
55
Getting rid of the pentagrams will change this man's life. I hope he wins.
Simply Me on September 14, 2013 at 9:14 AM · Report this
56
Seriously? Over 700 votes for Two Pentagrams? It's bad, face-tattoo-bad, but 700 votes?

This was a hard choice, but I chose Ungrateful Dead, simply because it made me laugh every time I looked at it. And now I can feel better about my own "I was 18 and just wanted a tattoo" tattoo.
gnarly on September 14, 2013 at 9:21 AM · Report this
57
I honestly can't even figure out if/how I need to rotate my computer for the dragon in order to "see" it. I think it's aligned upside down, but then I flip my screen and it just kinda looks like Woody Woodpecker with lightning bolts shooting from his head. They're all winners in my book.
mikethehammer on September 14, 2013 at 9:39 AM · Report this
58
18. Tom - "The Christian Fish" (he's not even Christian!)

So...why did he (presumably) pay someone to get this fairly recent looking tattoo? Shouldn't even be a finalist.
Sine Qua Non on September 14, 2013 at 9:41 AM · Report this
59
Looking like it's gonna be the Pentagrams in a runaway. Not sure how I feel about that, in that his case seems to have probably as much to do with placement as the (lack of) artistic integrity, which is what I feel like we're supposed to be rewarding. But then maybe a tattoo's placement is a central and integral component of the tattoo and deserves equal consideration? What a fun contest, Stranger should make it an annual event.
mikethehammer on September 14, 2013 at 9:49 AM · Report this
60
How about a top 3 runoff?
Senor Guy on September 14, 2013 at 9:57 AM · Report this
61
This is amazing. Slog needs more posts like this.

Daddys Little gyrl creeped me out so I voted for that one
emor on September 14, 2013 at 10:09 AM · Report this
62
I just realized "I just turned 18..." says "EST 1989." Poor kid.
emor on September 14, 2013 at 10:12 AM · Report this
63
How is Daddy's Little Gyrl NOT winning by a landslide?
Confluence on September 14, 2013 at 10:48 AM · Report this
64
A bad tattoo by an even worse family member must be removed.

Must.
Pridge Wessea on September 14, 2013 at 11:15 AM · Report this
65
Also, the runoff idea sounds good. Maybe each person could give a bit more background on the how and why.
Pridge Wessea on September 14, 2013 at 11:17 AM · Report this
66
Ugh. Can't decide because they're all awful.
sea98103 on September 14, 2013 at 11:34 AM · Report this
67
Please don't change the voting rules in the middle of the game. The people have spoken!
Gern Blanston on September 14, 2013 at 12:30 PM · Report this
68
I think the top 5 should all qualify for at least a discounted cover-up.
very bad homo on September 14, 2013 at 1:33 PM · Report this
69
Well, #7 and #16 don't even technically fall into the initial rules... it stated that the tattoo must be 4in x 4in or smaller and a single tattoo.
Nikki1012 on September 14, 2013 at 1:53 PM · Report this
70
Well, #7 and #16 don't even fall into the original rules and I don't see why they are even allowed to be in the contest?! Ie "4in x 4in SINGLE tattoo"
Nikki1012 on September 14, 2013 at 2:03 PM · Report this
71
#34 -- Seriously, make a Kickstarter or something to fund the tattoo removal. I'll throw in twenty bucks.
siduri on September 14, 2013 at 5:09 PM · Report this
72
This is Ashley, current owner of abomination #4. I just wanted to say thank you for all the votes and kind words, it means more to me than you guys know ♡ Good luck to everyone!
AshleyNichole on September 14, 2013 at 7:56 PM · Report this
73
@72 I second @71 - would be happy to contribute if possible!
breezester on September 14, 2013 at 10:41 PM · Report this
74
I don't know, most of these tats are pretty rad.
seandr on September 15, 2013 at 10:06 AM · Report this
75
My wife got a tattoo of a magic mushroom on her breast in 1973. Thanks to time & gravity it now looks like a penis.
dhal9000 on September 15, 2013 at 2:35 PM · Report this
76
I voted for 16. Marteen - " I Was 18 and Just Wanted a Tattoo". It's the biggest and most difficult to remove. Removing that one will cost more and take longer than all of the others combined.
cmuberti on September 15, 2013 at 3:17 PM · Report this
77
Come on people Vote for the poor girl with the Damn crooked cross that was obviously placed on her by a bad man. My heart goes out to people who have endured abuse as it is, but to have to be reminded of the writing on her skin everyday. Sad. I wish for her numbers to climb.
on September 15, 2013 at 10:04 PM · Report this
78
@58 Since I am Tom, I can verify that I received this tattoo 16 years ago and never even had it retouched. I was 18 and brought up in the Pentecostal tradition; I abandoned those beliefs in my early 20s. However regretful I am, there are certainly worst tattoos here that are more deserving of your vote.
tomhenry on September 16, 2013 at 1:56 PM · Report this
79
@42 "you may be called on to explain it." Yup. I have a tattoo that has some artistic meaning to me, but for anyone else, could just be something pretty and completely non-offensive, and it's covered about 75% of the time. I spend more of my life explaining what it "means" than is reasonable. I credit the artist for it being well-done enough that it draws a lot of attention when I do show it. I don't care, because I thought carefully about my body art and had a real *artist* place it in an area where I can cover it or show it with equal ease and won't expand or contract too much with weight gain/loss or age so that it maintains it - and my - integrity for years to come. But it's still a topic of conversation and you gotta be ready for that to happen. In deliberating future works, I always ask myself "would I be okay explaining this to the president of a major corporation." It's a good rule of thumb (for the record, yes, I'd be fine explaining my existing art to them...I've already explained it to a Congressman once - also a note that you never know who you might run into in a bar).
Ms. D on September 16, 2013 at 4:45 PM · Report this
80
I just want to let everyone know how amazingly kind Joe (forehead pentagram) is..... he sent me an email offering to split his prize/tattoo removal with me ♡ Joe, you are an amazing man and deserve the removal! A good reminder to all to not judge a book by its cover :)

And again, thank you all for your votes and kind words ♥ I'm no longer a victim, I'm definitely a survivor and kind people like you guys are the reason!
AshleyNichole on September 16, 2013 at 7:29 PM · Report this