Blogs Feb 11, 2015 at 4:25 pm

Comments

1
I think it's just fear of commitment, or perhaps neutering anxiety.
2
If Puppy Boy shows up here.... how did it play out? Surely exactly as Dan said?
3
Aren't dogs the most committed animals? I think these guys should pretend to be cats instead.
4
@3,

I dunno, I've known some pretty committed cats. Maybe fish or ants or something?
5
Am I the only person who was giggling to myself the whole time I was reading about Sir and puppies and Fido and pup-bros? Is this like domination play for middle-schoolers?
6
@ 5 - Personally, on top of giggling, I was wondering if this guy really believed that all those details were essential for Dan to fully perceive the complexity of his situation.

7
I'm thankful my relationships don't require a Venn diagram or some kind of org chart.
8
Someday means never.
9
Thanks to everyone (5, 6, 7) for jumping in to mock someone's sexual expression.
Yes, multi-partner relationships are complicated.
Yes, puppy play is a highly specific kink that, while not my cup of chai, is becoming a lot more widspread (or Mr. S wouldn't be releasing new styles of puppy hoods every few weeks).
I think puppies get so much shit because they have the temerity to have FUN with their kink instead of being drearily serious about it all the time.
To the letter writer, reread what you wrote. You said it yourself, he uses this distancing to avoid dealing with his own stuff. That should have been a huge red flag to you without any of the other surround.
I partially agree with Dan, but from what you've written, I think he's liable to regret dropping out of what he had with you in a few years (and may try to reconnect at such time whens he's sorted through his issues). Hopefully by that time you, your handler, and any other pack members will be in a much better position to decide if you want him back in your life or not. (Or you'll be in a different space completely--most of the pups I've know tend to age out of it.)
10
The pup stuff is a thing, one that seems to be gaining popularity. Personally I have to pinch myself every time someone brings it up to keep from thinking something judgmental. I think its the whole pretend-cross-species stuff and infantilization that I just have a hard time with. I want sex to be all about human adults thank you very much.
11
@ 9 - I was mostly mocking the fact that he couldn't even stand back and realize, as Dan did, that all the puppy-play stuff had nothing to do with his problem/question. His cluelessness is what made me giggle.

And so does yours. The easily offended never realize how ridiculous they sound. Talk about being drearily serious...
12
@ 9 - And besides, when you need a Venn diagram or an org chart to enjoy your kink (thanks DJ Sauvage), I don't see how you can call it "play". Sounds like a lot of work to me. Drearily serious indeed.
13
Ricardo, I am a kinkster and my wife and I attend a great pan sexual kink party on a regular basis. There I have met a cute bunny and a cute puppy. Both are in a pack with a Mistress. I am not a furry, nor does furrie-dom turn me on. But watching these two does!

When the Mistress squeezes a squeaky bone in front of the pup, her attention snaps to the toy, her eyes light up, and her body comes alive. I've seen her chase with delight a ball thrown down a hall full of semi dressed people. I am only too sorry I missed the strap on party so I didn't see her in action. Or maybe feel her.

The Bunny is totally hot. Shes smart, has a job in an interesting field and is very sweet. In fact, I am crushing on her totally and my wife loves to tease me about it when She (my wife) is dominating me in bed. I have yet to work up the nerve to confess my crush to her Mistress, but the idea of being with bunny is amazing.

So while you may find furries funny, an object of derision (no matter what you say on the surface, your writing is your writing) I find them fascinating because the only two furries I know are fascinating. Am I going to now be an admirer and look for more? No, not my cup of tea, But would I take a huge amount of pain and torment from bunny's mistress for the joy of simply serving with bunny? Damn right I would.
14
Thanks Wine-o for putting this back in perspective for the snickerers.

Like most any kink, consenting adults can get an assortment of emotional benefits out of puppy play. For some it's the reassuring hierarchy of pack dynamics, or a more playful way of temporarily giving up decision-making (servitude scenario plus squeaky toys). I've also seen pack play done as a way to express the frustration and mutual aggression that can build up in relationships (permission to have a rough physical fight, with biting and clawing but no hurtful words). I've even seen animal play used to frame a vore fetish (lesbian pair of a woman with her "pet tiger").

