Savage Love Letters of the Day: You've Got Hate Mail


Wi-band Hus-fe sounds like the name of a Dutch superhero.
Seattleblues finally summoned up the courage to write Dan directly. And of course he wants "details."
You know you're doing something right when you get a letter like that.
Wow, someone's pretty invested in your marriage being an unhappy failure make-believe feces-ingesting extravaganza. I wonder why he cares so much?
So many real problems in the world to be solved. Why would someone take so much time to obsess about a gay marriage that's really not harming anyone at all? MYOB!
Wi-band Hus-fe - some new kind of wireless connectivity exclusively for the gay-marrieds!
"Wi-band Hus-fe" - new wireless connectivity options exclusively for the gay-married couple who has everything
I am constantly amazed by how ignorant, vile & disturbed people like "not a lemming" can be. Is this shit head Christian lawyer/activist who wants to start a ballot initiative making it legal to execute people for being gay? It sounds like the work of such a coward.
Oops, the first comment didn't show up so I posted again.
What a sad letter! Closet case? Self-hater? Late-stage syphilis? Ugly and unloved?
I think Dan is a really awesome guy. Then again he did just call someone's sexual feelings childish in his last column. Hm.
12 was nice of you to give his lame neologism a platform he can't whine about not getting a shot when it doesn't go anywhere.
Props to NAL for the best-written piece of misinformed hate-mail ever. Very little froth at the corner of that mouth, if you catch my drift.
@11 being icked out by human biology is pretty childish, especially when one expects a partner and their "sex" to be reality free. but there are plenty of asexuals that are icked out by even more. maybe that dumb woman just needs to find someone more disapproving than she is to realize how childish that approach to life actually is.
Are lemmings typically gay or something? I don't get it.
I think it was kind of Dan to provide us all with NAL's email address.
Margaret Cho-inspired fisting classes? I don't think I could manage the homework with a full load.
@14 Nod - Maybe being icked out by women is childish of Dan. Maybe he should man up.
I thought about a snarky comment, but really, I'm just sorry, Dan, that you and everyone else has to deal with stuff like this.

Speaking of which, did folks read that Ben Carson:
1. claims Pres. Obama is a psychopath because Obama looks so "elegant"?
2. has Armstrong Williams as his personal assistant?!!!!!!

Yes, Armstrong Williams, another black conservative homophobe, one who had to settle a sex harassment suit brought against him ….

So I mention Carson, who, if I am not mistaken, has a standing offer of some sort from Dan, because like the letter writer, there's a pretty strong obsession with behaviors associated with gay men.
I am invoking Poe's Law ... because that sort of hate mail is ... is ... is ... well, let's just say it qualifies. To the one, I want to reiterate your own past writings on fake letters; to the other, yes, I have known bigots who really were that much a caricature unto themselves.
Nice fella. I hope he writes again.
I for one think NAL makes a good point: Margaret Cho is inspiring.
My own husband just died. Most people who are committed to their partner - and I include Mr. Savage and his partner - don't turn around and hop into bed with someone else. It is incredibly disrespectful to relationships everywhere to believe that death quickly ends a relationship.
The path to justice is littered with obstacles like NAL and too many are formidable people in positions of power, but there is a momentum to truth that allows it to step over, around or on those who stand in the way - his misplaced anger and confusion won't stop justice, or truth. A sad, sad man indeed.
Is Thug Life 2 @23 a new persona for SB? No one but SB refers to Dan as "Danny".

And I still think that SB is a different incarnation of our former pal, Loveschild. Strange how s/he disappeared right around the time SB inflicted himself upon us, and hasn't been heard from again.
That Margaret Cho, performing valuable public services like adult sex education in her spare time! Does that woman NEVER STOP GIVING BACK?!
@westello: I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm glad NAL is not a lemming. I like lemmings.
Re: PAUCE/Birth control

Oh, yeah, there are other options. I had forgotten about IUDs after my mother went through menopause. Being old and gay has made me forgetful of such things.
I just got a new copper IUD; if you don't mind the slightly heavier periods, they're wonderful. Effortless, 10-year no baby zone.

Westello @ 25 - I'm very sorry. I'm not sure what to read into your comment, but I don't think Dan's brief response to that topic was intended to imply disrespect, only to correct a double standard.
I should point out that "not a lemming" doesn't mean what he thinks it means:

I'd suggest he stops believing what other people tell him about lemmings and maybe get to know some lemmings himself before rushing off a cliff in judgment.
Since NAL clearly believes, without evidence, that lemmings do follow others blindly and throw themselves off cliffs (which is the metaphor he was aiming for about our increasingly less homophobic society), he's proven that, contrary to what he says, he actually is what he thinks lemmings are.


