That's your home! Are you too good for your home?! ANSWER ME!!

shocking

@1 - all the lolz. thanks. :)

Years ago I attended a wedding at a charismatic evangelical church that was particularly proud of "rescuing" drug addicts.

Among the gems dropped during the ceremony: to the groom, "you are the head of the family, but remember that the woman is the neck."

and

a metaphor for marriage where Jesus is pushing the couple is in a wheelbarrow on a high wire over Niagara Falls.

but what perfectly balanced the sermon (like a good wine/food pairing) was the bumper sticker on one of the guest's shit box cars, "I Brake for Hallucinations".

here's a (disputed) fun fact: Adam's donated 'rib' to provide Eve with starting material was his baculum (penile bone). The original Hebrew amounted to "additional part" so somewhere around Septuagint they scratched their beards (uncertain how to translate and certain it should remain PG rated) and came up with 'rib'. So, (if you buy that theory), Adam is boner boneless (unlike various other mammals) because: Eve. (thereby the original misogynist..?) It makes more sense as a story, because we can all count ribs, and yet "*hey* how come my goat... and i don't..."

Hearing that Mars Hill is closing some of their branches is fantastic news for everyone - including those indoctrinated into the cult. Watching this sham of a man disintegrate and seeing his cult/church fall along with him is true justice in a world where justice isn't doled out enough.

So I haven't been masturbating, but giving God hand jobs?!

@ 8,

We have to jack Him off at least twice a day--Gawd wants what He wants.

God gave us intelligence and discernment so that we could create our own homes for our penises. Underwear. Duh. You can have a nice roomy bungalow (boxers), a cozy little ranch-style house (Y-fronts), or you can be sort-of homeless and live out of your car (commando).

That William Wallace posting--well, just the beginning of the first one, which is all I bothered to read--is totally nuts, but sounds so much like some of the unhinged monomaniacs that post here. Makes you wonder if commenters like Zok, Seattleblues, collectivism_sucks, and a few others are actually people in supposedly respectable positions.

Did Jesus have a home? It sounds like he had the skills to build one, but you never hear about it so I guess he chose not to. It's my understanding he was itinerant. Given to wanderlust.

Not unlike a few penises I am aware of.

@11,

Or a bomb shelter (jock strap).

@14: HOT

*Runs off to write Mark Driscoll's Jesus fanfic*

@11 Wait, all those people "camping" by the Ballard Carrier Annex are actually the cool kids? Who'da thunk it?

@15 Or a hot yoga studio (bike shorts).

@16 EEEEEEWWWWW!!!!!

Driscoll is a backward redneck masquerading as a hipster. I've been saying for years (far too infrequently), that if The Stranger would pull a Santorum/Saddlebacking on his ass and get readers to regularly call them "Mars Hill Redneck Church," our problems with those fucks would decline dramatically.

http://www.mademan.com/mm/10-best-songs-…

@18: "And Jesus held her as he beheld her. 'Will you accept me into your home? I will offer you a gift most precious as guest-gift,' Jesus said softly to the beautiful maiden..."

It's weird how you have to be erect to go "home" but when you're flaccid when you're out of your home. Like when you leave the house to go to work.

Because what is your penis's job? Does it work from home? Is it a stay at home dad? Wouldn't Driscoll call that a pussified man, working at home where your wife belongs?

Does Driscoll try this shit out on his wife before he lays it on the world? Does she keep it together when she first hears it? Because I think he'd lose his shit if she laughed at him.

he's even been called a misogynist. "And I don't even know how to give a massage," he joked,

Wow, what an entitled prick.

I will now quote Jimmy Cliff who observed: "The bigger they come, the harder they fall, one and all."

This rapid crumbling of Marc Peniscoll's My Li'l Misogynist empire is very satisfying.

Jesus' teachings were equally controversial in his time, and he was terribly treated by the press of his day; well, he turned out to be God. So I wonder why no one here is asking the proper question: Is it time to start seriously considering whether this fine male is the second coming of Christ? I can see some of these quotes fitting quite well into the 3rd Testament, Book of William Wallace II, especially after you run them through Google Translate a few times and add a few thous.

This kind of reads like the "dicks, pussies, and assholes" monologue in Team America, doesn't it?