Not all people into these kinks pretend to be animals during sex, either. Just a different frame for the d/s games many people enjoy, and equally liable to be overly serious or frankly joyful. And hey, I'm not even into this myself, just a member of a local kink group that welcomes a wide array of people.

Observe with some empathy, folks...
15
Dan's advice could have saved me a lot of time and anxiety if I had read it in 2001.
16
Okay, I'll half apologize.

I think it is totally fine that the letter writer is into puppy play. Or anyone else for that matter. Different strokes for different folks, and all that. He's a consenting adult, he can play however he likes. I fully support anyone's right to get their kink on as long as they're not hurting anyone else. I would never tell this guy that he can't or shouldn't be into this.

But it still makes me giggle.
17
@16 - I'm in your camp. A lot of kinks make me laugh. In fact, to me, just about the funniest one is plain old femdom, and that's hugely popular! But anyway, laughter isn't necessarily about superiority. It's possible to think something is hilarious and totally support its practitioners at the same time. I mean, look at rugby, fer chrissakes.
18
There's a reason most 11-year olds snicker when someone says "breast" or "penis". All sex is ridiculous, but much less so when you want to have it.
19
I think Dan has it right: The exact parameters of a unique-as-a-snowflake kink have little relevance to the universal nature of what's going on (i.e., rejection).

Getting rejected by a pup-bro is no different from getting turned down by any other crush-object.
20
The kink is irrelevant.This is just a garden variety "he's not into you." Kudos to Dan for not being thrown off the scent.

Woof.
21
Sounds really goofy (or should that be Pluto?) to me but that shouldn't offend anybody who is into it. Enjoy yourselves.
22
@ 13 - What I find to be an object of derision is not the kink or the kinkster (since I too am one), it's the need people have to belong to a group (and this is valid for any group - football fans, doctors, the bear community, etc.) and to show their affiliation to that group by adopting very precise nomenclatures, rules, jargon, clothing, etc., as well as their propensity to think that everyone else will think it's as important as they do (which was clearly not the case here, as Dan pointed out).

As you say, my writing is my writing. Too bad you seem unable to understand it.
23
This is one of the hardest, hardest lessons of all to learn in life -- how to realize when you've GOT to totally drop it, and walk away from a person that you've become obsessed with -- and people who learn it early are really lucky. Your desires will keep your mind playing mean tricks on you, with "but but but he/she said/did this/that so there's still hope" fantasies. I guess I feel the sorriest for girls who believe it when guys say "I love you" during sex, which translated means "I love the way I'm feeling right now!" -- but in 10 minutes, he'll be looking around for a pizza and a beer, while she's mentally planning the wedding reception.
24
beccoid @18 has it!
25
I wish someone would have schooled me on all the subtle (and perhaps not so subtle) brush-offs that i was too naive, deluded or clueless to comprehend at the time. That would have spared me years of hurt and pathetic behavior. Ugh.
26
So, what do you say when you actually DO like somebody and actually AREN'T ready to commit to them?
27
@26 how about "I really like where things are at right now, let's take things slow?"
28
@26 If the other person wants you to commit to them, then you break up so that they are free to seek a partner who is ready to commit to them. It doesn’t really matter whether they believe you or not. What matters is that you don’t string them along.
29
@28 I don't think anyone has to break up with someone else for their own good. You just have to be clear about what you can offer.

If you can tell that the other person isn't believing you, then maybe you break up because it's annoying to date someone who doesn't believe you. But I find it best to let other people make their own decisions about how to run their own lives.
30
Riccardo, how nice of you to double don on your judgementalism. Because you don't like to participate in groups, you get to treat someone as an object of derision. Glad your way of relating to this crazy world is the only valid one.

I do understand your writing. I am just saddened by its judgementalism. At least you admit it which is the first step to overcoming it.

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