"3) "He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string… what! And… a gently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy fuck. Sweet mother of all… Jeez.""
The porn industry has higher standards than this dross. This is on par with Boogie Nights' movie-within-the-movie in which Amber Waves is seducing Dirk Diggler.
That writing was so bad it made me want to wrench the screen right off my laptop and bludgeon myself unconscious with it. Maybe I'm different from other people, but is it too much to expect erotica to be decently worded?
Those excerpts were unnecessarily verbose in some places and downright bland in others with the overall impression, as is sadly common in fanfiction, that the writer was jotting down an imagined stream of thought without any reworking. The overuse of ellipses exacerbates this. I'd call the word choice 'inexpert', for that matter; many constructions were redundant or nonsensical and seemed to have been added in simply to pad out sentences.
Was the book even edited? Hell, I polish most of the comments I make on SLOG to improve their readability and style. It seems implausible that a book could be written, be followed by two sequels, and be made into an equally awful movie without being edited at some point.
@11 - that piece of garbage was originally a self-published e-book/print on demand paperback. Perhaps she had some editing with the sequels, but clearly there was none on the original book. These quotations reminded me quite strongly of Anne Rice's efforts; I've always suspected that the editing done on her books was done by her under a different name, because it never seemed to result in improvement.
Even worse than I feared. And, yet, unsuspecting women who thought they were being daring and naughty (for reading it in public) ate it up. When, by rights, it should have been thrown up.
I read a page or two in a bookstore once... it did nothing for me. I feel worse for having read these quotes. It's the ugliest shame that my friends who are writers, who spend their time slaving away at office jobs and food service, will never be as widely read as the author who penned those juvenile sentences. Calling the work "juvenalia" is even a step too far -- good authors eventually get 'round to writing something worthwhile. The people who have allowed themselves to be associated with this stuff deserve the cancer that children get.
Oh my good God! Why did I read this? PAIN, PAIN, EXCRUCIATING PAIN! Her subconscious sleepwalks? Her inner Goddess is a boxer? Is Christian Whozeewhatzit Wm. Steven Humphrey's secret alter ego? Is Slog the red room of pain?
Millions more watch the Bieb than Jimi Hendrix on YouTube, and this woman is the highest paid writer in the world! Sigh, humans deserve to go extinct.
I mean.. artful it ain't, but honestly I found it charming in its amateurishness. I thought the "inner goddess" device was cute. The fake swearing ("double crap!") tickled me. Call me uncultured, but I thought it was fun.
@25: Yeah, I saw that too. I like Ms. Moen's sense of humor and drawing style, but I'm definitely judging her a little bit for having apparently read erotic Sonic fanfics as a youth. The Sonic fandom is weird enough without making it sexual, at which point they become even weirder than furries in my opinion.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkdGwW9v…
Please don't flush tampons down the toilet.
Thanks.
On the other hand, it is my understanding that erections do spring free.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NDPT0Ph…
Wow, can anyone be that good a reader? I think Sedaris must have rehearsed it at least once.
Those excerpts were unnecessarily verbose in some places and downright bland in others with the overall impression, as is sadly common in fanfiction, that the writer was jotting down an imagined stream of thought without any reworking. The overuse of ellipses exacerbates this. I'd call the word choice 'inexpert', for that matter; many constructions were redundant or nonsensical and seemed to have been added in simply to pad out sentences.
Was the book even edited? Hell, I polish most of the comments I make on SLOG to improve their readability and style. It seems implausible that a book could be written, be followed by two sequels, and be made into an equally awful movie without being edited at some point.
It won't.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkLqAlIE….
Oh my good God! Why did I read this? PAIN, PAIN, EXCRUCIATING PAIN! Her subconscious sleepwalks? Her inner Goddess is a boxer? Is Christian Whozeewhatzit Wm. Steven Humphrey's secret alter ego? Is Slog the red room of pain?
Millions more watch the Bieb than Jimi Hendrix on YouTube, and this woman is the highest paid writer in the world! Sigh, humans deserve to go extinct.