If you're coming down Sweet Jesus... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZT2wb2ar…

I guess that makes my butt a home for the wayward.

Hahahaha. This makes me picture men and women going literally everywhere coupled at their genitals, like love bugs.

It's the crude version of typical evangelical preaching behavior -- come up with an extremely bad pop-culture metaphor for something, torture it beyond all reason, and present it as wisdom. I once sat through a sermon where the central point was that Christians were "living 4G in a 3G world," as if 3G was absolutely the top of the line and 4G was completely unthinkable, when many mobile companies were already using 4G as a selling point.

As a culture, evangelicals do NOT get metaphor. It causes them to misunderstand their own religion horribly, and also to be bad writers.

Aww, look, it’s a man whose entire worldview is built on the juvenile mindset of “but… but… my boner!” We probably don’t have a billion or two of those already.

It’s almost precious how he thinks his ideas are novel. Almost.

@14: I only read unregistered comments when they're responding to a comment of mine, or when I see a comment responding to them with something like, "Great comment! You should register." You are now in both of those categories. Give it some thought.

I'm having some terrible flashbacks to Monty Python's Life of Brian.

My hand looks like a ... homeless shelter?

@32,

I was gonna go with "Home is where the hand is." Though yours works too.

@14: I must add to the chorus asking you to register.

My penis doesn't spend nearly enough time at home.

How many homes can I have? A vacation home? A beach home? Can I "park around back"? Hardwoods? Can I invite others into my home? A mother in law in back? Is it more like a hobbit hole kinda home? Do I need to find a new home when "Aunt Flo" visits? I'm hoping for a cape cod.

@36 --- don't forget stainless steel appliances.

I read this as promoting monogamy using language that would resonate with men/young men, which he has said a number of times was his primary calling to teach and reach out to as he saw a decline in society of men being men. Which I happen to agree with. Men and women were created differently in a beautiful way where we are designed to come together. You could just as easily say to women that their vagina is looking for the right "love" (using language a woman can relate to) and that if she lets another man "love" her who is not her husband, then it is not within Gods design. It's meant to guid and protect people agains themselves. People take everything so literally because they are stupid. If Mark thought women were nothing but a "home" for the penis then it wouldn't matte if it was with the mans wife or not. It's about monogamy and the pure, beautiful connection between man and wife, wich is a good thing.

@39- Maybe (maybe?) I'd be inclined to take your view of things (this was Mark Driscoll's attempts to use a metaphorical language that young men can relate to to discuss monogamy) if there weren't literally reams and reams of Mark on record saying all manner of other incredibly misogynistic and gross things. However, taken in context, this just points to more that in misogynistic and gross, wrapped up in a thin veneer of acceptability in a "means to an ends" kind of way. (Which is also gross.)

@39 I've recently developed a bad habit of debating the daft on here, and I was going to start letting that go. Then I got to where you wrote "People take everything so literally because they are stupid." Now I can't help but tilt at this particular windmill (That is a metaphor. I expect you'll need to google Cervantes. And metaphor.)

Men and women are not designed to be any particular way. Monogamy is a social construct. Reasonable people can disagree about whether it is a desirable or admirable construct.

The Pastor's viciously stupid analogy is sexist and misogynistic for so many reasons. Here are just a few: His creepy adulation of his boner; The fact that the boner is an agent that gets to choose, find, maintain its passive vagina-home; The fact that the male ideal is to satisfy the boner-goals, and (guess what?) so is the female ideal.

And all this decline of men being men stuff is just knee-jerk sexist bullshit. The world is not perfect now, not by a long-goddamn-shot, but it's so much better than it was sixty years ago because men and women and anyone else can, and sometimes have to, meet one another in the workplace, for instance.

The fact that people can have an idea (and a discussion) about their gender and that of others is great. The fact that those thoughts and discussions are not completely defined by some reductive absolute binary where boys can't cry and girls can't like cars (or homes! or sex!) is really fucking great.

In conclusion, go piss up a rope.

@39 If your screen name (which I just noticed) is a reference to Serena Joy and "The Handmaid's Tale" and you're just fucking with people, then well done, and I take back what I said about the rope.

If not, you should also probably google "The Handmaid's Tale."

Is a prostitute a hotel, then?