SLLOTD: In the Spirit of the Season


And here I was sure Dan's response would be something to the effect of: "Unlike male bisexuals, successful nonmonogamous relationships, and straight men who enjoy getting pegged by their girlfriends, zombies do not exist."
If it's dead, it's necrophilia. Make of that what you will.

If it's alive, it is incapable of consent. Do not fuck it.

If it's undead, I refuse to acknowledge that as a third state. Pick again.
Yeah, but Zac Efron . . .
Put a mouth guard on him and have fun.
Really though, the worst problem is rotting body parts falling off indiscriminately. I imagine dangly cocks would not have much holding them to the rest of the zombie, so those would probably be the first to go. Most likely the slightest tug of friction would separate them from their owner. Not. Pretty.
At the same time, if I were a zombie, I'd rather be stapled to a bedframe and screwed occasionally than be shot in the head, dragged into a pile with all my shot in the head zombie friends, and set on fire.
omg @2 i just realized--ponyhands ethical dilemma--bestiality or not??
@7 - Think about the tiny hooves, the tiny but powerful teeth of a hand-sized herbivore, and the constant delighted whinnying.

My Little Ponies, in case you were wondering, wouldn't have any genitals of their own, so you can forget about that.
What about zombie-vampires? Or is that just animated dust?...maybe vampire-zombies (and I mean Anne Rice vampires but brain dead?).
I demand an updated answer post-Warm Bodies! That dude was adorbs.
Danny Danny Danny.......

this tripe?


can we hope you are posting this stale old drivel because you are feverishly researching mormonism trying to come up with the name of a (any...) mormon prophet?

trying to dig yourself out of the outhouse pit you are wallowing in?

get back to us soon.
sthoopid herriman can't figure out what the obvious joke is.
Can I just point out that very few zombie movies involve a specific appetite for brains? I can only think of a shitty one in the 80s with freakish puppet zombies. That talked. And new how to operate a radio.
If there were zombies, Washington would be #1 at fucking them.
Southpark had the answer years ago:…
Incapable of consent, yes, so let's not do that.

Hacking the jaw off and leading them on chains to fend off other zombies though?
Badass. Do your best to find your way into the good graces of the katana wielding survivor who pulls that one off.
Related: a friend's class made this as part of their media course:
Thank you for that, Truant @18! Good stuff :)
@12: Pretty sure the obvious joke is about Efron's blank screen presence and wooden delivery already lending themselves to a 'zombified' quality. He was in that Disney musical and Dan gets bitchy about those (not that he was wrong in this case). FWIW, he's way hotter now that he's not Tiger Beat bait. Better actor, too.
Heat is subjective, but Mr E's performing reminds me of Brian Joubert's spinning - even after all those lessons he had from Lucinda Ruh.
My guess would be that zombies can't get it up. No blood circulation.
Bruce LaBruce made a hardcore gay zombie porn movie once.
Mr. Ven @21: Just to be clear, Efron is not my celebrity crush and I would never nominate him for a Golden Globe. I just think he looks a lot better than he did in his proto-Bieber days- and he's not as gallingly stiff an actor.
@8: something about IKEA meatballs
Mr Rhone - Ms Cute seemed far further along than you did. And your comment is very apt, as Ms Ruh gave M Joubert a much less gallingly stiff sit spin.
@6: Duly noted, but I'm afraid I'm going to be unable to comply.
Dan, Dan, Dan. People fuck Republicans all the time.
Dan, go watch "Warm Bodies" and then update your response. Cutest zombie ever. And he gets better.
Eh, I'm really not sure if consent is an issue with Zombies. Unlike animals, we don't owe Zombies any ethical considerations. It would be disgusting, and you'd be a gross dirt nasty freak and I hope you get Zombie-AIDS (which is WAY worse than regular AIDS), but in the Zombie we may have conceptualized the one thing that actually is un-rape-able.
Truant @18 - thanks for posting! I enjoyed that, though it put me off my breakfast.
Mr. Ven and lohorhone: Zombies are gross. But I do cop to having the horn for Zac Efron. Sue me.
nocutename @32: No judgment here, he is cute. Just clarifying my own position. But don't call me a low ho whilst besmirching my family name. That's just uncalled-for. : )
@33: Ha! and Ooops. And sorry . . .
@34: No problem, it was funny...
Yeah to all the above, but Zac Ephron!
Ms Cute - At worst it merits FTWL... and chances are you'd return the compliment.


Henry's bed is Henry's province; he can people it with sheep for all I care, which, on occasion, he has done.
@37: Ooh, the quote: that's another reference I get. I'm two for two in your most recent comment. Don't stop.
Ah yes- the Eleanor ala Kate Hepburn quote- always a crowd pleaser. So many good quotes from that play...Sheesh, and thanks!
I think the key issue is whether the zombie will suffer if you fuck them. Are zombies capable of suffering? Are they in a perpetual state of suffering? Do they suffer when they feel violated or disempowered? Is death such a mercy for them that it is unethical to delay blowing their heads off for any reason?
Some costume manufacturer will see this post and design a "Sexy Zombie Zac Efron" costume. Count on it.
My favorite is "I'd hang you from the nipples but it would shock the children."

Beautifully written and played. Much more interesting that the silly question.