So what. My kid is gonna win a goddamned trophy!

I had a classmate way back when who got a Firebird for "graduating" from 8th grade. He was old enough to drive it. It did not spur him on to academic greatness.

Kids know that trophies don't pay for video games.

I have a new solution.

Take the $10,000 per pupil per year that we're spending in failing inner city schools and offer a cut of that...say $4000, to a student if he passes certain competencies.

Of that $4000, say $1000 would go to the kid directly, and the other $3000 would go to a college fund. After 12 years of school the kid would have $36,000 in his account (the amount of the average student loan).

Oh Cienna, you stumbled on the dirty little secret of my generation. We thought EVERYONE should get a gold star for anything they do. Participation? Certificate. Finish the season? Trophy, photo and party.

Finish kindergarten? Graduation.

Please note; none of us had this in our growing up years. You had to do something significant or important to rate notice.

So why do this?

Because we think every one of our snowflakes is precious and God help you if you don't think so.

As the article says, kids aren't dumb. They know that gold star means nothing if everyone gets one.

Effort, failure, long hours, mastery - these build resilience.

We are failing our children.

You think kids have a lot of meaningless trophies?

Check out the military.

He looks like he spilled a fruit salad on his chest.

Story of my life!

I agree with 5, but preferred reading 3

if

"By age 4 or 5, children aren’t fooled by all the trophies. They are surprisingly accurate in identifying who excels and who struggles. Those who are outperformed know it and give up, while those who do well feel cheated when they aren’t recognized for their accomplishments. They, too, may give up."

leads to

"It turns out that, once kids have some proficiency in a task, the excitement and uncertainty of real competition may become the activity’s very appeal."

then I don't understand how this follows:

"If children know they will automatically get an award, what is the impetus for improvement? Why bother learning problem-solving skills, when there are never obstacles to begin with?"

The kids aren't affected but they are? I should praise but I shouldn't?

I detect a whiff of Ayn Rand here.

So true. The participation ribbon generation (mine) has a tough time dealing with adversity and reality.

Counter-balance the NY Times piece with this from Mother Jones. In fact, the SLOG just linked to it a few days ago.

http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2013…

Agree 100%.

In my household, we don't give prizes to our kids when they win. We simply punish them severely when they lose.

Shit, I forgot to slip my son's lunch under the door of the shed. Whatever, he'll make it til dinner.

The contra-positive situation, where the child is told that they aren't good at anything, and their achievements are routinely ignored in order to focus on their failures, has it's little bugaboos as well. Like lifelong therapy.

s/it's/its/
erg.

Aureolaborealis @3, I think we were classmates?!

Being barely out of her twenties, Cienna is a member of the first generation in history to realize children are being coddled! Coddled, I say. Parents today are too soft!

Something Must Be Done Lest We Raise A Generation of Weaklings.™

We Must Return To The Good Old Days Of Stern Parenting.™

Why When I Was Your Age.™

This whole idea that "kids today" are over-rewarded is a myth. I'm raising a few kids myself. They are good students, involved in extracurricular activities, some clubs, some sporting activities, etc. They have strengths and they have weaknesses. And I have never seen one of these mythical "Everyone Gets a Trophy! You Are All Exceptional!" things go down.

Some kids get A's, some get B's, some get C's. At the end of the school year, some kids get certificates for excellent performance in one subject or another; most do not. At the swim meet or the soccer tournament, some kids win and get trophies; most do not.

A lot of events do hand out participation ribbons or medals, which are clearly identified as such. There is nothing wrong with that; the kid came out, tried his or her best, and gets to take home a memory of it. Giving out a souvenir ribbon or medal is not the same thing as telling kids they are better than they are. And kids are smart enough to recognize that. The kid who finishes last knows he did.

You do realize that the "everyone gets a trophy" meme has been a right wing talking point for at least a decade, right?

And that kids from poor and working class families never get a trophy? Or a decent education or affordable health care or healthy food etc.?

And plus, get offa my lawn!

this results from saying "Good job!!!" when your kid puts his socks on. A whole generation of upper-class parents has done that.

First, I don't take parenting advice from non-parents because y'all don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Women are always telling me not to open my fucking mouth about their vagina since I don't have one so I have to invoke a similar rule about kids and parenting.

Second, for young children - first and second grade - there's nothing wrong with giving out an award for participation. You are attempting to teach the child to stick with something and work towards a goal and be part of a team. Beyond that age, I'd agree that giving an award to everybody doesn't much motivate people.

Third, "giving an award to everybody" doesn't truly exist to the extent that people in the media would like you to believe. This is something perpetuated by those with an agenda and eaten up by those who don't have kids.

Huh. You know, the kids who were born in the 'everybody gets a trophy' era also happen to be the driving force behind one of the most productive and profitable economies in history. They're paid much less than their parents were, enjoy a lot less economic stability, and get screwed from every angle by the people who are actually in power. Nevertheless, they make their bosses a shitload of money. And we're not even close to the capacity of what this workforce is capable of.

Gotta say, the people who invented 'everyone gets a trophy' did a swell job of creating an entire generation of really productive low-paid drones.

@23

Awesome.

@24

Awesome.