Jesus. No wonder you get sick. Having all this shit sent to you.
Sending you loving words, to counteract the damage done.

Surely Dan would have more scum than just this person.

I find it hard to believe that Frank Bruni would have a friend who doesn't know the difference between your and you're.

Of course being crude is a much bigger offense than raping children, covering it up or denying civil rights to people. Dan should be ashamed.

oh my god, this was so funny! 'taupe santorum'!

Aw, gee, Dan, I thought you said I was your scum.
Are you just going to let anyone be your scum now?

Seriously, if you ever see black santorum make an appointment (for you or your partner) to see an internal medicine specialist ASAP.

"black santorum" = ur definitely doing it wrong

@8
Maybe you just had squid ink pasta.

This is hilarious! Thanks for the laughs.

You'res truly.

Well played. Bruni rocks! I know it can be difficult, but thanks for mucking about in the tidal pool.

Han Solo was rebel scum, so you're in good company.

Also, "Black Santorum" would be a great name for a death metal band.

@12: I'm pretty sure I watched "Black Santorum" in a double bill with "Cleopatra Jones" in 1974. It was cool!

@1-@12--the entire thread--wins the internet. Possibly for all of 2015

Kristine Marsh accuses Dan of "equating Rick Santorum’s name with a lewd sexual joke." (My italics.)

Firstly, who ever heard of a 'tasteful' sexual joke? What would be the point?

Secondly, Dan didn't liken Santorum's name unto an existing joke. He literally redefined "Santorum" using a brilliantly designed crowdsourcing exercise.

I had dark green santorum, but it was just from an iron supplement.

Just wondering if any of the rightwing nut jobs will mention that ben Carson likened Obama and the current US as being like Germany under Hitler, the Nazi's and the Gestapo. As I recall, 13 million people were murdered by Hitler et al. The oppressed Carson is running for president, has not had one of his asinine statements censored, not will the government kill him, instead, he will receive free protection as long as he is a serious candidate for president. There is not a single Republican candidate who has denounced Carson. Who supports equality.

I choose to engage in a particular sex act or not. I do not choose my sexuality nor my perversions and fetishes. But why should gay folk not thace the same choices that straight people enjoy. Does not Dr Carson see how his choice to believe in a book of fables composed 2000 to 300 years ago by illiterate nomads with nary a scintilla of evidence of the stories told therein is protected by law? That is not immutable. That is his choice.

We are all Americans. We should all have the same rights.

When I read "sir - your total scum," I keep thinking of john, wearing his male chastity device, in the dark part of the dungeon... I need to stop before my co-workers wonder what I'm giggling about and/or need to rub one out in the shared bathroom...

Dan, did you actually write: "I'm know Frank Bruni." ???

Oh, dear.

(see also: Houses, Glass)
(or: Petards, Hoisting One's Self Upon One's Own)

So, my question is - did John ever figure out what Dan was getting at, with the corrections to his spelling? Or did he just think his epithets were being thrown back at him?

@ 20 - I thought that was just Dan getting into the spirit of things.....

pg13 @20, see @22.

Also, the expression “hoist with his own petard” means “blown into the air by his own bomb.” One does not hoist oneself onto a petard, one’s own or another’s.

I always assumed it was a pole-arm, Allison. My bad.

I guess a general (but not academic) knowledge of Dungeons & Dragons was no substitute for a proper education.

Love you Dan. Muah. Your Scum, forevaaa!

Fighting homophobia and bad spelling! That's why I read this column. (Also all the funny advice letters.)

Geez Dan, guess you'll have to join me in the punish room for bad spellers/ bad grammarers / bad punctuationers.
Write out a hundred times....

It's so hard to even address the stupidity of John's comments when I so desperately want to correct all of his grammarian nonsense and tell him he has to rewrite his paper. I thank Dan and the commenters here, whose replies have been the most hilarious part of my day.