The Devil Made That Lesbian Do It


I never believe any priest who flies coach. That, alone, casts doubt on his sanity when everyone knows the cutest kids are always up in First Class.
Belief in Evil Incarnate is one of the biggest failings of the Abrahamic traditions in general and Fundamentalist Christianity in particular.

Truqui is failing at religion, not exemplifying it. But he is right about Margherita pizza: devilishly delicious.

If Satan growls and throws chocolate at you, I hope Christians are right that He is everywhere.
I've had margherita pizza, but I don't recall the smell of it especially. This makes me doubt this priest. Oh, also, human memory doesn't work the way the vast majority of humans think it does, that also makes me doubt people's accounts. Also, he was biased in his perception before the growling happens, which also makes me doubt his recount.
A waste of chocolate IMO.
@3 - I think I dated that guy. Satan lives in Redmond.
So wait, Margherita pizzas were made by the Devil? FUcK! I am like, sooo pissed off! Those were delicious! Now I can't eat them because their are tainted by Satan. Dammit!

Are "Growlers" of beer also the spawn of Satan? WTF?!?!?
Seems legit...
Some say that a "pizza" with roasted strawberries, blue cheese, watercress, an egg, and a very generous drizzling of balsamic reduction is Beelzebub in a box.
Do satan sheets make people gay?!
Maybe if the guy stopped huffing margarita pizzas, he wouldn't be hallucinating satanic images whenever he sees a pair of women. :D
Lesbians eating chocolate set him off? Let him sit next to a gay guy whose advice-column emails occasionally contain graphic pics!

There are definitely evil people on planes. Personally, I rank the guy whose belly lays 4 inches onto my lap, the 8-year-old seat kicker behind me and the farm-team hockey players who are boozing it up on a redeye as significantly more evil than the chocoholic lesbians in 24A and 24B.

But the guy praying over fellow passengers? I hate that shit the most.
So, did he report the demonically-possessed lesbian to a flight attendant? I mean, anybody throwing chocolates at the back of another passenger's head should at least deserve a stern reprimand, no? Or was it just that he assumed it was the lesbians (and how did he know for certain they were lesbians in the first place?) and not some unruly toddler with a pack of Hershey's Kisses or whatever? After all, the Devil can take many shapes, can he not, Father Truqui?
What kind of chocolates does the Father of Lies throw, Free Trade?
@14 Dark chocolate, natch.
Mama always said, "life is like a box of chocolates, ya never know when lesbians are gonna start throwin' em at your noggin."

My real question for the priest would have been:
How do you know that the women behind you were lesbians? Did they make an announcement? Did you ask them? Might the chocolate have been tossed from someone farther back?
I was once on a plane when a party of Orthodox rabbis boarded (having checked in late and not asked to sit together). They proceeded to kick up a giant stink when they found they were seated next to women (including me). I wish I'd know that the thing to do was to growl and throw chocolates. Being Satan on a plane, I did it all wrong.
I think it was the Oompa Loompa.
@14 Wait, I've got it. It was a Rosemary's Baby Ruth.
did you recently have dinner with megan seling, @9?
Hail Satan!
"Growling demonically" made me think of this:…
@2: Judaism doesn't really have a concept of supreme evil comparable to Satan (Christianity) or Iblis (Islam). I honestly can't be sure of why.
@23: Because Judaism's scriptures predate monotheism.
@14 Leviathin Mints?

I *know* there's an Ferrero Rocher pun to be made, but I'm just not finding it...
@23, yeah, that is one of the things that I like about most stripes of Judaism. I even prefer the Muslim Shaytan as one who "distracts" rather than as a being second only in power to God.

I think that when one believes in Evil as the work of The Devil, it is a short step to justifying any action against those people one deems to be in league with Evil. Literalist Christians have taken that mistake and run with it.
@25 Ha! That's a good one.

I was thinking there also might be one in Mike and Ike's, the candies that are more than just good friends. And there's always been something a little breathless about Oh Henry.
@26: In Judaism there IS Yetzer haRa, or "the evil urge", contrasted with Yetzer haTov, or "the good urge". The literal names are not entirely accurate, however; Yetzer haRa is more properly called "the selfish urge", and Yetzer haTov "the selfless urge". And it's made clear that they are not divine forces battling for a person's soul, but rather aspects of his/her own mind and judgment.
I've decided to make a mission of working "tossing chocolates at superstitious morons in coach" into everyday conversation.
I want to know what the other people on the plane thought. Was he the only one who felt a demonic presence? Did anybody else notice lesbians throwing chocolate?

It's not a good X-Files until there's independent verification of some kind -- more than one person saw it, or compelling physical evidence was left behind, or something like that.
@23 Christianity didn't originally have a concept of ultimate evil either. That was the gnostic/manichaeist influence.
Who else testified that one of the [possibly lesbian] women started growling and throwing chocolates at him? Why isn't the Washington Post asking for more sources here instead of taking this asshat's word as fact?
I believe this will be made into a made for cable movie... it will be awesome and it can be sponsored by Oh Henry, makers of satanic chocolate for all your demonic festivities.