I am sorry for your loss. :(

@32: I don't think she was suggesting Dan was being disrespectful. That was part of the LW's fantasy.
It never ceases to amaze me that there are so many people (usually "disgusted" straight guys) who protest homosexuality by thinking about it ALL THE TIME.
A very thoughtful note. This guy obviously thinks about gay mena lot. I mean like, all the time. Hot sweaty muscular men dancing and grinding and getting all gayed up. The kind of men that makes him get all worked up and write to a gay man just to tell him how disgusted he is with all this gay stuff. Totally not gay.
@25: Oh westello I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine.
Please accept this awkward internet hug:
ALOT - In Dan's defense, birth control probably isn't his strongest suit.
I feel like this troll has been around a while -- I recall some comments specifically obsessed with feces-eating.

These schmoes really, really want to believe that all gay men have anal sex, that no one else does, and that anal sex is scat play. Since none of those propositions are correct, it's kind of mystifying.
The sponge is great...
So sorry, Westello.
Sorry for your loss Westello.
Thank you westello for your very thoughtful words, and please accept my condolences.
Somebody around here is damaged and sad, but it's not who the letter writer thinks it is.
A versatile sponge, Sandiai, @41.
Yeah Dan, this guy wants all the sexy details of you and Terry's home life.
So he can sit there and rub one out.
At least he did okay with spelling and grammar, even though neologisms aren't his thing. Better than the average hate mail, probably. Bonus points for that.
Seriously LW; where the hell do you get off. Silly question, cause we all Sussed what gets you off.
Dan and Terry have reared a child, who has become a healthy young man. Doing that from their love.
Their love for each other and their son.
You don't know what love is.
Ugly little person that you are.
As a straight guy I always wonder why homophobes don't realize that the more gay men there are, the less competition we have.
Poor NAL, someone pissed in your Wheaties and now it's Teh Gays fault. Please seek help you miserable person, it's your only chance of not dying alone.
@ 50 - Since so many homophobes are actually self-hating homosexuals, it doesn't even enter into the equation. What they're focused on is that other homosexuals are able to accept and enjoy themselves, which makes them even more miserable and angry. They don't care about the increased availability of women, what they want is that every other homosexual man suffer as much as they do.
@11: "Then again he did just call someone's sexual feelings childish in his last column."

Not accepting that sexual activities involve body fluids is inherently childish. That's not insensitive. Some "feelings" are infantile, and that's okay, but a person should move past them into adulthood.
@50: These people aren't exactly awash in options, or happy with the ones they've married.
Westello, I am so sorry. Lotta love in here if you want to stick around.

@50 and many others - I know it's kind of a cliche for us gay-supportin' types to accuse all homophobes as being closet cases, but really, this one Just. Screams. It. He (and I'm pretty sure it's a he) really seems like if he was somehow forced to confront and acknowledge an actual, well-adjusted gay man in a good relationship... he'd either go truly, institutionalizably insane, or he'd realize that he is, in fact, gay. I hope it happens, but unfortunately there are vast support systems for pathetic assholes like him.
Whoops, i meant @52.
@ 56 - There's a huge difference between people who say they don't like gays because of religious beliefs or some sort of culturally transmitted prejudice ("they all rape children", for example) and homophobes who seem obsessed with gay sexual activities, such as this one. I would only dub the latter kind "self-hating homosexuals". The former merely deserve to be called out for their ignorance.
The overused accusation of pretending? Yes, my friends, we have a closet case!
D'ya 'spose this cretin like getting poked by his GGG gf via a strap-on?
I'm sorry you have to read crap like that, Dan. Of course you know that the letter says much about the writer and nothing at all about you. Of course you know that your work has helped millions of people. Of course you know that you're a better human being in every way than the pathetic person who wrote to you. But that was such a nasty letter that I just wanted to reiterate all those things that you know.
Why does homegirl bigot even know who Margaret Cho is or what fisting is? Lady doth protest too much.
In the response to NAL, Mr. Savage is wrong about exactly one thing: adverbs that end in ly should not be hyphenated. He and his spouse are "legally married," not "legally-married." Mr. Savage is a "highly successful semi-professional neologism creator," not a "highly-successful" one.
@46, sorry, thought this was the birth-control thread. I was referring to the Today sponge.
@62- I respect and admire you.

Some "feelings" are infantile,
Interesting category. Have you ever met anyone who agreed their feelings were childish? And have you ever agreed with someone who called feelings of yours "childish"?

