Blogs Jul 11, 2014 at 1:09 pm

Dear Products: Please Stop Giving Me Unsolicited Pep Talks

Megan Seling
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Comments

1
You tell them!
-Bossy internet commenter
seandr on July 11, 2014 at 1:34 PM Report this
2
AMEN.
tabathalphabet on July 11, 2014 at 1:36 PM Report this
3
Haven't you heard? Corporations have the right, the right to tell you what to do with your vagina these days.
Pope Peabrain on July 11, 2014 at 1:47 PM Report this
4
Dove Chocolates is the master at that.

https://www.google.com/search?q=dove+cho…
hereiswheremynamegoes on July 11, 2014 at 1:47 PM Report this
5
@3 How could I forget? Pretty soon the toothpaste is going to jump right off the shelf and knock that birth control right out of my hands!
Megan Seling on July 11, 2014 at 1:48 PM Stranger Staff
6
You're not always right, Miz Seling, but when you are you cannot be denied. This phenom is maximally annoying. "Keep your eye on the ball", for chrissakes, that's appalling. It makes me long for the days of generic products. Like "BEER", aka Beer Beer. We already know what it is and what it is for.
Fnarf on July 11, 2014 at 1:50 PM Report this
7
Also, @4, you just reminded me! I actually posted about Dove chocolate doing this on Slog 800 years ago: http://slog.thestranger.com/2007/05/boss…

Maybe they'll listen this time!
Megan Seling on July 11, 2014 at 1:53 PM Stranger Staff
8
Great, even tampons are telling women what to do now.
on July 11, 2014 at 2:33 PM Report this
9
I see a market for novelty message tampons.
Matt the Engineer on July 11, 2014 at 3:25 PM Report this
10
They should take a cue from popcicle sticks and print jokes on them.
carriemcc on July 11, 2014 at 3:48 PM Report this
11
@10 - Tampon jokes, yes!

But like the popsicle stick jokes, should they only be viewable when you're done with the product? I don't really want to think about how that would manifest, but everyone loves a joke.
MacCrocodile on July 11, 2014 at 4:01 PM Report this
12
Dear Facebook friends, please take this advice. If I see 1 more serene landscape photo with an inspirational quote about how my faults are really what make me beautiful, I may have to punch a kitten. In the face. More than once.
Crispy on July 11, 2014 at 4:24 PM Report this
13
How about snarky, mean ones, like "follow your dreams until they are crushed out of you", "he doesn't love you anymore", "your boss owns your body, you know", "only 324 more periods until menopause", and "you'll never earn as much as a man"?
Fnarf on July 11, 2014 at 5:07 PM Report this
14
Fun side note: 'Be Adventurous' is actually a chocolate-mint flavored toothpaste. It totally does taste like chocolate, but it totally does NOT leave your mouth feeling cleaner.
on July 11, 2014 at 5:25 PM Report this
15
Awesome free ad for those brands you hate so much.
treehugger on July 11, 2014 at 5:42 PM Report this
16
@15 yeah i totally want to buy all this shit now
The CHZA on July 11, 2014 at 8:44 PM Report this
17
Fnarf dear, that BEER you speak of had rebuses on the inside of the caps, but I don't remember if they were inspirational or not.....

Marketing. It's as bad as "human resources" at attracting the type of anti-social oddball who would think inspirational tampons are a thing people would appreciate.
Catalina Vel-DuRay on July 12, 2014 at 3:18 PM Report this
18
I would love to read about a rogue worker at Dove Chocolates who printed adult messages on random wrappers... e.g. http://i.imgur.com/49PVlkF.jpg
this guy I know in Spokane on July 12, 2014 at 4:05 PM Report this
19
Ricola cough drops have inspirational phrases on them. "A PEP TALK IN EVERY DROP" is the catchphrase.
venomlash on July 12, 2014 at 5:43 PM Report this
20
I bought a couple pairs of panties a few weeks ago and discovered when I got home that they have uplifting affirmations printed on the inside of the waistband. It's weird. I just looked at one and it says "abandon your doubts." Thanks, panties, but if I want a daily affirmation while I sit on the toilet I'll just go look at Skeletor is Love.
stirwise on July 13, 2014 at 12:33 PM Report this

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