I think only behaviors can be childish, myself.
Westello - I hope your grief eases and you find another light spot in life, or in another person, every day.
I think we should refer to NAL as WAL - as in What A Loser.
I cannot get my homophobic brother to believe that gay men do not eat shit. It's maddening and a little hilarious. Mostly maddening.
Dear Not A Lemming...
Here's a way to live your life you might want to consider: It's called "Don't be a dick" and "Mind your own business". Right now, you're being a dick. It might be because you've got poorly controlled blood sugar, or because you had a poor upbringing. It could be because you've got rage issues, or just like being a dick.
But seriously? Don't. Don't be a dick. Life's too short. And you're being a dick.
Some letters are so ridiculously delightful in the brain-damaged hatred they spew and the obvious ignoramus status of the LW that I can hardly wait to get to Dan's reply and the hilarious comments sections I know await me (both here and on Facebook). Favorite Dan line: "(and I say that as a highly-successful, semi-professional neologism creator)".
as the queer parent of a young child, i fucking hope he prefers queer love when he gets older, if only so he could experience the feeling of safety and security in his/their own home before having to experience the complete and utter fuckery of the world-at-large, which indeed this asshole is part of..
@20 +1. had to look up Poe's Law. Google gave me conservapedia. Poe's Law seems to describe the entire conservapedia site
@60 +1. This American Life #545 had a good thing on trolls and how they are sad, envious, angry creatures lacking purpose. But sometimes they can redeem themselves.

And Dan, please describe your life with Terry. He's hot and the best parts of your book are when you mix the personal with the philosophical, or the personal with the political, brings tears to my eyes every time such as your tender and profound essay on death with dignity in American Savage or your experiences with new parenthood in The Kid.
@25 +1. and condolences for your loss.
On reread, the closing line really sticks out: "It gets better when you don't believe the lie that being gay is some how important in any meaningful way!" That's the part that makes this homophobe sound like a closet case to me. Trying to convince himself it doesn't matter and being straight is a choice he can trivially make. Oh sad little troll.
@62; really? Correcting Dan's grammar with a letter like this. Some of you grammar nazis types need to sometimes let it the fuck go..
I'd say NAL is angry and frustrated because he's not getting the love and familial relationship that Dan and Terry have! He's probably in a hopeless, pathetic relationship where his wife cheats on him and/or he beats his children to compensate for his own lack of love.
As for fisting and feces eating; I can only imagine that's something his own daddy made him do as a child. How sad people like him can only take their frustrations out on those who have what they never will!
Well, looks like the LW got the attention he wanted. I don't know if he expected Dan to flip out at him or what, I am sure he's jerkin' it right now to his 5 minutes of "fame". Congratulations, anonymous keyboard warrior.
I'm repeating what so many have already said, but you handled that jackass beautifully, and this straight old Midwestern white woman is damned sorry you get accosted so vilely.
I feel sorry for this ignorant hateful idiot, what a miserable life they must lead.
@57: "some sort of culturally transmitted prejudice ("they all rape children", for example) and homophobes who seem obsessed with gay sexual activities, such as this one."

No, there's no difference between those two.
I love you Dan!
This letter scared me. I think it was bringing the Kid into it. Thinking about kids and sex too much like a pedo. The rest of the bigotry was clearly self loathing.
Finally, some common ground with one of these a*holes. We ALL want to hear about life with Terry ;)
@62: There are multiple formal systems of English grammar and writing conventions. Some require compound phrases to be hyphenated in order to avoid possible ambiguity, though most do not. For example, consider the sentence, "I enjoy quickly passing clouds." Do I enjoy clouds that pass rapidly, or do I enjoy rapidly moving myself past clouds? If "quickly(-)passing" is hyphenated when functioning as a compound adjective phrase modifying "clouds" and not when it is not functioning as a compound adjective phrase, there is no ambiguity: "I enjoy quickly passing clouds" tells you that I enjoy moving rapidly past clouds (perhaps in an airplane), and "I enjoy quickly-moving clouds" tells you that I enjoy clouds that move rapidly (perhaps when lying on my back in a field staring up at them).
@85 -- "I enjoy quickly passing clouds" could refer to something else entirely, which is related to rapidly farting rainbows.

What I want to know is, what are Wi-band Hus-fe's Dutch superpowers? Urban planning? "Using superhuman speed, Hus-fe built several rows of sensible housing. The refugee camp was saved!"

Of course, during the day he is a mild-mannered tulip farmer.
Time to spam, send him hate mail, real facts and stories from our gay lives, up worth videos, and of course a shit load of gay porn.
@87: "send him hate mail, real facts and stories from our gay lives, up worth videos, and of course a shit load of gay porn"

Just because he'd do it to Dan doesn't mean that it should be done back. Dan can complain to the creep's ISP/email host.
sorry about your loss, westello.
@86 ftw - yes - "rapidly passing clouds" could totally be about farting quickly! Maybe that's because I'm feeling childish ...
Did nobody else have a flashback to that "Eat Da Poo Poo" guy in Uganda?
Interesting how contact with feces are a huge concern only when 2 guys have sex. You never hear a guy saying to a woman "I don't want to penetrate your shithole cause it's iky". Au contraire, most men pressure women into anal sex. But when it comes to penetrating a male hole....all of a sudden...the disgust for poop is a major problem. I've got news for you, women shit out of their asses and fart just as much if not more than men :)